Catachresis – a Harry Potter fanfiction by Xavien R. Maxwell

All characters and subject matter appearing herein are the copyrighted © creations of J. K. Rowling and Warner Bros., and are borrowed for the purposes of this fanfiction. No money in any form was earned in its production.

catachresis (kat A kreh sis), n. A figure by which one word is wrongly put for another, or by which a word is wrested from its true significance.

Source: Webster's Revised Unabridged Dictionary, © 1996, 1998 MICRA, Inc.

Chapter 1: All In A Day's Work (Prologue)

Everyone in St. Peter's Bar and Grille noticed when he walked in. All eyes were on him as he paused to shake the excess clouds from his shoes, as he swaggered up to the bar, as he signaled cheekily to the angel of a waitress, whose eyes widened in nervous apprehension.

He gave her his order lazily, noticing with satisfaction that her halo had gone a bit crooked in her panic. His grin widened even more at the thought, which was remarkable as his grin had already been mile-wide upon his arrival.

"Will that be all?" the waitress asked shakily, eyeing the grin.

He nodded, and with a petrified squeak she fled. She hadn't been the only one, either, he noted with a glance around the room: though it had been brimming with patrons when he'd walked in, only a few of the braver souls remained. Of course, they were seated in a corner booth, as far away from him as possible.

Mentally he saluted them. After all, it took real guts to chance dining with Entropy, Chaos Incarnate. Especially when he was grinning like a loon.

The waitress made a brief appearance, just long enough to set his beer on the counter before dashing off to hide again. He twitched a finger, and with a surprised squawk she caught her toe on something and crashed to the floor.

He supposed he should have felt sorry for her. But he never apologized for doing his job, so he took the opportunity to look up her short little skirt as she picked herself up and hobbled away. Smiling, he sipped his beer and relaxed.

He'd done good that day. Real good. And if he wasn't mistaken, the shit would be hitting the fan just about…

Across the room, one of the brave souls in the corner booth suddenly came to attention. After a moment's confusion, he reached into a pocket, pulled out a slim wireless phone, and talked into it for a moment. Entropy cracked another smile when the guy's halo drooped progressively lower as the conversation developed:

"What? What's going on? Uh huh… Uh huh… It's WHAT?… Yes… Of course, you idiot, do whatever's necessary!… Yeah. You think it's salvageable?… Mmm… Right. Yeah, I'll be there in a second. Bye."

He hung up and glared daggers across the room at Entropy, who waved merrily back. Standing, the guy huffily straightened his halo, marched toward the bar, and scowled. "What did you do?!" he demanded angrily.

Entropy shrugged nonchalantly and sipped his beer. "Ah, nothin' big. Switch a couple choice words in the Reincarnation Engine's arguments, what's the big deal? That system's completely random anyway."

"Random?! That system's as far from random as it can get! There's karma and enlightenment and all sorts of variables to be considered, and… oh, hell, what do you care? Why He made you in the first place, I have no idea. You only cause trouble, anyway." And he stormed out.

Entropy snorted dismissively at the guy's back and turned back to the bar, downing the rest of his beer in one long pull.
Why He made him in the first place, honestly… wasn't it obvious?

SOMEBODY had to make things interesting around there.