Disclaimer: I don't own any of the characters but it doesn't matter anyway
because I'm so skint all you'll get if you sue me is 10p and a half-sucked
gobstopper.
Chapter 2: Thoooong Ahoooy!!!! On a stone platform in a vast expanse of water, a boy in purple and a girl in pink are standing. The boy has an outsize nail file with materia slots. All outta nowhere, a damn cool and quite hot BASTARD comes flyin' outta the sky' wielding a bigger nail file with more materia slots. Behind him comes a man with purple hair(now he's outta his trance) wearing a metal thong who is backed up by a half monkey, a girl in skintight orange lycra, an eight feet tall man with the worst haircut known to man, a six year old with a horn, a guy in bad need of a tin opener, a rat in red bloomers, a blimp with no connection to the plot and a really cute piece of black matter in a big hat. The boy in purple, named Cloud is the only one who can see this bizarre display as they are whizzin' in from behind the girl (Aeris, as I'm sure you all guessed). Sephiroth', the cool hot bastard, lands and lifts his nail file to stab Aeris. The thong man kicks his head from behind and they all go flyin' into the water. The other eight freaks land in a pile on top of Aeris. AS potato peeler with a cocktail stick glued to the handle falls on top of the pile. Cloud blinks stupidly and curses himself for having a draw on Cid's joint earlier.(And you thought it was a cigarette? How naïve!) Over in the water Sephy is absolutley furious, as you might be when someone who looks like the star of a bad porn movie gives you serious concussion and ruins your evil plans.
'WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU PLAYING AT??!!' yells the incensed Dark One. ' Er..tiddlywinks?' asks Kuja, somewhat disorientated. 'FREEEAAAAKK!!!!!!' screams Sephy and kicks him right out of the water where he lands at Cloud's feet. Cloud looks up and Kuja looks down. ' Hiii.' 'Hi- can I get my magic potato peeler back- pweeease?' Cloud blinks, again stupidly. There is a muffled squeak from below the pile of intergalactic bodies. 'Hey! I have a 20-stone man in full armour sittin' on my face and it ain't pretty!' 'How COULD we forget about Aeris?' Cloud asks, and kicks the pile in a gesture implying 'get up you pile of freaky aliens'. They untangle themselves. 'Excuse me?' says Freya. 'But can you tell us who has the intergalactic potato peeler please?' ' WHY ARE YOU SO OBSESSED BY THE BLOODY POTATO PEELER?!?!' Sephy has made his way up from the stagnant pond. 'It's cool,' says Zidane. 'It's magic,' says Dagger. 'It has a cocktail umbrella glued to the handle,' says Kuja.
'Hey!' Tifa yells from off to the left. 'What in the name of Don Corneo's Y- fronts is going on out there? What's up with the potato peeler?' 'Do you know I have absolutely NO bloody idea?' replies Cloud.' One of you guys- what about thong boy, he looks in charge- tell us what you are doing here, why you just fell out of the sky, and, more importantly, if I am halulcinating?' 'HE IS NOT IN CHARGE!!!' yells Zidane, outraged at the very thought. Yes I am, it's my potato peeler!!' says Kuja, deeply flattered. 'Just TELL US,' shreiks Sephy, waggling his nail file in Kuja's face. ' Don't get so TOUCHY, man,' says Kuja. 'You'll never believe this, but.' * * * One VERY long story draws to a close. ' .and instead of worshipping my potato peeler, this wortthess taily JUMPS on it like it was a bloody TRAMPOLINE-' 'Like this,' says Zidane, demonstrating. Cue everyone screaming 'Noooo!!!' and the world going blank.
PLEASE REVIEW! Next chapter: Quina faces death by Raiden.
Chapter 2: Thoooong Ahoooy!!!! On a stone platform in a vast expanse of water, a boy in purple and a girl in pink are standing. The boy has an outsize nail file with materia slots. All outta nowhere, a damn cool and quite hot BASTARD comes flyin' outta the sky' wielding a bigger nail file with more materia slots. Behind him comes a man with purple hair(now he's outta his trance) wearing a metal thong who is backed up by a half monkey, a girl in skintight orange lycra, an eight feet tall man with the worst haircut known to man, a six year old with a horn, a guy in bad need of a tin opener, a rat in red bloomers, a blimp with no connection to the plot and a really cute piece of black matter in a big hat. The boy in purple, named Cloud is the only one who can see this bizarre display as they are whizzin' in from behind the girl (Aeris, as I'm sure you all guessed). Sephiroth', the cool hot bastard, lands and lifts his nail file to stab Aeris. The thong man kicks his head from behind and they all go flyin' into the water. The other eight freaks land in a pile on top of Aeris. AS potato peeler with a cocktail stick glued to the handle falls on top of the pile. Cloud blinks stupidly and curses himself for having a draw on Cid's joint earlier.(And you thought it was a cigarette? How naïve!) Over in the water Sephy is absolutley furious, as you might be when someone who looks like the star of a bad porn movie gives you serious concussion and ruins your evil plans.
'WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU PLAYING AT??!!' yells the incensed Dark One. ' Er..tiddlywinks?' asks Kuja, somewhat disorientated. 'FREEEAAAAKK!!!!!!' screams Sephy and kicks him right out of the water where he lands at Cloud's feet. Cloud looks up and Kuja looks down. ' Hiii.' 'Hi- can I get my magic potato peeler back- pweeease?' Cloud blinks, again stupidly. There is a muffled squeak from below the pile of intergalactic bodies. 'Hey! I have a 20-stone man in full armour sittin' on my face and it ain't pretty!' 'How COULD we forget about Aeris?' Cloud asks, and kicks the pile in a gesture implying 'get up you pile of freaky aliens'. They untangle themselves. 'Excuse me?' says Freya. 'But can you tell us who has the intergalactic potato peeler please?' ' WHY ARE YOU SO OBSESSED BY THE BLOODY POTATO PEELER?!?!' Sephy has made his way up from the stagnant pond. 'It's cool,' says Zidane. 'It's magic,' says Dagger. 'It has a cocktail umbrella glued to the handle,' says Kuja.
'Hey!' Tifa yells from off to the left. 'What in the name of Don Corneo's Y- fronts is going on out there? What's up with the potato peeler?' 'Do you know I have absolutely NO bloody idea?' replies Cloud.' One of you guys- what about thong boy, he looks in charge- tell us what you are doing here, why you just fell out of the sky, and, more importantly, if I am halulcinating?' 'HE IS NOT IN CHARGE!!!' yells Zidane, outraged at the very thought. Yes I am, it's my potato peeler!!' says Kuja, deeply flattered. 'Just TELL US,' shreiks Sephy, waggling his nail file in Kuja's face. ' Don't get so TOUCHY, man,' says Kuja. 'You'll never believe this, but.' * * * One VERY long story draws to a close. ' .and instead of worshipping my potato peeler, this wortthess taily JUMPS on it like it was a bloody TRAMPOLINE-' 'Like this,' says Zidane, demonstrating. Cue everyone screaming 'Noooo!!!' and the world going blank.
PLEASE REVIEW! Next chapter: Quina faces death by Raiden.