Author's note: I'm really, really sorry about the huge delay in writing. I was having a major writer's block attack, and when I tried to write, it would come out sounding bad and forced. I finally got another chapter done, though, and there will probably be fairly regular updates from here on out, though my writer's block attacks can be sporadic and last for months. ^_^; Also, now that I'm in school, I don't have that much spare time. But I'll write when I can! Also, the song in this is Yakyoku (Nocturne), the Japanese SotN ending song. Much prettier than I am the Wind. I have an mp3 of it, email me if you want it. Arigatou! ^_^
I'm SORRY about this all being one huge paragraph - I've spent about an hour trying to fix it and it doesn't want to fix. I have no idea what's wrong with it. ::so frustrated::
Alucard awoke slowly, a nightmare gradually dissipating to reveal the hotel room. The half-vampire remained still as his senses gradually returned, keeping his eyes shut and feigning sleep as he tried to remember what had occurred during the night. He had a general feeling of uneasiness, as if he should be feeling guilty, although he could not remember why.
Then, as ithad happened the morning before, he instantly recalled the previous night's events. Sei! He had preyed on the helpless boy, indulging in his lifeblood, disregarding the consequences completely! What would the others say? What would they do? Mori had probably not told them about what had happened the night before, but what he had done to Sei would be all too obvious by the puncture marks on the boy's neck. There would be no more hiding. Everyone would know what a monster he was.
Sei knew. He knew, but Alucard knew that he wouldn't tell anyone. He didn't seem to talk much. Alucard vaguely remembered Sei speaking of Dracula, almost as one would speak of a master. If he had known him, some kind of loyalty had probably carried on to Alucard. He knew that Sei would keep his heritage a secret.
At least verbally.
The marks on his neck would show everything.
If he even survived! Alucard's stomach lurched with worry. Sei had told him he was incapable of dying, but what if he had only told him that to convince him to take his life? What if there was just a cold, stiff body next to him where Sei had been just hours before?
A corpse. A corpse with telltale marks on the neck, testifying to Alucard's inner monstrosity. Mori would be scared away, Maria would be horrified. Nayra would probably not comprehend what had happened, but she would probably be dragged away by the other two.
How could he have been so careless, so animal? He had simply let his urges overtake him, despite knowing better. He had let his dark side show, and this sickened and angered him. Why did he not resist? Was he really that weak of a man? Was he becoming overtaken by his father's instincts and urges?
A sick, cold feeling of guilt spread from Alucard's stomach to the rest of his body, causing him to twitch. He knew he had to look to see what had happened, but he was too frightened. He was too frightened to face what he had done. Alucard finally forced himself to open his eyes, his stomach lurching with nervousness as he glanced over at Sei.
The boy was very much alive, much to Alucard's relief. Sei seemed peaceful, his chest rising and falling in restful slumber. Most of the room was dark and shadowy, as the sun had not yet risen. However, Sei's silvery glow still emanated, illuminating his features. His face was free of any imperfection; no wrinkles or blemishes scarred it. It was youthful and perfect, although Sei did not act young. He seemed to have been frozen in this form for some untold amount of time, perhaps even hundreds of years.
Sighing quietly, Alucard rose from the bed and walked to the window. He thrust it open, grateful for the breeze that caressed his cheek. He needed to be alone, to think...It was still dark, although sunrise would soon approach, and Alucard glanced around to make sure his roommates were still asleep. He mumbled a spell, and his arms transformed into wings, his body shrunk and his clothes dissolved into a thin covering of fuzz. Alucard rarely took on his bat form outside of the castle, but in this case it seemed like the easiest way to escape the room without notice.
He flew out the window and immediately arced upward, spiraling away from the building and the town. He wanted to be alone...away from the people who constantly trailed him. He flapped frantically, trying to get as far away as possible from the town as quickly as possible. The air, at first welcoming, was cold, and as the wind whipped by his airborne body Alucard momentarily wished for his cloak. He was battered by the fast-moving air, and flew on sporadically, not knowing where he was going.
After around fifteen minutes of flying, Alucard vaguely heard the sound of running water, his hearing intensified by his bat form. He wheeled downward, and seeing a flowing stream through the first glow of sunrise, came to rest on its grassy bank. He transformed again, regaining the form of the half-human, half man monster which he abhorred.
Alucard had come to this spot to brood, and that was what happened as soon as he allowed his thoughts to settle. He loosened his cloak, sweating slightly as a result of his exertion now that he was seated and clothed in many layers of finery. He leaned back into a reclining position, his long silver hair spilling across his back and chest. He regarded it with slight disgust – although it had grown dirty during his absence from the castle, it was shining more brightly this morning than it had in weeks.
Indeed, his entire complexion seemed more lively. He could feel the blood in his cheeks, could tell that he had been renewed from the previous night's experience. He leaned over, able to slightly see his reflection in the moving water as the morning light increased. Although the water rippled, distorting his portrait, and he had a dim reflection anyway due to being half vampire, he could see the change in himself. His lips were red and full, his cheeks posessed life instead of their usual deathly pallor, and his protruding canines appeared even longer and sharper than normal. Even his hair seemed to radiate. A sanguine trickle had dried on his chin, and he reached up in disgust to wipe it. He looked like a true vampire, and one who had just delighted in a sinful, yet pleasing, forbidden act.
His thoughts had been blissfully vague up until this point, when they suddenly began to form a barrage of self-deprecating commentary. Alucard berated himself mercilessly for taking advantage of Sei, and for being such a monster as to have allowed himself to take pleasure in doing so. He could not deny that it had been pleasurable – he had never experienced anything in his life so rewarding as the taking of another's blood, another's life, of absorbing it into his own...
Alucard mentally slapped himself. How could he be letting his thoughts degenerate in such a manner? He should not acknowledge that it was pleasurable, he should pretend it had never happened, or he would want to do it again...Yet at the same time he knew it was impossible to stop himself from wanting it. It was not his fault; it was an unearthly hunger given to him by his father. Yet it was wrong, sinful; he should not encourage such thoughts and desires, he should work to stamp them out, should eradicate any fantasy that appeared...
Alucard mentally equated the sensation with the sexual pleasures of full humans. Although he was inexperienced in such matters, he often heard humans prattle on about how wonderful such sensations felt. He had no personal doubt, however, that they could never equate to the sensation of taking blood. A thought briefly flitted across his mind of somehow combining the two, but he pushed it away. Such things were for humans, not for him. He knew nobody could ever love a monster such as him, and he also knew that taking someone's lifeblood usually resulted in their death. He did not want to be guilty of murder..He usually just took animals to feed his thirst, yet Sei had been a willing victim...And he had not died. Alucard couldn't help wondering how Sei had survived, although his suspicion that Sei was somehow undead was beginning to gain substance in his mind.
Alucard started suddenly, sensing a human form nearby. A moment later, he heard a voice singing quietly, the mournful tones piercing the silence.
Megami wa eien no, shiawase no naka de... Nageki tsuzukete wo, utau nokutaan...
The song sounded vaguely familiar to Alucard, yet he did not know where he had heard it. The words were hauntingly beautiful, conveying sorrow and hope at the same time.
"Is somebody there?" Alucard questioned out lound, instinctively reaching for the dagger at his belt even though he knew that the person singing was not dangerous.
"I'm sorry for disturbing you, Sir Adrian.." Alucard was surprised at this address: few people called him Adrian, let alone Sir Adrian. The voice that had spoken it was small and frightened, yet clear. A figure emerged from the bushes behind Alucard, and, much to Alucard's surprise, it was Sei.
"Alucard," he responded coldly, while trying to formulate a response to Sei's presence. How had he appeared? Even more importantly, why had he appeared? How did he know where to go?
"Sorry, sir...You're probably wondering why I'm here and how I knew where you were.." Alucard nodded. "I just...I wanted to see you, alone..." Sei blushed slightly.
"Why?" asked Alucard. Then, seeing Sei's exposed neck, he covered his face, unable to look at Sei as he remembered driving his teeth into that neck, of lapping the blood, of being recharged... "Sei, please forgive me for my actions last night. It was most unusual for me. I will not do it again."
"It's alright, sir. I am accustomed to it."
"What do you mean?" Alucard was curious. "Last night you mentioned it having happened before. How? And when?"
Sei's blush remained. "I'd rather not talk about it, sir."
"But you said my father was involved."
"Well...he was..."
"How did you get here?" Alucard decided that changing the subject would be wise, although he still was curious.
"I walked. I can sense you...I think it's because of the bond we have. I was your former familiar, and I had to be able to follow you wherever you went, even if we couldn't see each other. And now I still have that ability..."
Alucard was surprised at the depth of his familiar's connections. Mori had spoke of being soulbound. Was that what it was? Were their souls truly intertwined? If so, how had last night's experienced affected it? Had it brought them even closer together, or had it driven them apart?
"Sei.." Alucard sighed. "I do regret what occurred last night. It was a very immature thing to do, as well as a very poor time to execute such an action. You were in need of comfort, not further terror."
"It's okay, sir," Sei said again. "I won't tell anyone."
"But..." Alucard trailed off, pointing limply at Sei's neck.
Sei twisted it, revealing the place where Alucard had bitten him. Alucard fully expected to see the familiar scar, two small circular points above the vein, yet he saw nothing. He murmured an exclamation, surprised at the sight. Alucard didn't want to scare the others, especially Mori. Maria already knew of his heritage, and Nayra was too idiotic to care, but he did not want to ruin his chances of friendship with Mori by frightening her. There had already been the close call in the forest...How was it that fate kept causing him to evade responsibility? He was glad that the others did not know what had happened, yet he felt extremely guilty at having to keep it hidden. At least Sei knew, and Alucard could talk to him about it.
"I told you, I won't tell anyone, sir," repeated Sei. "And now, I think we'd better start heading back. I don't want them to worry about us."
Alucard nodded in agreement and stood, although he had no desire to return to the others. And he knew, as he reached into his cloak and rubbed the two remaining familiar cards, that it was only going to get worse. He knew that he would be pushed to reveal the remaining two, and once that happened, he would be surrounded by more people, more soulbound individuals.
Sometimes he just wanted to be alone.