Disclaimer: See Part 1.
*****
EXT - CARROT'S VESSEL
The tiny craft enters Ecksian airspace cruises low over the arid outback, lit only by moonlight. In the distance, the first cautious hints of the impending dawn are skulking furtively at the Rim.
INT - CARROT'S VESSEL
Carrot catches himself dozing and jerks awake. Threepio looks on in concern.
PONDER THREEPIO
Master Carrot, I really think you should try to get some sleep. You've been through a lot tonight.
CARROT
Not until I face the man who tried to kill Angua. He has to pay for what he did.
PONDER THREEPIO
Sir, Her Majesty will be fine. Igor told me as much. She's just resting right now.
Carrot looks at him with renewed hope.
CARROT
May I see her?
PONDER THREEPIO
I don't think that would be a good idea right now, sir. She needs to recover from the surgery, after all.
CARROT
Please, Threepio... there's something I have to do here, in this town coming up just ahead. It might be dangerous, and... and I just wanted to tell her something before I left.
PONDER THREEPIO
I shall be quite happy to relay any message you might have for her.
Carrot hesitates. Finally:
CARROT
We'll be landing in ten minutes or so. I'll tell her then.
PONDER THREEPIO
[marginally annoyed but hiding it very well] As you wish.
INT - CASANUNDA'S PALACE
A phalanx of rampaging dwarves thunders through the hallways of the palace, plowing through Imperials by a combination of momentum and ferocity. Behind them, the human Rebels, freshly re-armed, fight off any guards and troops who try to take them from behind [Rincewind is armed, as before, with Ferdy, and takes up the rear as Lady Sybil half-drags him by the back of his robes].
ELSEWHERE...
Darth Vetinari watches through a picture window as a small vessel [Herrenna's] flies away. A guard approaches tentatively.
DARTH VETINARI
[without looking around] You know, I'm having an exceptionally pleasant day today... Kennison, was it?
The guard, Kennison, nods uneasily.
DARTH VETINARI
And right about now I bet you're about to tell me something moderately unpleasant.
[Kennison swallows hard]
Well, out with it. Nothing could possibly ruin my mood.
KENNISON
The Rebels have escaped. Casanunda and some of his dwarves broke them out ten minutes ago and there's leaving a pretty thorough path of destruction. Twenty berserking dwarves is a force of nature, sir.
Vetinari reflects on this.
DARTH VETINARI
I stand corrected. Not to fear, Kennison, I'm not angry with you.
[He abruptly punches Kennison, backhanded, over his own shoulder. Kennison falls.]
Merely annoyed. I expect a young Jedi trainee will be joining us shortly, Kennison, so try to make yourself presentable by then. Let the rest go. It is he that I want.
Kennison staggers back to his feet, blotting at a bloody nose with one hand, salutes, and exits.
EXT - CASANUNDA'S PALACE
Carrot's ship eases in for a remarkably smooth landing next to the Falcon.
INT - CARROT'S VESSEL
Carrot unbuckles himself from the pilot's chair as the engines whine down, and he heads back to the passenger cabin. There he pauses, as though noticing the two wolfhounds for the first time, but soon his attention settles on the slumbering form of Angua, covered only by the blanket. He crosses to her and crouches down on one knee next to the bunk.
Threepio motions to Igor that they should give Carrot and Angua a bit of privacy, and the two of them retreat into the cockpit.
At first, Carrot can only look at Angua, sleeping serenely as though she had never been injured at all. He reaches out and strokes her hair gently, touches her bare shoulder. Finally:
CARROT
[softly] I wanted to tell you something before I left... now I don't know how. I don't know why you make me feel this way - all warm inside like a mug of really good cider - but I don't ever want that feeling to go away. Right now there's something I need to do... I have to face the man who tried to hurt you. I'll come back if I can... but if I can't...
He can't finish the sentence - the situation is awkward, and he's painfully aware of it. Instead, he bends down and kisses her on the cheek, then straightens and turns towards the door.
Angua stirs and wakes.
PRINCESS ANGUA
Carrot...
He stops, turns back. Angua smiles gently at him. He kneels by her once again, and together they savour a long, deep, emotional kiss, the sort that comes with a dramatic crescendo in the soundtrack.
In the cockpit...
IGOR
Mithter Threepio?
PONDER THREEPIO
Yes, Igor?
IGOR
That little panel on your chetht ith flathing red.
PONDER THREEPIO
I know. That's my virgin alarm. [grits teeth] They have ten more seconds.
In the cabin...
Finally Carrot withdraws, however reluctantly, and gets to his feet, fortified.
CARROT
[firmly] I'll be back.
Then he turns and heads back to the cockpit entrance, where he is met by Threepio. The droid assesses the situation, decides that nothing imminently procreative has happened, and turns to Carrot.
PONDER THREEPIO
I have every confidence in your abilities as a Jedi... but the unexpected tends to happen with alarming regularity. [he hands Carrot a small transponder] If you get in trouble, activate it.
Carrot takes the device, looks it over, and clips it to his belt.
CARROT
I want you to make sure the Princess gets to safety, whether I come back or not.
PONDER THREEPIO
Of course, sir. I was programmed for just that purpose.
CARROT
Get her back to our friends before you try coming after me. Promise me.
PONDER THREEPIO
[after 1.2 seconds of processing time] I swear it to you on the core processor of my positronic network..
Carrot considers this unorthodox oath, then nods, figuring it'll do.
CARROT
Thank you.
He departs.
PONDER THREEPIO
[to Artoo] You go with him, and make sure all our people get out okay.
ARTOO
[subtitle: Oh sure, just because I can withstand environments that would have you melted or frozen beyond all redemption, that means *I* have to go into the pit of despair with the hero of this flick...]
PONDER THREEPIO
[testily] *I* went with him into the *last* pit of despair! Now SCOOT!
The astromech droid yips and scoots away after Carrot.
Over the sound of Artoo's haste causing him to tumble gracelessly down the steps from the ship's door, Threepio and Igor turn their attention to the royal family of Uberwald.
The two wolfhounds shift into human forms: a man, KING GUYE VON UBERWALD; and a woman, QUEEN SERAFINE VON UBERWALD. They are nude except for the blankets they had been covered with, and both still look rather the worse for wear, but Threepio and Igor bow to them, all the same.
PONDER THREEPIO
Your Collective Graces.
QUEEN SERAFINE
Ponder Threepio, our faithful droid. Was all this... your doing?
PONDER THREEPIO
Yes... and no.
KING GUYE
Explain yourself, then.
PONDER THREEPIO
I am programmed to assure your safety. I merely followed my program.
QUEEN SERAFINE
[amused, to [king]] I wonder who programmed him with such humility.
PONDER THREEPIO
But it was Master Carrot who sensed the danger to your daughter in Uberwald, and he who travelled there to rescue Your Collective Graces.
KING GUYE
How much does he know about... us?
PONDER THREEPIO
Very little, I suspect. He will need to be told.
KING GUYE
Say you so? Why should we tell him?
Threepio glances significantly at Angua, who blushes slightly.
PONDER THREEPIO
[diplomatically] A subplot has developed between them.
There is a thoughtful pause.
QUEEN SERAFINE
This could complicate things.
PONDER THREEPIO
If it please Your Graces, there is a ship here which belongs to the party who first rescued Her Majesty the Princess. I suggest we move to that ship, in order that we might rejoin our friends in short order.
IGOR
Mithter Threepio, the Mathter and Mithreth are thtill injured. Moving them might be dangerouth.
PONDER THREEPIO
Not moving them might be more so. [beat; to the King and Queen] I have taken the liberty of packing some spare clothing for Your Collective Graces, in with Master Carrot's luggage, just in case.
Serafine and Guye exchange an amused "what-a-well-trained-humanoid-he-is" glance.
INT - CASANUNDA'S PALACE
Carrot, his blaster drawn, proceeds cautiously through the nearly-abandoned corridors of the palace, with Artoo scooting along behind him. In the distance we hear occasional sounds of fighting. A blast door slides shut almost on the heels of Artoo's scooters, and he glances back and squeaks in dismay. Carrot turns also, and notices the astromech for the first time.
CARROT
Stay close, Artoo... we have to make sure our friends are safe before we leave.
ARTOO
[subtitle: It sounds like someone's getting their arse kicked around here... damn *straight* I'm staying close!]
As they continue on, they pass by a doorway through which we see Our Intrepid Heroes [wave 1] passing by in the other direction.
VIMES
Now, you're certain that this is the fastest way out of here?
Artoo pauses at Vimes' voice, then reverses back to the doorway as Casanunda answers.
CASANUNDA
I've lived here for almost as long as I've known Ridcully. I know every inch of the corri-- oh look, an R2 unit.
VIMES
What? [recognises Artoo] How'd you get here? Never mind - I probably wouldn't be able to understand you. Come on, we're getting out of here. This place is overrun with Imperials.
Artoo looks in the direction Carrot had been going, to find that he has disappeared from sight. With the digital equivalent of a shrug - since this was one of the reasons he went after Carrot in the first place - he scoots along to join Vimes and the rest.
CARROT,
following some internal Jedi compass, continues on heedless, knowing that he will find Something Bad here at any moment. His footsteps echo hollowly on the flagstones as his free hand moves to rest on the handle of his lightsaber.
He reaches a door, keys it open, and finds himself in the carbonite freezing facilities. His Jedi- senses are fairly screaming now; it's amazing how silently a young man of his size can move as he searches out the nemesis he knows is there. He holsters his blaster and readies the saber, though he doesn't activate it just yet. He turns suddenly as he hears a voice:
DARTH VETINARI [o.s.]
Ah... Carrot Skywalker, was it?
Vetinari stands calmly some distance from Carrot, his hands clasped behind his back.
DARTH VETINARI [contd.]
So good of you to come. I have forseen this moment for quite some time.
*****
End Part 14.
*****
EXT - CARROT'S VESSEL
The tiny craft enters Ecksian airspace cruises low over the arid outback, lit only by moonlight. In the distance, the first cautious hints of the impending dawn are skulking furtively at the Rim.
INT - CARROT'S VESSEL
Carrot catches himself dozing and jerks awake. Threepio looks on in concern.
PONDER THREEPIO
Master Carrot, I really think you should try to get some sleep. You've been through a lot tonight.
CARROT
Not until I face the man who tried to kill Angua. He has to pay for what he did.
PONDER THREEPIO
Sir, Her Majesty will be fine. Igor told me as much. She's just resting right now.
Carrot looks at him with renewed hope.
CARROT
May I see her?
PONDER THREEPIO
I don't think that would be a good idea right now, sir. She needs to recover from the surgery, after all.
CARROT
Please, Threepio... there's something I have to do here, in this town coming up just ahead. It might be dangerous, and... and I just wanted to tell her something before I left.
PONDER THREEPIO
I shall be quite happy to relay any message you might have for her.
Carrot hesitates. Finally:
CARROT
We'll be landing in ten minutes or so. I'll tell her then.
PONDER THREEPIO
[marginally annoyed but hiding it very well] As you wish.
INT - CASANUNDA'S PALACE
A phalanx of rampaging dwarves thunders through the hallways of the palace, plowing through Imperials by a combination of momentum and ferocity. Behind them, the human Rebels, freshly re-armed, fight off any guards and troops who try to take them from behind [Rincewind is armed, as before, with Ferdy, and takes up the rear as Lady Sybil half-drags him by the back of his robes].
ELSEWHERE...
Darth Vetinari watches through a picture window as a small vessel [Herrenna's] flies away. A guard approaches tentatively.
DARTH VETINARI
[without looking around] You know, I'm having an exceptionally pleasant day today... Kennison, was it?
The guard, Kennison, nods uneasily.
DARTH VETINARI
And right about now I bet you're about to tell me something moderately unpleasant.
[Kennison swallows hard]
Well, out with it. Nothing could possibly ruin my mood.
KENNISON
The Rebels have escaped. Casanunda and some of his dwarves broke them out ten minutes ago and there's leaving a pretty thorough path of destruction. Twenty berserking dwarves is a force of nature, sir.
Vetinari reflects on this.
DARTH VETINARI
I stand corrected. Not to fear, Kennison, I'm not angry with you.
[He abruptly punches Kennison, backhanded, over his own shoulder. Kennison falls.]
Merely annoyed. I expect a young Jedi trainee will be joining us shortly, Kennison, so try to make yourself presentable by then. Let the rest go. It is he that I want.
Kennison staggers back to his feet, blotting at a bloody nose with one hand, salutes, and exits.
EXT - CASANUNDA'S PALACE
Carrot's ship eases in for a remarkably smooth landing next to the Falcon.
INT - CARROT'S VESSEL
Carrot unbuckles himself from the pilot's chair as the engines whine down, and he heads back to the passenger cabin. There he pauses, as though noticing the two wolfhounds for the first time, but soon his attention settles on the slumbering form of Angua, covered only by the blanket. He crosses to her and crouches down on one knee next to the bunk.
Threepio motions to Igor that they should give Carrot and Angua a bit of privacy, and the two of them retreat into the cockpit.
At first, Carrot can only look at Angua, sleeping serenely as though she had never been injured at all. He reaches out and strokes her hair gently, touches her bare shoulder. Finally:
CARROT
[softly] I wanted to tell you something before I left... now I don't know how. I don't know why you make me feel this way - all warm inside like a mug of really good cider - but I don't ever want that feeling to go away. Right now there's something I need to do... I have to face the man who tried to hurt you. I'll come back if I can... but if I can't...
He can't finish the sentence - the situation is awkward, and he's painfully aware of it. Instead, he bends down and kisses her on the cheek, then straightens and turns towards the door.
Angua stirs and wakes.
PRINCESS ANGUA
Carrot...
He stops, turns back. Angua smiles gently at him. He kneels by her once again, and together they savour a long, deep, emotional kiss, the sort that comes with a dramatic crescendo in the soundtrack.
In the cockpit...
IGOR
Mithter Threepio?
PONDER THREEPIO
Yes, Igor?
IGOR
That little panel on your chetht ith flathing red.
PONDER THREEPIO
I know. That's my virgin alarm. [grits teeth] They have ten more seconds.
In the cabin...
Finally Carrot withdraws, however reluctantly, and gets to his feet, fortified.
CARROT
[firmly] I'll be back.
Then he turns and heads back to the cockpit entrance, where he is met by Threepio. The droid assesses the situation, decides that nothing imminently procreative has happened, and turns to Carrot.
PONDER THREEPIO
I have every confidence in your abilities as a Jedi... but the unexpected tends to happen with alarming regularity. [he hands Carrot a small transponder] If you get in trouble, activate it.
Carrot takes the device, looks it over, and clips it to his belt.
CARROT
I want you to make sure the Princess gets to safety, whether I come back or not.
PONDER THREEPIO
Of course, sir. I was programmed for just that purpose.
CARROT
Get her back to our friends before you try coming after me. Promise me.
PONDER THREEPIO
[after 1.2 seconds of processing time] I swear it to you on the core processor of my positronic network..
Carrot considers this unorthodox oath, then nods, figuring it'll do.
CARROT
Thank you.
He departs.
PONDER THREEPIO
[to Artoo] You go with him, and make sure all our people get out okay.
ARTOO
[subtitle: Oh sure, just because I can withstand environments that would have you melted or frozen beyond all redemption, that means *I* have to go into the pit of despair with the hero of this flick...]
PONDER THREEPIO
[testily] *I* went with him into the *last* pit of despair! Now SCOOT!
The astromech droid yips and scoots away after Carrot.
Over the sound of Artoo's haste causing him to tumble gracelessly down the steps from the ship's door, Threepio and Igor turn their attention to the royal family of Uberwald.
The two wolfhounds shift into human forms: a man, KING GUYE VON UBERWALD; and a woman, QUEEN SERAFINE VON UBERWALD. They are nude except for the blankets they had been covered with, and both still look rather the worse for wear, but Threepio and Igor bow to them, all the same.
PONDER THREEPIO
Your Collective Graces.
QUEEN SERAFINE
Ponder Threepio, our faithful droid. Was all this... your doing?
PONDER THREEPIO
Yes... and no.
KING GUYE
Explain yourself, then.
PONDER THREEPIO
I am programmed to assure your safety. I merely followed my program.
QUEEN SERAFINE
[amused, to [king]] I wonder who programmed him with such humility.
PONDER THREEPIO
But it was Master Carrot who sensed the danger to your daughter in Uberwald, and he who travelled there to rescue Your Collective Graces.
KING GUYE
How much does he know about... us?
PONDER THREEPIO
Very little, I suspect. He will need to be told.
KING GUYE
Say you so? Why should we tell him?
Threepio glances significantly at Angua, who blushes slightly.
PONDER THREEPIO
[diplomatically] A subplot has developed between them.
There is a thoughtful pause.
QUEEN SERAFINE
This could complicate things.
PONDER THREEPIO
If it please Your Graces, there is a ship here which belongs to the party who first rescued Her Majesty the Princess. I suggest we move to that ship, in order that we might rejoin our friends in short order.
IGOR
Mithter Threepio, the Mathter and Mithreth are thtill injured. Moving them might be dangerouth.
PONDER THREEPIO
Not moving them might be more so. [beat; to the King and Queen] I have taken the liberty of packing some spare clothing for Your Collective Graces, in with Master Carrot's luggage, just in case.
Serafine and Guye exchange an amused "what-a-well-trained-humanoid-he-is" glance.
INT - CASANUNDA'S PALACE
Carrot, his blaster drawn, proceeds cautiously through the nearly-abandoned corridors of the palace, with Artoo scooting along behind him. In the distance we hear occasional sounds of fighting. A blast door slides shut almost on the heels of Artoo's scooters, and he glances back and squeaks in dismay. Carrot turns also, and notices the astromech for the first time.
CARROT
Stay close, Artoo... we have to make sure our friends are safe before we leave.
ARTOO
[subtitle: It sounds like someone's getting their arse kicked around here... damn *straight* I'm staying close!]
As they continue on, they pass by a doorway through which we see Our Intrepid Heroes [wave 1] passing by in the other direction.
VIMES
Now, you're certain that this is the fastest way out of here?
Artoo pauses at Vimes' voice, then reverses back to the doorway as Casanunda answers.
CASANUNDA
I've lived here for almost as long as I've known Ridcully. I know every inch of the corri-- oh look, an R2 unit.
VIMES
What? [recognises Artoo] How'd you get here? Never mind - I probably wouldn't be able to understand you. Come on, we're getting out of here. This place is overrun with Imperials.
Artoo looks in the direction Carrot had been going, to find that he has disappeared from sight. With the digital equivalent of a shrug - since this was one of the reasons he went after Carrot in the first place - he scoots along to join Vimes and the rest.
CARROT,
following some internal Jedi compass, continues on heedless, knowing that he will find Something Bad here at any moment. His footsteps echo hollowly on the flagstones as his free hand moves to rest on the handle of his lightsaber.
He reaches a door, keys it open, and finds himself in the carbonite freezing facilities. His Jedi- senses are fairly screaming now; it's amazing how silently a young man of his size can move as he searches out the nemesis he knows is there. He holsters his blaster and readies the saber, though he doesn't activate it just yet. He turns suddenly as he hears a voice:
DARTH VETINARI [o.s.]
Ah... Carrot Skywalker, was it?
Vetinari stands calmly some distance from Carrot, his hands clasped behind his back.
DARTH VETINARI [contd.]
So good of you to come. I have forseen this moment for quite some time.
*****
End Part 14.