TITLE: The Worst Day Ever

AUTHOR: Dreamcatcher

EMAIL: peacejaw@yahoo.com

RATING: PG

SPOILERS: The series itself

ARCHIVE: Fanfiction.net Only!

DISCLAIMER: ER and its characters are copyright Warner Bros. Entertainment, Amblin Television, and Michael Crichton. No infringement is intended. This original piece of fan fiction is being written for entertainment purposes only, and I am gaining no monetary compensation for it.

This is a work of fiction. All characters and places discussed are fictitious. Any resemblance to actual people, living or dead, or actual places and locations, is purely coincidental.

SUMMARY: Rachel's adjustment to Mark's death –Part 7

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Well, today is the day I'm supposed to meet John Carter at my school. Why? Because I promised him that I would attend a meeting with him on school grounds. To be honest, though, I'm not looking forward to it. I'm not entirely sure why, but I do know that it's not related to the meeting itself nor is it related to the anniversary of daddy's death.  Don't get me wrong, both of those events are taking their toll, but they aren't what's causing me to dread the meeting.

I wish that I could have stayed home today, but I know that I could not. A promise is a promise and I will not back out of a promise. It's a tough thing to follow through, though, when there are days like today when things are going pretty rough.

It's the 4th period and I'm waiting in a conference room with John and my school guidance counselor. We are waiting for nine of my schoolmates to show up… that's all that signed up for this group. Today is more of an informal meeting and was set up so that we could get to know one another. I don't know who is supposed to be here because I haven't seen the sign up list. I do, however, hope that Paulie isn't one of the group members… he was my drug dealer and my boyfriend. When I started to turn my life around, he couldn't handle it and has been harassing me ever since. I really don't want to have to face him today.

I have been curious, though, as to who was going to show up today… and I've also wondered if any of the gang I used to hang around with would be here. I really don't care who is here… except of course Paulie. I do hope that the old gang will not be here because I do think that it's a bad idea for me to start hanging around with them again. There is just too much temptation to hang around with them and I know that my family cannot survive another episode that happened during the last several months of daddy's life.

Daddy… I still cannot believe that he's gone. I think of him constantly… even now as the other students are filing into the room. So far I recognize no one… and I realize why John and I are here. It's because of daddy… he's been an inspiration to the both of us and we want to help others the way he helped us.

The meeting finally gets underway and I find that those of us here have a lot in common: many of us have come from messed up families. A lot of us also resent our families and have a lot of anger towards our parents… who, for whatever reason, have left the picture. We are able to share our experiences with drug use fairly easily and I learn more in this one session than I ever thought was possible.

Just as the meeting was about to break up, the unbelievable happens… Shouts were heard from the hallway and a loud commotion was heard outside our door. Before any of us could respond, gunshots ring out in the conference room… and I know immediately that several of us were hit in various locations. As we took cover, though, I could tell that John was bleeding from a shoulder wound, the guidance counselor appeared to be dead, and that I had an enormous amount of pain in my stomach.

At that point in time, I knew enough to know that I had a very serious wound in my stomach. I also knew that the entire situation was a dire situation… one I wasn't sure that any of us would walk away alive from. Things quickly went from bad to worse when the person doing the shooting walked into the conference room at that exact moment. Time almost froze for me as I realize that I know the shooter… it was Paulie. What the hell was he doing here with a gun?

He looks at me directly and I instinctively know that things are going to get a lot worse before they get better. The commotion outside the room grows very chaotic as students and facility flee the school while things inside the room grow very still and is filled with fear.

Paulie commands us to come out from our hiding spots and line up against a certain wall… and slowly we converged on the wall one way or another. As it turns out, the guidance counselor was indeed dead and was allowed to remain in a pool of blood in a nearby corner. At that point I wondered who else was going to end up dead and dread set in like never before.

I encourage Paulie to allow John to check the rest of us over to see how bad things were and after a few silent moments, he agreed. I was the last one to be checked over and I could tell that John was concerned with me the most. I let him know that I will be okay, but I could tell that he didn't believe me.

Before we could discuss it further, though, Paulie instructed John to block the entrance to the conference room with the table so that no one would be able to gain entry. John does what he is told, but rather slowly. Paulie almost loses his patience with John, but in the end just ends up cursing John out. In return, John inquires as to why he was doing this… and of course Paulie was evasive about it… saying that we'll found out when the time is right.

One thing is very clear, though, and that is we are at Paulie's mercy. To make that point very clear, Paulie shoots and kills the girl setting next to me –the one who would not stop crying or whining. To be honest, I think he killed her for no reason at all. If this keeps up, I know that we are not going to get out of this alive. What a shame, too! We all are way too young to die!

Unfortunately I can see that familiar darkness and it's trying to work its way to me, but I do keep fighting it off. If I don't, I know that it will quickly over take my life once more and I cannot let that happen again. I've worked far too hard to come this far to let this happen again… and I know I still have a long way to go.

I know that I have to stay focused and in the present. My counselor and I have worked so hard to keep me in tune with my body and deal with my problems head on. I cannot believe this is happening again! I need to breath… and stay awake!

Paulie is moving around the room as if he's nervous… why shouldn't he be? After all he's breaking the law. Some time passes before Paulie places his first call… and it's apparent to everyone that it's to the police. They now know that we are here and what exactly is going on… as do the rest of us.

It doesn't dawn on me until a few minutes later that he is doing this for revenge… revenge because I broke it off with him last year and then would not hook back up with him again. Shit! I sure in the hell don't need the added guilt and weight on my shoulders. What good is it going to do me to have the deaths of these people on my conscience? I already have enough going on in my life and I don't need this crap! So what the hell can I do about it?

Nothing at the moment… I'm already so weak and tired that there isn't a whole that I'll be able to do myself. Maybe if I can brainstorm with John he'll be able to do something. Then again, if he isn't already doing something, maybe we are truly in trouble.

Who knows… but I don't know how much longer I can hold on. My stomach is really hurting right now and I can tell I've lost a lot of blood already… is it more serious than what I had originally thought? Despite that, though, I try to focus my attention to what Paulie is doing.

He's off the phone now and is giving me a sly smile. I don't like it when he does that. It lets me know that he is about to pull another trick out of his sleeve… and with Paulie it almost always evil… so it's no surprise when he tells me that if I die from my injury, he will kill everyone else in the room. It's just another cruel way to make me pay one-way or another.

John is next to me again and is checking me over. I almost wish he would just let me be, but I know that he is trying to keep me awake and aware of what's going on. He knows how easily I could lose consciousness. It's still nice to have an adult present who knows me and is a doctor.

How long is this going to last? God I hope not for a long… mainly because I know that I cannot hold on much longer. I can see the worry in John's face and it sends a sense of peace through me. Knowing that someone who cares is with me right now really does help… though I probably won't admit that to him.

Paulie is face to face with me challenging me to push him away. Instead I ask him what he expects to accomplish with all this. I get the answer of a lifetime: to make me suffer before he kills me. Then he'll take the easiest way out of the mess and kill himself. He goes on to explain that he has shot up several classrooms already before he found me here, which saddens me because these people do not deserve this. Then it dawns on me: none of us were going to walk away from this mess… the ugly asshole is going to kill every one of us.

Paulie is still in my face when I finally pass out from the pain and blood loss. Almost immediately I find myself in a darkened area and realize that I'm not alone. I instinctively call out for daddy and I immediately hear his soft singing. A moment later I'm able to see him and I immediately run into his arms and start crying. I manage to cry myself to sleep and slept for the longest time.

Unfortunately something woke me up from a deep sleep and it took me several moments before I realize what it was: I was sensing danger and sadness all around me. Thankfully daddy was still with me and I ask him about what was going on. He tells me that I must wake myself up physically to find out.

As much as I don't want to, I do just that… but it was because of daddy's encouragement that I did so. When I do awaken, John is hunched over me. I know instinctively that he was there to see how I was doing, but also aware that he was looking elsewhere. I then learn that John is looking directly at Paulie and questioning him as to why he insisted that he kill two of the other students.

I try to move around to see who had been shot, but pain immediately shoots through my body and I end up moaning aloud. John puts all his attention on my and asks how I'm feeling. I answer honestly… that I'm very tired and am in pain.  Then I ask him how long I had been out and who had been killed.

I had been out almost two solid hours and two of my closest friends here had been killed. Shit! The longer I'm out, the more Paulie takes it out on the others. Paulie has apparently also beaten on John because he has some fresh bruises forming on his face. That's when I realize that not only are we going to die here, we are going to have a violent death.

That sends a deep chill through my body. When Paulie finally gets to me, what the hell is he going to do to me? Or is watching my entire new friends die going to be enough for him? He's destroyed my life once already and he's working on doing it again. As much as I don't want to, I know that I must face the situation head on… so I do my best to make peace with God and my past.

I also think of Mark, Ella, and Elizabeth… and wonder if Elizabeth knows what's going on. Almost undoubtedly she does because she is working today and quite a few of the shooting victims would go to County General. The question is… will she be working or will she try to come to the school?

It's all I can do to hope that Elizabeth stays at work knowing that work would help her nerves right now. Then again… with Elizabeth I really don't know what she'll do. I do wonder how she is going to deal with my death if I were to actually die here. Will Mark and Ella grow up with me? God I hope not!

As the next hour goes by, I find myself growing even more tired and even weaker… and I know that I'm about to pass out again. I say a short prayer of strength as I finally pass out. Almost immediately I find myself in daddy's arms and know that I can rest once more. As I fall asleep again, I realize that bits and pieces are coming through to me from the conference room and know that my consciousness is fighting to be in two places at once.

I choose to remain where I am, though, and take in whatever is supposed to come next. I hear a lot of muffled noise… then quite a few screams… actual physical pain… and then I sense that John is nearby trying to protect me from something. Then I realize that he is pulled away from me. I don't know what happened next because all I hear is silence. Fear tries to take over me, but I fight it down knowing that I will not do any good for it to surface.

What I cannot stop, though, are my tears. They are flowing down my cheeks freely now and daddy tries to sooth me. The trouble is… it's not working –at least not at first. Slowly daddy's lullaby makes it through to me and I'm able to calm down some. I ask daddy why I'm able to sense what's going on around me now when I wasn't able to before?

His answer surprises me… I'm able to tune into my body more… and because of that I know what's going on. Daddy let's me know that he loves me and always will, but that I must go back to my body and fight for what's mine. I guess daddy knows that I'm ready for this because he sends me back to where I'm supposed to be.

When I awake, I realize that all the other students in the room are dead. I also sense that John is in real danger. I look to see what was happening and find that Paulie is standing over John watching him suffer after a rather nasty beating.

I moan… and that's when Paulie comes after me. He starts to beat me… but is interrupted by movement behind him.  I don't know what happens after that because at that very moment, I pass out.

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I awake once more and find that I'm no longer in the conference room. I look around to see where I'm at and find that I'm in a hospital room… my own private room. A lot of time must have passed by be this time because I have no clue as to how I arrived at the hospital.

Elizabeth comes into the room at that point and smiles… she's noticed that I'm awake. I ask her what has happened to John… and how I ended up here. She explains that John is okay… just like I am… and that the police had barged into the room in time to stop Paulie from killing me. That's when I also learn that John was forced to watch what had transpired after Paulie came after me. He's not going to have an easy time of this… especially since he also had to watch Lucy Night suffer as well. I ask where John was… and Elizabeth said that he is at home resting.

It becomes apparent that I've been in the hospital for a while… so I inquire as to how long. I find out it's been two weeks since the shooting… and I have had to go through several surgeries and made it through a coma. I also find out that I will have to go through some physical therapy to gain back the strength of my legs, but that I am going to pull through this just fine.

Then I learn the true horror of what happened that fateful day: 20 students died and 50 plus kids were seriously injured. 5 staffers also died that day. Talk about loss of life! And it was all because of me! Shit!

I knew at that point that I was going to have a lot of counseling time to go through before I would be ready to go back to school… if I was ever at that point. Still, I knew that my daddy was with me… and was able to help guide me through some tough times.

At one point I learn that Ella and Mark are okay, but Ella keeps asking for me. In time, I allow Mark and Ella to visit… and knew that I would be okay. It would take some time, but I would be okay!

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TBC