CHAPTER 5: The Gift
Now that the ice had been broken by Tyger's peace offering of Hank's most favourite sugary treat in the whole wide world, he finally emerged from the dark recesses of his lab, prized item in hand, to look for Tyger.
Hank's mind was working overtime as he walked slowly down the hallway to the rec room, rehearsing what he would say to Tyger when he found her. In one of his massive hands, he held a small box containing his gift for her: a collar.
Okay Hank, he thought. #What is the worst that can happen....no, don't picture that. Don't visualize anything involving hospitalization. Let's try, yes Tyger, this is a gift for...no, put down the claws. Okay, next thought.#
He sighed to himself and shook his head.
#Yes self, I am giving a cat a collar and expecting her not to become enraged. Let's try this again. My dear, I thought you might like this little gift. It is a collar...he suddenly visualized a glinting set of fangs. No good. Maybe...since our last conversation...no, bad beginning. Since I talked to you...no, just as bad. How about meeting? Alright. Since our last meeting, I have been contemplating your...situation? No. Difficulty? Maybe. Problem? No, too negative. Your verbally challenged condition...yes! Perfect! And for the last week I have been working...no...RESOLUTELY working on helping you overcome this condition. To this effect, I have created a little device to aid you in your facilitation of functional speech. Yes Hank, little boy blue does it again!#
He had finally arrived at the rec room door.
#Okay Hank, just remember what you've just said. Alright, deep breath, back straight...we can do this.#
He grabbed the doorknob.
#One...two...oh, boy...three.#
He pulled the door open.
#Oh, dear...#
Tyger wasn't alone: Ororo was sitting on the loungechair, reading a book; Rogue and Gambit were playing pool; and Tyger and Jubilee were sitting on the floor in front of the television, engaged in an bloody battle to the finish on the latest kill 'em all Sega Genesis game.
#Tyger...there she is. How do I get her attention...Attention?! What am I thinking? There are too many spectators here! Maybe I should just casually stroll over and present it...no. That won't work. I could leave it on the table for her...what if someone else opens it? Hmmmm...#
He moved a couple steps to the right and stared at the bookshelf as if looking for something to read. #Even though the presence of so many others here uneases me, the last thing I want to do is confront her alone...that might give her the wrong idea.# He considered that thought. #Okay, humour me Hank. Just what is the 'right' idea? Think about it. You are presenting this girl with a hand-made collar. What is she supposed to think? She is modelled after a feline! Maybe I should have gone with the bracelet idea instead, but that would look more like giving a girlfriend a gift and she is NOT my girlfriend.#
He sighed inwardly. #Let's just back out of here and meet her when she is less public. Besides...(he just noticed what he was looking at)...I have no interest in reading historical romances today.#
Hank turned to leave. Glancing at Tyger, he noticed that she was staring quizzically at him.
He opened his mouth to say something, but nothing came out. #Oh, my stars and garters, he thought to himself. How wholly inadequate because just as I fundamentally feared, I have forgotten my whole damn speech!#
"Uh...hi, Tyger..." he stammered.
#Yes Hank, that was suave and debonair. You set out to sweep her off her feet and impress her with your verbal, witty dialogue and all you can come up with is 'hi Tyger'? What's next, 'nice kitty'?#
It was at this point in time that Jubilee looked up from her game and, eyeing the box in Hank's hand, said, "Hi, Hank. Watcha got there?"
He looked down at his hands. #You would think with hands as big as mine, I could hide a little box.#
"Uh...."
#Yes Hank, witticism indeed. One more of those and you'll be ready for the Pulitzer prize...NOT!#
He was very quickly becoming uncomfortably aware of all the eyes that were directed upon him.
#Okay Hank, try again. Open your mouth and spew forth your verbal triage to save this situation! Dr McCoy, some emergency verbal surgery is urgently required!#
"Uh...."
#Doctor, we've lost the patient.#
Jubilee was staring at him, concern on her face. "Hank?"
#Self, it appears dear fellow, that we have caught a syndrome. I think we shall call it 'deer caught in headlights'. Symptoms: paralysis, speechlessness, and a feeling of imminent doom.#
Jubilee slowly approached her near-catatonic friend. Stepping on her tip-toes to bring her face as close to Hank's as possible, she asked, "You okay, Hank?"
He looked down at her. "Er...um...no, now that you ask. I think I hear my notebook calling. Hip, hop, must dash!"
"Hank, are ya SURE you're feelin' okay? You don't seem to be your normal witty self."
#Thank you, Jubilee. Shall we next broadcast that on worldwide news so everyone will know?#
"Uh...."
#Dammit, Hank! One more 'uh' and I'm going to bite off your own tongue!#
"Jubilee, these last few days have been extremely emotionally stressful, and I...er...have been trying to cope with it solitarily rather than bringing my emotional difficulties out into the open..."
"Hank, just what the heck are you trying to say?"
Hank, turning slightly lavender, replied, "You know, Jube, my notebook is reeeeaaally becoming quite insistent."
"Hank, are you avoiding the issue?"
#Avoiding, yes! Dodging, yes! Obstacle course quality! Must practice! Get in shape! Shape? Danger Room!!!#
"Issues... yes. Issues in the Danger Room. Must go there RIGHT now..."
"Hank, you're making less sense than usual."
"Sense, yes...really...feeling a bit peckish. Excuse me..."
With whatever dignity he had left to muster, he quickly turned to leave the room, and bumped nose to nose with Tyger. She had snuck up behind him. Blinking coyly at him from a distance of six inches, she pointed to the box, a questioning look on her face.
"Uh...." YEEEOOOOWWTCH!!! he thought as he bit his tongue. #Damn it Hank, I didn't mean for you to do it!#
"Tyger...hi...how are you?"
Tyger blinked again. She had a sweet, innocent expression on her face that was completely unnerving whatever nerves Hank had left.
"Nice weather we're having...."
#What am I saying?! Hank, honestly...#
"Hey!" he suddenly exclaimed. "Give that back!"
Tyger had plucked the box out of his hand.
"That's not for you! Well, it IS for you...but NOT for you now!... I mean..."
#Damn!#
He looked up, realizing that he now had everyone's complete attention.
Gosh, it's hot, he thought to himself as all visible areas of his skin proceeded to turn a bright shade of lavender.
He looked back at Tyger, who was now opening the box.
#Oh, double damn! Yes Hank, quite eloquent. Shall we add a few more four-letter words to make it more poetic? Mental note: why is it that my vocabulary decreases in direct proportion to the proximity of this young lady? Begin study now.#
Tyger was now dangling the collar off the tip of her finger, a look of indignance mixed with some confusion plastered on her face.
"Uh...."
#Point in study proven.#
From behind him, Jubilee spoke up, outraged.
"A COLLAR?! Are you out of your blue-furred mind?! What were you thinking? What's next? A leash and a rubber mouse?"
Hank was now frantically looking around for any miraculous means of escape.
#Oh, yes. Why is there never a convenient rock when you need one?#
"Uh...Jubilee...it's not like that..."
"Oh, sugah," commented Rogue, itching to get her digs in. "I think its kinda cute. She's so quiet, just add a little bell and we'll always hear her comin'."
She looked at Tyger, smiling. "You know, dear, ah've got this ball of string in my room that's lookin' for a home."
Still no rocks, thought Hank. #And tables aren't big enough. I wonder if they would notice a big blue dust ball hiding under the rug?#
It was Gambit's turn next. "And for my gift, chere, Remy get you monogrammed feeding bowls."
Jubilee's face had turned a striking shade of fuchsia.
"What are you guys saying?! She's a person, not a pet!"
Storm, who had all this time been watching with much amusement, stepped in.
"Jubilee, calm yourself. They are just having a little fun at Henry's obvious faux pas. Perhaps Henry will be willing to explain the meaning of his little gift before what is left of his dignity deserts him completely."
Hank looked at Storm gratefully. "Thank you, Ororo. My self esteem had already been planning a prolonged vacation and has even been so polite as to send me an itinerary. But perhaps this moment would not be the best time to explain my... gift?" he added that last part hopefully, desperate to get away from the prying eyes and find a quiet spot to wrench his foot out of his mouth. It had been rammed in so far that he could feel his toes touching his stomach. They tickled.
"Please Henry," Ororo implored. "After this little experience, could it really get any worse?"
The look he gave her spoke volumes - multiple series, actually - that even seemed to promise movie rights.
"I still feel that this would not be the best time," he said shyly.
Rogue piped up. "But the cat's outta the bag..."
Tyger glared at her.
"...so to speak," she added hastily.
"Very well," replied Hank as his shoulders slumped. He proceeded to talk to his toes, which he now coincidently noticed needed trimming.
"It is a voice modulation device with an integral subvocal microphone. Its intention was to permit Tyger more freedom of speech by programming it with her own linguafranca of sounds, equivalenting them to our own english speech."
Jubilee looked at Storm blankly. "What'd he say?"
Smiling brightly, Storm answered, "Henry has created a device that should - with practice - allow Tyger to speak."
"Sugah! How sweet of ya!" Rogue squealed as she rushed over to Hank and gave him a tremendous bear hug.
"GAH!" said Hank with a sharp exhalation of breath. I do believe that was one of my left ribs, he thought as the room began to darken. Rogue had squeezed him too hard.
His final thought as he blacked out was, unconsciousness... what bliss!!!
* * *
Jubilee tentatively knocked on Tyger's door.
"Hey, Tyg! It's Jube. Can I come in?"
She heard a half-growl, half-yowl reply and entered the room. Tyger was curled up in a chair staring at the collar which sat on the desk. Jubilee watched as Tyger prodded it with a single finger, rotated it a little, then stared at it some more.
"Er..Tyger, are you okay?" Jubilee asked, her voice full of concern.
Tyger spun the chair around to face her friend. With a sick grin on her face, she held up a rubber mouse by the tail and tossed it at her.
Jubilee caught it, then shrugged her shoulders. "Well...the guys can go too far sometimes," she said. "I just thought I'd let ya know how Hank is."
Tyger gave her a worried look.
"No, he's not hurt. He's fine. Jean said it was just exhaustion - working too hard. And...er...the rib should heal fine," Jubilee added that last part with barely a mumble.
Tyger's sensitive ears heard her anyway, and she dropped her face in her hands.
"C'mon, Tyg!" Jubilee said, trying to sound cheerful. "He's been through worse and he'll be jus' fine!"
Tyger looked up at her, her eyes dampening, then returned her face to her hands.
"Okay...so maybe the other times weren't your fault. But it's not like you did it on purpose," Jubilee added reproachfully.
Tyger growled softly. Jubilee got the distinct impression that she wasn't helping matters any.
"Okay, okay, I know. But accident or not, he'll be fine! Like they're always telling me, one day he'll look back at this and laugh....eventually. It's not like he can hold it against you."
Tyger refused to look up at her.
Jubilee sighed and decided to give up. "Okay, Tyg. If you wanna talk, you know I'm just across the hall," she said, and left.
As soon as the door closed, Tyger leapt from her chair onto the bed, and buried her face in her pillow. Ignoring the clattering sound of the chair hitting the floor, she let her tears flow freely.
Why do bad things always happen to him when I'm around? It's not like I mean to be such a disruptive influence, she wailed silently to herself. #Things just happen. I wish I hadn't been so curious about that box. My curiosity always gets the better of me. But to be honest, a collar? I mean, I'm a cat...sorta. What did he expect people to think?#
She propped herself up on one elbow and gazed across the room at the collar.
#At least it's a nice collar - hand oiled leather, and the metal grillwork on the front is rather pretty. But...it's a collar! All that it's missing is a nametag!#
She sighed.
#It was a really nice gesture, though. Nobody's ever given me a gift before. Nobody's ever even tried to help me until Ororo found me and brought me here. I'm twenty three years old and I've never had any friends whatsoever until now.#
She flopped onto her back and stared at the ceiling.
#I really should go down and see him.# She paused in her thoughts. #But I'm still a little frightened of him. When I'm near him, I feel strange...uneasy. I don't know if I like this feeling.#
She growled at herself in frustration.
#Besides...he's blue! Not even a natural colour for fur. He'd look sooo much better in bronze; and if he'd let his hair grow long so that it draped around his neck, he'd look quite striking!#
She grinned mischievously at that thought, then frowned.
#But it wouldn't matter now after all I've done to him. Still...the collar was a nice touch. But I AM going to rip the face off the first person who tries to give me a bell!#
* * *
Now that the ice had been broken by Tyger's peace offering of Hank's most favourite sugary treat in the whole wide world, he finally emerged from the dark recesses of his lab, prized item in hand, to look for Tyger.
Hank's mind was working overtime as he walked slowly down the hallway to the rec room, rehearsing what he would say to Tyger when he found her. In one of his massive hands, he held a small box containing his gift for her: a collar.
Okay Hank, he thought. #What is the worst that can happen....no, don't picture that. Don't visualize anything involving hospitalization. Let's try, yes Tyger, this is a gift for...no, put down the claws. Okay, next thought.#
He sighed to himself and shook his head.
#Yes self, I am giving a cat a collar and expecting her not to become enraged. Let's try this again. My dear, I thought you might like this little gift. It is a collar...he suddenly visualized a glinting set of fangs. No good. Maybe...since our last conversation...no, bad beginning. Since I talked to you...no, just as bad. How about meeting? Alright. Since our last meeting, I have been contemplating your...situation? No. Difficulty? Maybe. Problem? No, too negative. Your verbally challenged condition...yes! Perfect! And for the last week I have been working...no...RESOLUTELY working on helping you overcome this condition. To this effect, I have created a little device to aid you in your facilitation of functional speech. Yes Hank, little boy blue does it again!#
He had finally arrived at the rec room door.
#Okay Hank, just remember what you've just said. Alright, deep breath, back straight...we can do this.#
He grabbed the doorknob.
#One...two...oh, boy...three.#
He pulled the door open.
#Oh, dear...#
Tyger wasn't alone: Ororo was sitting on the loungechair, reading a book; Rogue and Gambit were playing pool; and Tyger and Jubilee were sitting on the floor in front of the television, engaged in an bloody battle to the finish on the latest kill 'em all Sega Genesis game.
#Tyger...there she is. How do I get her attention...Attention?! What am I thinking? There are too many spectators here! Maybe I should just casually stroll over and present it...no. That won't work. I could leave it on the table for her...what if someone else opens it? Hmmmm...#
He moved a couple steps to the right and stared at the bookshelf as if looking for something to read. #Even though the presence of so many others here uneases me, the last thing I want to do is confront her alone...that might give her the wrong idea.# He considered that thought. #Okay, humour me Hank. Just what is the 'right' idea? Think about it. You are presenting this girl with a hand-made collar. What is she supposed to think? She is modelled after a feline! Maybe I should have gone with the bracelet idea instead, but that would look more like giving a girlfriend a gift and she is NOT my girlfriend.#
He sighed inwardly. #Let's just back out of here and meet her when she is less public. Besides...(he just noticed what he was looking at)...I have no interest in reading historical romances today.#
Hank turned to leave. Glancing at Tyger, he noticed that she was staring quizzically at him.
He opened his mouth to say something, but nothing came out. #Oh, my stars and garters, he thought to himself. How wholly inadequate because just as I fundamentally feared, I have forgotten my whole damn speech!#
"Uh...hi, Tyger..." he stammered.
#Yes Hank, that was suave and debonair. You set out to sweep her off her feet and impress her with your verbal, witty dialogue and all you can come up with is 'hi Tyger'? What's next, 'nice kitty'?#
It was at this point in time that Jubilee looked up from her game and, eyeing the box in Hank's hand, said, "Hi, Hank. Watcha got there?"
He looked down at his hands. #You would think with hands as big as mine, I could hide a little box.#
"Uh...."
#Yes Hank, witticism indeed. One more of those and you'll be ready for the Pulitzer prize...NOT!#
He was very quickly becoming uncomfortably aware of all the eyes that were directed upon him.
#Okay Hank, try again. Open your mouth and spew forth your verbal triage to save this situation! Dr McCoy, some emergency verbal surgery is urgently required!#
"Uh...."
#Doctor, we've lost the patient.#
Jubilee was staring at him, concern on her face. "Hank?"
#Self, it appears dear fellow, that we have caught a syndrome. I think we shall call it 'deer caught in headlights'. Symptoms: paralysis, speechlessness, and a feeling of imminent doom.#
Jubilee slowly approached her near-catatonic friend. Stepping on her tip-toes to bring her face as close to Hank's as possible, she asked, "You okay, Hank?"
He looked down at her. "Er...um...no, now that you ask. I think I hear my notebook calling. Hip, hop, must dash!"
"Hank, are ya SURE you're feelin' okay? You don't seem to be your normal witty self."
#Thank you, Jubilee. Shall we next broadcast that on worldwide news so everyone will know?#
"Uh...."
#Dammit, Hank! One more 'uh' and I'm going to bite off your own tongue!#
"Jubilee, these last few days have been extremely emotionally stressful, and I...er...have been trying to cope with it solitarily rather than bringing my emotional difficulties out into the open..."
"Hank, just what the heck are you trying to say?"
Hank, turning slightly lavender, replied, "You know, Jube, my notebook is reeeeaaally becoming quite insistent."
"Hank, are you avoiding the issue?"
#Avoiding, yes! Dodging, yes! Obstacle course quality! Must practice! Get in shape! Shape? Danger Room!!!#
"Issues... yes. Issues in the Danger Room. Must go there RIGHT now..."
"Hank, you're making less sense than usual."
"Sense, yes...really...feeling a bit peckish. Excuse me..."
With whatever dignity he had left to muster, he quickly turned to leave the room, and bumped nose to nose with Tyger. She had snuck up behind him. Blinking coyly at him from a distance of six inches, she pointed to the box, a questioning look on her face.
"Uh...." YEEEOOOOWWTCH!!! he thought as he bit his tongue. #Damn it Hank, I didn't mean for you to do it!#
"Tyger...hi...how are you?"
Tyger blinked again. She had a sweet, innocent expression on her face that was completely unnerving whatever nerves Hank had left.
"Nice weather we're having...."
#What am I saying?! Hank, honestly...#
"Hey!" he suddenly exclaimed. "Give that back!"
Tyger had plucked the box out of his hand.
"That's not for you! Well, it IS for you...but NOT for you now!... I mean..."
#Damn!#
He looked up, realizing that he now had everyone's complete attention.
Gosh, it's hot, he thought to himself as all visible areas of his skin proceeded to turn a bright shade of lavender.
He looked back at Tyger, who was now opening the box.
#Oh, double damn! Yes Hank, quite eloquent. Shall we add a few more four-letter words to make it more poetic? Mental note: why is it that my vocabulary decreases in direct proportion to the proximity of this young lady? Begin study now.#
Tyger was now dangling the collar off the tip of her finger, a look of indignance mixed with some confusion plastered on her face.
"Uh...."
#Point in study proven.#
From behind him, Jubilee spoke up, outraged.
"A COLLAR?! Are you out of your blue-furred mind?! What were you thinking? What's next? A leash and a rubber mouse?"
Hank was now frantically looking around for any miraculous means of escape.
#Oh, yes. Why is there never a convenient rock when you need one?#
"Uh...Jubilee...it's not like that..."
"Oh, sugah," commented Rogue, itching to get her digs in. "I think its kinda cute. She's so quiet, just add a little bell and we'll always hear her comin'."
She looked at Tyger, smiling. "You know, dear, ah've got this ball of string in my room that's lookin' for a home."
Still no rocks, thought Hank. #And tables aren't big enough. I wonder if they would notice a big blue dust ball hiding under the rug?#
It was Gambit's turn next. "And for my gift, chere, Remy get you monogrammed feeding bowls."
Jubilee's face had turned a striking shade of fuchsia.
"What are you guys saying?! She's a person, not a pet!"
Storm, who had all this time been watching with much amusement, stepped in.
"Jubilee, calm yourself. They are just having a little fun at Henry's obvious faux pas. Perhaps Henry will be willing to explain the meaning of his little gift before what is left of his dignity deserts him completely."
Hank looked at Storm gratefully. "Thank you, Ororo. My self esteem had already been planning a prolonged vacation and has even been so polite as to send me an itinerary. But perhaps this moment would not be the best time to explain my... gift?" he added that last part hopefully, desperate to get away from the prying eyes and find a quiet spot to wrench his foot out of his mouth. It had been rammed in so far that he could feel his toes touching his stomach. They tickled.
"Please Henry," Ororo implored. "After this little experience, could it really get any worse?"
The look he gave her spoke volumes - multiple series, actually - that even seemed to promise movie rights.
"I still feel that this would not be the best time," he said shyly.
Rogue piped up. "But the cat's outta the bag..."
Tyger glared at her.
"...so to speak," she added hastily.
"Very well," replied Hank as his shoulders slumped. He proceeded to talk to his toes, which he now coincidently noticed needed trimming.
"It is a voice modulation device with an integral subvocal microphone. Its intention was to permit Tyger more freedom of speech by programming it with her own linguafranca of sounds, equivalenting them to our own english speech."
Jubilee looked at Storm blankly. "What'd he say?"
Smiling brightly, Storm answered, "Henry has created a device that should - with practice - allow Tyger to speak."
"Sugah! How sweet of ya!" Rogue squealed as she rushed over to Hank and gave him a tremendous bear hug.
"GAH!" said Hank with a sharp exhalation of breath. I do believe that was one of my left ribs, he thought as the room began to darken. Rogue had squeezed him too hard.
His final thought as he blacked out was, unconsciousness... what bliss!!!
* * *
Jubilee tentatively knocked on Tyger's door.
"Hey, Tyg! It's Jube. Can I come in?"
She heard a half-growl, half-yowl reply and entered the room. Tyger was curled up in a chair staring at the collar which sat on the desk. Jubilee watched as Tyger prodded it with a single finger, rotated it a little, then stared at it some more.
"Er..Tyger, are you okay?" Jubilee asked, her voice full of concern.
Tyger spun the chair around to face her friend. With a sick grin on her face, she held up a rubber mouse by the tail and tossed it at her.
Jubilee caught it, then shrugged her shoulders. "Well...the guys can go too far sometimes," she said. "I just thought I'd let ya know how Hank is."
Tyger gave her a worried look.
"No, he's not hurt. He's fine. Jean said it was just exhaustion - working too hard. And...er...the rib should heal fine," Jubilee added that last part with barely a mumble.
Tyger's sensitive ears heard her anyway, and she dropped her face in her hands.
"C'mon, Tyg!" Jubilee said, trying to sound cheerful. "He's been through worse and he'll be jus' fine!"
Tyger looked up at her, her eyes dampening, then returned her face to her hands.
"Okay...so maybe the other times weren't your fault. But it's not like you did it on purpose," Jubilee added reproachfully.
Tyger growled softly. Jubilee got the distinct impression that she wasn't helping matters any.
"Okay, okay, I know. But accident or not, he'll be fine! Like they're always telling me, one day he'll look back at this and laugh....eventually. It's not like he can hold it against you."
Tyger refused to look up at her.
Jubilee sighed and decided to give up. "Okay, Tyg. If you wanna talk, you know I'm just across the hall," she said, and left.
As soon as the door closed, Tyger leapt from her chair onto the bed, and buried her face in her pillow. Ignoring the clattering sound of the chair hitting the floor, she let her tears flow freely.
Why do bad things always happen to him when I'm around? It's not like I mean to be such a disruptive influence, she wailed silently to herself. #Things just happen. I wish I hadn't been so curious about that box. My curiosity always gets the better of me. But to be honest, a collar? I mean, I'm a cat...sorta. What did he expect people to think?#
She propped herself up on one elbow and gazed across the room at the collar.
#At least it's a nice collar - hand oiled leather, and the metal grillwork on the front is rather pretty. But...it's a collar! All that it's missing is a nametag!#
She sighed.
#It was a really nice gesture, though. Nobody's ever given me a gift before. Nobody's ever even tried to help me until Ororo found me and brought me here. I'm twenty three years old and I've never had any friends whatsoever until now.#
She flopped onto her back and stared at the ceiling.
#I really should go down and see him.# She paused in her thoughts. #But I'm still a little frightened of him. When I'm near him, I feel strange...uneasy. I don't know if I like this feeling.#
She growled at herself in frustration.
#Besides...he's blue! Not even a natural colour for fur. He'd look sooo much better in bronze; and if he'd let his hair grow long so that it draped around his neck, he'd look quite striking!#
She grinned mischievously at that thought, then frowned.
#But it wouldn't matter now after all I've done to him. Still...the collar was a nice touch. But I AM going to rip the face off the first person who tries to give me a bell!#
* * *