Hi loyal fanbase(!). Apologies for chapter 2 probably being full of
spelling mistakes but my spellchecker was pissing me about.
Disclaimer: OH STUFF IT!!! I OWN THEM ALL..MWAHAHAHAHA!!! MINE ALL MINE!!!
Ahem. on with the fic.
Chapter 3: One hell of a good cheat!
Two crazy sugared up gamers are playing Final Fantasy 7 at three in the morning, in my personal opinion the best time to play it. 'Heeey! Time for the best bit.. The death of giant shouldered cow!' Something SLIGHTLY different from the original plot starts to begin. ' OOOOH MY GOD!!! That did NOT happen the first time we played this!' 'Heeey, it's Kuja! musta done a cheat!!!'
The playstation screen swells up alarmingly and blows out Cloud, Aeris, Tifa, Sephy, Kuja, Zidane, Dagger, Eiko, Steiner, Quina, Amarant and Quina. (Apologies if I missed anyone there!) 'HELL of a good cheat!'
There is a small squeak from the TV. Vivi is waggling his legs- in Ancient City. He is waving his arms- on earth. 'My legs are in a parallel dimension to my own, my head is in another and I don't think anyone quite believes I'm real in EITHER of them. This is not helping my existence problem!!!' 'Does he have ISSUES?' Sephy raised his perfectly plucked eyebrows. 'He's kinda factory produced and somehow escaped from being the only one of his kind who does not exist only to kill. Nah, no issues there,' Zidane informs him. 'Right, you pull one arm Kuja, Sephy get the other one.' Can't I just cut him with the potato peeler?' Kuja let slip to the well-hidden existence of a mean streak hiding behind his sweet, kind, thong clad exterior, which surprised me as I didn't think he was capable of hurting a fly. Exterminating whole communities in one go perhaps, but not FLIES, oh no.
'Yeah, do that,' said Amarant. Everyone stares at him. Not because of the Vivi- slicing opinions but because he actually SPOKE.
Sephy and Kuja play Tug-o-Vivi. The gamers have been staring like a pair of owls on acid. 'WELL?' demands Tifa 'Where are we? Is THIS your stupid promised Land, Sephy?' 'It better bloody not be,' says Aeris. ,I like to think we Ancients have better taste for our holy land than FLOWERY WALLPAPER. And that carpet is just EEEWW.'
'Is this some kinda Changing Rooms stunt?' asks a very confused gamer. 'Some kinda what/' ask 13 very confused polygon people. 'SOMEONE PLEASE TELL ME WHERE WE ARE' screams Sephy, and bursts into tears. 'Er.Scotland. Ever heard of it?' 'Is that near Alexandria?' asks Steiner, because in his view anywhere important has to be near Alexandria. 'That's that crappy new housing development near Nibelheim, isn't it?' suggests Cloud. 'It's not as cool as Terra,' Kuja gloats. 'Wherever it is, it has crappy interior deco, doesn't it - ' 'SHADDAP ABOUT THE INTERIOR DECORATION, AERIS!!!' a stressed Sephy screams. 'But don't you think the choice of furniture says so much about a person?' 'NO!! I'LL MAKE YOU EAT THE BLOODY SOFA IN A MINUTE! BY RIGHTS YOU SHOULD BE DEAD!! IT'S KUJA'S FAULT YOU'RE NOT!! All his fa-a-ault!!' and Sephy bursts into tears for the second time today. 'I'M HOMESICK,' screams Eiko, who also bursts into tears. 'I LEFT MY HAIRGEL IN ANCIENT CITY,' yells Cloud, who also bursts into tears. ' NO-ONE KNOWS WHO I AM SO THEY'RE NOT SCARED OF ME,' yells Amarant. Guess what, he bursts into tears.
'Who the hell are you two anyway?' Kuja demands of the gamers. 'You're pretty cute, whoever you are!' says Zidane, chatting up the blonde one. ' MY NAME'S JACK AND I'M NOT A GIRL!!!' 'OK, well you can be cute then,' Zidane moves to the next, definitely female gamer. 'Hi.I'm Rose!' 'I'm Zidane and I have a stupid lace collar.' 'I know, I'm a big fan of yours!' Dagger pulls Zidane's tail and runs off t cry behind the sofa. 'ME WANT FOOD,' screams Quina and it runs off to the kitchen. It returns with a potato peeler, common or garden variety. 'They have magic thingy too, look Kuja.' 'Huh,' he replies cynically. 'It doesn't even have a TOOTHPICK glued on. How very backward.' 'This place so rubbish and no good' said Quina in a very annoying voice. 'YAAAAH!!!,' yells Jack.' DON'T INSULT MY KITCHEN IMPLEMENTS!!' And he stabs Quina to death with the potato peeler. 'Thank Jenova,' said Sephy. 'That thing pissed me off!'
Author's little note: Sorry if this turns out all one big paragraph but the fanfic people change the formatting and I don't know how to sort it! Please review me or I would feel sad and lonely and that would be bad.
Next chapter: The gang discover the dubious pleasures of McDonalds (sorry, that's a trademark I meant RANDOM CRAPPY BURGER CHAIN.
Chapter 3: One hell of a good cheat!
Two crazy sugared up gamers are playing Final Fantasy 7 at three in the morning, in my personal opinion the best time to play it. 'Heeey! Time for the best bit.. The death of giant shouldered cow!' Something SLIGHTLY different from the original plot starts to begin. ' OOOOH MY GOD!!! That did NOT happen the first time we played this!' 'Heeey, it's Kuja! musta done a cheat!!!'
The playstation screen swells up alarmingly and blows out Cloud, Aeris, Tifa, Sephy, Kuja, Zidane, Dagger, Eiko, Steiner, Quina, Amarant and Quina. (Apologies if I missed anyone there!) 'HELL of a good cheat!'
There is a small squeak from the TV. Vivi is waggling his legs- in Ancient City. He is waving his arms- on earth. 'My legs are in a parallel dimension to my own, my head is in another and I don't think anyone quite believes I'm real in EITHER of them. This is not helping my existence problem!!!' 'Does he have ISSUES?' Sephy raised his perfectly plucked eyebrows. 'He's kinda factory produced and somehow escaped from being the only one of his kind who does not exist only to kill. Nah, no issues there,' Zidane informs him. 'Right, you pull one arm Kuja, Sephy get the other one.' Can't I just cut him with the potato peeler?' Kuja let slip to the well-hidden existence of a mean streak hiding behind his sweet, kind, thong clad exterior, which surprised me as I didn't think he was capable of hurting a fly. Exterminating whole communities in one go perhaps, but not FLIES, oh no.
'Yeah, do that,' said Amarant. Everyone stares at him. Not because of the Vivi- slicing opinions but because he actually SPOKE.
Sephy and Kuja play Tug-o-Vivi. The gamers have been staring like a pair of owls on acid. 'WELL?' demands Tifa 'Where are we? Is THIS your stupid promised Land, Sephy?' 'It better bloody not be,' says Aeris. ,I like to think we Ancients have better taste for our holy land than FLOWERY WALLPAPER. And that carpet is just EEEWW.'
'Is this some kinda Changing Rooms stunt?' asks a very confused gamer. 'Some kinda what/' ask 13 very confused polygon people. 'SOMEONE PLEASE TELL ME WHERE WE ARE' screams Sephy, and bursts into tears. 'Er.Scotland. Ever heard of it?' 'Is that near Alexandria?' asks Steiner, because in his view anywhere important has to be near Alexandria. 'That's that crappy new housing development near Nibelheim, isn't it?' suggests Cloud. 'It's not as cool as Terra,' Kuja gloats. 'Wherever it is, it has crappy interior deco, doesn't it - ' 'SHADDAP ABOUT THE INTERIOR DECORATION, AERIS!!!' a stressed Sephy screams. 'But don't you think the choice of furniture says so much about a person?' 'NO!! I'LL MAKE YOU EAT THE BLOODY SOFA IN A MINUTE! BY RIGHTS YOU SHOULD BE DEAD!! IT'S KUJA'S FAULT YOU'RE NOT!! All his fa-a-ault!!' and Sephy bursts into tears for the second time today. 'I'M HOMESICK,' screams Eiko, who also bursts into tears. 'I LEFT MY HAIRGEL IN ANCIENT CITY,' yells Cloud, who also bursts into tears. ' NO-ONE KNOWS WHO I AM SO THEY'RE NOT SCARED OF ME,' yells Amarant. Guess what, he bursts into tears.
'Who the hell are you two anyway?' Kuja demands of the gamers. 'You're pretty cute, whoever you are!' says Zidane, chatting up the blonde one. ' MY NAME'S JACK AND I'M NOT A GIRL!!!' 'OK, well you can be cute then,' Zidane moves to the next, definitely female gamer. 'Hi.I'm Rose!' 'I'm Zidane and I have a stupid lace collar.' 'I know, I'm a big fan of yours!' Dagger pulls Zidane's tail and runs off t cry behind the sofa. 'ME WANT FOOD,' screams Quina and it runs off to the kitchen. It returns with a potato peeler, common or garden variety. 'They have magic thingy too, look Kuja.' 'Huh,' he replies cynically. 'It doesn't even have a TOOTHPICK glued on. How very backward.' 'This place so rubbish and no good' said Quina in a very annoying voice. 'YAAAAH!!!,' yells Jack.' DON'T INSULT MY KITCHEN IMPLEMENTS!!' And he stabs Quina to death with the potato peeler. 'Thank Jenova,' said Sephy. 'That thing pissed me off!'
Author's little note: Sorry if this turns out all one big paragraph but the fanfic people change the formatting and I don't know how to sort it! Please review me or I would feel sad and lonely and that would be bad.
Next chapter: The gang discover the dubious pleasures of McDonalds (sorry, that's a trademark I meant RANDOM CRAPPY BURGER CHAIN.