Okay, so now you've gotten a taste of our minds. I'm the one who has to live with these other two (for future reference, only one person is actually in charge of posting--me--and I'm actually the least perverted. Although the other two have corrupted me. *cue evil laughter* You can call me T).
Here's the third chapter. It's short, but that's because each of us only wrote a sentence or two before passing it of to the next person. Trust me, later on each person was taking two sheets of paper to write their section, so the chapters get much longer. Just wait until we get to the part with Oliver Wood *watches C drool uncontrollably at the sight of the Gryffindor captain, while J tries to drag Oliver into nearby closet*. You see? *shakes head*
Chapter 3: The Letters from No One
The next morning Harry got up and was forced to get the mail. He saw the usual bills, then suddenly:
Harry J. Potter
The Broom Closet
4 Privet Drive
Apartment 4
"What the @#$%!" shouted Harry.
"Hey! BIG DADDY, HARRY HAS A LETTER!" screamed Dudley.
"Huh? Who would write to…" Uncle Vernon's words were cut short when he read the letter.
He got up from the table so fast that the dishes clattered to the floor.
"Which one of you squealed? Huh?" His face had turned as purple as a beet. "Who's the rat?"
Dudley and Harry were so shocked they didn't say anything, and then Uncle Vernon forced them all into the van formerly owned by the A-team. As they drove at 55 miles an hour through a school zone, he was muttering, "They've found me. They've found me."
Aunt Petunia didn't seem to know what was going on either. It seemed like they had been driving forever when they finally pulled into the Motel 7 ½.
"Still not right…" Uncle Vernon said.
They kept driving. Finally, after stopping at a strip mall, up top a tree, and at the bottom of a lake, Uncle Vernon came to a stop at a little boat parked in the sea.
"Um, Big Daddy? What is this?" squeaked Dudley.
"It's taking us to our new home," replied Vernon.
"That?!?" yelled Petunia. She was looking at a small house full of pot on the sea.
"Yes, that is my little horn-o-rific booty whore. All aboard!" said Vernon. Everyone clambered into the boat.
They finally arrived at the rock after nearly drowning in the rough sea, and when they entered, they were greeted by a wave of smoke. There were three scummy-looking teenagers sitting at a table playing cards and…
"MY WEED!!" screamed Uncle Vernon. Surprised, the kids jumped up and ran out of the shack, stuffing their pockets full of pot on the way.
"Big daddy," whined Dudley, "I'm hungry, and I haven't gotten high in over two days!"
They toked the night away, and passed out one by one, until Harry was the only one left awake, not having smoked enough to pass out.
It was nearing midnight, and Harry lay stoned and awake, staring merrily at the little hand moving in circles on Dudley's watch.
"Whoaaa! It keeps going on and on and on in the same circle, dude! When's it going to stop…" Just then, the watched beeped midnight.
"Sa-weet! It talks too!" said a red-eyed Harry.
KA-BOOM!
"Dude, it ka-booms too…"
KA-BOOM! Dudley woke with a start.
KA-BOOM! Uncle Vernon and Aunt Petunia came running downstairs. A huge gold bong was in Uncle Vernon's hand. Harry now knew what was in the long thing package Uncle Vernon had had.