~~~
Visions of Futures Past
~~~
Daniel stood in the control room, his hands in his pockets. He
couldn't sleep, his mind fraught with images of his latest mission.
The solitude of the centre had drawn him, beckoning him with its
silence. The computer lights blinked rapidly, their colours dancing
across his face as he stared out at the gate lost in thought.
He was pathetic. The first person to show him kindness, human warmth,
and he gave into the need. A need that called to be fulfilled to
balance the anger which was his constant companion these days. Angerthat sprouted from the promise he made that wouldn't allow him the
relief of escape to Abydos, or a desert here on Earth. The anger that
flared when Jack walked into a room. Jack resented him, and he
resented Jack.
Anger was something Daniel was familiar with, this hope was something
that he was not. Strange how this one little woman had drawn his
gaze. She had made him feel alive. Challenged him. Her innocence
called to him, wanting an expression of his own. Wanted that promise
of forgetfulness. Even if just for a short time.
Wanted to forget the pain of seeing his friendship with Jack slowly
ebb away, day by day. Wanted what Linea had found. The bliss that
comes with being able to forget your own crimes. She had that right,
this girl who had followed them through the gate. Even Jack couldn't
take that away. Yet one more nail in the coffin of their friendship.
Was it too much to ask to slip behind that veil? Slip beneath the
radar and leave behind the pain? The temptation was overwhelming.
But he had made a promise.
A child.
He had wanted children, once long ago. So what if the Harcesis wasn't
his own. It was a part of his past, of his wife. He owed it to her
and maybe to himself. He could slip back in time, into the time
before Jack and raise this child as his own. And be happy. Not have
lost the most precious dream of his life.
Angry. Jack was always angry now. Didn't he understand? Or maybe
Jack understood all to well. Maybe Jack did read the secret desire he
harboured to wipe the slate clean. Wipe out the last three years as
if they didn't even exist.
But that would mean giving up all the little touches, the hidden
smiles. The remembrances. Jack saving him from the sarcophagus.
Jack hugging him and calling him 'Space Monkey'. Those intimate
moments scattered throughout the last years, too afraid to say how
much they meant to himself. That he treasured them because they were
so few and far between. Was he, Daniel, prepared to give them all up
to kill the pain he felt now?
No.
They were visions of a future already past, but just knowing the
possibility existed was enough for now. Daniel clung to them, using
them to ride out the next wave of regret. Out there, somewhere in an
alternate reality, there was a Daniel happy with his Jack. A Daniel
who had made the right choices because of the failure of his own. And
his heart felt lighter at the prospect.
This Linea had the chance to live her life over again. She had found
the innocence she long ago lost. And when Daniel kissed her, he had
sent all hopes of forgetting with her.
~~-~~
Jack stood at the threshold of the control room watching Daniel. His
friend. He had no claim on the man other than that. Had to remember
that Daniel was his friend. Loved his wife. Heard the words
himself. He was suffering. Yet...
Why her, Daniel? Sha're's body isn't even cold in the grave. Why,
out of all the people in the universe, did you pick Linea? Someone
who destroys life? Why not me?
Jack turned on his heel and stalked away.
~~~