TITLE: Moving On

AUTHOR: Dreamcatcher

EMAIL: peacejaw@yahoo.com

RATING: PG

SPOILERS: The series itself

ARCHIVE: Fanfiction.net Only!

DISCLAIMER: ER and its characters are copyright Warner Bros. Entertainment, Amblin Television, and Michael Crichton. No infringement is intended. This original piece of fan fiction is being written for entertainment purposes only, and I am gaining no monetary compensation for it.

This is a work of fiction. All characters and places discussed are fictitious. Any resemblance to actual people, living or dead, or actual places and locations, is purely coincidental.

SUMMARY: Rachel's adjustment to Mark's death –Part 8

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It's been ten years since that fateful day and so much has changed in my life… in all of our lives. I managed to accomplish so much in so little time and I'm not sure how I managed to do that. Physical therapy, counseling, graduation, college, and even medical school are all apart of my life since the shooting. There's other stuff, of course, but not much.

Physical therapy wasn't all that bad and didn't amount to a whole lot. Most of it was so that I could regain a lot of the strength to my lower body that I had lost during the shooting. I still have a few problems with my lower back, but all it is is the fact that when we are about to get a major weather system that wants to move through my lower back complains. I don't mind –usually- because it lets me know that I'm still alive.

My counselor encouraged me to return to school –the very one where the shooting occurred- so that I would be able to graduate with my class. I didn't want to… and even fought with the counselor and Elizabeth about going back… but in the end I did go back to the school. It was a difficult thing for me to do –why wouldn't it be?- but going to counseling everyday after school the first semester got me through the initial crap of returning to that school. As time went on, I was able to cut back to three times a week, then two times a week, then once a week.  What amazed me is the fact that I got decent grades all through high school despite all the trauma I went through. I guess that's partly due to the fact that I had absolutely no social life in high school and wasn't going to just sit around and do nothing.

I graduated in the top five percent of my class and went on to college. I knew right from the beginning what I wanted to do with my career… I wanted to be an ER doctor like my father. Because I spent quite a bit of time studying and I was very determined about it, I managed to move very quickly through college and medical school… and started my career in Cook County General's ER.

Unfortunately, two years ago Elizabeth was killed in a car accident on the way home from work … which left me in charge of raising Ella and Mark. Don't get me wrong, I love being there for the two of them, but I never pictured myself being a single parent to them. In fact, I never pictured myself being a parent in the first place… so settling into the single parent role hasn't been easy. I also know that it hasn't been easy for Mark or Ella.

In fact it's gotten to a point where drastic changes were needed in our lives in order for us to survive. I transferred to a hospital in Hawaii and moved us all to Maui, Hawaii. It's the one place that I knew that held any chance of any of us healing our souls and being able to open ourselves up once again. It hasn't exactly been an easy transition for any of us, but things here seem to be going somewhat better than what they were in Chicago.

Since moving here, I've put Mark and Ella into counseling. Mark had some major anger issues to work through –he still does, but it's nothing like it was when we first arrived. Ella had become very withdrawn and I was worried that I was going to lose her forever.  She's now moved into the anger stage of things… so I guess it's a step up from where we were. Still, I know she has a long ways to go.

As for myself, I still remain in counseling… but it's gotten to a point where I'm able to go once a month and be fine otherwise.  To this day I carry around a lot of issues from my past, but they don't weigh me down like they once did. In fact, I'm able to express myself in my writings –which seems to please my counselor. I'm able to hope and make plans for the future –including setting goals for a long term setting… like eventually buying out the property that daddy had rented shortly before his death and doing something special with it. That will have to wait until after Mark and Ella are done with school, though. 

I still think of daddy often, but Ella and Mark don't ask as many questions as they once did. They truly seem satisfied with the memory journals that Elizabeth and I set up for them… something that I'm grateful of. One day, though, I hope that I'll marry and maybe have a father figure in their lives. It certainly is possible, especially since Ky is here. He's the guy I met up with when daddy first brought me to Hawaii… and he isn't married. We've been dating the last two months and it's been wonderful. I don't want to rush into anything, though, and he knows that. Mark and Ella haven taken to Ky –something I'm very grateful of.

I guess this means that we are moving on with our lives… something I never thought we'd be able to do. Birthdays and holidays are always sort of rough for us, but I do try to celebrate life with Mark, Ella, and Ky knowing that it is something that daddy, mom, and Elizabeth would want for us. In fact, I would hope that they would be proud of the accomplishments that we have been able to achieve so far.  After all, who knows what life will hold for any of us?

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TBC