Watsuki owns them

I just borrow for a while

No harm intended

When She Smiles

Chapter 3: Edo

The walk to Edo began in silence. Enishi's recovery was enhanced by the unburdening of their visit to Kyoto. As they left the outskirts of town and found themselves virtually alone on the road, they began to speak of their past family history in Edo. Enishi recalled the happier days of his childhood and they spoke of pleasant memories of Tomoe. Oibore spoke to Enishi of his mother. Stories Enishi had long forgotten were shared and the bonds of family and home began to bind Enishi's heart. Now, at last, he could face the acceptance of his sister's death.

For the first time, they spoke of Tomoe's journal. For brief moments Enishi and his father could refer to her happy recollections of them that were contained in their precious family document. Never could they speak of Kyosato or Battousai. It was much too soon for that.

It would have been Enishi's natural inclination to spend the entire route engrossed in thought, struggling with plans for the future. But he pushed his thoughts away as much as possible and forced himself to pay close attention to his surroundings. When Oibore and he had come this way before, his wounds had been too fresh for him to appreciate, or really notice his surroundings. This time he was determined to enjoy the beauty of his homeland. The last time he had even considered Japan to be home was before his sister died. Yet even then, he had been too consumed by jealousy, first of Kyosato and then of Battousai to admire the beauty around him. Of course, it had been wartime, too. But this trip could become his last stretch of freedom. That and his newfound sanity pressed him to take in the breathtaking vistas his trek offered. After the vendetta and madness had burned away, he needed to fill his life with adult reflections of normalcy; replacing the delusions of his poor childhood choices.

He didn't dwell on how different his life could have been if he had followed his sister's sage advice and returned to Edo at once. But he recognized the consequences were a result of his own folly and accepted them. Now he was acting to make the first of many amends. Perhaps endless amends. But as part of constructing a new life for himself, he was determined to find more balance. It was too much to hope for happiness or joy.

The beauty of the countryside helped him to balance both his mind and his feelings. One could not admire the beauty of nature without also accepting the privilege of witnessing it. He was privileged. His life had worth, and he could become a contributor to life, rather than the extractor he had been. He would make amends, and contribute, and work – but he would enjoy, as well. Without recognition of the gifts of his life, he feared another descent into madness. Perhaps it was the judgment of an adult rather than the petulance of a child helping to steer him towards health and healing. These were vastly preferable to the vengeance and madness that had driven him for years.

They took their meals beside lakes or ponds. They slept in the woods and listened to the birds and wildlife. He began to enjoy the trip. His dread in approaching Edo lightened. His task there would be difficult, but not insurmountable. And if he failed, at least he would not lose his freedom without ever appreciating it.

The time passed quickly and their progress was slow, but steady. They were soon within a day's walk of Edo. They were not overly optimistic about finding any tangible remnants of their former life intact. The War had taken its toll and rebuilding may have cleared away familiar Shogunate strongholds. But each was questing to lay the past finally and completely to rest, so Edo was a necessary stop on this long and arduous journey.

Upon entering the city proper, The Yukishiro family cautiously ventured to wander down the streets and pathways best known to them before the war. After nearly a full day of careful and shadowy exploration they were resigned that nothing remained of their former home, neighborhood or acquaintances. The dispersal of the Shogunate families and support system was complete.

"Father," Enishi began, "please find us a small, comfortable and moderately priced Inn located in a quiet neighborhood. I would like us to have the opportunity to heal and rest without undue notice from the authorities. Please be certain that we have a private dining area available to us, perhaps a courtyard or adjacent porch, so that we may take our meals and discuss family matters without the prying or curious eyes of either the proprietors or other guests. Being drawn into friendly discussions with traveling strangers is the very last thing I can face at just this moment."

"Son, I will be happy to oblige you by seeking out such a place, it shouldn't be too difficult to find in certain neighborhoods, but need I remind you that I do not have the funds to pay for it?"

"Do not worry, I will provide for us from now on. Please meet me at sundown at the river bridge near the town center. We can ask the Innkeeper to provide us with a private dinner in our room when we return. We have serious family matters to discuss. I will make the necessary inquiries and obtain the funds needed for our stay here."

With that pronouncement, Enishi turned and disappeared down one of the many side streets in the less fashionable part of Edo. Oibore was puzzled, but Enishi had seemed calm and sure of himself and his ability to provide for them, so he proceeded to search for an Inn which would meet his son's specifications. He intentionally chose an out of the way, yet respectable, location on the outskirts of town. Enishi's was always serious, but his worried expression when he requested that the place should keep them from undue notice of the authorities had told Oibore that their haven must be private and secure. He found a small inn, which would serve their purpose well, and made the appropriate arrangements with the innkeeper for private food service and privacy from other guests. The Inn had one oversized room with access to a little used porch and small herb garden near the kitchen. The Innkeeper assured Oibore that he would request that the serving staff leave them in peace for the duration of their stay.

Oibore told the proprietor the truth. He and Enishi were in mourning over the loss of a family member and had just been reunited after a long absence. If the details might have lent themselves to another interpretation, that was not anyone else's affair. The Innkeeper was very solicitous of Oibore upon hearing of their grief, and Oibore felt that their privacy would be respected.

It was approaching dusk, so Oibore began the trek back to the city center to meet Enishi. He stood on the bridge in the center of town where he had stood so many times before and recalled the happier times when all of his family members were alive. Enishi joined him quickly, before his reverie could be prolonged.

"Enishi, we must make one stop on our way back to the Inn. I want to visit your mother. I know that it may be difficult for you to do this so soon after visiting Tomoe, but I believe it is important for us. And I cannot bear to return to Edo without paying my respects to her at our earliest opportunity. Can you understand?"

"I agree, Father. I was going to suggest that we go tomorrow, but I am content to go with you this evening. I do not have any memories of mother, but I cannot help but wonder at the different course my life may have taken if she had survived my birth."

The graveyard was not far, and their visit was not long. The deepening dusk was urging them towards rest and refreshment. And this graveyard did not hold the unyielding pain and sorrow of Kyoto.

Enishi was pleased with Oibore's choice of accommodations. He was careful to have Oibore handle all of the dealings with the innkeeper and his staff. He also took pains to see that his comings and goings were unobserved. It would not do to have the Edo police become aware of his presence here or his current activities. Not yet.

After their private dinner, Enishi asked his father to arrange for tea and food for later in the evening. He wanted their upcoming long discussion to be completely uninterrupted. Once Oibore returned and their room was closed for the evening, Enishi initiated the discussion.

"Father, first and foremost, I must share with you the basic facts and facets of my unsuccessful Earthly Justice. It is only fair that you should know the lengths and depths to which I have descended in my failed efforts to avenge Tomoe. .."

"Enishi, is this entirely necessary? I would not wish you to recall so much pain so soon…"

"Yes, it is necessary if we are to begin anew as the Yukishiro family – here or elsewhere in Japan. And as for recalling, these memories are seared on my consciousness whether I relate them to you or not. I would prefer to leave out most of the details, for your own protection and peace of mind, but I will answer any questions you may have.

Please, I know this will try the limits of your patience and forgiveness, but please, father, may I unburden myself to you as far as I am currently able?"

Oibore had not lived alone these many years without a clear understanding of his children and their actions. What else, indeed, had he had to focus on for the last decade? He knew that the loss of his mother had been an issue for Enishi, and his over attachment to Tomoe was a result of it, but he also knew it had been aggravated by his own overindulgence of Enishi as a boy – his only son. After Enishi had run off to cleave to his sister no matter what the consequences, Oibore had considered his role in his family's disaster long and hard. While he was determined not to do anything to enable Enishi to continue on a path of self-destruction, he tried to listen without being judgmental and offering as much emotional support as possible. It was clear that emotional instability would be the first scar in need of attention after Enishi's body had healed. He listened, but he dreaded to hear the terrible course of events that he knew must follow.

Enishi related the basic facts of his existence after leaving Edo to follow Tomoe to Kyoto. They had already discussed the War, so he did not dwell on his time with the Shogunate. They had already discussed their dear Tomoe, so he did not dwell on her activities or demise. But the Battousai, he must be mentioned and dealt with directly. It was painful for Enishi to be as forthcoming as he knew he must be of the details of his plans and experiences. He gave his father the basic truths of the sordid story.

Oibore listened without comment, keeping his face as neutral as possible. He was barely able to contain his emotional upheaval when Enishi related his slaughter of the kind family that had rescued him in Shanghai. This obscenity had not come to light in his earlier inquiries. He was not surprised by much that Enishi related with regard to Himura. Most of that episode was known to him. But Enishi's perspective and his current attitude towards the Kamiya dojo and its inhabitants were of great interest to Oibore. He knew that his son would not be able to move forward in his life without completely letting go of his vendetta.

The discussions of events at the Kamiya dojo and on his island were brief and to the point. Enishi related them with pain, but not anger. He seemed to be tired of all of it. Reading Tomoe's journal had taken the fire from his eyes and calmed the boiling hatred in his veins and heightened nervous system. Now that his body was healing, his mind was fast coming to the realization that any further activity against Battousai was not only futile, it was unwarranted. Tomoe had chosen. Tomoe had clearly expressed the feelings of her heart toward all of the men in her life in her journal. Enishi could only doubt her love for Battousai if he doubted her love for himself. That, he would never be capable of doing.

Without his hate to fuel him, Enishi's demeanor was bland, almost colorless. His father certainly had no adult behavior to compare it to, but it was in marked contrast to the vibrancy and spirited activity of his youth. His son's personality had been a counterpoint to his daughter's serenity.

Once his tale of dashed vengeance was finished, he asked Oibore if they would be able to work together to put it behind them.

"Can you forgive my actions, father? Can you be my family after all the grievous harm I have done in the name of revenge? "

"Enishi, my love for you is the love a father has for his only son. As my only surviving relative, I can forgive you anything and will always love and support you, just as I know that Tomoe loves and supports you. But amends must be made. These acts cannot be forgotten."

"I understand, father, and I have thought of that myself. But I must think on it a bit longer before we discuss our future and its possibilities. If you can bear to hear more of my life up to now, I would like for us to speak of our financial position and the way it colors our relations with the Meiji government, in addition to the local officials."

Oibore had not considered any such connections, so it was with rapt attention that he urged Enishi to continue.

"My foreign experience and connections are well known to the Meiji government. Because of my arms deals and past sales I made which posed a serious threat to their continued existence, the Meiji government is bound to be looking for me. I escaped their custody. While my second in command is still in custody, I have more information than anyone does about the movement of arms both within Japan and from foreign nations. That information is both dangerous and valuable."

"I requested the secrecy you have provided me at this Inn to consider the future and make plans for it. No doubt the local authorities will be looking for me if they have any idea that I am here in Edo. And that would place you in danger, too, father. So it is of the utmost importance that I have a quiet and secure place to heal, think and plan."

"While I admit that my plans against Battousai failed, they were brilliantly conceived, well planned and well executed up until the final chapter. There, I admit, the fatal flaws of their conception were revealed without question. It is only through reading my sister's journal that I can now realize and accept how flawed my reasoning was in that plan. My hope here is to conceive and plan a new way for us to live together in peace, in Japan if possible."

"I have some ideas along those lines I would like to share with you, Enishi, when you are rested and ready to discuss them. But I cannot delay in asking you about our finances. I am extremely uncomfortable with the thought that I might be adding to our grievances by deceiving this most gracious and accommodating innkeeper. How can we afford to pay him?"

"Father, you need not worry about that at all. After my escape, I went to Rakuninmura from hopelessness and despair, not out of need. Plus, as the local authorities were bound to be searching for me, it was a safer place to hide. In my plans for Earthly Justice I compiled more than enough cash reserves to pay for the exorbitant planning and execution. I have enormous reserves that are bound to be found and confiscated, but I also have many smaller funds secured throughout Japan and Singapore that I can draw upon at any time."

"I apologize for not using them earlier, but it was only after visiting Tomoe in Kyoto that I found the strength to remember, or care."

With this aspect of their future settled, Enishi gave Oibore a pouch filled with money.

"Please use this to defray all of our expenses, and if you would be so kind, I would appreciate it if you would purchase new clothing for both of us tomorrow while I begin our plans. Could you also obtain writing supplies for me? Some of our plans may require complex consideration and careful calculation."

"Of course, Enishi, I will be glad to assist you in these matters however I can. I will see to it in the morning. For tonight, I suggest we both get some rest. You, especially, are still in need of time to recover and heal. Please do not try to do too much too soon. The times are turning, but the planning of our future must be preceded by careful thought. Please allow yourself the time to heal and consider."

The Yukishiro family, such as it was, retired for the night.

Author's Note:

Many thanks to Susan for her thoughtful and encouraging words ( I changed my settlings - Again!)

Firuze Khanume and Midori Natari Himura: Thanks for reading. That boy is definitely under my skin, too.