Chapter 12
The next day Lily woke up beside James again, his roommates were almost getting used to seeing her there. She wondered whether she should tell James about her resolve to make Voldemort pay, he might try to persuade her off the idea but on the other hand he might want to help he seemed to have some kind of vendetta against Voldemort himself. She remembered his bitter tone as she asked what Voldemort's real name was. Lily rolled out of James' bed. She stretched then put on her robe, James woke at the absence of the now familiar body in his bed. He watched Lily silently. "Lily, something is different. What had happened?" He asked noticing that Lily now stood tall as if she was no longer afraid of what could come out of the shadows and get her; she was almost standing like the old Lily. For the past few weeks she had been walking with her head hunched over, making herself as small as possible. It hurt him to see his once strong, proud Lily shuffling around like some old woman who had seen too many horrors. Now she seemed to be back to her old self but nothing had changed as far as he new. For an awful moment he caught himself wondering if she had given in to Voldemort, and that it was his power that held her up. But he new that could not be true she would never do that. Lily looked down at James, and made a snap decision that she would tell him what se had vowed. "Nothing has changed, well except that Voldemort will soon be very dead. I'm going to make him pay for what he did to my mother." James looked at her steadily. This is what Voldemort had made her resort to; the only way she could see out of the nightmare was to kill him. His sweet Lily was planning on killing someone and that knowledge seemed to have given her strength. 'She is so much stronger than me' he thought bitterly, remembering what his 'solution' had been.
James woke up to the sound of his new friends getting ready for their first day of classes. He smiled to himself. He was finally here, 'Hogwarts school of Witchcraft and wizardry' his parents were so proud when he had received his letter. He rolled out of bed and was greeted with the site of a half naked Sirius. He blinked slowly at the boy he had only met the day before but automatically felt a kinship with. Sirius smiled and ran of to finish getting dressed, James grinned at the strangeness of living in a dorm but he felt at peace here. The got down to breakfast, another friend, Remus, accompanying them. The all sat together at the Grifindor table. The happily stuffed their faces full of delicious food and chatted, wondering what the day would hold for them. At the end of breakfast the voice of Dumbledore rang out. "James Potter, you will meet me in my office as soon as you have finished." Every eye in the room turned to look at the first year wondering what on earth he could have done to get called to the head's office. James himself looked about ready to pass out. Sirius looked him a worried expression on his face. "You don't think it is about." he whispered. They had 'accidentally' put jam in Peter's bed last night. James shook his head. "No it can't be that, I don't think, surely." James turned his eyes back to the table willing everyone to stop staring at him. Finally the teachers filled out of the room and the pupils went to find their classes. Dumbledore sat in his office; he wished he didn't have to call James to him in such a way, especially considering the news he had to give him. But James needed to be made strong, he had to be used to the pressure. The last remaining heir of Grifindor needed to be able to cope with anything the world could throw at him. James exited the great hall then realised with a panic that he had no idea where Dumbledore's office was. Professor Mcgonigal saw the lost looking boy wandering along the corridor; she felt intense pity on this child. He had a lot to live up to and what Dumbledore had to tell him would not be easy. She put a hand on his shoulder, James jumped slightly then recognised that it was his head of house. James looked up at her to panicked to recognise that she wasn't angry with him. "Follow Me," She said kindly. James nodded then followed her silently along the corridor. They came to a stop outside of a statue of a gargoyle. "Polos" Mcgonigal said to the gargoyle. Her lipped curled almost imperceptibly at the indignity of having to use a muggle sweet as a password, but it was one of Dumbledore's strange habits, he always had the name of a sweet for his password, though this was the first time it was a muggle sweet. The door opened at Mcgonigal motioned for James to go through. He entered the office with much trepidation. "Sit down." Dumbledore said kindly. James sat down, stiffly. "You are not in any trouble, but I am afraid I have some bad news." James first thoughts were ones of relief thank goodness he wasn't going to be expelled but then all kinds of things Dumbledore might have to tell him started running though his mind. "I am afraid that there had been an incident. Voldemort, Tom Riddle, has made an attack on your parents, I'm sorry they didn't survive." James felt like he had been physically hit, whatever he had been expecting it wasn't this. How could this have happened to him, what had his parents ever done to this psycho. He turned his eyes on Dumbledore as if pleading that it wasn't true. Dumbledore's kindle eyes were full of sorrow there was no mistaking the fact that what he was telling him was the truth. "Please" James begged, "Let it not be true." Albus longed to take the young boy in his arms and offer his some kind of comfort but he couldn't, James had a world of heartache ahead of him and he needed to know how to deal with it. James sobbed silently. "What will I do?" He asked, his voice quaking. "You will always have a place here, we would never turn anyone in need away. Always remember that." "Why is this happening to me?" he cried out. "You are the heir." Dumbledore said softly as James fainted.
James opened his eyes slowly, he looked around the unfamiliar room, he was in the infirmary, what was he doing there. Then the events of the yesterday came back to him, tears streamed down his face, he could not cope with this. He needed to find some way to make the pain go away, he couldn't live like this, he just couldn't. He looked around the room his eyes came to rest on a pair of scissors they would do. He pulled himself out of bed barely managing to stand; he stumbled across the room and picked up the scissors. He leaned against the wall and slid down. He looked at the scissors in his hand and without another thought he pulled the blade across his wrist. He herd a scream, madam Pomfrey had entered the room. He clutched the scissors to his chest as if they were a security blanket. "My poor child what have you done." She asked. He looked at her with sorrowful eyes. "I wanted the pain to go away." Madam Pomfrey took him in her arms. She called the quick heal salve and bandages to her. "Let me see your wrist" She commanded James held out his wrist mutely. She bandaged it up as quickly as she could, the pulled him into an embrace. "What could be that bad?" She asked. "They are dead." He sobbed. She had no need to ask who was dead, all the teachers had been told of the situation. "My poor poor child. You must feel so lonely, but your not alone, ever, you have your friends, you have us. You have suffered a terrible loss but we can help you, it will get better. I promise." "But it hurts so much" He cried. "I know, I know but this is not the answer, think of all the people you would leave behind." "There is no one left that cares." "Now that's not true, young Black was asking after you every five minutes while you have been here and Remus is practically driving his teachers crazy due to his worry induced stupidity." James had no answer for that he just cried, Madam Pomfrey held him till he fell asleep.
James had took quite a while to get over it but he did, with the help of his friends he managed to get his life back together and Sirius's family had offered to take him in over the holidays. Only five people knew what had happened, Dumbledore, Madam Pomfrey, Mcgonigal, Sirius and Remus. The rest of the school only knew that he had had some bad news and needed time to get over it, the fact that his parents were dead had came out over time but only that five knew of the suicide attempt, they thought it might stigmatise the rest of his time at Hogwarts. James looked back at Lily, his strong flower. He would do anything in his power to make sure that she never made the same mistake he did. He would not let her go down that road and if that meant killing Voldemort then so be it.
The next day Lily woke up beside James again, his roommates were almost getting used to seeing her there. She wondered whether she should tell James about her resolve to make Voldemort pay, he might try to persuade her off the idea but on the other hand he might want to help he seemed to have some kind of vendetta against Voldemort himself. She remembered his bitter tone as she asked what Voldemort's real name was. Lily rolled out of James' bed. She stretched then put on her robe, James woke at the absence of the now familiar body in his bed. He watched Lily silently. "Lily, something is different. What had happened?" He asked noticing that Lily now stood tall as if she was no longer afraid of what could come out of the shadows and get her; she was almost standing like the old Lily. For the past few weeks she had been walking with her head hunched over, making herself as small as possible. It hurt him to see his once strong, proud Lily shuffling around like some old woman who had seen too many horrors. Now she seemed to be back to her old self but nothing had changed as far as he new. For an awful moment he caught himself wondering if she had given in to Voldemort, and that it was his power that held her up. But he new that could not be true she would never do that. Lily looked down at James, and made a snap decision that she would tell him what se had vowed. "Nothing has changed, well except that Voldemort will soon be very dead. I'm going to make him pay for what he did to my mother." James looked at her steadily. This is what Voldemort had made her resort to; the only way she could see out of the nightmare was to kill him. His sweet Lily was planning on killing someone and that knowledge seemed to have given her strength. 'She is so much stronger than me' he thought bitterly, remembering what his 'solution' had been.
James woke up to the sound of his new friends getting ready for their first day of classes. He smiled to himself. He was finally here, 'Hogwarts school of Witchcraft and wizardry' his parents were so proud when he had received his letter. He rolled out of bed and was greeted with the site of a half naked Sirius. He blinked slowly at the boy he had only met the day before but automatically felt a kinship with. Sirius smiled and ran of to finish getting dressed, James grinned at the strangeness of living in a dorm but he felt at peace here. The got down to breakfast, another friend, Remus, accompanying them. The all sat together at the Grifindor table. The happily stuffed their faces full of delicious food and chatted, wondering what the day would hold for them. At the end of breakfast the voice of Dumbledore rang out. "James Potter, you will meet me in my office as soon as you have finished." Every eye in the room turned to look at the first year wondering what on earth he could have done to get called to the head's office. James himself looked about ready to pass out. Sirius looked him a worried expression on his face. "You don't think it is about." he whispered. They had 'accidentally' put jam in Peter's bed last night. James shook his head. "No it can't be that, I don't think, surely." James turned his eyes back to the table willing everyone to stop staring at him. Finally the teachers filled out of the room and the pupils went to find their classes. Dumbledore sat in his office; he wished he didn't have to call James to him in such a way, especially considering the news he had to give him. But James needed to be made strong, he had to be used to the pressure. The last remaining heir of Grifindor needed to be able to cope with anything the world could throw at him. James exited the great hall then realised with a panic that he had no idea where Dumbledore's office was. Professor Mcgonigal saw the lost looking boy wandering along the corridor; she felt intense pity on this child. He had a lot to live up to and what Dumbledore had to tell him would not be easy. She put a hand on his shoulder, James jumped slightly then recognised that it was his head of house. James looked up at her to panicked to recognise that she wasn't angry with him. "Follow Me," She said kindly. James nodded then followed her silently along the corridor. They came to a stop outside of a statue of a gargoyle. "Polos" Mcgonigal said to the gargoyle. Her lipped curled almost imperceptibly at the indignity of having to use a muggle sweet as a password, but it was one of Dumbledore's strange habits, he always had the name of a sweet for his password, though this was the first time it was a muggle sweet. The door opened at Mcgonigal motioned for James to go through. He entered the office with much trepidation. "Sit down." Dumbledore said kindly. James sat down, stiffly. "You are not in any trouble, but I am afraid I have some bad news." James first thoughts were ones of relief thank goodness he wasn't going to be expelled but then all kinds of things Dumbledore might have to tell him started running though his mind. "I am afraid that there had been an incident. Voldemort, Tom Riddle, has made an attack on your parents, I'm sorry they didn't survive." James felt like he had been physically hit, whatever he had been expecting it wasn't this. How could this have happened to him, what had his parents ever done to this psycho. He turned his eyes on Dumbledore as if pleading that it wasn't true. Dumbledore's kindle eyes were full of sorrow there was no mistaking the fact that what he was telling him was the truth. "Please" James begged, "Let it not be true." Albus longed to take the young boy in his arms and offer his some kind of comfort but he couldn't, James had a world of heartache ahead of him and he needed to know how to deal with it. James sobbed silently. "What will I do?" He asked, his voice quaking. "You will always have a place here, we would never turn anyone in need away. Always remember that." "Why is this happening to me?" he cried out. "You are the heir." Dumbledore said softly as James fainted.
James opened his eyes slowly, he looked around the unfamiliar room, he was in the infirmary, what was he doing there. Then the events of the yesterday came back to him, tears streamed down his face, he could not cope with this. He needed to find some way to make the pain go away, he couldn't live like this, he just couldn't. He looked around the room his eyes came to rest on a pair of scissors they would do. He pulled himself out of bed barely managing to stand; he stumbled across the room and picked up the scissors. He leaned against the wall and slid down. He looked at the scissors in his hand and without another thought he pulled the blade across his wrist. He herd a scream, madam Pomfrey had entered the room. He clutched the scissors to his chest as if they were a security blanket. "My poor child what have you done." She asked. He looked at her with sorrowful eyes. "I wanted the pain to go away." Madam Pomfrey took him in her arms. She called the quick heal salve and bandages to her. "Let me see your wrist" She commanded James held out his wrist mutely. She bandaged it up as quickly as she could, the pulled him into an embrace. "What could be that bad?" She asked. "They are dead." He sobbed. She had no need to ask who was dead, all the teachers had been told of the situation. "My poor poor child. You must feel so lonely, but your not alone, ever, you have your friends, you have us. You have suffered a terrible loss but we can help you, it will get better. I promise." "But it hurts so much" He cried. "I know, I know but this is not the answer, think of all the people you would leave behind." "There is no one left that cares." "Now that's not true, young Black was asking after you every five minutes while you have been here and Remus is practically driving his teachers crazy due to his worry induced stupidity." James had no answer for that he just cried, Madam Pomfrey held him till he fell asleep.
James had took quite a while to get over it but he did, with the help of his friends he managed to get his life back together and Sirius's family had offered to take him in over the holidays. Only five people knew what had happened, Dumbledore, Madam Pomfrey, Mcgonigal, Sirius and Remus. The rest of the school only knew that he had had some bad news and needed time to get over it, the fact that his parents were dead had came out over time but only that five knew of the suicide attempt, they thought it might stigmatise the rest of his time at Hogwarts. James looked back at Lily, his strong flower. He would do anything in his power to make sure that she never made the same mistake he did. He would not let her go down that road and if that meant killing Voldemort then so be it.