Disclaimer: See Part 1
*****
EXT - THE RIM
The Millennium Falcon cruises up over the Rim and starts towards the Hub.
INT - MILLENNIUM FALCON
Ridcully levels out their course just as Vimes emerges from the back.
VIMES
I hope you're happy. Half my men are still spacesick back there. [beat] And there's only the one loo on the whole damned ship.
RIDCULLY
That's why I don't have carpeting, Vimesy... It's a bitch to shampoo.
VIMES
You're a bloody maniac, you know that?
RIDCULLY
[grins] One of the best. Now, where to? I gotta refuel.
Vimes glances at the fuel gauge, which is at the three-quarter mark.
VIMES
Refuel? You still got the better part of a tank left.
RIDCULLY
That's why I said *I* gotta refuel. I'm starving.
VIMES
[flatly] Yes, I suppose getting chased by the bad guys and scaring the living crap out of your passengers takes a lot out of you.
RIDCULLY
[matter-of-fact] You have no idea.
VIMES
Well, we're supposed to meet up with the transports in Quirm.
Ridcully taps a few keys.
RIDCULLY
Well, between us and Quirm we got a lot of Disc to cover. Right now we're approaching FourEcks.
VIMES
FourEcks?
RIDCULLY
Home of the best damned beer on the Disc.
VIMES
[flatly] I should have guessed.
RIDCULLY
[calls over his shoulder to the back] Anybody object strenuously to a stop in FourEcks?
He is answered by a chorus of queasy groans that indicate that his Rebel passengers would rather not do anything strenuous right now, thank you.
RIDCULLY
Right! FourEcks it is!
He adjusts his course accordingly.
INT - IMPERIAL FLAGSHIP
Rincewind hurries along a corridor, sliding to a halt in front of one of the doorways. The dragon cranes its neck to sniff, then chirps happily. Rincewind heads through the doorway...
... and must stop abruptly as the ship lurches slightly, or else risk pitching headlong into the scorpion pit. He flails his free arm for balance and finally gets his heels back on the floor again. Only then does he venture a peek into the pit.
RINCEWIND
Er... Lady Sybil?
LADY SYBIL
It's about bloody time you got here! That damned Darth Vetinari is keeping me with the most detestable company!
RINCEWIND
Well... I'll try to get you away from those scorp--
LADY SYBIL
[interrupting] I mean the mimes!
[she indicates a cluster of rather miserable-looking mimes keeping a judicious distance from her]
They get annoying so quickly, you know.
Rincewind isn't quite sure how to respond. While he's busy being confused, the dragon leans out and yaps a greeting to Lady Sybil.
LADY SYBIL
Ferdy?!
RINCEWIND
[still confused, only now more so] Huh?
LADY SYBIL
Oh, you've found Lord Ferdinand Jadescale the Fourth of Heliodeliphilodelphiboschremenos! [beat] I call him Ferdy, for short.
RINCEWIND
[impressed that the place name rolled so easily out of her mouth] I can see why. Listen, I'm going to try to get you out. [to the dragon] I'm going to have to put you down, uh, Ferdy. [sotto] I may need both hands for this.
The dragon complains, but lets himself be put down. Rincewind peers down into the scorpion pit dubiously.
RINCEWIND
[to Lady Sybil] All right... you just hold still there... [sotto] O- kay... concentrate, Rincewind... you're a Jedi Master, you can do this. Mind over matter.
He shuts his eyes and extends a hand meaningfully. After a beat, his face clenches into an expression of massive concentration, like he was trying to physically lift something many times his size. After another beat:
RINCEWIND
[strained] Anything?
LADY SYBIL
The mimes are levitating.
RINCEWIND
Oops.
One of the mimes peeks above the edge of the pit and tries to grab the edge a split second before Rincewind stops concentrating. He falls hard, but to his credit he does not shout or curse.
Rincewind wipes his brow with the edge of his sleeve.
RINCEWIND
Let's try that again, shall we?
LADY SYBIL
Yes. Without the 'oops', if you please
As he is about to try again, Ferdy suddenly bristles, glaring hard towards the hallway outside. He growls, sounding like an irate Chihuahua. Rincewind glances down at the little dragon, then follows Ferdy's gaze. In the tense silence, we hear the distant Imperial March approaching. Rincewind mouths a curse as conflicting priorities - namely, save Lady Sybil, or save himself - war with each other.
A group of about a dozen troopers approach the scorpion pits. All of them have rifles.
LEAD TROOPER
Alright, men... let's try and keep this tidy, right? We just go in, get Lady Sybil, and bring her out. Weapons on stun, and look sharp - her family's got Hubland stock in it, and she could probably beat up any of us.
They step through the door leading to the pit. There is no sign of Rincewind or Ferdy.
LEAD TROOPER
Lady Sybil? [to one of the troopers] Prepare the rope ladder.
[The trooper in question fastens a rolled-up rope ladder to a pair of studs at the edge of the pit]
[towards the pit] Lady Syb--?
He peers into the pit.
A dozen mimes peer up at him. There is no sign of Lady Sybil.
He glances back at the rest, who are watching him expectantly.
LEAD TROOPER
Minor technical difficulties.
TROOPER #1
She's gone, isn't she?
LEAD TROOPER
Um...
Behind the troopers, the rope ladder is freed from its bindings by an unseen force [or an unseen Force] and unrolls into the scorpion pit.
TROOPER #2
There *was* a report of an intruder on board.
LEAD TROOPER
And nobody told me?! Listen, they couldn't have gone too far - there are only so many places they can hide on this ship. Spread out and find them before His Lordship finds out! Go!
Exeunt the troopers.
A few beats later, a pair of eyes open, apparently in the wall just outside and to the right of the door, at about six feet above the floor. A second later, a much smaller pair of dragon eyes open at the four-foot mark and another pair of human eyes open near the first pair of eyes. If we look closely, we might notice subtle outlines of Rincewind, Ferdy, and Lady Sybil, like cloaked Predators.
Rincewind steps forward from the shadows - now quite visible, along with Ferdy and Sybil - freeing one hand from holding Ferdy in order to wipe his brow.
LADY SYBIL
That was amazing! It was like we were invisible or something.
RINCEWIND
More like they couldn't notice us. [towards the pit] Okay, then, they're gone now. You can come up now.
One by one, the mimes climb out of the pit, picking scorpions from their leotards.
RINCEWIND
Okay, everyone who wants to get back at Darth Vetinari--
[all the mimes immediately put their hands up]
Right. Just... go out and do... whatever. Have fun.
The mimes grin and salute him, then gleefully dash out of the dungeon.
LADY SYBIL
You know, I almost feel sorry for the Empire right now... what with them having to contend with a great Jedi like yourself.
Rincewind offers her a wan smile in reply as they head out after the mimes; he is not about to argue with her about his Jedi status.
*****
End Part 7.
*****
EXT - THE RIM
The Millennium Falcon cruises up over the Rim and starts towards the Hub.
INT - MILLENNIUM FALCON
Ridcully levels out their course just as Vimes emerges from the back.
VIMES
I hope you're happy. Half my men are still spacesick back there. [beat] And there's only the one loo on the whole damned ship.
RIDCULLY
That's why I don't have carpeting, Vimesy... It's a bitch to shampoo.
VIMES
You're a bloody maniac, you know that?
RIDCULLY
[grins] One of the best. Now, where to? I gotta refuel.
Vimes glances at the fuel gauge, which is at the three-quarter mark.
VIMES
Refuel? You still got the better part of a tank left.
RIDCULLY
That's why I said *I* gotta refuel. I'm starving.
VIMES
[flatly] Yes, I suppose getting chased by the bad guys and scaring the living crap out of your passengers takes a lot out of you.
RIDCULLY
[matter-of-fact] You have no idea.
VIMES
Well, we're supposed to meet up with the transports in Quirm.
Ridcully taps a few keys.
RIDCULLY
Well, between us and Quirm we got a lot of Disc to cover. Right now we're approaching FourEcks.
VIMES
FourEcks?
RIDCULLY
Home of the best damned beer on the Disc.
VIMES
[flatly] I should have guessed.
RIDCULLY
[calls over his shoulder to the back] Anybody object strenuously to a stop in FourEcks?
He is answered by a chorus of queasy groans that indicate that his Rebel passengers would rather not do anything strenuous right now, thank you.
RIDCULLY
Right! FourEcks it is!
He adjusts his course accordingly.
INT - IMPERIAL FLAGSHIP
Rincewind hurries along a corridor, sliding to a halt in front of one of the doorways. The dragon cranes its neck to sniff, then chirps happily. Rincewind heads through the doorway...
... and must stop abruptly as the ship lurches slightly, or else risk pitching headlong into the scorpion pit. He flails his free arm for balance and finally gets his heels back on the floor again. Only then does he venture a peek into the pit.
RINCEWIND
Er... Lady Sybil?
LADY SYBIL
It's about bloody time you got here! That damned Darth Vetinari is keeping me with the most detestable company!
RINCEWIND
Well... I'll try to get you away from those scorp--
LADY SYBIL
[interrupting] I mean the mimes!
[she indicates a cluster of rather miserable-looking mimes keeping a judicious distance from her]
They get annoying so quickly, you know.
Rincewind isn't quite sure how to respond. While he's busy being confused, the dragon leans out and yaps a greeting to Lady Sybil.
LADY SYBIL
Ferdy?!
RINCEWIND
[still confused, only now more so] Huh?
LADY SYBIL
Oh, you've found Lord Ferdinand Jadescale the Fourth of Heliodeliphilodelphiboschremenos! [beat] I call him Ferdy, for short.
RINCEWIND
[impressed that the place name rolled so easily out of her mouth] I can see why. Listen, I'm going to try to get you out. [to the dragon] I'm going to have to put you down, uh, Ferdy. [sotto] I may need both hands for this.
The dragon complains, but lets himself be put down. Rincewind peers down into the scorpion pit dubiously.
RINCEWIND
[to Lady Sybil] All right... you just hold still there... [sotto] O- kay... concentrate, Rincewind... you're a Jedi Master, you can do this. Mind over matter.
He shuts his eyes and extends a hand meaningfully. After a beat, his face clenches into an expression of massive concentration, like he was trying to physically lift something many times his size. After another beat:
RINCEWIND
[strained] Anything?
LADY SYBIL
The mimes are levitating.
RINCEWIND
Oops.
One of the mimes peeks above the edge of the pit and tries to grab the edge a split second before Rincewind stops concentrating. He falls hard, but to his credit he does not shout or curse.
Rincewind wipes his brow with the edge of his sleeve.
RINCEWIND
Let's try that again, shall we?
LADY SYBIL
Yes. Without the 'oops', if you please
As he is about to try again, Ferdy suddenly bristles, glaring hard towards the hallway outside. He growls, sounding like an irate Chihuahua. Rincewind glances down at the little dragon, then follows Ferdy's gaze. In the tense silence, we hear the distant Imperial March approaching. Rincewind mouths a curse as conflicting priorities - namely, save Lady Sybil, or save himself - war with each other.
A group of about a dozen troopers approach the scorpion pits. All of them have rifles.
LEAD TROOPER
Alright, men... let's try and keep this tidy, right? We just go in, get Lady Sybil, and bring her out. Weapons on stun, and look sharp - her family's got Hubland stock in it, and she could probably beat up any of us.
They step through the door leading to the pit. There is no sign of Rincewind or Ferdy.
LEAD TROOPER
Lady Sybil? [to one of the troopers] Prepare the rope ladder.
[The trooper in question fastens a rolled-up rope ladder to a pair of studs at the edge of the pit]
[towards the pit] Lady Syb--?
He peers into the pit.
A dozen mimes peer up at him. There is no sign of Lady Sybil.
He glances back at the rest, who are watching him expectantly.
LEAD TROOPER
Minor technical difficulties.
TROOPER #1
She's gone, isn't she?
LEAD TROOPER
Um...
Behind the troopers, the rope ladder is freed from its bindings by an unseen force [or an unseen Force] and unrolls into the scorpion pit.
TROOPER #2
There *was* a report of an intruder on board.
LEAD TROOPER
And nobody told me?! Listen, they couldn't have gone too far - there are only so many places they can hide on this ship. Spread out and find them before His Lordship finds out! Go!
Exeunt the troopers.
A few beats later, a pair of eyes open, apparently in the wall just outside and to the right of the door, at about six feet above the floor. A second later, a much smaller pair of dragon eyes open at the four-foot mark and another pair of human eyes open near the first pair of eyes. If we look closely, we might notice subtle outlines of Rincewind, Ferdy, and Lady Sybil, like cloaked Predators.
Rincewind steps forward from the shadows - now quite visible, along with Ferdy and Sybil - freeing one hand from holding Ferdy in order to wipe his brow.
LADY SYBIL
That was amazing! It was like we were invisible or something.
RINCEWIND
More like they couldn't notice us. [towards the pit] Okay, then, they're gone now. You can come up now.
One by one, the mimes climb out of the pit, picking scorpions from their leotards.
RINCEWIND
Okay, everyone who wants to get back at Darth Vetinari--
[all the mimes immediately put their hands up]
Right. Just... go out and do... whatever. Have fun.
The mimes grin and salute him, then gleefully dash out of the dungeon.
LADY SYBIL
You know, I almost feel sorry for the Empire right now... what with them having to contend with a great Jedi like yourself.
Rincewind offers her a wan smile in reply as they head out after the mimes; he is not about to argue with her about his Jedi status.
*****
End Part 7.