This story is rated PG-13 for language, and sexual references.
Love Is Tragic
Love Is Bold
You Will Always
Do What You Are Told
Love Is Hard
Love Is Strong
You Will Never Say That You Were Wrong
I Don't Know When I Got Bitter
But Love Is Surely Better When It's Gone
'Cause You Wanted More
More Than I could Give
More than I could handle
In a life that I can't live
You wanted more
More than I could bear
More than I could offer
For a love that isn't there
Love is color
Love is loud
Love is never saying you're too proud
Love is trusting
Love is honest
Love is not a hand to hold you down
I don't know when I got bitter
But love is surely better when it's gone
I got to pick me up when I am down
I got to get my feet back on the ground
I got to pick me up when I am down
You wanted more
More than I could love
More than I could offer
The harder you would shove
You Wanted More
More Than I could give
More than I could handle
In a life that I can't live
~You Wanted More
Tonic
"Tonight, Tonight"
by Mercury Blue and Fire Goddess Raye
Part One- The First Month
Chapter Four-
Turning of the Tides
The silence between them now was so thick you could have cut it with a knife. With some effort, Chad had again taken his seat next to Lita, who immediately nuzzled into his shoulder, completely oblivious to the fact that he was staring at Raye with imploring eyes. Raye did her best to avoid the gaze, curled up in her spot in the old armchair with her eyes fixed on the television in mock concentration.
If anyone noticed it, nothing was said- but from her spot on the floor, Amy knew something was up. And she had a feeling she knew what had happened.
***
"See ya guys." Raye waved goodbye as Mina and Jeff walked out the door, his arm around her waist. It was past one and, much to Raye's relief, the movies were over and everyone had decided to go home.
Mina and Jeff waved and walked down the cement stairs to where Jeff's badly-dented bike was parked. Inside, Lita was putting on her coat and shoes.
"Thanks for having me over," she chirped, planting a quick kiss on Chad's lips. "I had fun."
Raye turned her head at the sign of affection, not noticing how Chad hesitated slightly while kissing her back. As much as the scene disturbed her, she'd come to the recent realization that this was how it would have to be from now on, for Lita's sake. She wanted her friend to be happy, and if it meant not
having the man she loved, a part of her felt it was worth it.
The other part was dying.
"See you guys," Lita waved in Amy and Raye's direction, and walked out the door, bouncing happily down the stairs behind Mina and Jeff. The two waved back with false smiles, exchanging glances between themselves.
Finally, Raye closed the door with a sigh, turning to lean against it. An awkward silence filled the room and enveloped the remaining three people in the house.
"Um, I'm going to bed," Chad murmured finally, his head down. "Good night."
Raye watched him turn sharply and walk towards his room, closing the door behind him. Amy immediately raised her eyes at her friend.
"Time to spill, Raye," she said almost immediately. "I've been waiting all night to ask you- What happened between the two of you in the bathroom?" She walked across the room to sit on the couch with her legs curled under her, then waved her hand to indicate that Raye should do the same. "Don't think I didn't notice how awkward things were between you today. Even worse than usual."
As Raye joined her friend on the couch, she sighed to herself and shook her head, not sure where to start. "It happened so fast, Amy," she finally blurted out. "One minute, I was washing pie off of my face and the next, my arms were around his waist and I was kissing him!" She hid her face in her hands. "I couldn't help it, Amy! I couldn't control myself!"
Amy simply shook her head, a little stunned but not entirely surprised by Raye's confession. "You kissed him?" she repeated. "Oh, man, what were you thinking?"
"That's the problem, Amy. I wasn't thinking. All I could think of was how incredible he looked with his shirt hanging open like that; how amazing his stomach was. How tender the look in his eyes..." She whimpered to herself and pouted, despising herself for her weakness. "I'm such a bad friend. I totally stabbed Lita in the back!" Tears crept into her eyes, and she hugged a nearby couch cushion to her chest as Amy silently processed what she'd heard.
"Well, did he kiss you back?" Amy asked finally, trying to ignore the feeling that nicked in the back of her mind. Deja vu brought her hair on end.
"YES!" Raye wailed dramatically, tossing her head back to rest against the back of the couch. "He did! And that makes it so much worse!"
Pause.
"Why is it worse, Raye?"
"BECAUSE! Now I know he still likes me, but we can never be together!!!!" If it weren't for the seriousness of the situation, Amy would have laughed at Raye's theatrics. She was beginning to resemble Serena in her urgency, though Amy dared not tell her that. In fact, she was a little bothered at how much it reminded her of her own situation with Darien.
Raye shifted uncomfortably in her chair with a grimace, one hand on her belly. "I just feel so terrible, Amy. I've got, like, this gnawing feeling in the pit of my stomach."
Amy gazed off into space. "I know how you feel," she murmured.
Raye nodded slowly, her eyes fixed on Chad's bedroom door. "God, am I wrong, though? It felt so right."
Amy sighed, in her own world. "Yeah, it did."
"What?"
Amy was startled from her reverie at the sight of Raye staring at her, an eyebrow cocked as she gazed with curiosity at her friend. "What the hell are you talking about?" A bemused smile rested on her cherry-colored lips as crimson crept up Amy's neck, staining her face. "Amy, why do I suddenly get the feeling we're not talking about me anymore?"
Awkward.
"Forget it," Amy averted her eyes quickly. "We're talking about you and Chad right now…"
"Forget about that for the moment," said Raye, leaning forward. "I want to know what you meant by that." There was a moment of silence where nothing was said before, finally, Amy cast her friend a distressed glance.
"Raye, what happened between you and Chad tonight? Well, to tell you the truth, I'm not exactly in a position to throw stones here." Raye waited for her to continue and Amy sighed, not sure how to tell her friend about what had transpired that day. "Okay. You know how I went to talk to Darien today? To try and convince him to get back with Serena?" The knot in her stomach tightened and she worried, knowing her firey friend would almost definitely be pissed off at her. "We wound up going out for lunch and spent a good part of the afternoon talking." She leaned back and frowned, her eyes on Raye. "I tried to get him to take Serena back- I really did- but he just wouldn't hear any of it. He really feels like he's being forced into his role in the future with Serena- and I don't blame him! He wants to chose his own path, and make his own decisions without the weight of consequence on his shoulders. He feels trapped, Raye."
"Amy, what exactly are you trying to tell me here?" Raye's tone was chilly. Amy tried to ignore her friend's tone and continued.
"We found out that we had a lot in common and we had a blast, the both of us. And between finals and life's other stresses, it's been a long time since I really enjoyed myself like that." She watched realization dawning on Raye's features. "As I was leaving, we went to give one another a hug goodbye- innocently. And somehow- before I knew it- we were kissing." The last sentence came out in a tumble of words and Amy clenched her eyes shut, bracing herself against the fury that was almost sure to follow.
Instead, Raye sat in stunned silence for a moment before her jaw dropped. "Amy, please tell me you're not serious." She said finally.
"It happened before either of us realized it, Raye. I never planned on-"
"That little snake," Raye spat, venom in her tone. "How could he do that to her? " As relieved as Amy felt momentarily that her friend's anger seemed to be directed more at Darien than herself, she felt the need to interject.
"Raye, it wasn't just him, it was both of us." She sighed, and ran a hand through her hair. "We got caught up in the moment, and it happened- no different than you and Chad tonight. He was in a bad place emotionally and, to tell you the truth, I wasn't in all that great of a mood myself. I've been having... problems... in my relationship with Greg lately. Then today, for the first time in a long time, I was able to just stop thinking about that and have fun. I know it was wrong. I never should have let Mina convince me to get involved in the first place. But, as hard as it is to believe, he's just- not in love with her anymore."
Raye stared at her friend deeply for a moment, without saying a word. It was her turn to process surprising information. Finally she drew in a deep breath and said, "Well, I guess it's not my life. Darien and Serena aren't together any more, and it's about time every one just accepted that." Amy exhaled lightly, relieved. "I mean, it's not as if you kissed him while they were together. Technically, you could say he's fair game right now. So as upset as the situation might make me, you're not HALF the bad person I am." Tears filled her eyes, and Amy hugged her reflexively, wishing she could say something to make everything better.
"Raye, I know how you're feeling right now, and I want you to stop blaming yourself. If Chad kissed you back then it's just as much his fault as it is yours." She brushed a strand of hair off her friend's forehead, not quite sure what else to say, but knowing she had to comfort her. "Raye, whatever happens now, I just want you to promise me you'll follow your heart. If you and Chad are meant to be, like I have a feeling you are, everything will work out fine." A slight smile fell on her lips, and she said, "As much as I love Lita, I've gotta say, she chose one heck of a guy to go after. Who knew the one guy you didn't want her to have would be the one guy who would finally go out with her?"
Raye smiled softly, the light from the room casting a strange glow over her tear-streaked face. The smile widened and soon she was chuckling softly to herself, laughter bubbling up as the full irony of the situation surrounded her, gradually becoming full-blown hysterics. She clutched her sides, tears filling her eyes and Amy just stared at her, not sure what she had said to trigger such a response in her friend and feeling only vaguely concerned for her sanity.
Finally, Raye seemed to calm down a bit, and she smiled at Amy gratefully, if not a little sadly. "You're not kidding, Ames," she said finally. "And boy, I really needed the laugh. Tonight's taken my emotions over one bad hill after another." She sighed, leaning back on her heels on the couch, her eyes never leaving Amy. "This would be so much easier to deal with if Lita weren't my friend. Then, I'd be able to do as I please and not feel guilty about it. If that were the case, you'd better bet I'd fight tooth and nail to get Chad back." She gave Amy a half-smile. "But the problem is, Lita is my friend, and no matter what, I have to support her and be happy for her. And most of all, I have to stay away from Chad. I had my chance with him, and I didn't take it. It's my own fault, and I refuse to have her suffer for it. Tonight was a mistake, one that I won't make again. Chad's simply not an option for me anymore. I'll have to accept that, and just get over him. Do you understand?" Amy nodded slowly, and Raye tried to change the subject. "What are you going to do about Darien?"
Amy shook her head, and looked at her friend. "I'm going to see him tomorrow," she said, "I don't know what'll happen, but I can't leave it like this. He and Serena," she sighed, "as much as he objects, need to find each other in the end. And given how he feels about the situation, it's going to be hard enough making that happen without my interference. No, I definitely can't get involved, no matter what I'm feeling." Raye gave her a look as if to ask what exactly it was she was she was feeling, and Amy shook her head.
"My heart's in a very confused place right now," she said, "I'm not quite sure what I think of him. All I know is he and I can't happen. We're not meant to be."
"Amy," Raye placed her hand on her friend's, "I want you to know I'm here for you, like you are me. As much as I protest him dumping Serena in the first place- and as weird as it is discussing his love life, period- you are my best friend." She smiled softly. "A very smart person once told me, whatever happens, to follow my heart. Before you decide anything, I want you to remember that."
Amy returned the smile, and nodded. "I will," she promised. She hugged her friend again. "Come on, now," she said. "Let's get to sleep. We both have a lot to deal with, and we'll need as much rest as possible."
"Yeah, we do."
***
Gentle snoring from Amy's direction told Raye that her friend was fast asleep. She stared up at the ceiling and wished that sleep would come to her, too.
Her mind was swimming with the memories of only hours before. She could still almost feel the hot press of Chad's lips against her own and his strong arms pulling her against his firm and inviting body. The other part was busy scolding her, over and over.
~How could I have been so stupid? How could I have succumbed so easily? I'm a horrible, horrible person. I'm weak.~
Even so, she couldn't help but remember how he'd looked, shirtless and covered in flour. Or, for that matter, the way he'd washed her face so tenderly. To think of that almost made her swear everything was going to be fine. They could be together. Nothing could come between them. It would be wonderful. It would be perfect. It would be...
~Stop it!~
Raye mentally kicked herself. They weren't going to be together. Not ever, she thought.
~And I'd better get used to it, too.~
Lita was her friend, her ally. She wouldn't do anything to betray her any more than she already had.
~I've just got to stop thinking about him. I had my chance, and I didn't take it then. It's my own fault I've lost him. Besides, it's not as if I've staked claims on him.~
But not thinking about Chad wasn't as easy as it sounded. Thoughts of him had clouded her mind for weeks now, and after this evening's occurrence, the chances of him getting off of her mind were slim to none.
~How could he have done that? Why did he have to kiss me back?~
Sure, there had been countless times that they'd flirted with one another in the past, but Raye had never let it progress much more than that. She'd just always assumed that if she really wanted to be with Chad, she could just say the word, and have him mind, body, and soul.
But that was then, and this was now. And now, being with Chad meant hurting one of her closest friends. Now, a love that at one time could have been cherished without the risk of heartbreak held the chance of doing just that to Lita. Now, everything was complicated.
Raye barely noticed as a tear slipped silently down her cheek.
***
The next morning was even more awkward than the last. Despite Amy's presence, or maybe due to it, tension hung like a thick fog throughout the shrine.
As Amy and Raye crept into the kitchen for something to eat, Chad wasted no time in cleaning up his dishes and hurrying out the door with nothing more than a quick nod in Amy's direction.
"This is really fucked up," Raye muttered after he'd left and they'd prepared their breakfast. She sat down and cradled her head in her hands. Nodding, Amy seated herself next to her friend and placed her steaming bowl of oatmeal on the table before her.
"Things are a little confusing right now, aren't they?" she agreed with a sigh. "When on Earth did everything get so... crazy?" Amy blew softly at the cereal on her spoon to cool it, and then put it in her
mouth.
"When our lips lost control, that's when," Raye snorted. Amy didn't reply. Instead, she ate another spoonful of her oatmeal.
The girls finished their breakfasts in silence, each of them lost in her own thoughts.
"So, you're going home today?" Raye asked finally. Amy nodded slowly.
"Yeah, I guess. After I speak to Darien, of course." She stood up and grabbed the two empty bowls off of the table. Walking to the other end of the room, she deposited them in the sink. "I'm not looking forward to it, but... like I said last night, we're not meant to be. I can't mess up the future like that." She turned around and forced a small smile.
"But what about him? What happens there?" Raye leaned forward, and looked questioningly at her friend. "You said it yourself- he doesn't want his future decided for him anymore. Isn't he going to do what he wants, regardless of whether it includes you or not?"
Amy hesitated. "You're right. He is bent on the idea of not being controlled anymore. And by not being with him, I'm not going to drive him back into Serena's arms or anything. But," she paused, appearing to be deep in thought, "regardless of all that, I can't possibly become involved with him. I care too much about Serena's well-being, about her feelings. I couldn't hurt her like that."
"At least now someone can relate to how I feel," Raye muttered, recalling her own situation.
"Yeah, I do." Amy paused once again. "But, that's beside the point. He and I... well, it was a mistake, that's all. He needs to know I can't... we can't..." she trailed off.
Her eyes closed, and again she remembered how his lips felt on hers-his arms so firm around her waist.
"I think I know what you're saying," Raye murmured, knocking her out of her reverie. "Isn't life a real bitch? The one man you want is always the one that's just out of reach." A sad smile spread across her face.
It was Amy's turn to interrupt her friend's daydreams. "Raye, are you going to be okay by yourself?" she asked.
Raye waved her away, then stood up to give her friend a hug. "I'll be fine," she sighed. "Besides, how much trouble can I possibly get into with Mr. Congeniality there ignoring me?"
Amy laughed softly. "Not much, I'd wager." She picked up her purse from where she'd lain it and draped it across her shoulder. "Seriously, though, I'd better be going. You have a good day, okay?"
"I'll try, Ames. I really will. Oh, and Ames?" Amy turned around to face her friend. "Take care, okay?"
***
Chad sat at the edge of his bed, softly picking his guitar. He was trying to find the notes, and perhaps compose a tune, that matched the way he was feeling. He wasn't having much luck.
~To hell with it!~
After several futile attempts to unleash his unhappiness in song, he shoved his guitar to his side, and flopped back onto the mattress. Thoughts raced through his mind.
~Why? Why now? Why not any other time?~
The conflict between the emotions he was feeling was almost overwhelming. The previous evening's events had opened the flood gates, releasing all of the feelings for Raye he'd spent weeks trying to suppress. He was angry. Angry at Raye, angry at himself, and mostly, angry at the circumstances that had brought him to this point.
One little kiss. That's all it took to turn his life upside down. Just a few seconds, and he had betrayed Lita, and most of all, himself.
He didn't understand. Did Raye care for him? Was she toying with him? Did he mean anything to her? With a sigh, he remembered the words she had spoken to him the night before.
~"You know we can't do this again. Ever."~
He understood that she and Lita were friends; understood that Raye didn't want to be responsible for hurting her. But what about Chad's feelings on this issue? Didn't they mean anything to Raye?
Chad thought about it. What were his feelings in this matter? After all, he did care about Lita- she was a beautiful, sweet girl. Kind, caring- everything he wanted in a woman. She just wasn't Raye, and that was the problem. He wanted to be with Raye,
~"This didn't happen."~
but that just couldn't be. He could see that now.
He sat up on the bed, and ran a finger softly over the varnished wood of his guitar. If Raye could pretend that that wonderful moment hadn't happened- if she could somehow convince herself that they hadn't shared what they'd shared, well, then so could he. He'd stay on the path he was on now, he decided- he'd stay with Lita. After all, she did make him happy. She was gorgeous, talented, sexy- perhaps, in time, he would even grow to love her. Maybe, he thought, she was just the thing he needed to forget Raye. To forget all the love he'd poured into every moment he spent with her... to forget all the pain she'd caused him.
For what must have been the millionth time, the scene in the bathroom replayed in his mind. Once again, he could feel her small frame, pressed against his; tiny hands on his waist. The hot, hungry feel of her tongue probing his mouth. The smell of almonds. For a fleeting moment, he was there again. He could taste her, he could smell her. He could hold her.
But the feeling was temporary. Gradually, the memory began to fade, and Chad once again became aware of his surroundings. He was in his room, sitting on his bed. No longer could he taste Raye on his lips; instead, he tasted salt.
Chad swiped at his face with the back of his hand. He'd been crying.
***
The floor beneath Amy's feet shifted and trembled, signaling the elevator she was in had begun its three-floor ascent. With a trembling hand, she flicked a lock of blue sapphire hair out of her
eyes and sighed.
~Why am I so nervous?~ she wondered as the lift slowly climbed up to Darien's floor. Ever since she'd left Raye's home earlier that morning, she'd been shaking from head to foot, terrified at the idea of what she had to do that day. ~It's a very simple matter. All I have to do is tell him...~
Tell him what? Amy didn't even know what she was going to say. She knew that the kiss they had shared the previous day shouldn't have happened- that much was obvious. And she was fairly certain that she needed to keep her distance from him in order to prevent such a thing from happening again. But to put that into words, and say that to him- Amy didn't know if she could. She felt embarrassed, shy, and just a little bit scared of how he was going to react.
~He'll understand, I'm sure he will~ Amy told herself. ~We'll probably wind up laughing about the whole thing. In fact, he probably hasn't even thought about it since then.~
Amy sighed at the thought. "Unlike me," she said aloud. Ever since she'd been held in the arms of the Earth Prince, she'd thought about it. Thought about the scent of his skin and the taste of his mouth. She shivered at the memory of his lips on hers and mentally slapped herself for enjoying it.
~Stop it, Amy! Or you'll never be able to do this!~
The elevator doors opened with a metallic 'ping', and Amy closed her eyes briefly, taking a deep breath. ~Okay, girl. It's now or never~ she told herself, stepping out into the hallway. With a slow, hesitant walk, she strolled towards the door of Darien's apartment.
She recalled how Darien had sounded over the intercom as he'd buzzed her in only moments earlier. He'd sounded cheerful- genuinely happy to have her there. Which just made it that much harder to tell him what it was she had to say.
"It's show time," Amy said aloud, taking a shuddering breath. She was now standing directly in front of Darien's door.
~Let's do this thing,~
With a sigh, Amy reached up and knocked.
***
Darien was hurriedly running gel through his hair when he heard Amy's knock at the door.
~She's here!~ he thought instinctively, only to immediately chastise himself mentally for being so eager.
He stared at the door.
Ever since their encounter the day before, he hadn't been able to get her out of his mind. He'd had such a terrific time at lunch with her- a better time than he'd ever had on any date with Serena. Amy was so bright, sophisticated, and sweet. Her interests coordinated with his own so well- it was as if they were of one mind.
He couldn't wait to see her again.
Darien recalled the simpatico he'd felt with her when she, unlike any of her friends before her, accepted and forgave his reasons for ending his thousand-year relationship with Serena. Never before had he felt so understood by someone. Amy was unlike any other girl he'd ever known before.
She was amazing.
It was because of this that he found himself wearing his best cologne and nicest shirt when she'd paged him over the intercom, asking to be let up.
~I hope I didn't sound a little too eager when I answered~ he thought idly to himself as he wiped his gel-sticky hands on a towel. ~Ah, well- too late to worry about that now.~
No, now wasn't the time for worry. Now was the time for answering doors and for greeting a beautiful girl. And now was the time for composing himself before he did either.
Taking a moment to sweep his apartment over with his eyes- making sure the place was spotless- Darien grinned and opened the door.
He looked absolutely fantastic.
The spicy scent of a man's cologne greeted her before the door even fully opened, and suddenly Darien was there, smiling down at her in a way that made her heart flutter.
"Amy, hi."
He had groomed himself well before this visit, Amy could see that. He smelled amazing for one thing, and instead of his usual, more casual clothing, he sported a very nice grey dress shirt and pair of black pants. Everything about him was immaculate, and for a moment, Amy could have sworn she'd lost all ability to speak.
"Come on in."
She barely had time to react, before he ushered her into his apartment with a gentle guiding hand at the small of her back. Finally, after what seemed like ages, she found her tongue.
"Darien, there's something I need to talk to you about."
Darien nodded, the grin he'd worn since he'd greeted her never leaving his face. Amy smiled at him gratefully as he accepted her jacket and hung it up for her. "Of course, Amy, anything you'd
like." He gestured to the sofa behind him. "Make yourself comfortable."
She obliged and seated herself on the couch, as once again, Darien stretched out in the armchair across from her. The smell of his cologne wrapped itself around her senses, and she looked at him with quiet wonder, taking in the differences in his appearance and demeanor since the day before.
His hair had been styled differently than usual- more carefully- Amy observed. The long strands that too often clouded his eyes had been pulled back and coaxed into place with generous amounts of hair gel.
~Is this all... for me?~
Darien leaned forward in his seat, his eyes locking with her own in a penetrating stare. "I haven't been able to stop thinking about you, ever since yesterday," he said softly. "I'm so glad you're finally here... I mean, I couldn't wait to see you again." A tender look washed over his face as he gazed at her, and Amy shifted uncomfortably.
~He just *had* to say something like that, didn't he?~
It wasn't enough that she was tremendously attracted to him; or that he'd gone to all the trouble of making himself look even sexier than usual. No, on top of everything, with all the different factors that made this conversation difficult, Darien had to open his mouth and say something so damned sweet.
The bastard.
~Come on, Amy, this isn't the time to lose your nerve. Just tell him that yesterday was a mistake- that you can't see him again.~
"I- uh." Amy paused. She closed her eyes, and inhaled, feeling the spicy scent of him wrap around her lungs.
~I can't do this!~
~You'd better!~
"About yesterday, Darien. We need to talk about what happened after lunch," Amy began slowly.
The tone of her voice told Darien all he needed to know about what she planned on saying next, and for the first time since she'd arrived, his smile faded. "You mean, when we kissed?"
Another pause. "Yes, when we kissed." Amy sighed, and rubbed her forehead, above her right eye. "Darien, I crossed the line. I never should have done that with you, I mean, Serena's my friend and-"
"-And you don't want to hurt her. I know Amy." Darien stood up and walked over to a large window across the room. Staring at the city beyond, he didn't say anything for a moment. "I really should have seen this coming." His tone was soft, and Amy felt a pang of sadness deep inside.
"I'm sorry, Darien. I never meant to lead you on in any way. I let my emotions take control, and before I knew it... I should have thought, is all. I should have thought about Serena, and how she would feel if she found out. I just didn't think... I didn't think." Amy paused, unsure of what else to say. There were several moments of silence where neither of them said a word. Finally, Darien spoke.
"Amy don't you ever listen to your heart?" Darien turned his back to the window he'd been gazing out of and faced her. "Not everything in life is about rational thought. You keep saying that you didn't think, and I understand that. I understand that you don't want Serena to find out- that you don't want to hurt a close friend. I realize that there are about a million reasons why rationally, logically, we should never be together, and why we should have never kissed each other in the street yesterday." He began walking towards her, and Amy stood up to meet him.
"It's true, Darien. There are a million reasons. And it's because of those reasons that I came here today. Forget about the fact that I haven't stopped thinking about you since then, and that memories of you
haunted my dreams the entire night afterward. Forget about those things, because they're irrelevant. These reasons you mentioned, the million reasons- they're why I'm here right now. Darien, I don't think
that I should spend any more time alone with you."
"Why Amy?" Darien reached down, and grabbed her hand, holding it in his much larger one. "Are you afraid? Afraid of what will happen if you do?"
~I'm afraid I'll fall in love with you...~
~I'm terrified.~
"Yes, I am. There's no telling what could happen, and I don't think that-" Amy stammered, avoiding his gaze. She couldn't look at him. She didn't want to think of what could happen if she did.
He smelled so damn good.
"There you go again, Amy. Trying to rely on what your mind's telling you; trying to do the smart thing. You're always trying to do the smart thing." Keeping her one hand in his, he reached out with the other, and placed it on her chest, just above her heart. "But yesterday, when I held you, when we kissed, what did you feel in here? In your heart? Because if your heart told you it was right, then those million reasons I spoke of- those million reasons why it shouldn't have happened- don't matter."
Darien gently removed his hand from her chest, and placed it around her waist, pulling her closer to him. Every cell in Amy's brain told her to struggle, to break away, and yet she didn't. Instead, she allowed herself to be pulled closer to him.
~I can't fight you.~
He dropped her hand, and Amy felt a gentle caress on the side of her chin, forcing her to look at him. Blue eyes met her own as he stared at her with a softness Amy had never felt before.
~I'm screwed.~
"For years, Amy, I've watched you. I've seen you grow into the beautiful young woman you are today. I've marveled at your depth, and your intelligence. For five years, I've stood on the sidelines, drawn to you because of the things we've had in common. Yesterday, I was dejected and alone. Then you showed up- you with your compassion and your understanding- and all of the pain I've been feeling went away. I don't know what this is, Amy. It's crazy. But I'm completely mad about you."
Amy didn't know what to say, so she just stared at him. His eyes had become little pools of light, and she was drowning in them. She couldn't breathe. Gods, she was going to die.
The hand on her chin released its grip, and Darien reached up, tenderly tucking a stray strand of hair behind her ears. His gaze never left her own.
"Amy, please. Of all the things about you, I love your intelligence best. But now isn't the time to rely on reason." The hand moved to the back of her head, and suddenly, he was pulling her towards him. Gently, his mouth found her own,
~I'm going straight to Hell...~
and Amy didn't resist. She could feel the room spinning around her, and she was dizzy. She was going to fall down,
~... but I don't care.~
and there was no way he would ever catch her. This was ecstasy, this was rapture.
This was bliss.
***
The cup of steaming hot tea had now turned lukewarm. Raye held the cup between her palms and stared at her reflection in the murky liquid.
She had remained relatively motionless since Amy's departure that morning. The sun, which had then been just peeking out between the trees, had now risen high into the sky.
She hadn't noticed how much time had passed.
~I've been an idiot.~
Thoughts and realizations had filled her head during the past few hours, and now, gazing at her contorted features in the teacup, Raye felt a sense of purpose gather itself within her.
She'd been quite the fickle one throughout the past month, it had only now occurred to her. Ever since Lita and Chad had begun dating, she'd floundered back and forth between wanting Chad all for herself and pushing her feelings aside for the sake of her friend's happiness. From day one, she'd felt this tug of inner conflict, and now, she was getting sick of it.
~I'm tired of being so unsure.~
Raye wanted Chad, but she wanted Lita to be happy. She wanted Lita to have love, but she wanted Chad. This vicious cycle had repeated itself over and over throughout the past weeks, putting a horrible strain on her.
~I want to make a decision. I want to be resolute.~
Chad had given up on her, simple as that. The chase was over. Perhaps that's what Raye missed the most. She had to admit, she'd always loved the attention Chad had bestowed upon her, but those days were through. Raye needed to grow up, and move on, and she was only now finally becoming aware of this.
~I'll be okay, I know it.~
The reflection in Raye's cup forced a smile, and she chuckled to herself dryly.
It wasn't as if she didn't have things to look forward to, after all. College would be starting in another month, and before that, Christmas was coming. She had tons of things to plan for, to work out. After all, there were books to buy, registrations to complete, and gifts to be shopped for. She had plenty to do to keep herself busy. Who needed a boyfriend with all these distractions?
With this new sense of awareness, Raye decided that it would be for the best just to let her feelings go and be happy that Lita and Chad had found each other. After all, a new set of opportunities were just beyond the horizon for her. And with that came an infinite set of possibilities.
~It's time to move on.~
With a sigh, Raye stood up. Walking across the kitchen, she placed her cup of now-cold tea in the sink.
***
~It's really quite a pretty ring.~
Amy sat curled up on the edge of her sofa, her mind reeling from the events of that afternoon. With Darien's kisses still burning on her lips, she twirled her ring around her finger, all the while
thinking of what she was going to tell Greg.
He'd given her the ring two years before, on their anniversary. It was supposed to symbolize their commitment to one another, but to Amy, it simply reminded her of the eternal, repetitive circle that was their relationship.
~I hope he's not going to be too upset.~
Amy thought back to only two days earlier, when she'd longed for something more exciting to happen to her life, and mused at how abruptly her wish had come true.
She still couldn't believe what had happened that day.
~So much for my resolve.~ she laughed at herself.
After much discussion, one thing had become remarkably clear that day: she and Darien wanted to be together. It was as simple as that. How they would go about it was another story.
The two of them had decided that, at least for the time being, it was best to keep their relationship a secret from their friends, lest people wind up unnecessarily hurt. Amy cringed at the thought of Serena learning of their relationship and vowed to herself that she would do anything in her power to prevent it from happening prematurely. Perhaps, in time, when she'd gotten more over the
breakup...
Amy pushed those thoughts out of her mind. She didn't want to worry about that now. She was too elated and too overwhelmed to think about anything but Darien and the things he'd said to her that day. No one had ever made Amy feel so good about herself, not even Greg.
Poor Greg.
Amy twisted the ring off of her finger, and stared at it for a moment before placing it on the end table next to her. That done, she reached for the phone, and dialed Greg's number.
***
It was a cold night, but Amy didn't feel so much as a chill. Her hair was damp with sweat, but she didn't notice that either. All she felt at that moment was peace, comfort, and happiness.
With a sigh of content, Amy pulled a bedsheet further up her body, and shifted slightly on the bed. She could have stayed there forever.
"Are you okay?".
Amy smiled to herself as her 'pillow' moved beneath her, and she tilted her head just enough to make eye contact with Darien.
"I'm fine," she said softly. "Just thinking to myself,".
It had been a wonderful evening. Amy couldn't remember the last time she'd enjoyed herself so much on a date. It was possible she never had. A poetry reading, coffee, and a trip to the theatre had certainly beaten her usual ritual of dinner and a movie, and for that she was more that ecstatic. Darien seemed to know what she liked- and to enjoy it himself- which Amy absolutely loved.
Everything had gone smoothly, Amy thought. Since everything they'd done together had been of a more intellectual nature, they hadn't worried about running into any of Amy's friends whatsoever. "Tonight was good," she murmured into Darien's chest.
A deep rumbling echoed in her ears as he chuckled, and she wrapped her arm even tighter around him. "It was great, as far as first dates go." He agreed. "Though I can't imagine why it wouldn't have been. I would have enjoyed doing absolutely anything, as long as I was with you." His fingers intertwined in hers briefly, and he stared at them as they moved in an erotic dance.
"I didn't hurt you, did I?"
Amy couldn't help but smile at his subject change, and she shook her head, using her legs to pull herself even closer to him.
It was true, the evening had been magical and perfect. But no part of it could compare to when they'd returned to his apartment. Amy couldn't place it, but there was something so seductive about this man, so inherently sexual. Their intent had been nothing more than to trade innocent kisses, but something had happened between them- a spark had been lit. Before Amy knew it, she was caught up in a fit of frenzied lovemaking, the likes of which she never knew could exist. Darien's tenderness extended even to the bedroom, making him a fantastic lover.
After they'd spent every last drop of energy they possessed ravishing one another, they'd curled up together under a sheet, reveling in the simple touch of one another's skin.
Even now, Amy pressed her ear against Darien's chest, feeling the slow, heavy 'thump thump' of his heartbeat vibrate against her cheek.
~I could listen to this forever.~
"No, Darien. You didn't hurt me." Amy ran a hand through her hair and leaned forward to kiss Darien's adam's apple. She paused then, before sitting up in the bed. "To tell you the truth," she said
carefully, "It wasn't my first time." A part of Amy was terrified at how he was going to react.
"It wasn't?" Darien smiled and pulled her to him, wrapping his strong arms around her waist. "Silly me," he said teasingly. Here I was thinking of you as little innocent Amy."
Amy hesitated, and Darien kissed her on the top of her head. "It was with Greg," she said finally. "A little over a year ago." She paused, and Darien nodded for her to continue, running his hands through her hair.
"That long ago?" he said softly. "I'd always assumed you would have wanted to wait."
"I did want to, a long time ago. I don't know why I didn't, even to this day. My reasons for it were stupid, I suppose. I can see that now." Amy snuggled closer to him, feeling the rough surface of his unshaven face against her forehead. "Seeing the future has had an effect on us too, you know," she said finally. "For you, the future meant a wife, and a daughter. It meant ruling a wonderful kingdom. For us, it was different."
"How so?" Darien asked. He kissed her again on the forehead. He'd been doing such things all evening, unable to keep himself from touching her for too long.
"For the girls and I, seeing our futures meant seeing that we had nothing in store for us. None of us seemed to have children, or a husband. All we knew of our future selves was that we protected your family. In the future, we lived for your family. And that was all." Amy breathed in deeply, and could smell the sweat that still lingered on the both of them. "I guess seeing that made us all want to treasure the relationships we have in the present- it made us want to hoard all the love we possibly could now, before that lonely future hit."
Darien, ran his hand down Amy's spine gently, in a relaxing massage motion. "I never realized how it affected you all, too," he said finally.
Amy smiled softly, and kissed him. "It did," she said simply. "For the other girls, they all tried to find love where they could, but me, I already had a boyfriend. I had Greg. I guess, if I hadn't learned of my future, the two of us would have broken up long ago. But thefact that I was so scared of the future- that I was so scared of being alone- I guess I put everything I had into keeping that relationship together. About a year ago, he and I started having some serious troubles, and at the time, I thought sex would solve all of our problems." She sighed. "It's stupid logic, I know. But I thought that if we had that physical connection, it would bond us somehow and keep our relationship together."
"It didn't work, obviously," Darien said.
"Oh no, it worked, at least for a while. He and I were together, after all, until I broke up with him a few days ago." Amy grinned and poked Darien in the ribs. "Thanks to you."
"The poor guy, look at what he's missing out on." Darien smiled sleepily. "How did he take it, when you ended it, by the way?"
Amy, feeling tired herself, pulled a blanket over the both of them and propped her head up on Darien's chest. "He took it pretty well," she said, making herself comfortable. "I suppose you could say he saw it coming."
***
::The world has turned to ice, and it is splitting apart. One by one, the Sailor Scouts, trapped in statues of ice are smashed, and splintered. Sailor Mars is able to utter only a muffled yell before her life is snuffed out. Sailor Mercury screams in remorse.
Out in the distance, there is a shimmering light, the light of the Silver Crystal. Pulsing to the beat of the shattering bodies, the light grows stronger, and stronger, washing over the dead and the wounded. A brief sense of hope flickers dim in the minds of everyone- it can still be okay, Sailor Moon has come to save us.
We'll be fine.
Suddenly, over the horizon, there comes a grey mist. It swirls around the frozen buildings, washes over the terrified ice statues. Choking, enveloping, disrupting, it covers everything. The light of the Silver Crystal pulses with the message, ~Tuxedo Mask, I need you!~
Over and over the message pulses, and over and over the message is ignored. The grey mist blankets the Silver Crystal's light. All goes dark. Everything is dying.
As the last vestiges of consciousness fade away, the Silver Crystal lights up just long enough to illuminate two forms huddled together amidst a huge block of ice.
Sailor Mercury, and Tuxedo Mask.::
~Nooooooo!!!!!~
Amy's eyes snapped open as the horrible nightmare she'd been having finally subsided.
"What the heck was that?" she whispered aloud, sitting up in bed. A cold sweat covered her entire body, and she was freezing.
~A nightmare? But why?~
The dream had been disturbing, that was for certain. Amy turned and looked at the sleeping Darien, trying to decide if she should wake him or not. Was it really worth it?
Amy ran her hands rapidly up her arms, trying to rub away the gooseflesh that had suddenly covered them. She'd never had a dream like that before. What did it mean?
~It probably didn't mean a thing, silly.~ she chided herself. ~Nightmares happen. They don't have to make sense. Go back to sleep.~
That was the rational thing to do. Still shaking, Amy yawned and snuggled up close to Darien's sleeping form.
It would be a long time before she fell asleep again.
The End, Chapter Four
AN: Standard disclaimer applies.
This story is dedicated to all the authors out there that have taken a chance and refused to be bound by the traditional rules. It's for those writers who've crashed through barriers and put out fanfiction that is just a little bit different. For all of you, I offer this humble piece of work. I hope one day, I'll be more like you.
It's also for Moon Senshi, our fabulous editor. Thanks for your help, girl! The end result was well worth the time it took you to finish.