One day, the newly-merged Yorae Dragon-thanks to a miracle of Momo engineering, combined with a few spare portals, talking statues from the BOF II world, a spare generator that had been borrowed from Shelter courtesy "The Disgruntled Union of Third Rank Rangers", etc.--was reading a certain fanfiction site that will not be mentioned. (First off, the name isn't quite that important, as the point is to make a point. Secondly, the author knew damn well that the fic wouldn't last fifteen minutes if it WAS mentioned.)
And he did see something that verily concerned him-pretty much the very life of that board was being snuffed out. All the things that made people laugh, that people enjoyedthe lemons, the people who would poke fun at the bad lemons, people making lists of silly things that characters wouldn't do, people making fics of what would happen if Yuna, Myria, and Deathevans got into a chatroom, the bloopers on-setthey were being snuffed out. In fact, there'd even been an edict on not making any fics "detrimental to the Empires or for that matter St. Eva or Rinpoo's figure"
Something had to be done.
Again, through the marvels of modern and ancient technologyand a bit of what might be considered duct-tape engineering-a young Yorae Dragon proceeded to contact a number of other people to make a bit of a statement.
***
Soon, Ryus I through V had gathered at the offices of the site (which will be referred to henceforth as, oh, Funkfics.write for no other real reason than the covering of the author's butt) along with a cast of Ninas, a God-Emperor (whom, having been personally miffed at the yanking of MSTs, had decided to issue his own statement), a small pack of Woren, a few plant-people, a fox-lady (who had had to be persuaded that guns could NOT be shown publically at this world), several villages worth of faeries, a few dog-people (who likewise had to be convinced of the inadvisability of showing weapons in public) and a rather disheveled engineer whom nobody could agree whether she was a dog or a bunny.
Fou-lu was the first to speak.
"We be gravely concerned in regards to yon site funkfics.write. We hath enjoyed many a story there-it be said amongst our people that a tale verily doth birth a world. Alas, many a tale, a life, be snuffed out anon before it taketh its first breath"
"A thing we hath learnt, whilst having benst bemerged with mine other halfa most precious gift it is indeed to laugh, and to make others laugh. It beith one of those things whine mine other half didst remember and we didst forgetwhich we wert relearning, alas, until 'twere decided that laughter be a bedamned thing here. And it be on account of this that we dost come to our own bodies again, that we might bespeak our concerns"
"We ourselves didst learn, and 'tis a thing known by all good sovereigns" Fou-lu nodded his head to the respective Ninas. "A good sovereign doth verily remember that the mandate of heaven be given by his people, and that a folk oppressed doth verily rise against their oppressor. A lesson the old Fou Empire didst learn at its fall, verilyprithee thou dost not maketh a similar mishap."
"Methinks those with me mayst say it more clearly, to borrow a tale from one from this world who wert verily wise and brave."
Ryu I stepped up to the mike.
"When they deleted the MSTs, I said nothing, as I did not write MSTs."
He handed the mike to Ryu II.
"When they deleted the list-fics, I said nothing, as I did not write list-fics."
The mike was passed to Ryu III, who looked kind of nervous.
"When they deleted the bloopers, I said nothing, as I didn't write blooper fics."
The mike made its way to Ryu IV.
"When they removed the chat-fics, I said nothing, as I didn't write chat-fics."
The blue-haired half of the Yorae Dragon handed the mike over to Ryu V. Now this was rather interesting, as Ryu V had never appeared in a fic before-technically, his story hadn't been released as a game yet
"When they removed the lemons, I said nothing, as I didn't write lemons"
The mike was passed to Nina V. This was even more remarkable-it was known that Nina V was in fact a mute, and supposedly could not talk. A miracle was about to occur, though.
In a very small, still voice almost as the cooing of a dove, she said:
"And when they came for my ficsthere was nobody left to speak up for me."
Nina II took the mike. "If this continuesthe people who give your site lifethey will find a new home. Free from those who would place their soul in a cage."
Ershin spoke up next. "And you will be left aloneyourself caged. Says Deis. HuhuhuhuhI think that was an inappropriate time to laugh"
Everyone laughed, as for once Ershin had actually picked something appropriate (if somewhat snarky) to laugh about despite herself.
Peco walked up to the mike next with Spar. "As Peco speaks his own language, I will speak for him"
"Pukyuuuu pu pukyu pupu pukyuuuuu."
"He says that he is very sad that you took away the funny stories. He really liked the one story about Deathevans and Yuna getting into the fight on AOL," Spar said. Everyone chuckled at that one (especially since it had involved Yuna ultimately hacking into Deathevans' Mac and posting compromising pictures of Queen Sheila up as his wallpaper).
"I miss the bloopers! An' if I ever find out who was responsible for removin' them I'm gonna ruff 'em up-" Katt, aka Rinpoo, was shadow-boxing and being held back by Rei AND Cray.
"Ahem" Fou-lu looked sternly on.
"Oh, yes."
Momo took the speaker last. "And-just as a bit of encouragement to keep folks honest-I've decided I'm starting up my OWN site that doesn't have restrictions on what can be posted other than no onion sex." Pecos pukyuuuu'd in agreement. "Because nobody deserves to be told they can't tell a story because it's a wrong kind of storyif you won't give 'em a home, we will!"
Cheers arose from the assembled cast members, and even from the rather sizable crowd that had risen up.
***
MeanwhileBarubary, CEO of funkfics.write, sat in his office listening.
And quivered-just a bit afraid.
FIN
(Yes, in case it wasn't blatantly obvious-yes, this is my own satire on the present situation on fanfiction.net and the increasingly restrictive policies that IMHO are already snuffing the life out of this siteas someone noted, if you yank most list-fics, blooper-fics and lemons you get rid of about 98 percent of the Gundam Wing section ^_^ And there are not only two separate petitions up to change things, but at least one proposal to set up a new fanfiction.net-type site (the admin of the BBS "Project Freakdom" (http://eo.fran-web.net/index.php) among 'em)I'm unhappy about it myself, as two of the best stories I've seen on here in the BOF were in fact a blooper fic and a lemon. So I wrote an original fic on what the BOF characters might think about it)
(As far as I know, they have not yet banned satire, yet. Emphasis on yet. I honestly expect satire/parody fics to be banned next as a LOT of people are writing parody fics re the situation as a form of civil disobediance. I encourage those of you who write for other forums to write an original fic re your favourite fanfic characters and their reactions to the kind of stuff that's been going on here as of late-it's satire (in fact, the ONE form of fanfiction that's actually legally protected!) and they can't ban original fics on it unless they ban almost all fanfiction. And as artists on FF.net, I think we have a right to make our voices heard on the matter.)