~~~

Saving Grace

~~~

Shadows.

Stalking...slithering. Sliding upon walls and floors. Slinking its way to the waiting occupant on the bed. A fine sheen broke out on his brow as the man sensed the wraith drawing ever nearer, closer, his warm breath drank greedily from the frigid air. Winding streams of black ink covered the sleeping prey, feeding insatiably on his fear. Sweat poured from his body adding yet another layer of moisture to the soaked bedding. Tangled in the web of cotton, the man struggled to release his bonds, to awake from the nightly torment.

The shadow walker's touch chilled upon contact. Its icy flesh making the golden form gasp and writhe with desire and pain. Its caress, bliss bestowed from fevered dreams, from the nightly walks.

"Mine." The word froze all movement in the room. The man's body craved the bite of winter, anything to silence the need blazing in his heart. Wanting more of the icy touch to quell burning within. Something that would allow just one more day. Just one more day without the hunger shining brightly from his eyes. To hide that which *must* be hidden at all costs.

"Dream." Helpless against the tide of blind hunger invested in that command, Daniel awoke...screaming.

~~~

His hands shaking, Daniel crawled free from the sheets. Still in the grip of the nightmare, he could feel the hard casing of alien design enveloping his body as he hung from the rafters of level 23. See the shadowy thoughts of his tormentor as his evil benefactor touched Jack in ways that Daniel could only dream. See the shudder run through Jack's body as he helplessly laid in the grip of the sedative with no control over his own responses. Hear the voice mocking him in his mind as the alien taunted him with visions of what he could never have.

"See how he leans into *my* touch. How much your friend wants *me*." An alien hand ghosted over Jack's groin, stroking the rising hardness. Nimble fingers reaching beneath the waist band of his BDU's, claiming hardened flesh and bringing Jack to completion with a contented sigh.

Daniel couldn't shake the dark, slimy voice from his mind. The invading tentacles searching for yet another foothold into his mind. Seeking the hidden pathways to the desires he hid from even himself. Jealously, he hoarded the memory of Jack's smiles, his fond embraces, the caring he showed on infrequent occasions against the relentless invader. Using them to block the bitterness eating at his soul.

"It wasn't me. It wasn't me." Daniel chanted over and over. Jack would never forgive him the trespass should he ever find out. He squelched the insipid desire to hold that memory for himself before it could take up residence. It was too close to his own desires for comfort.

Stumbling in the half lit shadows, Daniel reached the kitchen and gulped water straight from his hands. The liquid splashed across the sink, onto the floor, and further soaked his already damp pajamas. Daniel didn't care.

A passing car blinded him with its lights through the open curtains. "I'm awake, I'm awake, I'm awake." He chanted over and over. He stumbled about out of the kitchen, collapsing onto his sofa with a grunt. This dream had to end. Two weeks was more than enough. It had got to the point where he was afraid to fall asleep at night. He had to get a handle on his emotions.

'Oh hell, as long as I'm awake.' Daniel rose turning on the lights in each room to chase away the encroaching night. The apartment ablaze with florescent, he dressed quickly and headed out the door for the base. There were several reports and artifacts awaiting his carefully detailed eye. Anything to keep the sound of post coital sighs from filling his ears.

~~~

The comforting signs of dusty figures, cluttered shelves, and a paper filled desk greeted Daniel as he drifted into the room. The edge leftover from the nightmare finally lifted and Daniel relaxed for the first time in days. He fell into the past with gusto, there being little to fear from the leftovers of the ancients.

So it really shouldn't have been such a surprise when his head fell forward onto his desk, sound asleep within seconds. But it was. Only, as usual, Daniel couldn't escape. Daniel should have known better, should have known he wouldn't be free, but he couldn't stop the drama as it played itself out. Should have kept his guard up and not fallen asleep.

Deja vu'.

~~~

The comforting signs of dusty figures, cluttered shelves, and a paper filled desk greeted Daniel as he drifted into the room. The edge leftover from the nightmare finally lifted and Daniel relaxed for the first time in days. He fell into the past with gusto, there being little to fear from his memories of Sha're.

"Daniel?"

The voice startled Daniel from his reflections back into the present. 'Jack. Right.' He looked up.

"Hey, just wanted to see how you are doing."

'Doing? I'm fine. Just slowly going insane. You?' Daniel fumbled with the basket on the counter. "Good." What to say now. Nothing was as it should be. "Okay." A voice whispered in his head. 'He's yours, Dani'el. Take what you need.' The lisping baritone filling him with heat. He started pulling things from the basket to keep his trembling to a minimum.

"We both drank from this cup at our wedding. I know I shouldn't have had any real hope, but...uh..." Daniel looked away, the hunger invaded turning his eyes dark as midnight.

"Hey. You *never* give up." Jack, his eyes never leaving Daniel's face, inched closer. Daniel wanted to move away, put as much distance between himself and Jack as he could in the small room. From where he stood now, he could feel the heat of Jack's body and it rooted him to the floor.

A sad, rueful smile drifted across Daniel's face. "How about now?"

"*Especially* not now." And with one step, Jack was in his space. There was something dark and frightening living in the face before him. Something which screamed at Daniel to run away, yet he couldn't. He was caught in this web of the past/present. A dream morphing reality with his desires.

"You want me."

"Yes." He couldn't deny it, even knowing this wasn't Jack, nothing but a shade using a beloved form to fill its own depraved wants. At the moment, Daniel couldn't find it within himself to care. He grabbed the being before him kissing deeply, drinking from warm depths. Seeking some strange forgiveness from a creature who couldn't care less. Drowning in the sensations of allowing his own body free reign. Sinking into the feel of heat, the male form, nothing soft or loving or gentle. Pressing against the hard length. Giving his body and soul over to the brutal, mind numbing coupling that spoke more of obsession than tender desire. Want for want. Need for need. Tear for tear. Hunger for hunger.

Blood for blood.

~~~

Leaving the shower and heading to his office, Jack had been surprised to see the light from underneath Daniel's door. The archaeologist wasn't due in until tomorrow. Sounds of harsh, embittered breathing greeted his ear as he pressed it against the door. He knocked.

"Daniel?" His summons went unanswered. The noise from within grew louder, darker. "Daniel." Still no response. Jack opened the door. Daniel lay with his head barely on the desk, his fingers crushing the papers scattered across the metal top. He thrashed in the grip of a dream, moaning with want and his face frozen in a horrifying grimace at the same time.

"Daniel!"

The resonant voice broke the bonds of the dreamscape, shocking Daniel back into reality. He lifted his head, his eyes trying desperately to focus as confusion took hold. "Jack?"

"You been here all night?" Jack took a step in Daniel's direction.

Panting heavily, Daniel scrubbed at his face, using the time to get a hold of his emotions. A mumbled 'yeah' slipped between his fingers.

"You look like shit." Jack regarded him with barely disguised concern. Dark circles ringed Daniel's eyes.

"Yeah, well." Daniel shrugged his shoulders.

"You okay?"

Daniel rose from his desk and crossed to the other side of the room. He started fussing with the papers on the counter to put space between them.

The dreams were getting worse. Even second he spent in Jack's presence made them more real, more explicit. He couldn't be in the same room without wanting to touch him, to add to the sense memories. It had been pure hell sitting next to Jack all throughout Skaara's trial. If he hadn't had that distraction, knowing that he held the boy's life in his hands, knowing that Jack needed him to focus, it would have been all over.

"Anything you want to talk about," Jack asked, watching the play of emotions rush over Daniel's face as he settled against the wall.

"Just need to get some sleep." Daniel muttered.

'Yeah, about two years worth, Daniel. What the hell is going on?' Jack continued to wait, letting the silence speak for him.

Daniel nervously hedged around him. "I think I'll just..." Daniel tossed a thumb over his shoulder. "See you tomorrow."

Daniel's eyes begged for him to let it go. To just drop it. You don't *want* to know. Leave it alone. 'Time...I just need time, Jack.'

"Uh, sure." The pure force of the apathy filling the room left Jack shivering in its wake.

"Later."

"Daniel?" Jack tried one more time.

Daniel stopped, his back to Jack. "Yeah."

"You've got my number. I'll be at the base all day."

"Sure."

Jack watched the hunched figure of his friend drift through the corridor. There was an emptiness that settled about the SGC. A cold chill hovered along the hallways which even layers of clothing couldn't escape. Mournful echoes befalling its grey passageways as the beings scurried about in the day.

The passion with which Daniel Jackson had lived his life, was gone. And Jack had no idea how to help him reclaim it.

~~~

Daniel awoke, sweat covering every inch of his body, a scream of terror lodged in his throat. The shadows edged in, inching closer and closer to his bed. The promise offered from his torment imbued in its cutting embrace. All he had to do was let go, give in to the fear rising, and let the creature feed off the warmth of his body.

There was one saving grace in this continuing nightmare, at least in the darkness, the emptiness was filled with a blistering cold...relief.

~~~

Desire.
A simple wanting tread upon a road less travelled
A disease that strikes with the hand of a lover
Left to die
Lost in the haze of temperance
Shelter sought from the descending raging storm.
To seek no more
For that which had no purpose among the stars.
Alone with only ones self to blame.

Denial,
There is relief cradled in its silence.

~~~