Disclaimer: I don't own a damn thing! Except that psycho Reic!

Blues in the Night

By roxyravette

Chapter 3 Express Yourself…No Really

Faye unconsciously took a step back away from Spike…right into the broken glass.

"Shit!" she yelled, as she limped out of the kitchen.

"Let me help." Spike hurried after her. He was rudely waved away and she gave him a withering look.

"I can get to the couch by myself." She said stubbornly. "Besides, don't you have to watch breakfast?"

"Actually it's dinner." He replied thoughtfully.

"Pancakes for dinner?" she asked dubiously.

"Hey I'm hungry." He chucked. "Now come on. I'll help you to the couch."

"I can make it by myself." She said irritably.

"Tomboy." Spike smirked and picked her up off the floor. Making sure she was secure in his arms, he stepped carefully around the glass and made his way to the living room. Faye was caught unawares, but her surprise quickly turned to into fury.

"I said I didn't need help!" she yelled.  "Put me down AfroPuff!" Spike immediately dropped her on the couch.

"As the lady wishes." He said giving her a lopsided grin. "I'll go get a bandage." Faye's green eyes flashed with anger.

"Shove it!" she called out to him. Faye crossed her arms and barely contained the anger she felt seething underneath.

"How dare he." She raged. "Of all the pig-headed, stupid…I need a cigarette."

Faye was in emotional turmoil. She didn't mean to snap at him but it just sort of came out. She shouldn't have been angry with him…he didn't know how much he had hurt her. Faye buried her face in her hands. He was alive. She still couldn't believe it. What was more unbelievable was that he had amnesia. How ironic. Even though he had a lost of memory, he still acted like Spike. The voracious appetite, lopsided grin and his attitude proved that. When he had called her tomboy, she half expected him to say, "I was just kidding. I don't have amnesia." But he didn't.

Spike returned a few moments later with the bandage and a bundle in his arms.

"I brought your clothes." he said as he kneeled in front of her to bandage the offending injury.

"I'm sorry about earlier." Faye apologized. Spike finished bandaging her foot and sank into the couch beside her. He pulled out a cigarette and a lighter. Faye snatched them away from him and tossed him back the lighter when she lit hers.

"Thanks I needed that." She grinned at him. Spike gave her an irritated look and pulled out another one.

"Which one?" he asked, slightly amused. "The bandage or the cigarette?"

"Both" Faye decided.

"Yeah, yeah." He sighed. Spike got up and went to the window to stare out at nothing.

" I remember a little actually. They are just some holes here and there." He said after awhile. "But the holes are so big that they make it impossible to piece together the images that I see. I glimpse flashes of people, places, and even some of the things from my past. They don't make any sense though. Like I can't remember how I got into the hospital in the first place or even my name."

"Spike Spiegel." Faye said. 

"Thank you," He chuckled. "but I kind of figured that out for myself." Spike came back and sat beside her. "Maybe you can tell me a little bit more since I did save you and all. Say something, anything that might help me remember." Spike laid his hand on top of hers and gave her a pleading look.

"Excuse me if I'm a little shocked here!" she rounded on him, snatching her hand away. "I am looking at a dead man after all." She turned away and put some distance between herself and him. Spike closed his eyes and counted slowly to ten. He gave up at three.

"Look." He yelled back, grabbing her shoulders so she faced him. "You don't understand what it's like not knowing who you are or what the hell happened to you!"

Faye turned her face away and looked down.

"You're wrong." She said simply. He frowned at her. She was still staring at her feet, but she looked more downtrodden than before.

"I do understand what it's like not to know who you are or what happened to you." She continued. "To feel helpless and lost. To not anything but the basics." She looked up at him. Spike stared at her and she saw something flash in his eyes briefly. Faye looked away and stared at the floor. He let her go and ran a hand through his unruly hair.

"Faye?" he said quietly. "That's your name isn't it?" She nodded her head but refused to look at him. Spike lifted her chin. Mismatched brown eyes bore into troubled green ones. Faye gasped as she remembered the last time she had seen Spike on the Bebop. He must have seen the recognition in her eyes, for he pulled her nearer. Their faces were so close. If she even dared to breathe, it would pull them into a kiss.

"Please tell me why this feels so familiar," He whispered. The sadness in his eyes was almost overwhelming.  "And please tell me who I am. Tell me who are the people I keep seeing flashes of. Tell why your one of them." He searched her face vainly, trying to find that answers to his questions.

"I-I can't." she stuttered. "I just can't." She looked up at Spike and he was surprised to see than her eyes shimmered with the beginnings of tears.

"When I got my memories back," she choked, but continued on. "They made me miserable. Oh sure I wanted them before, but once I got them back, the burden just got heavier. I would give anything not to remember what happened to me…what I lost. Trust me Spike. Even though you never really told me about yourself, I know enough to tell you that you do not want to remember your past. It tortured me and I'll be damned if I let it do the same to you." Faye took a deep breath and stood up.

"I just can't, you see?" she said softly.

Spike was stunned and confused by her little speech. She was the only one who knew exactly what he was going through and she didn't want to help him. How could she not want to? Surely when she lost her memories, she must have wanted to know. It felt like a part of him was missing. A very important part of who he was. It was impossible to count how many times he had said something that he knew he had said before. It drove him crazy not being able to recognize who the people were in his dreams and nightmares. How could she not understand and feel sympathetic? A thought struck him.

"You may live in the present and strive for the future, but like it or not, the past is always a part of you." He voiced.

"I just can't…" she repeated.

"Whatever." Spike replied indifferently, not looking at her. Faye started at the coldness in his voice. She began to say something but again the words died on her lips.

"I'm going to take a shower." She said looking at him sadly. Spike blew out a smoke ring and nodded his head once. Faye sighed. Gathering her clothes, she left.