This is How You Remind Me ( Part 2)
Carter sat slumped in a soft blue chair in the corner of Abby's bedroom. He hadn't turned on any lights because he wanted her to get some rest. The bathroom light was still on from when he had first arrived and he went in there now to wash his face. He looked about him to the claw foot bathtub, her bubble bath liquid, her copy of Entertainment Weekly, clean towels, the sink, her toothbrush. All these normal things, from normal life, challenging to break his facade and make him break down, giving into the tears and anger he felt just beyond his surface. He splashed some water on his face and rested his forearms on the sink watching the running water getting sucked into the drain. So many images of Abby passed before his eyes. He saw her as the eager young med student, and then as the caring nurse he respected so much. Flashes of the times they had spent together assaulted his senses and the tears began to flow freely. There they were on the roof with their coffee cups, and she with her ever- cigarette poised in one hand, a wry smile on her face at something he had just said. He saw them in Doc Magoo's, having a self-deprecating, but intense, and fulfilling conversation about recovery and sponsorship. Why hadn't he seen this coming?! He saw her, as she looked that night that he had taken her to the Natural History Museum. He could hear her introducing herself to his grandfather, "Abigail Lockhart", she had said, with a warm smile offering her hand. He remembered her indignant reply to "Paco" the guy that had stuck a nail in the tires of their rent a car in Oklahoma, and then her body language with him while they drank their blue slurpies. He had never been so impressed and devastated all at once by her poise, dignity, and grace, than he had on that day she left him by the river. He had said, "I'll settle", and she hadn't let him get away with it. He'd known it was a mistake as soon as the words came out of his mouth. It was not what he meant, and she knew that too, at least he thought she did, but she wouldn't let him win this little game of theirs so easily. She was such a precious presence in his life that he couldn't imagine what had gone so wrong that he hadn't been able to help her through the trouble she had suffered.
He jumped when he realized the water had been running for so long, he turned off the faucet and walked into her bedroom. In doing so a ray of light bathed her small figure on the bed and he could see that her eyes were open. She was staring at the floor, and she had slow tears running down her face. He went over to her and quietly wiped tears off her face with his fingers. She wouldn't look at him and only muttered "I'm sorry".
" Abby, I know you don't want to talk about this, that you feel as if you can't talk about everything right now, but please, tell me that this was just a one time thing..."
" I... I can't. John, I can't lie to you."
He hung his head unable to control his own emotions anymore.
"My God. Abby, what are you doing? What are you doing?"
His face turned all different shades of red and he sat dejectedly at the foot of her bed. He thrust his head into his hands, running his fingers through his hair. He mumbled. "I don't understand"
"Well that makes two of us," she replied cautiously, a little shocked at his show of emotion.
He turned his head then to face her and saw the equal confusion in her eyes.
"Thank you for coming,"she said," I couldn't have explained all of this if I went into the e.r. for help."
"I see." he answered shortly. He immediately saw through her. " Abby, you're going to have to explain yourself at some point, and maybe not to anyone else but you."
" No, John, I know I owe you an explanation too.."
"You really don't owe me a thing." he answered sadly. "Why didn't you feel you could come to me beforehand? I could've helped you."
" I'm supposed to be your sponsor, remember?" she quipped, tilting her head to the side with that old Abby glimmer of sarcasm in her eyes.
"Abigail, this is not the time to be funny, I'm really disappointed about this, and I can't tell if I'm mad at you, or me, or both of us."
"Did you just call me Abigail?"
"Stop it, Abby! This is serious."
She looked up at him startled, and saw the red rims of his dark brown eyes. Alarmed, she asked him," Have you been crying?"
"No." he answered her too quickly.
Her hand went up to his face instinctively and she cupped his chin in her fingers staring into his eyes. "Yes you have, this is no time to play macho, what happened?" He pushed her hands away and tore his gaze away from her
"What happened?! Abby, can you see yourself ? Do you realize this is years of sobriety down the drain?!"
"Yes, I realize that, she replied curtly, but if I wanted a lecture I would've called Luka.."
"Excuse me? Luka? Wouldn't be surprised if he bought you the beer!"
"He doesn't know about my alcoholism."
There. She sighed, she had said it. Bluntly, and openly.
"Abby, you were in a serious relationship with the guy for over a year, how did it never come up?!"
"I wouldn't call it serious."
"Then what would you call it? How can you explain that I knew about this but your boyfriend didn't?"
She looked down at her pillow and waved her hand upward and around gathering circles of air.
"Well, I would call all of this serious."
"What do you mean, 'all of this' ?" he asked.
He could see tears fall onto her pillow as she put her head down and stumbled over words.
"Okay Carter, this, this intensity, this immediate feeling of intimacy, that I've shared with you from the moment that we met. I've never had anyone in my life that understood me or supported me in the way that you have, okay? Are you clear on what serious means now?"
"Oh. Umm. Yeah, I see." he replied. He felt suddenly dumbstruck and speechless.
"Abby I didn't know you felt that same intensity between us." he managed.
She lifted her head almost defiantly, forgetting her tears." Of course I do Carter why wouldn't I ? It's like something I've never known before. It's like something I couldn't have known until you showed me."
"Yeah, this is how you remind me, too." he told her quietly.
~ End Part 2~
Carter sat slumped in a soft blue chair in the corner of Abby's bedroom. He hadn't turned on any lights because he wanted her to get some rest. The bathroom light was still on from when he had first arrived and he went in there now to wash his face. He looked about him to the claw foot bathtub, her bubble bath liquid, her copy of Entertainment Weekly, clean towels, the sink, her toothbrush. All these normal things, from normal life, challenging to break his facade and make him break down, giving into the tears and anger he felt just beyond his surface. He splashed some water on his face and rested his forearms on the sink watching the running water getting sucked into the drain. So many images of Abby passed before his eyes. He saw her as the eager young med student, and then as the caring nurse he respected so much. Flashes of the times they had spent together assaulted his senses and the tears began to flow freely. There they were on the roof with their coffee cups, and she with her ever- cigarette poised in one hand, a wry smile on her face at something he had just said. He saw them in Doc Magoo's, having a self-deprecating, but intense, and fulfilling conversation about recovery and sponsorship. Why hadn't he seen this coming?! He saw her, as she looked that night that he had taken her to the Natural History Museum. He could hear her introducing herself to his grandfather, "Abigail Lockhart", she had said, with a warm smile offering her hand. He remembered her indignant reply to "Paco" the guy that had stuck a nail in the tires of their rent a car in Oklahoma, and then her body language with him while they drank their blue slurpies. He had never been so impressed and devastated all at once by her poise, dignity, and grace, than he had on that day she left him by the river. He had said, "I'll settle", and she hadn't let him get away with it. He'd known it was a mistake as soon as the words came out of his mouth. It was not what he meant, and she knew that too, at least he thought she did, but she wouldn't let him win this little game of theirs so easily. She was such a precious presence in his life that he couldn't imagine what had gone so wrong that he hadn't been able to help her through the trouble she had suffered.
He jumped when he realized the water had been running for so long, he turned off the faucet and walked into her bedroom. In doing so a ray of light bathed her small figure on the bed and he could see that her eyes were open. She was staring at the floor, and she had slow tears running down her face. He went over to her and quietly wiped tears off her face with his fingers. She wouldn't look at him and only muttered "I'm sorry".
" Abby, I know you don't want to talk about this, that you feel as if you can't talk about everything right now, but please, tell me that this was just a one time thing..."
" I... I can't. John, I can't lie to you."
He hung his head unable to control his own emotions anymore.
"My God. Abby, what are you doing? What are you doing?"
His face turned all different shades of red and he sat dejectedly at the foot of her bed. He thrust his head into his hands, running his fingers through his hair. He mumbled. "I don't understand"
"Well that makes two of us," she replied cautiously, a little shocked at his show of emotion.
He turned his head then to face her and saw the equal confusion in her eyes.
"Thank you for coming,"she said," I couldn't have explained all of this if I went into the e.r. for help."
"I see." he answered shortly. He immediately saw through her. " Abby, you're going to have to explain yourself at some point, and maybe not to anyone else but you."
" No, John, I know I owe you an explanation too.."
"You really don't owe me a thing." he answered sadly. "Why didn't you feel you could come to me beforehand? I could've helped you."
" I'm supposed to be your sponsor, remember?" she quipped, tilting her head to the side with that old Abby glimmer of sarcasm in her eyes.
"Abigail, this is not the time to be funny, I'm really disappointed about this, and I can't tell if I'm mad at you, or me, or both of us."
"Did you just call me Abigail?"
"Stop it, Abby! This is serious."
She looked up at him startled, and saw the red rims of his dark brown eyes. Alarmed, she asked him," Have you been crying?"
"No." he answered her too quickly.
Her hand went up to his face instinctively and she cupped his chin in her fingers staring into his eyes. "Yes you have, this is no time to play macho, what happened?" He pushed her hands away and tore his gaze away from her
"What happened?! Abby, can you see yourself ? Do you realize this is years of sobriety down the drain?!"
"Yes, I realize that, she replied curtly, but if I wanted a lecture I would've called Luka.."
"Excuse me? Luka? Wouldn't be surprised if he bought you the beer!"
"He doesn't know about my alcoholism."
There. She sighed, she had said it. Bluntly, and openly.
"Abby, you were in a serious relationship with the guy for over a year, how did it never come up?!"
"I wouldn't call it serious."
"Then what would you call it? How can you explain that I knew about this but your boyfriend didn't?"
She looked down at her pillow and waved her hand upward and around gathering circles of air.
"Well, I would call all of this serious."
"What do you mean, 'all of this' ?" he asked.
He could see tears fall onto her pillow as she put her head down and stumbled over words.
"Okay Carter, this, this intensity, this immediate feeling of intimacy, that I've shared with you from the moment that we met. I've never had anyone in my life that understood me or supported me in the way that you have, okay? Are you clear on what serious means now?"
"Oh. Umm. Yeah, I see." he replied. He felt suddenly dumbstruck and speechless.
"Abby I didn't know you felt that same intensity between us." he managed.
She lifted her head almost defiantly, forgetting her tears." Of course I do Carter why wouldn't I ? It's like something I've never known before. It's like something I couldn't have known until you showed me."
"Yeah, this is how you remind me, too." he told her quietly.
~ End Part 2~