TITLE: A New Life

AUTHOR: Dreamcatcher

EMAIL: peacejaw@yahoo.com

RATING: PG

SPOILERS: The series itself

ARCHIVE: Fanfiction.net Only!

DISCLAIMER: ER and its characters are copyright Warner Bros. Entertainment, Amblin Television, and Michael Crichton. No infringement is intended. This original piece of fan fiction is being written for entertainment purposes only, and I am gaining no monetary compensation for it.

This is a work of fiction. All characters and places discussed are fictitious. Any resemblance to actual people, living or dead, or actual places and locations, is purely coincidental.

SUMMARY: Rachel's adjustment to Mark's death; Part 2

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It's been two long months since daddy died and I can't take it anymore! I can barely hold my life together… and it's getting worse. It's taking its toll on mom and I both. If I don't do something different soon, it's going to be too late!

It's gotten to the point where I've had to ask to move back in with Elizabeth and Ella. Of course mom isn't thrilled with the idea, but I think she understands my reasoning behind it. Elizabeth wasn't too keen on the idea either, but she's being more understanding than what my own mother is… and has agreed to let me live with her.

It's no surprise, though, that there are some ground rules and conditions… like no drugs, no alcohol, no smoking, and limited privileges. I have to earn all of my privileges, such as phone and computer usage.  What is a surprise, though, is that Elizabeth will keep tabs on my privileges… though I guess it shouldn't be.

I also have to attend counseling and a group therapy thing twice a week. As much as I don't want to, I did agree to attend both. It doesn't mean that I will be a willing participant in either. I have yet to find a counselor that I can trust… or more to the point… willing to trust.

I guess that's partly due to the fact that I've got a lot to say, but no one that I am willing to trust with what I have to say.  I do know that for the first time in a long time I felt safe… I was feeling so safe with daddy and Elizabeth. Then I got so scared… which turned into anger so easily. I guess that's one good thing about the counseling I've already had –being able to control my anger more often.

This weekend is my move in time at Elizabeth's. There is no other time for it. School starts soon and we have to get into a routine before it does. What's surprising about that, though, is that she is allowing me to watch Ella from 5-7 in the evenings. She didn't have to, but she is.

I just found out that Elizabeth is pregnant again. I think that is partly why she is testing me some now and not later… and demanding that I help out around the house. She's also demanding that I take responsibility for my life, my actions, choices and mistakes, which I have and I am working on. It's a touch and go type thing, but that's okay.

I think Elizabeth ended up being pregnant right about the time Ella O.D… which makes that about five months ago… or there about. I still don't know what to think about it, but I think I'm actually happy for Elizabeth. She needs to be distracted from all the grief and pain she's going through.  That doesn't make it any easier for me, though. I just hope that things will work out. I guess that's one thing about life … it's that we don't know how things will work out.

At least I am keeping my promise to daddy. I am working to get my life together. It's not easy, especially since I've had to give up a lot of my life… and move back in with mom. Then there's the ugly creep that she's married to. I can handle that mom remarried… like dad did… but the guy that she married is a complete jerk. I don't know how mom doesn't see it… at least not really see it. He is very threatening, especially when he drinks.

At any rate, I've been given another chance. I don't know who to thank for that… fate? God? Chance? Who knows. At any rate, thank you!

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TBC