Blue Part Four
At five thirty, Ken returned to the hotel room he and Naozumi were sharing. Naozumi blinked as he came in.
"You were out for a long time."
"Yeah, well…" Ken looked uncomfortable. Naozumi blinked some more as it appeared he shifted from foot to foot. Ken had nothing to be nervous about, so Naozumi dismissed it. He was probably just imagining things. After a long and undeniably awkward silence, Ken pulled his hands out from behind his back and thrust something at Naozumi. Naozumi blinked. He seemed to be forming habits. "I wanted you to be happy, and I thought the best way for that to happen was to give you something to make her happy, so yeah…" Naozumi looked at the object in Ken's hand. It was a fake blue flower.
"It's pretty… why did you choose it?"
"It seemed Sana-san. She would never want a fake flower, I know, but I thought she might forgive this one. It's a blue tulip. Do you know anything about blue tulips?" Naozumi shook his head. "They've never been able to breed a blue tulip," he said, twirling the stem between his fingers. "They've gotten purples and reds and yellows and oranges, but there's no such thing as a real blue tulip. They don't exist."
Naozumi looked at it. "Sana-chan…"
"Sana-san seems as if she'll enjoy having something that doesn't exist in her hair. It just seems like the type of person she is," Ken looked away and blushed slightly. "You don't have to use it if you don't want to. You were just so worried, though, and I wanted to help. I thought it might amuse Sana-san."
Naozumi took the rose out of Ken's hand. "I think she'll like it. Thank you," he said, and then for some reason he could not quite explain he kissed Ken on the cheek. Ken flushed.
"So are you in a better mood?"
"Yes. Want to get dinner?"
"Yeah, let's go."
"Tell me the truth," Ken said over their ramen. Naozumi raised his eyebrows.
"About something specific or about everything?"
"Are you going to be okay through this wedding?"
"Yes."
"Honestly?"
"Honestly."
"They're looking at us funny."
"We're speaking English."
"Well," Ken smiled, "at least you have an excuse. You look like a half. I'm just a disgrace to my people."
"You used to live there. Excuse for you too."
"Yes, mine's better, too. You're just very smart, I suppose. Our accomplished Nao."
"I am a genius."
"Sure you are. So you aren't going to die day after tomorrow in the middle of the vows? It probably wouldn't go over too well."
"I will not die. I will live through the wedding and go to America and live there until I get my head sorted out."
Ken swallowed. "I wish you wouldn't."
"I know. Like I said before, I will miss you," he assured Ken. And it was true; he was going to miss the other boy. "But I can't stay here. There's too much here."
"I heard that was a reason to stay in a place. History and all that."
"Too much history."
"Yeah. You're really going to go, aren't you?" asked Ken. His voice was odd, as if he were fearing not Naozumi's leaving, but something else.
"Yes. What's wrong?"
A Sana smile—the one that pretended to be happy but wasn't—graced his face. "I'll miss you."
And Naozumi knew from that smile and his tone, that it was a lie.
Back in the hotel room, lying on his bed while Ken slept in the other, Naozumi thought. He could not figure it out. He was, at times, as oblivious as Sana. Certainly he was in matters of love, as he had known quite well at least ten girls who had come out with confessions that, according to Ken, had been completely and utterly obvious to everyone but him. However, he liked to think that he could hear tones. He knew Ken's tones, knew them well enough to admit the ones that were always the same but that he could not really identify. He knew that Ken's smile had meant the same thing Sana's always did—fake happiness. Ken had been sad.
But he was lying. He was not going to miss Naozumi. He had said it and he had lied. That hurt Naozumi. He loved Ken, he was his best friend. He saw him more than he saw Sana. He was truly going to miss Ken. And Ken wasn't going to miss him.
Naozumi sighed. Ken had been the one thing that was keeping him going, the one thing that let him live through this wedding. He needed his friend to be there, to keep him sane and give him hugs when he needed help. Had the neediness made Ken pull away, or the hugs and kisses he sometimes wanted? What had made Ken no longer care that the two of them would be separated?
He turned in the bed and clutched the pillow, feeling the unrelenting mattress against his head. Just once, he wanted to know what it was like to be able to hold a real person while he went to sleep. He wouldn't ever, though, because he could not ask Sana and now couldn't even ask Ken.
Ken lay in bed, pretending to sleep. Something was wrong with Naozumi, something had made him unhappy. Probably Sana, Ken reflected. He sighed quietly. Naozumi really was going to go. Ken had been afraid of that. He had hoped Naozumi would change his mind.
He'd follow the other boy anywhere, but he really did hate planes.
tbc