GINNY'S DIARY
TUESDAY
I'm fed up. Really fed up… I feel like writing, and I don't know what to write! You see, I have nothing to say. I could say this History of Magic class is the most boring class I've ever had. Except that ALL History of Magic classes are just as boring… So here I am at the back of the class scribbling this instead of taking notes nicely like Hermione does… That reminds me. Hermione had this class last year… Hmmmm… I can just ask her for the notes. I bet she still has them. That's it, I'll ask her for them! So now I'm free to write! Free to write or draw…(Gah! I'm terrible at drawing…)
Okay, I'll write… But what? Write about me? About my pathetic life? I could write about that, but there isn't much to say, since my life is limited to getting up, going to class and going to bed… Oh! I was forgetting watching Harry who ignores me completely. But what can I do about anything? ! I'm sixteen, and I hate being sixteen! When I was younger (ten or eleven), I thought that when I turned sixteen (why sixteen? Why not fifteen or seventeen?), I would suddenly become incredibly beautiful, and I'd have boys falling at my feet… But NO! It's just the opposite, I'm not popular. I'm just the quiet girl in the corner, and I'm not even cute, let alone beautiful. ARGH ! Do I even need to bother saying I've never had a boyfriend? ! SO WHAT? I still have a life! That's not what's the worst… I have a life but no one to talk to. That's why I'm here… Writing what I could be telling someone… Pathetic, I tell you…
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Still TUESDAY
Well, I'm no longer in the same class… But this one is just as boring… I used to love Defence Against the Dark Arts… But not any more… It's interesting enough, it's even impressive when you first get to Hogwarts… But now I'm tired of it. It's always the same thing… Okay, I won't talk about Defence Against the Dark Arts, my head is ready to explode just thinking about it…
I've just noticed… Why am I writing as if someone were going to read this… Honestly! I'm not Anne Frank, what I'm writing will never be published. (Although in first year… erm, no need to get into all that, everyone already knows about that…Okay… let's talk about something else…).
Were you (so I'm going to say 'you', too bad) ever attracted to someone who didn't even know you existed ? Come on… I bet you have! I can't be the only one! Just from watching Harry I know it happens all the time… Somehow it makes me happy to see him mooning over Cho while she takes no notice. I know it's mean, but I don't care. He's doing the same thing to me, after all. Sometimes I wonder why I don't just go up to him and say, "Harry, do you want to go out with me?" NO! I could never say that! Why can't I manage to ask him? I'm sixteen! We've known each other for five years! And the git never looked at me once!
Gah! I'm tired of waiting… Who made up the rule that the boy has to be the on to ask? Whoever it was, I hate him… Anyway is it a rule? When I see how Pansy throws herself at Malfoy, I think…
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Still Tuesday, later…
Sorry, class ended… (Why am I apologising to a piece of paper?) Now I'm in Gryffindor Tower… And I'm completely sure no one will bother me… What was I saying? That Pansy disgusts me. Oh, forget it. It doesn't matter! I don't feel like writing any more.
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SUNDAY morning
Oh! I can't believe it! Okay, nothing happened but I'm all excited! We went to Hogmeade for some Butterbeer, and I met a really nice bloke… His name's Florian, I know… pretty old name… but he's really nice… So I already said that, I'm repeating myself, so what?! I know his brother, Adam, who has come over to our house, he's a friend of Bill's. So Florian has blue eyes and brown hair… Hmmmm, really, really, really nice. Okay! Ginny come back down to earth… So we were talking with friends (yes, I do have some friends) and he came over to our table, because Tom knows him. And, oh, brilliant! He sat down next to me, and then, I don't know, we talked, we went a bit crazy… Oh, it was really wonderful. Okay, so I've only seen him the one time, but I'm allowed to think about him… After all, half the fifth year girls are mad about him… Okay, so he's a year younger than I am, I don't care. I think there was something going on between us.
I can still dream, can't I?!
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MONDAY
Strangely enough, I've always wanted to be in the other girls' shoes when their best friend came up to them to say that some bloke wanted to go out with them. Anyway… Do you know what I mean? I hope so because that's what happened today. I met Florian only two days ago, and I find out that he's been asking about me! Him, asking about me! Hurrah! I've worked my wiles on him! Yes! I am a goddess! Hmmmmm… Now what? What do I do? What do I do NOW? How should I act? Interested? Well, okay! Since I AM interested! HAH ! I can't believe it!
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WEDNESDAY
We're going to Hogsmeade again this Saturday… I'm going to see Florian, he'll be there… Needless to say, I'm going mad. I must act naturally. How do I do that? ? ? ?
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FRIDAY
Just to put some more pressure on me, a fifth year girl came up to me and asked, " Are you going out with Florian on Saturday?" And I thought I was going to be sick. This girl had already gone out with him… He's already kissed a girl, and he might want to kiss me? And here I am going mad, dammit…
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Late SATURDAY…
I don't know whether to cry or laugh about it. Maybe both…About what, you ask?! I guess I should explain… Sorry, it must be stress or something… Erm, just to warn you… It's 2 AM, and I got back from Hogsmeade about an hour ago. The evening was perfect. My friends and I met up with Florian and his friends… We talked, we, okay, we had some drinks, but not too many, I was still in complete control… But I dunno, I'm telling you… It was stress. Before we left, he came up to me and asked, "has Camille talked to you?" Erm, Camille is my best friend. She's the one who told me that Florian was asking about me. So I stupidly said yes. "And?" he asked.
I am SUCH AN IDIOT! Yes, I'm an idiot, I'll say it, I'll shout it until I believe it! I started to say I wanted to go out with him, but I couldn't. I don't even remember what I said to him. It was stupid! I'm stupid. I ended up crying on Camille's shoulder. I'm an idiot, I blew my chance to go out with a boy for the first time. I'm an idiot.
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TUESDAY
History of Magic. Hmmmm, I feel like I'm back to square one. Camille doesn't understand why I turned Florian down… But what can I say to her? Even I don't understand why I turned him down! I was so scared to kiss him (since I don't know how to kiss) that I said no. I blew my chance. So I'm back where I started, crying over the fact that I've never been kissed.
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MONDAY
Three weeks after the Florian disaster. Must say I haven't forgotten what happened but I've forgotten about Florian. I wonder what I ever saw in him. I think it was mostly because he was the first boy to show any interest in me. So maybe I'm not so stupid and so ugly, after all. Maybe I can get myself a boyfriend. I just need to find the right one.
And another thing! The whole Florian mess made me forget about… someone else… That's right… I don't think about Harry at all now. What a relief. I'm already ahead on that score. I can actually string two words together in front of him. And it's amazing to learn that he doesn't have all that much to say for himself. The only thing he talks about is Quidditch all day long, that and that Snape has it in for him. Okay, Snape does have it in for him, but everyone knows that! So why doesn't he just shut up about it?
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TUESDAY
I've been keeping an eye out for boys for two weeks now… And you know what? There are quite a few… Especially Simon… I've had no luck with green-eyed or blue-eyed boys, so I'll try brown eyes. He doesn't seem to have a girlfriend either… He's perfect. So the chase is on. What classes do we have together? Potions… Hmmm, it's not easy to get his attention in Potions… Care of Magical Creatures! That should work! There's always some sort of mayhem going on in that class. It's set then. Tomorrow at 3! Except Simon doesn't know anything about it, but that doesn't matter!
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WEDNESDAY
Class is over now. I think I did pretty well, to tell the truth! Maybe it doesn't take too much to make me happy, but there's another class tomorrow. The first step was to get close to him. Unfortunately, I'm always in the back row. I had to move up to the second row. It wasn't easy to talk Camille into it, but I managed to in the end. And then it was time to get him to notice me. Since he was in front of me, I had to get him to turn around. Argh ! It wasn't easy! So I leaned close to him and asked if he understood the lesson. "Can you explain it to me, then?" Just a word or two, a nice smile, a thank you. It worked. He knows I exist! Then before class was over, talk to him again, make him smile! That worked, too. See you tomorrow…
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THURSDAY
Okay, maybe it doesn't always work… He was too interested in what his friend was saying this time. I noticed that as soon as I saw Simon, his friend was always with him. His friend is bloody stupid! He has no sense of humour. So I tried to have a conversation with Simon, but the teacher interrupted us, and told us to pay attention to his bloody lesson! Argh ! I couldn't try any more with Simon.
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TUESDAY
Will this tactic work? Camille and I have got to know Simon and his friend very well. It's very hard to resist his smile. He's so nice, and so funny! Even Camille has noticed!
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THURSDAY
Even Camille has noticed! This is terrible! I am so stupid! Okay, I have to get it through my head. This time I like someone, and I didn't tell anyone… Not even Camille… The time Harry ignored my Valentine might have something to do with this… So this time I say nothing and BANG! By saying nothing I look like an idiot.
Today, just after Care of Magical Creatures class, Camille pulled me aside, saying "I need to talk to you. It's important."
Camille likes Simon, she told me, and I couldn't say anything in reply! I was the one who should have been saying that! But no! I'm too slow on the uptake! And now I'm stuck… Because I have principles, and one of them is I can't like the same boy my best friend does! Bloody stupid principle!
I said I'd do anything to get Simon to notice her…
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TUESDAY
I managed to smile at Simon and talk to him… But I knew it was no use. Argh ! What a mess! And now I have to make Camille look good to him! I mean, Camille's my friend, but I wanted this bloke for me!
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FRIDAY
Camille has everything worked out… Tomorrow night, Hogsmeade, Simon, his friend, Camille and me. What a mess! I'm stuck with the other git all night. And now that stupid git, Harry, just walked by! Was he looking at me? He was smiling… Oh, go talk to Ron about Quidditch. I must admit that the idea of going out with someone to make Harry jealous passed through my head… That would be fun… It's mean, but not such a bad idea… Heh, heh, evil Ginny!
Getting back to Camille ! Camille… She's going to get herself all done up for Simon. That disgusts me… Do I have to get myself all done up for … erm, what's the friend's name? Oh, yeah! Matthew… I hate that name! It's so common! Yeah, I know… Harry is also a common name, so what?! Anyway, I'm certainly not going to get myself all done up for Matthew… What's more, he's blond. I hate blond hair! And dark-haired boys with green eyes… (Wow, I really sound childish when I write such things !)
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SATURDAY
Only two hours left before I have to go out with Camille and the boys… I DON'T WANT TO GO! ! !
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Later SATURDAY…
I said I didn't want to go! I had a bad feeling! I knew it, and I was right. I shouldn't have gone. I'm stupid. But I'm pretty! He said I was pretty! But I don't even like him!
Okay, I'm sure you want to hear the story… Heh, heh… Just trying to create a little suspense… (WHO am I talking to? Am going mental.)
Anyway, before I'm declared incompetent, I should just get on with it: we got to the Three Broomsticks. Simon and Matthew (how impressive, I remembered his name…Okay, not funny) were already there. So we all sat and stared at each other… No one had any idea what to say… So I started babbling about school (what a stupid subject)… And then I couldn't stop! I was the only one talking… (like I'm doing right now!) The whole situation was making me uncomfortable! And Camille wasn't helping any, she couldn't stop staring at Simon! Gah ! After a while Simon finally started replying! He was coming to my rescue! What a nice guy! Thank you!
Then… I felt as if we were the only two there. We were having a conversation and it was as if the other two weren't even there! I was angry with myself. I shouldn't have done that to Camille!
Gah! I wanted to make this short, but oh well…
Then the inevitable happened. As we were leaving the Three Broomsticks, Simon and I were so deep in conversation (what were we talking about? Who knows?). Anyway, we were so deep in conversation that we walked up the street, forgetting Camille and Matthew who were thirty feet ahead of us. I shouldn't have done it! I know! I hate myself! Simon stopped and said so nicely how pretty I was! And that was it! I finally managed to capture this boy's attention! A nice looking-boy! At least I thought so.
AND THEN! I was about to get my first kiss. He was leaning towards me, and I said I couldn't do it! GAH!
Don't think I didn't want to! For once everything was going my way. But what about Camille? BLOODY PRINCIPLES!
Simon asked my why I couldn't, and I had to tell him that Camille liked him. And he laughed. I didn't like that. How could he make fun of her? So I told him he shouldn't laugh at her. And he said that normally he wouldn't have been able to either. (What? That didn't make sense? Well, he wasn't making any sense). Then he said Matthew liked me, and Matthew was his best friend, but he couldn't resist talking to me, since Matthew wasn't saying a word.
Then Simon asked me, "What do we do about us?"
"Nothing."
I said, "nothing", and I caught our friends up! Camille is my best friend and I love her, but now I'm confused… Do I hate her because she got in the way of me having my first boyfriend? Or am I just really stupid? Maybe I should have told her I liked Simon. Anyway, it's not her fault. I shouldn't have gone tonight.
(So much for keeping this short!)
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MONDAY
Back to Potions class! I'm taking a chance here! ! GAH! Taking up where I left off… I must say that the whole Simon mess was a real slap in the face! For now, I'll wait! I keep telling myself that one day soon I'll meet the right bloke for me! Maybe it's Snape! GAH!
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Monday, one hour later.
Erm… I think I should learn to listen in Potions class. I didn't even have a chance to finish! I must have smiled, because Snape stood up and looked me up and down! I was able to hide what I was writing, but he saw something I'd drawn… I think I've mentioned that I don't draw very well. Well, just imagine Snape's reaction when he saw my drawing of him to which Camille had added her commentary… "DETENTION, Weasley !"
I HATE SNAPE! (That's something I have in common with Harry! No, Ginny ! Don't start in again with Harry!)
Why not? Love is such a vicious circle! And no more disasters? Yeah, sure… Gah! Detention… I hate that word!… I hate lots of things. It must be a phase!
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TUESDAY
Hey… I just found out I've got detention with Harry… I keep telling myself, "Ginny, you've grown up in the past few months. You're not the same person you once were. And Harry is just like all the other boys." And I hate him, because I know I'll never be anything to him than just another girl. I hate the way he looks at life, as if all the trouble in the world was about to fall onto his shoulders…
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Tuesday... 2 minutes later…
So WHY am I starting to think about him again?
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/*** Thanks to Anne, she knows why !