Disclaimer: I own nothing. I only have JK Rowling's wonderful characters out on loan and am currently bending them to my will. I promise to return them when I'm done at which time they'll go back on display
CHAPTER 2 – Battle Maneuvers
The next morning Hermione walked to the gates of Hogwarts and apparated to Godric's Hollow. She knocked on Harry's door hoping that he was home. The door swung open and she flashed him a grin. Harry pulled her inside and gave her a big hug. "Hermione! Great to see you. Come on in and tell me what's up. First, what do you want to drink?"
"I'll take a glass of white wine."
Harry was back in a flash with a bottle and 2 glasses. "So, tell me all about it."
Hermione looked at the grin on Harry's face and suddenly she was babbling about everything that happened yesterday from breakfast through the confrontation in the library. When she finished Harry's eyes were wide with amazement and his mouth was hooked in a huge grin. "You really did that to Snape?" he asked with admiration.
"Yes I did and he deserved it. That's really why I'm here, Harry. I need your help to get my revenge."
"I don't even need to know the plan. You know I'll help."
"Well first I'm going to need to borrow your invisibility cloak." and the two former Gryffindor's put their head's together, sipped their wine, and plotted their strategy.
That night, back at Hogwarts, Hermione donned Harry's invisibility cloak and waited at the door to the potions classroom. She was pretty sure he was in there. Surely Snape must have given someone detention. After all, during her tenure at Hogwarts, he had always made sure there was at least one detention per night for the entire semester, mostly for the Gryffindors. Sure enough, the door opened at 10:00pm and the dejected victim walked out of the classroom. "Oh, poor Daniel. I wonder what he did to deserve this detention. Or didn't do"
Now all that was left was to wait for Snape to leave the classroom and head to his room. It took forever. "The bastard must know I'm waiting for him and he's dragging this out." And just when she thought she couldn't wait any longer he opened the door and walked out. She crept along after him trying hard not to trip or make a sound. Thankfully his room wasn't far from the class. When he stopped to utter the passwords for the wards around the door, Hermione memorized them for possible use in later battle strategies. Stealthily, she slipped in after him and headed for his bathroom. She had to move quickly to avoid capture. Five minutes later the mission was accomplished. She had left the bathroom and, once again, stood silently in his bedroom waiting for him to make the next move. She didn't have to wait long before he rubbed his neck and entered the bathroom to take a shower. She silently praised the Gods that he took his showers at night and shuddered at the thought of having to wait in his room until morning, under the invisibility cloak, while she waited for him to take a shower.
Snape turned on the tap and stepped into the tub. The hot water ran over his aching muscles and soothed him. Another typical day of dealing with idiot students. The only delight in his day, as usual, was deducting house points and handing out detention, oh, and the encounter with the shrew last night in the library. That made him smile. The heady feel of victory. Yes, it had been wonderful. Especially the dazed look on her face as he strutted out the door. Rinsing off the last bit of soap, he turned off the water, and grabbed for his bath towel. "Oof", was the only word that came out of his mouth as he felt a familiar tug on his navel and the walls of his room disappeared around him. In a split second, a wet, naked, shivering Professor Snape stood outside the gates of Hogwarts, his mind lost in confusion.
When Hermione heard the surprised sound from behind the closed door and then total silence she knew her plan had succeeded. Now all that remained was waiting for the enemy to return so she could gloat. Gleefully she pulled the invisibility cloak off and left his room. She stationed herself outside the door wondering how long it would take him to walk back, factoring in that he would have to do it while remaining out of sight. That is, unless he wanted to provide a show for the females of the castle. Creating a portkey out of his bath towel had been a stroke of genius. A most definite stroke of genius!
Meanwhile, outside the gates to Hogwarts, Snape finally began to understand what had occurred. It must have been her again. This had to be her attempt at vengeance. He couldn't prove it but he knew with every fiber of his being. How did she manage to slip into his quarters? The shiver that raked through his body reminded him that revenge is a dish best served cold. And he would have his revenge but he would bide his time. Thankful for the moonless night, he pulled the crude portkey around his waist and headed back to the castle, careful to avoid anyone he might come across. And the wheels in his head had already begun turning and plotting. He had to duck in the bushes 3 times to avoid being spotted. One of those times he found himself in the very same rose bushes he regularly blasted apart while looking for unsuspecting lovers. They hid him quite well and he now understood why they were so popular with the amorous students. When he finally made it inside the castle he was grateful for the deserted dark halls. "Down the stairs. Just a little bit further. You can do this Severus. Almost there."
"Good evening, Professor Snape." he nearly jumped out of both his skin and his makeshift portkey, having to grab at the towel to keep it from slipping. Hermione Granger stood before him with a triumphant look on her face. "I believe that's Snape – 1, Granger – 1. Oh, by the way, you're dripping water all over the floor. Did you know that?" And with that, she giggled and walked off leaving him gaping like a fish.
Hermione slept well that night. Snape did not.
Saturday was the best day of the week. It meant extra sleep, no classes, and being able to do whatever she wanted to. The weather hinted towards the impending Autumn. That was her favorite time of year. The air always smelled so clean and crisp in the Fall and the leaves turned such a gorgeous color. Today she was celebrating her victory. It had been a wonderful day. She allowed herself to sleep to the late hour of 9:00am. Then followed that with a long hot bath, a walk around the lake, a visit with Hagrid, and finally, back to Hogwarts for dinner. Hermione had the delicious feeling that all was right with the world.
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The door to the kitchen swung open and he stepped inside. "Hello, Perry"
"Hello Professor." Perry answered hesitantly
"I'd like to tell you a little secret, Perry." The door to the kitchen swung closed.
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Hermione entered the Great Hall for dinner, still reeling from her fantastic day. She nodded to the Gryffindors and wandered up to the high table.
"Good evening everyone. Headmaster (nod), Minerva (nod), Professor Snape (nod, a smirk, and a slightly longer stare)."
Albus and Minerva greeted her back. Snape nodded and speaking like the proverbial cat who had swallowed the canary said "And a very good evening to you, Professor Granger."
This had the immediate effect of unnerving Hermione. He was up to something. She just knew it. Gads, she was totally unprepared. Why hadn't it occurred to her that he might try to get revenge. Of course he would – after all, she had. Suddenly her wonderful day had turned sour. Sweat broke out on her palms and her smile turned into a frown. And all the while he sat back and watched her and observed her growing tension with blissful delight.
Hermione jumped when Professor Flitwick put his hand on her arm to ask a question. Snape leaned back and grinned. Her hand shook while she buttered her roll. He casually crossed his arms and chuckled. She stood to reach for the salad dressing and nearly fell off her chair when she sat back down. Snape gave a soft laugh. The next course arrived on the table and just as Hermione went to help herself to a big portion of chicken, Perry came rushing out of the kitchen carrying a platter.
"No Miss Hermione, don't eat the chicken. Someone told Perry that liver was your favorite dish and that you hasn't had it in a long time. Perry fixed Miss a nice plate of liver, rare like you like it."
Hermione looked down at the little house elf, then to the plate he set before her, then back to the expectant face of Perry. She slowly looked over to Professor Snape. He just gave a slight nod and wide smile to confirm her fears. He knew she wouldn't hurt Perry's feelings, an aftereffect of being a Gryffindor.
"Uh, Perry." she started
"Yes Miss?" Perry's face started to fall. "Bad Perry, bad, bad, bad. Perry must slam his head in the oven door. Perry didn't fix the liver the way Miss Hermione likes it."
Deep sigh "No, Perry. I was just going to, uh, thank you."
"Perry forgets the best part, Miss. Perry has permission to watch Miss Hermione eat tonight. To see her enjoy it." he smiled proudly. Well she could forget trashing it as soon as Perry was out of sight. Snape had thought of everything. She frowned fiercely at him and turned back to Perry.
"I will get him for this, I will get him for this". She slowly picked up her fork and knife and cut into the liver. The knife sliced across with difficulty. The brownish red meat tugged at the blade and clung in clumps while blood red juice dripped out with each cut. Hermione gagged softly with every bite. She hated liver. How did he know that. More importantly, how was she going to make it through this repulsive hunk of meat?
Snape sat watching her eat. Oh this was too good. The gagging noises were priceless. Was it his imagination or was she turning a slight tinge of green. Suddenly, Hermione threw down her fork and bolted out of the Great Hall. He couldn't resist, he had to follow. Just outside the doors she lost control and retched all over the floor. And he stood behind her, with satisfaction, and said "Snape – 2, Granger – 1. Good evening Professor Granger."
A/N: I just want to thank everyone who reviewed my story!! You guys were wonderful to me! I appreciate it more than you know. Now I'm all choked up *sniff*.
To rhitmcshanm – You're right, Snape is a little OOC in places but my feeling is that this angle has never been explored before so no one is sure how he'd react in this type of situation. I'm really enjoying writing this from a humorous approach but it's very hard to write humor for such a serious, dark, sarcastic character and still have him stay in context. Just to let you know, they'll both become a little less juvenile in later chapters. Thanks for your comments!
I'd also like to thank Gina for giving me her support and encouragement. Oh yeah, and for being a nitpicker and a test marketing victim.