**^Notes from Sage^**
I knew this story would be good to put on. Thanks so much for your reviews guys! You make me feel so wanted... Writting comedy is my life! I've never wrote femslash before, so I'll have to think about that one. Thanks for the suggestion! Glad my title is a hit^^ Guess I'm just a big fan of the polyjuice idea... I loved that part in The Chamber of Secrets. Oh yeah, I finally tracked on a picture of Lucius Malfoy as played by Jason Isaacs. _WOW_ In my opinion... Sorry about the wait for this chapter, I'm out hunting for colleges. Oh yeah, I have to advertise for some up and coming fics I plan on writting as soon as the Id's been completed.
-Okay, I've been asked countless times to make a prequil to the Id... And I REALLY like that idea. It would be about James and Lucius' relationship through out Hogwarts, and the *_LUST_* that goes on, and would probably be even funnier than the Id. Tell me what you guys think of that idea. -Now, I like the idea of a Sirius/Lucius fic. It wouldn't be a comedy, though... (But knowing me, some how, some way, some where, there'd be funny parts smuggled in.) I plan on it being an AU fic set in the 20's. Eh.... As I get more ideas I'll give a better preview.^^ As always, tell me if there are any questions or something. I'll try to answer them, but most of the questions asked will be answered later in the story^^
As always, your faithful slave,
@#$ Sage $#@
~~
~Chapter 10-Dumbledore's Office~
Harry and Draco turned to each other. "Father?!"
Snape gulped. Why did he have to pick the dungeons? I'm mean, why not his chamber? He HAD to live out his fantasy...
Lucius rubbed his temples. "Hang on a moment. Other me, come here."
Draco obeyed, stepping in front of his father. "Yes? Hm... Wait a minute... Is that a dog's collar?"
Lucius went scarlet. "Wel.. I...Because I... I..."
The boy squinted, trying to read the faded writing on the old tag. "Property of Ja-"
"That's none of your business!!" The man shouted, blushing and tugging his collar up to better hide it. "And this is NOT about my collar! This is about you, impersonating me!"
"Right, about that..." Draco said nervously. "Um..."
Harry started after Snape. "Who are you?!" He demanded. "Are you really my father?!"
Things began to slot into place for the potions master. He pressed his lips together so tightly that they almost seemed to vanish. On one hand, he had Potter in the proper place to give him a whopping detention, on the other... He was stuck in a bind. "Potter!! What are you doing looking like me?!" Snape shouted, not really knowing what to say.
"Well, I should be asking somewhat of the same question to you, Professor Snape!" Harry said, snarling.
Both Luciuses turned to the other two.
"Harry Potter?!" Draco's jaw dropped. "I made out with... Harry Potter?! As my father?! Bloody hell!"
"So you're not really James- DRACO?!" Lucius shouted, flabbergasted. "Is that you, young man?!"
Draco blushed, and stared down at the floor. "Yes..."
"What ever possessed you to- And where do you think you're going, Severus! Get your arse back here! I'm not done with you yet!" Lucius bellowed at the retreating back of Snape.
"And you! Button your shirt, young man! Your pants too! I have never been so ashamed-"
"ME?! Well, look at you! Making out on a table with some one half your age!" Draco shouted while buttoning up his clothes.
Lucius slapped Draco across the face. "HOW DARE YOU! He's over 30!" He said hissing. "You should be spanked!"
Harry went to Draco's side. "How dare you hit him! He's your son!"
"It's all-right, Potter. It didn't hurt. He's too old to do any real harm!"
The blonde man's jaw dropped. " I am NOT old!"
Dumbledore opened the door walking into to the dungeons to see what was going on. "Severus, I heard some shouting and- Oh my."
Back in Dumbledore's office~
All four of them stood in front of Dumbledore's desk.
"Now, I've seen some odd things before... But this one out does them all." Said the old wizard, as he looked to Lucius, Lucius, Snape and James. "Lucius, the one with out the collar, explain."
"Well, I'm not really Lu-my father. It's me Draco, Professor Dumbledore." He blushed before continuing." I... I created a polyjuice potion because..."
"I dared him to, sir." Harry said quickly. "It's all my fault."
Draco looked to Harry, confused. Why was Potter taking the blame?
"I didn't think he'd have the talent to make a perfect polyjuice potion, nor did I think he would have the guts to turn into his own father. I was wrong. I lost the bet, and had to turn myself into Professor Snape."
Dumbledore looked thoughtful for a moment. He glanced from Harry to Draco, and smiled slightly. "I see. A harmless bit of fun. But for your ahem... questionable behavior in the dungeons, I think one night of detention for the both of you shall be enough."
Both boys looked relived. One night's detention wasn't so horrible. And they didn't have to explain WHY they acted as they did in the dungeons. Which really would have been a fiasco...
"Now the real Lucius Malfoy, would you care to explain your actions as well?"
The blonde crossed his arms refusing to look at his son. "Well, I got a letter from Snape..."
Snape looked away. Lucius was pretty upset... He wasn't even calling him Severus anymore...
"... Asking me to come to Hogwarts because he had something important to show me. So I came here, and that's when he surprised me as James Potter-"
"I only did it because I was so damn worried about you! You've been moping around ever since Potter's father passed away! I figured if maybe I gave you one night with him, that it might snap you out of this insanity that's been plaguing you for the past 15 years! He's dead Lucius! Dead! And he's never coming back!!"
"He's alive! God damn it, I know he is! You just can't accept it! When he comes back, he'll come for me!!"
Harry blinked. What was going on? What was Snape talking about? My father and Draco's where a- "OH SWEET MERLIN NO!"
He flopped into a nearby armchair, somewhat revolted. That just can't be... Apparently, everything he knew was a lie. Harry's father wasn't straight, and neither was Lucius Malfoy homophobic. "Oh Merlin... Oh... Gods...."
There came a knocking at the door. "Albus? Can I come in?"
"Certainately, Gilderoy! But you'll have to wait a moment to speak to me..."
Lockhart bounced into the room. "Severus! Another person I was looking for!" He said, sitting on the armchair next to Harry. "What's wrong? You look upset... Do you want a massage?"
"I'm not him! I'm Harry! He's Snape!" Harry quickly pointed to the real Severus Snape.
"James Potter?" Lockhart asked, growing confused. "Harry?" He looked down at the quickly inching away man. "Two Lucius Malfoys? Have I died and gone to heaven? Hang on a minute ...Is that a collar?"
The real Lucius grumbled, tugging his shirt up higher.
"I'm not really Lucius Malfoy! I'm Draco Malfoy."
"...Oh... I see.... I think..." Lockhart sat down on the floor, trying to make sense of the situation. "Severus isn't really Severus... Because he's Harry Potter..."
Everyone decided to ignore the confused man sitting on the floor, and looked to Dumbledore.
"Well... It seems that you and Lucius have some issues to work out. Lucius, you also have some issues that may need to be treated professionally. Would you like me to make a call to St. Mungo's?"
"I don't need to be institutionalized because James is alive... He IS alive. You'll all see! Just wait!" Lucius said, gritting his teeth. "If you don't mind, I have to return home. Snape, the next time you see me, I'll be with James!" With that, he left the room.
"Well I'll be sure to bring plenty of white lilies to your funeral!!" Snape shouted after him.
Sometime later~
After the fiasco in Dumbledore's office, Snape was feeling pretty low. He'd basically told the only person he's truly had feelings for to fuck off. What could he ever do to make it up to him now?
He sat down to think. After a few minutes, a thought wormed its way into his mind. Snape smiled, and got to work.
Meanwhile, Harry and Draco had to report to Filch for their detention. The janitor both gave them the creeps, and hoped that he wasn't the one they were working for tonight.
Draco looked over at Harry, wondering what had possessed the other into taking the blame. "Potter?"
"What Malfoy?" Harry asked, crossing his arms and looking at the other boy.
"Why'd you do that back there?"
Harry simply smiled at him. "Because I'm the boy who lived."
"That doesn't make any sense at all."
The sound of footsteps entered the hallway, and both abandoned their conversation.
"Well now, Mrs. Norris, it seems we have some helpers tonight."
Draco hated Filch more than Harry. Though Harry was his rival, he wasn't a filthy pervert like the janitor.
"The trophies need polishing, and after that's done, Professor Lockhart is requesting your prescience for the rest of the evening.
Harry smiled, as he watched Draco's nose wrinkle at the thought. "Hey, we could be out in the Forbidden Forest."
"I'd rather be there then helping out that idiot Lockhart..." Draco said, clenching his teeth.
Both of them were handed a bucket of rags and some cleaning solution. "No wand using..." Filch warned.
They groaned slightly. At the size of those trophies, it would take them virtually all night.
As Harry began to shine the House Cup, he touched his father's nameplate. How could he have been in love with Lucius Malfoy, if he married a woman and had me...?
"I know what you're thinking about, Potter. I've been thinking about it too; ever since... Well, you where there. I had no idea..."
"Your father's insane. My father's dead. He has been for 15 years." Harry said shortly.
"I know that. But apparently my father was so in love with yours, he just can't believe it."
Only the sound of scrubbing metal was heard for the next few minutes.
Cold eyes peeked from around from the case, looking at Harry.
"What Malfoy?" He asked, not looking up from his task. Suddenly, he felt something wet hit him in the back of the neck.
Harry pulled the dirty cloth off, and tossed it to the ground. "Very funny."
"It wasn't me, it was Peeves." Draco said innocently.
He cracked a smile. "Oh."
After a few more minutes of scrubbing, work was interrupted again. Harry snuck behind Draco, dumping his bucket of rags on the unsuspecting blonde.
"POTTER!"
"It wasn't me. It was Peeves." Harry said, mocking Draco's tone.
The blonde looked up at him. Harry couldn't tell if he was angry or not.
Draco got up and tackled the dark haired boy, laughing.
Several more minutes passed, but not in silence. Both boys were rolling around on the ground laughing as if they where old friends in a playful brawl.
"Hello boys!" A cheery voice said, as Lockhart fluttered into the room.
Quickly, they broke apart, acting as if nothing had happened.
"Oh my, what happened here?" The blonde asked, looking around at all the rags thrown about.
"Peeves did it." They answered in unison, silently laughing in the inside.
"That troublesome ghost! Just yesterday, I caught him peeping in on me as I was bathing. I'm sure he thoroughly enjoyed it." Lockhart gave them both a wink before leading them down the hallway.
Draco leant over and whispered to Harry. "It looks like you've started a trend, Potter."
Harry shot the blonde a look of venom, that the other returned with a cocky smile. "Wishing you had been there instead of me, Malfoy?"
The blonde's pale face went beet red as he looked down at his shoes. "That was a bit below the belt, Potter."
Lockhart ushered both of them into his chamber. "Now... I need your honest opinion. It's very very important..."
Draco and Harry looked to each other. What was so very important that they needed to be shown it in private?
"For my next date with Professor Snape.. Do you think I should go with the lavender robes, or the navy blue ones? Both look stunning on me as you can imagine."
What soon followed were hours of torment as Draco and Harry suffered through watching Lockhart try on robe after robe after robe after robe...
The blonde boy rubbed his eyes. "I think I'm blind... Too many colors..."
"Go with the 23rd violet robe you had on about two hours ago. That one was very nice." Harry said, hoping the blonde idiot would make up his mind.
"Really? The violet one? Don't you think it makes my hips look too big?"
Both shook their heads no.
"Thanks boys! ...But I think I'll go with the emerald one. You can go back to your houses now."
Harry forced a smile, and quickly ran from the room, Draco at his heels.
"Oh Merlin, I'll never impersonate father to make out with Professor Snape again. Which all turned out horribly anyway, seeing as how Snape turned out to be you."
"Was I that bad of a kisser?" Harry asked, looking over at him.
"... I wouldn't know. Up until a few hours ago, I had never been kissed before."
"Well, I couldn't tell... Seeing as how I had never been kissed either."
They continued on, walking in silence.
"Mal- I mean.. Draco. I have something to tell you."
Draco looked over at Harry curiously. "What?"
He stopped and snagging the blonde's wrist, to make him stop as well. "The thing is..." Harry paused, taking in a breath. "I like you. I like you allot. A REAL lot." He hesitated for a moment, then softly pressed his lips to the other boy's.
I knew this story would be good to put on. Thanks so much for your reviews guys! You make me feel so wanted... Writting comedy is my life! I've never wrote femslash before, so I'll have to think about that one. Thanks for the suggestion! Glad my title is a hit^^ Guess I'm just a big fan of the polyjuice idea... I loved that part in The Chamber of Secrets. Oh yeah, I finally tracked on a picture of Lucius Malfoy as played by Jason Isaacs. _WOW_ In my opinion... Sorry about the wait for this chapter, I'm out hunting for colleges. Oh yeah, I have to advertise for some up and coming fics I plan on writting as soon as the Id's been completed.
-Okay, I've been asked countless times to make a prequil to the Id... And I REALLY like that idea. It would be about James and Lucius' relationship through out Hogwarts, and the *_LUST_* that goes on, and would probably be even funnier than the Id. Tell me what you guys think of that idea. -Now, I like the idea of a Sirius/Lucius fic. It wouldn't be a comedy, though... (But knowing me, some how, some way, some where, there'd be funny parts smuggled in.) I plan on it being an AU fic set in the 20's. Eh.... As I get more ideas I'll give a better preview.^^ As always, tell me if there are any questions or something. I'll try to answer them, but most of the questions asked will be answered later in the story^^
As always, your faithful slave,
@#$ Sage $#@
~~
~Chapter 10-Dumbledore's Office~
Harry and Draco turned to each other. "Father?!"
Snape gulped. Why did he have to pick the dungeons? I'm mean, why not his chamber? He HAD to live out his fantasy...
Lucius rubbed his temples. "Hang on a moment. Other me, come here."
Draco obeyed, stepping in front of his father. "Yes? Hm... Wait a minute... Is that a dog's collar?"
Lucius went scarlet. "Wel.. I...Because I... I..."
The boy squinted, trying to read the faded writing on the old tag. "Property of Ja-"
"That's none of your business!!" The man shouted, blushing and tugging his collar up to better hide it. "And this is NOT about my collar! This is about you, impersonating me!"
"Right, about that..." Draco said nervously. "Um..."
Harry started after Snape. "Who are you?!" He demanded. "Are you really my father?!"
Things began to slot into place for the potions master. He pressed his lips together so tightly that they almost seemed to vanish. On one hand, he had Potter in the proper place to give him a whopping detention, on the other... He was stuck in a bind. "Potter!! What are you doing looking like me?!" Snape shouted, not really knowing what to say.
"Well, I should be asking somewhat of the same question to you, Professor Snape!" Harry said, snarling.
Both Luciuses turned to the other two.
"Harry Potter?!" Draco's jaw dropped. "I made out with... Harry Potter?! As my father?! Bloody hell!"
"So you're not really James- DRACO?!" Lucius shouted, flabbergasted. "Is that you, young man?!"
Draco blushed, and stared down at the floor. "Yes..."
"What ever possessed you to- And where do you think you're going, Severus! Get your arse back here! I'm not done with you yet!" Lucius bellowed at the retreating back of Snape.
"And you! Button your shirt, young man! Your pants too! I have never been so ashamed-"
"ME?! Well, look at you! Making out on a table with some one half your age!" Draco shouted while buttoning up his clothes.
Lucius slapped Draco across the face. "HOW DARE YOU! He's over 30!" He said hissing. "You should be spanked!"
Harry went to Draco's side. "How dare you hit him! He's your son!"
"It's all-right, Potter. It didn't hurt. He's too old to do any real harm!"
The blonde man's jaw dropped. " I am NOT old!"
Dumbledore opened the door walking into to the dungeons to see what was going on. "Severus, I heard some shouting and- Oh my."
Back in Dumbledore's office~
All four of them stood in front of Dumbledore's desk.
"Now, I've seen some odd things before... But this one out does them all." Said the old wizard, as he looked to Lucius, Lucius, Snape and James. "Lucius, the one with out the collar, explain."
"Well, I'm not really Lu-my father. It's me Draco, Professor Dumbledore." He blushed before continuing." I... I created a polyjuice potion because..."
"I dared him to, sir." Harry said quickly. "It's all my fault."
Draco looked to Harry, confused. Why was Potter taking the blame?
"I didn't think he'd have the talent to make a perfect polyjuice potion, nor did I think he would have the guts to turn into his own father. I was wrong. I lost the bet, and had to turn myself into Professor Snape."
Dumbledore looked thoughtful for a moment. He glanced from Harry to Draco, and smiled slightly. "I see. A harmless bit of fun. But for your ahem... questionable behavior in the dungeons, I think one night of detention for the both of you shall be enough."
Both boys looked relived. One night's detention wasn't so horrible. And they didn't have to explain WHY they acted as they did in the dungeons. Which really would have been a fiasco...
"Now the real Lucius Malfoy, would you care to explain your actions as well?"
The blonde crossed his arms refusing to look at his son. "Well, I got a letter from Snape..."
Snape looked away. Lucius was pretty upset... He wasn't even calling him Severus anymore...
"... Asking me to come to Hogwarts because he had something important to show me. So I came here, and that's when he surprised me as James Potter-"
"I only did it because I was so damn worried about you! You've been moping around ever since Potter's father passed away! I figured if maybe I gave you one night with him, that it might snap you out of this insanity that's been plaguing you for the past 15 years! He's dead Lucius! Dead! And he's never coming back!!"
"He's alive! God damn it, I know he is! You just can't accept it! When he comes back, he'll come for me!!"
Harry blinked. What was going on? What was Snape talking about? My father and Draco's where a- "OH SWEET MERLIN NO!"
He flopped into a nearby armchair, somewhat revolted. That just can't be... Apparently, everything he knew was a lie. Harry's father wasn't straight, and neither was Lucius Malfoy homophobic. "Oh Merlin... Oh... Gods...."
There came a knocking at the door. "Albus? Can I come in?"
"Certainately, Gilderoy! But you'll have to wait a moment to speak to me..."
Lockhart bounced into the room. "Severus! Another person I was looking for!" He said, sitting on the armchair next to Harry. "What's wrong? You look upset... Do you want a massage?"
"I'm not him! I'm Harry! He's Snape!" Harry quickly pointed to the real Severus Snape.
"James Potter?" Lockhart asked, growing confused. "Harry?" He looked down at the quickly inching away man. "Two Lucius Malfoys? Have I died and gone to heaven? Hang on a minute ...Is that a collar?"
The real Lucius grumbled, tugging his shirt up higher.
"I'm not really Lucius Malfoy! I'm Draco Malfoy."
"...Oh... I see.... I think..." Lockhart sat down on the floor, trying to make sense of the situation. "Severus isn't really Severus... Because he's Harry Potter..."
Everyone decided to ignore the confused man sitting on the floor, and looked to Dumbledore.
"Well... It seems that you and Lucius have some issues to work out. Lucius, you also have some issues that may need to be treated professionally. Would you like me to make a call to St. Mungo's?"
"I don't need to be institutionalized because James is alive... He IS alive. You'll all see! Just wait!" Lucius said, gritting his teeth. "If you don't mind, I have to return home. Snape, the next time you see me, I'll be with James!" With that, he left the room.
"Well I'll be sure to bring plenty of white lilies to your funeral!!" Snape shouted after him.
Sometime later~
After the fiasco in Dumbledore's office, Snape was feeling pretty low. He'd basically told the only person he's truly had feelings for to fuck off. What could he ever do to make it up to him now?
He sat down to think. After a few minutes, a thought wormed its way into his mind. Snape smiled, and got to work.
Meanwhile, Harry and Draco had to report to Filch for their detention. The janitor both gave them the creeps, and hoped that he wasn't the one they were working for tonight.
Draco looked over at Harry, wondering what had possessed the other into taking the blame. "Potter?"
"What Malfoy?" Harry asked, crossing his arms and looking at the other boy.
"Why'd you do that back there?"
Harry simply smiled at him. "Because I'm the boy who lived."
"That doesn't make any sense at all."
The sound of footsteps entered the hallway, and both abandoned their conversation.
"Well now, Mrs. Norris, it seems we have some helpers tonight."
Draco hated Filch more than Harry. Though Harry was his rival, he wasn't a filthy pervert like the janitor.
"The trophies need polishing, and after that's done, Professor Lockhart is requesting your prescience for the rest of the evening.
Harry smiled, as he watched Draco's nose wrinkle at the thought. "Hey, we could be out in the Forbidden Forest."
"I'd rather be there then helping out that idiot Lockhart..." Draco said, clenching his teeth.
Both of them were handed a bucket of rags and some cleaning solution. "No wand using..." Filch warned.
They groaned slightly. At the size of those trophies, it would take them virtually all night.
As Harry began to shine the House Cup, he touched his father's nameplate. How could he have been in love with Lucius Malfoy, if he married a woman and had me...?
"I know what you're thinking about, Potter. I've been thinking about it too; ever since... Well, you where there. I had no idea..."
"Your father's insane. My father's dead. He has been for 15 years." Harry said shortly.
"I know that. But apparently my father was so in love with yours, he just can't believe it."
Only the sound of scrubbing metal was heard for the next few minutes.
Cold eyes peeked from around from the case, looking at Harry.
"What Malfoy?" He asked, not looking up from his task. Suddenly, he felt something wet hit him in the back of the neck.
Harry pulled the dirty cloth off, and tossed it to the ground. "Very funny."
"It wasn't me, it was Peeves." Draco said innocently.
He cracked a smile. "Oh."
After a few more minutes of scrubbing, work was interrupted again. Harry snuck behind Draco, dumping his bucket of rags on the unsuspecting blonde.
"POTTER!"
"It wasn't me. It was Peeves." Harry said, mocking Draco's tone.
The blonde looked up at him. Harry couldn't tell if he was angry or not.
Draco got up and tackled the dark haired boy, laughing.
Several more minutes passed, but not in silence. Both boys were rolling around on the ground laughing as if they where old friends in a playful brawl.
"Hello boys!" A cheery voice said, as Lockhart fluttered into the room.
Quickly, they broke apart, acting as if nothing had happened.
"Oh my, what happened here?" The blonde asked, looking around at all the rags thrown about.
"Peeves did it." They answered in unison, silently laughing in the inside.
"That troublesome ghost! Just yesterday, I caught him peeping in on me as I was bathing. I'm sure he thoroughly enjoyed it." Lockhart gave them both a wink before leading them down the hallway.
Draco leant over and whispered to Harry. "It looks like you've started a trend, Potter."
Harry shot the blonde a look of venom, that the other returned with a cocky smile. "Wishing you had been there instead of me, Malfoy?"
The blonde's pale face went beet red as he looked down at his shoes. "That was a bit below the belt, Potter."
Lockhart ushered both of them into his chamber. "Now... I need your honest opinion. It's very very important..."
Draco and Harry looked to each other. What was so very important that they needed to be shown it in private?
"For my next date with Professor Snape.. Do you think I should go with the lavender robes, or the navy blue ones? Both look stunning on me as you can imagine."
What soon followed were hours of torment as Draco and Harry suffered through watching Lockhart try on robe after robe after robe after robe...
The blonde boy rubbed his eyes. "I think I'm blind... Too many colors..."
"Go with the 23rd violet robe you had on about two hours ago. That one was very nice." Harry said, hoping the blonde idiot would make up his mind.
"Really? The violet one? Don't you think it makes my hips look too big?"
Both shook their heads no.
"Thanks boys! ...But I think I'll go with the emerald one. You can go back to your houses now."
Harry forced a smile, and quickly ran from the room, Draco at his heels.
"Oh Merlin, I'll never impersonate father to make out with Professor Snape again. Which all turned out horribly anyway, seeing as how Snape turned out to be you."
"Was I that bad of a kisser?" Harry asked, looking over at him.
"... I wouldn't know. Up until a few hours ago, I had never been kissed before."
"Well, I couldn't tell... Seeing as how I had never been kissed either."
They continued on, walking in silence.
"Mal- I mean.. Draco. I have something to tell you."
Draco looked over at Harry curiously. "What?"
He stopped and snagging the blonde's wrist, to make him stop as well. "The thing is..." Harry paused, taking in a breath. "I like you. I like you allot. A REAL lot." He hesitated for a moment, then softly pressed his lips to the other boy's.