Chapter 6: The Things We Never Say
By Vahn and Redhawk
Disclaimers: We still don't own them, let's face it, it was lucky Redhawk was even able to slip me this chapter from her holding cell. I don't think we'll be owning them any time soon.
Notes: A short Hermoine chapter here. Written completely (excluding the he's dead part) by redhawk herself. This starts when Hermoine slapped Draco in Chapter One: Remember. Um ... huh. Yeah I actually got a signed review beside my own! Hurrah! Questions are answered at the bottom. i promise a long chapter soon! dumdy dumdy da!
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He's Dead?
And one Ms. Hermione Granger, obviously once quite smitten with Harry, cries out through a tortured sob.
"I never told him how much I cared." as is the tragedy of such a sudden death.
* * *
The sharp noise of the slap resounds through the room, he stares back at me, shocked. I bow my head. And I run, tears blearing my eyes. Fleeing from the cruel boy, that cretin. How dare he handle Harry's things? He didn't know him, didn't love him, like I did. How dare he see Harry in his shame, he who only degraded him when he lived and doesn't even give a damn now that he's dead. He has no right. None. I stagger against a wall. How dare he… He never knew anything about Harry, probably laughed at those horrible wounds… I press a hand to my face; almost to be sure it's still there, I'm still whole. I hated those horrible scars, marring his moon pale face, his pretty green eye slashed in an X as if to signify treasure beneath it. But after that, there wasn't the wealth Harry had possessed, there was no self, no beautiful brave honorable boy… and I still don't know how and why they were inflicted...
* * *
"Gods, Harry!" I leapt to my feet, dropping the volume that had been in my lap onto one of my feet at the sight of his wounds. Wincing in the pain, but not pausing, knowing Harry must be in so much more. "Harry what happened? You must have been in some fight to be in this shape, I hope you haven't done anything illegal" He fell forward, blood spraying onto my clean robes as he landed before me, his ruined eye, exposed by a light it could no longer comprehend, shining upward like a beacon, an accusation. A hand flies to my mouth, covering a silent gasp. What happened, this isn't Harry, not my Harry, can't be… But it is… I kneel beside him as he sobs, drawing him into my arms and stroking his hair, stiff with blood…and a white liquid I cannot identify. I touch my wand to the wounds, met with a resistance I've never encountered before… someone really wanted these to remain as they are, to forever scar his face, lower him in the eyes of all his adoring fans. What people can't deal with doesn't exist to them. They slowly heal, reduced to a pattern of white scars, his eye destroyed, split. I can tell it will always be that way. Instead of calming as his pain lessens he only sobs harder, burying his face into my chest, something I would normally have enjoyed very much. "Harry, what's happened…?" He shakes his head silently, mouthing no, no, no. And I hold him closer.
* * *
That was the last time Harry and I were together, as he sobbed openly in my arms, a crime committed against his soul that no being could ever uncover. He avoided me after, maybe to avoid my questions, maybe out of shame; maybe he simply hated me for having healed his hurts, stopping him from dying that night. And I think each day of all the things I could never tell you. All the things I'd stifled deep inside myself. All the embittered memories, the things I can't remember about you.
The exact color of your eyes.
The way you used to smile at me.
The confident voice and assured walk.
And most of all, the way you would make feel, like I was something wonderful. That I was so much more than I ever thought I could be. I know now, with you gone.
I can never be wonderful again, without your eyes on me. I can't be what you made me feel. I can never be...
But I will always remember him, like that, crying, hot tears soaking my chest, mixing with blood to create a dye, leaving my breasts pink for days afterward, instead of as the wonderful boy he was, my friend, my… love. I loved him. I still love you Harry.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
:In response to three reviews (uh thank god.):
1) The chronological order is messed up cause all of this is memory, and memory does not flow smoothly or in a straight line. Plus you have to take in to account the different people here, and how their memories of certain events might differ. As well as what triggers them, we understand this isn't apparent to everybody since we haven't had a chance to develop it.
2) And yes Draco slept with Harry after the he had been raped, noting Harry only did this after months of a emotional rehabilitation/ becoming friends with Draco and the earning of his trust(which will come in to play), but there's as usual something else the in the background I cannot say.
3) Ron stuff: I've always seen Ron as a fairly nice person, so this wasn't about bashing him. Anyway Ron we feel has always been known as one of those poor Weasley kids, that redhead who hangs out with Potter or even just the sidekick to our main character. I mean the emotional strain is enormous! And when Harry tells him what he does, it gives him a way to hurt Harry. To free himself from the label of lapdog and sidekick. Noting GoF, I really felt there was more to his blow up and silent treatment. "Harry Potter always part of the action, the spotlight always on full blast" was the feeling I got and all of these things and the fact it served the story went in to this chapter and Ron's reaction. In the kind of environment when children will stomp you for the betterment of their own self esteem. He's screwed. And in my opinion he seems like the type to eventually resent that in his friend Harry. Of course I'm not calling him a jump at it turncoat but I feel gradually he'd become jealous. And this was his chance to reinvent himself, even if it meant spitting in the eye of his friendship. We didn't mean to write him as a sadistic bastard (which I agree we kinda turned him into.) but we felt we wrote him as a one driven by a need to free himself. He snapped, harry trying to kiss him didn't help either. It gave him reason to hurt harry, in his eyes I mean. He could finally get out. And you might notice how he's socially rewarded for stabbing his friend in the back (rewarded? I dunno..."
4) And as for Sirius, you'll see.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Anyway, I got a review from Ru Av Natten (laughs maniacally, hurrah! ^_^ ) , whoop di do! And now I hope you do to! Review me!
By Vahn and Redhawk
Disclaimers: We still don't own them, let's face it, it was lucky Redhawk was even able to slip me this chapter from her holding cell. I don't think we'll be owning them any time soon.
Notes: A short Hermoine chapter here. Written completely (excluding the he's dead part) by redhawk herself. This starts when Hermoine slapped Draco in Chapter One: Remember. Um ... huh. Yeah I actually got a signed review beside my own! Hurrah! Questions are answered at the bottom. i promise a long chapter soon! dumdy dumdy da!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
He's Dead?
And one Ms. Hermione Granger, obviously once quite smitten with Harry, cries out through a tortured sob.
"I never told him how much I cared." as is the tragedy of such a sudden death.
* * *
The sharp noise of the slap resounds through the room, he stares back at me, shocked. I bow my head. And I run, tears blearing my eyes. Fleeing from the cruel boy, that cretin. How dare he handle Harry's things? He didn't know him, didn't love him, like I did. How dare he see Harry in his shame, he who only degraded him when he lived and doesn't even give a damn now that he's dead. He has no right. None. I stagger against a wall. How dare he… He never knew anything about Harry, probably laughed at those horrible wounds… I press a hand to my face; almost to be sure it's still there, I'm still whole. I hated those horrible scars, marring his moon pale face, his pretty green eye slashed in an X as if to signify treasure beneath it. But after that, there wasn't the wealth Harry had possessed, there was no self, no beautiful brave honorable boy… and I still don't know how and why they were inflicted...
* * *
"Gods, Harry!" I leapt to my feet, dropping the volume that had been in my lap onto one of my feet at the sight of his wounds. Wincing in the pain, but not pausing, knowing Harry must be in so much more. "Harry what happened? You must have been in some fight to be in this shape, I hope you haven't done anything illegal" He fell forward, blood spraying onto my clean robes as he landed before me, his ruined eye, exposed by a light it could no longer comprehend, shining upward like a beacon, an accusation. A hand flies to my mouth, covering a silent gasp. What happened, this isn't Harry, not my Harry, can't be… But it is… I kneel beside him as he sobs, drawing him into my arms and stroking his hair, stiff with blood…and a white liquid I cannot identify. I touch my wand to the wounds, met with a resistance I've never encountered before… someone really wanted these to remain as they are, to forever scar his face, lower him in the eyes of all his adoring fans. What people can't deal with doesn't exist to them. They slowly heal, reduced to a pattern of white scars, his eye destroyed, split. I can tell it will always be that way. Instead of calming as his pain lessens he only sobs harder, burying his face into my chest, something I would normally have enjoyed very much. "Harry, what's happened…?" He shakes his head silently, mouthing no, no, no. And I hold him closer.
* * *
That was the last time Harry and I were together, as he sobbed openly in my arms, a crime committed against his soul that no being could ever uncover. He avoided me after, maybe to avoid my questions, maybe out of shame; maybe he simply hated me for having healed his hurts, stopping him from dying that night. And I think each day of all the things I could never tell you. All the things I'd stifled deep inside myself. All the embittered memories, the things I can't remember about you.
The exact color of your eyes.
The way you used to smile at me.
The confident voice and assured walk.
And most of all, the way you would make feel, like I was something wonderful. That I was so much more than I ever thought I could be. I know now, with you gone.
I can never be wonderful again, without your eyes on me. I can't be what you made me feel. I can never be...
But I will always remember him, like that, crying, hot tears soaking my chest, mixing with blood to create a dye, leaving my breasts pink for days afterward, instead of as the wonderful boy he was, my friend, my… love. I loved him. I still love you Harry.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
:In response to three reviews (uh thank god.):
1) The chronological order is messed up cause all of this is memory, and memory does not flow smoothly or in a straight line. Plus you have to take in to account the different people here, and how their memories of certain events might differ. As well as what triggers them, we understand this isn't apparent to everybody since we haven't had a chance to develop it.
2) And yes Draco slept with Harry after the he had been raped, noting Harry only did this after months of a emotional rehabilitation/ becoming friends with Draco and the earning of his trust(which will come in to play), but there's as usual something else the in the background I cannot say.
3) Ron stuff: I've always seen Ron as a fairly nice person, so this wasn't about bashing him. Anyway Ron we feel has always been known as one of those poor Weasley kids, that redhead who hangs out with Potter or even just the sidekick to our main character. I mean the emotional strain is enormous! And when Harry tells him what he does, it gives him a way to hurt Harry. To free himself from the label of lapdog and sidekick. Noting GoF, I really felt there was more to his blow up and silent treatment. "Harry Potter always part of the action, the spotlight always on full blast" was the feeling I got and all of these things and the fact it served the story went in to this chapter and Ron's reaction. In the kind of environment when children will stomp you for the betterment of their own self esteem. He's screwed. And in my opinion he seems like the type to eventually resent that in his friend Harry. Of course I'm not calling him a jump at it turncoat but I feel gradually he'd become jealous. And this was his chance to reinvent himself, even if it meant spitting in the eye of his friendship. We didn't mean to write him as a sadistic bastard (which I agree we kinda turned him into.) but we felt we wrote him as a one driven by a need to free himself. He snapped, harry trying to kiss him didn't help either. It gave him reason to hurt harry, in his eyes I mean. He could finally get out. And you might notice how he's socially rewarded for stabbing his friend in the back (rewarded? I dunno..."
4) And as for Sirius, you'll see.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Anyway, I got a review from Ru Av Natten (laughs maniacally, hurrah! ^_^ ) , whoop di do! And now I hope you do to! Review me!