^_^
from the back of your big brown eyes
i knew you'd be gone as soon as you could
and i hoped you would
I knew, when I saw her that night, what she was going to do. I could see it
in her face, in her eyes, that she was going to end it. Probably would have
done it even sooner, too. But I guess we all need to get our affairs in order
first. She dropped the nibblet off at the Whelp's, and showed up at my place,
looking like one of those hippies Dru liked to feed on so much in the sixties.
Strung out, high, and *free*. First thing she said was, "Let's do something."
and when I asked her what she meant, she said, "I don't care."
She'd been acting odd ever since they brought her back, but never like this. Never looking like she's just taken a few hits off something strong, not grabbing my arm and dragging me through the graveyard laughing and talking. Then, she was so quiet, and I realized we were at Joyce's grave. And she was crying. I think that's when I figured it out. She was ready to go, she was. She just had to say goodbye to a few people first. Just in case.
we could see that you weren't yourself
and the lines on your face did tell
it's just as well
you'd never be yourself again
Surprised me even more when she kissed me. I didn't feel what I thought I would when she finally gave herself to me willingly, and as her lips pressed up to mine, I felt hollow. Maybe because I figured maybe she was doing it because she was pretty sure she wouldn't have to deal with any consequences in the morning.
She walked back to the crypt with me and said goodbye. Not "Bye, Spike" or "I hate you" or "Goodnight". She said, "Goodbye, Spike. I'll...I'll see you." And I was dead certain. I knew, and I wasn't gonna stop her. Oh, no. I wouldn't do that to her. It wasn't fair to her.
saw you last night
dance by the light of the moon
stars in your eyes
free from the life that you knew
So when they found her in the morning, lying so tragically beautiful in her bed, empty bottles on the table, maybe two or three white pills scattered on the floor and a spilled glass of Jack Daniels on the floor, I wasn't shocked. I didn't cry, but I held Dawn and later Willow when they did. I drove to the hospital to pick Dawn up and take her back to my place for the night. And when she couldn't sleep, I let her curl up under my duster and I told her stories even if she wasn't really listening to them.
I hadn't stopped her, and I probably should have. But she wasn't herself anymore. She wasn't Buffy in Buffy's skin. She was a girl who wanted to go back to the place her loved ones had taken her out of trapped on hell in a woman's body.
you're the magic that holds the sky up from the ground
you're the breath that blows these cool winds 'round
trading places with an angel now
It's been a couple months, now. I watched them lower her casket into the dirt. She had a real funeral this time. Dawn is in LA, Xander and Anya are moving away. Willow and Tara got a place together. I call them by their names now, you might notice. Without her here to annoy, I don't see why I should bother with nicknames. I miss her, but it's no different then when she was alive. I missed her then, too.
I'll probably leave this hell hole. A new Slayer'll show up, Rupert says. Till then I'm keeping things quiet. But once that new girl pops around, I'm gone. This place is too much anymore. Too much...
saw you last night
dance by the light of the moon
stars in your eyes
free from the life that you knew
saw you last night
stars in your eyes
smiled in my room