09/13/02
This is probably my favorite depressing song.
It's sadly appropriate for an Escaflowne song-fic (although originally I wrote this for CCS, but it didn't make sense)
THIS IS A/U….really short…and very abstract…. just making it clear….
DISCLAIMER: Characters not mine. "Screaming infidelities" is copyrighted to the band Dashboard Confessionals.
~**SCREAMING INFIDELITIES**~
A song-fic by Lady Rebecca
Van looked up at the ceiling of his room, the gloomy gray looming over him. He turned his head to see the empty spot beside him.
He couldn't help but feel anger and frustration. Why was life so damn unfair?
Everything in his life had been perfect: he had a great job, a nice apartment, plenty of friends, and most important of all he had love, he had Hitomi with him in his life. He couldn't ask for more.
Then it was all ripped away from him.
I'm missing you bad, I never sleep
Avoiding the spots where we'd have to speak
And this bottle of beast is taking me home
Van leaned his head back against the window behind him in the train as it came to a stop late at night. The double doors opened to let in any passengers that might be around this late. A couple entered the car he was in. He lazily looked up at them.
His ruby eyes locked with emerald orbs.
You're cuddling close
Blankets and sheets
But you're not alone
And you're not discreet
You make sure I know who's taking you home
Surprise flashed across her features for an instant, but was quickly replaced by a smile.
The man with her was talking and she turned her attention back to him, as if he was saying the most interesting thing in the world. They sat a little ways from Van but still within his direct line of vision.
He couldn't pull his eyes from her.
She would occasionally glance in his direction, then making sure to laugh happily and in a carefree manner.
They got off at the next stop, Van watching them as they walked onto the platform.
Hitomi looked back over her shoulder at Van with an expression Van couldn't identify before the doors closed.
Was it guilt?...
I'm reading your note over again
There's not a word that I comprehend
Except when you signed it
"I will love you always…and forever"
Van sat in his dark apartment, music in the background, his eyes vacant, lost in thought.
He didn't understand how it had all happened.
Why did she leave? She obviously didn't need him anymore. But they'd had everything together! How was it possible that now she was freely giving her love to others who only wanted her love for a night or two.
He didn't understand why, after the glorious time they had spent together, and all the love they had shared…
Why did she choose to return to her former life?
And as for now I'm going to hear the saddest songs
And sit alone and wonder
How you're making out
Van clenched his fists as humiliating tears sprang from his eyes.
How could she possibly treat him this way?
He had given her everything so that she would never have to return to life she led where she had to sell her love to whoever could pay the highest price…
Van couldn't conceive a reason…
and as for me I wish that I was
anywhere with anyone
making out
Why did he care? the dark side of himself asked.
He obviously hadn't been enough for her. He shouldn't think twice about her.
…
But his heart told him that he couldn't possibly forget her…
I'm missing your laugh
How did it break?
And when did your eyes begin to look fake?
I hope that you're as happy as you're pretending
They're life was running wonderfully. They had want for nothing as long as they were together.
Van opened his dresser drawer and pulled out a box. He lifted the lid and took out the valuable keepsake inside.
The diamond on the ring caught the moonlight that streamed in through the window.
He had had everything ready to make Hitomi his wife, and he had been so sure that she would have accepted his proposal.
What was it that changed it all?
I'm cuddling close with blankets and sheets
And I am alone in my defeat
I wish I knew you were safely at home
Jealousy that suddenly surged through his veins made him blind to all for a moment. How dare anyone touch his one true love?
How dare another man touch what was his, come to know what he had known?
How dare Hitomi allow it?
Van swallowed thickly, tears threatening to choke him.
There must have been something, some logical explanation for it all.
He just had to accept the fact that he would never know…
I'm missing you bad, I never sleep
Avoiding the spots where we'd have to speak
And this bottle of beast is taking me home
One day there was a knock at his door.
Van didn't bother to answer, since there was not a soul he wanted to see right then.
He didn't want to speak with anyone. Friends and coworkers had left countless messages on his machine. He didn't want to hear from anyone.
There was nothing anyone could say to him.
Eventually the knocking stopped, just as he knew it would.
The world could have fallen to pieces right then and he wouldn't have cared.
Well as for now I'm going to hear the saddest songs
and sit alone and wonder
how you're making out
Time went by, and Van slowly crawled back into his former way of life before Hitomi. But all those around him could tell there was something missing from him…that fire in his eyes and passion for life had been extinguished.
He would see her occasionally, always accompanied by someone else, appearing to be carefree. When she would see him, she would always smile lightly at him, like anyone other man, and would quickly disappear from his sight.
What he didn't see was that she would turn with tears in her eyes…
and as for me I wish that I was
anywhere with anyone
making out
He hadn't seen her for a long time, arriving to the conclusion that she had left town. He resolved to think no more of it.
But then, one day, there she was.
She standing alone in front of a closed shop, taking shelter from the sudden rain.
Against everything that was in him, he approached her.
Hitomi looked up, a petrified look crossing her pale face when she spotted him. She had not expected this, yet didn't move, as if rooted to the spot. Her green eyes looked like they held years of pain and self-induced suffering.
Van held her gaze for a moment and inexplicably brought his hand up to fasten a lock of her pale hair behind her ear. There was knot forming in his throat as he beheld her in the gloom of the day.
She couldn't bring herself to speak, or even breathe. They stared at each other wordlessly for what seemed to an eternity…
Your hair, it's everywhere
Screaming infidelities
And taking its wear
Suddenly, something stirring in Hitomi's arms brought Van's attention to a bundle he had not noticed she carried before.
A pair of green eyes under a mess of black hair stared up at him, a hand extending as if reaching towards him.
Van's jaw went slack as he stared as if he had never laid eyes on an infant in his life. He couldn't get over the resemblance to himself in the child's features. Finally he brought inquisitive eyes up to Hitomi.
Tears were streaming down her cheeks as she smiled meekly at him.
"I'm glad to see you, Van."
Your hair, it's everywhere
Screaming infidelities
And taking its wear…
****~owari~****
I'm really not sure what possessed me to write this in this manner, but there you have it. (it may have something to do with the fact that I wrote this in an hour)
Please tell me what you think.
--Lady Rebecca