Disclaimer: It rained on my new haircut , my key is jamming in the door and
fanfic.net is having problems uploading things. If you value your life do
not make my day any worse by trying to sue me.
Author's little note: This chapter should maybe be P.G 13..I dunno, but it has nudeness..EEK!! And I would like to apologise in advance for the shameless cameo.
Chapter 6: Become a Jenova's Witness and eat teensy cute flowers. Or something.
On the way home, Sephy walks up to a door and knocks hard. A blonde girl in a blue dress opens the door. 'Hi!' says Sephy. 'I wondered if you were interested in becoming a Jenova's witness? We meet every Sunday for mass at the Ancient's Temple.My name's Saint Sephy by the way!' 'NOOOO!!!' she screams and throws a hardback unabridged bible at his head. Sephy runs down the street in terror, tears of fear gushing from his eyes. 'YAAAH!!! MENTAL RELIGIOUS FANATIC!!!!' 'He can talk.' mutters Eiko.
The gang arrive back at Rose and Jack's house. Sephy pounds at the door screaming. 'HELP! LEMME IN! YOUR WORLD'S FULL OF LOONIES!!' 'He's scared of Christians!' points out World Stirring Things Champion Eiko. 'Awww bless..' remarks Rose, opening the door only to have Sephy thrust a giant brightly coloured pile of Jenova's Witness pamphlets into her arms. 'Have these, no-one else seems to want them.' 'What makes you think I do?' They troop in and spot the new, sickeningly pink sofa. 'Like it?' Aeris chirps. 'It's in Sunset Magenta no. 26 and I got it to match THAT flower, see, the teensy cute one in the corner of the garden? And don't you just ADORE the little blue tassels, aren't they simply DARLING -' 'Right!' Sephy snaps. 'EAT THE DAMN SOFA - AND YER TEENSY CUTE FLOWER TOO!!!'
By 10'o clock that night Aeris has eaten her second sofa of the day and has a teensy cute Sunset Magenta number 26 flower sticking out of her mouth. Sephy has a teensy cute smug grin on his mouth- until Aeris lets out a window rattling, sofa scented belch.
'PER-LEASE!!' shuts everyone in complete and utter unison. 'By the way,' Freya points out. 'Where in the name of my stupid hat has the potato peeler gone? I just haven't seen it for a while..and I have to say if there's one person I don't trust it's.Well okay there's about 500 people I don't trust but..' 'See, this is why we hardly let her talk during the game,' says Dagger. 'Her point is where's the stupid piece of lethal kitchen equipment?' 'In my thong for safe keeping!' Kuja assures everyone. 'DON'T MAKE ME THINK THAT EITHER!' yells Eiko and steals his new Barbie Tea Set as punishment.
'Waaait..' Kuja feels in his underpants to check. 'It ain't here!' The rather slow to catch on Jack yells 'DON'T DO THAT IN MY HOUSE!' and kicks the unfortunate Genome out of the window where he lands in an apple tree. 'Can we search for the peeler?' asks Zidane. 'Cos I wanna nose around in your house.' 'Sure,' says Rose. 'But only cos I think you're cute.' 'HEY!' yells Jack. 'AREN'T YOU DATING ME?!' Dating YOU?!' replies a shocked Rose. 'I thought we were flatmates? I hate to tell u this but I'm not actually a lesbian!' 'GOOD! Cos I'm not actually a woman!' 'WHAT??? YOU - MAN -ARE?!?!' 'Hence the name Jack!' I thought it was short for Jaqueline!' 'AAARGH!! HANDS UP WHO THINKS I'M FEMALE!' 14 very confused people raise their hands. 'So I'm dating you?' asks Rose, still trying to get to grips with this fact. 'YEAH!' 'Well you're dumped!' Jack runs out crying. 'So are you single NOW? asks Zidane. 'Yeah..' Dagger punches Zidane and runs to cry in the washing machine. Eiko tries to comfort her but she doesn't feel like talking so she kicks Eiko into the tree with Kuja. 'Hi Eiko! Welcome to the tree club! Of course the MAIN one's Iifa or Lifa, I can't actually read the map, but this can be our holiday home! Let's play at house! as long as I can be Mummy!' 'Oh Fen-riir..! Would you like to play?' 'O.K, O.K, you can be Mummy!' 'They completely deserve each other' Cloud tries to mutter to Sephy but he is already scrambling out of the window to join in.
The remaining few who aren't playing preschool game or crying in the washing machine divide into peeler hunting pairs. Cloud insists on pairing with Tifa and they find themselves searching the bedroom. No prizes for guessing what happens. No prises for guessing who walks in and no prizes for guessing what she yells. But you can have a prize if you can guess why I bother to write this nonsense. 'TIFA I HATE YOU YOU BITCH CLOUD'S MINE!' yells an incensed Aeris. 'Oh yeah! I don't see your name on him!' How could you miss it? He has a tattoo!' 'Sorry Tifa.. I was drunk..' explains a red faced Cloud. 'But he PREFERS me! 'But I have better taste in interior decoration! 'Yeah, you literally taste it!' "That was not my fault..' Aeris goes beetroot and runs to cry in the sink, because Dagger had taken the washing machine. Cloud and Tifa resume their "buisness". Suddenly Cloud lets out a terrible shriek. 'Not that bad was it? asks Tifa. 'No, but I think I just found the potato peeler..'
O.K, all together now-EEWW!! Especially when you realise that Cloud had enough impact on the peeler for the world to go blank and everyone ( especially him and Tifa) to yell 'noo!!'
Author's little note: This chapter should maybe be P.G 13..I dunno, but it has nudeness..EEK!! And I would like to apologise in advance for the shameless cameo.
Chapter 6: Become a Jenova's Witness and eat teensy cute flowers. Or something.
On the way home, Sephy walks up to a door and knocks hard. A blonde girl in a blue dress opens the door. 'Hi!' says Sephy. 'I wondered if you were interested in becoming a Jenova's witness? We meet every Sunday for mass at the Ancient's Temple.My name's Saint Sephy by the way!' 'NOOOO!!!' she screams and throws a hardback unabridged bible at his head. Sephy runs down the street in terror, tears of fear gushing from his eyes. 'YAAAH!!! MENTAL RELIGIOUS FANATIC!!!!' 'He can talk.' mutters Eiko.
The gang arrive back at Rose and Jack's house. Sephy pounds at the door screaming. 'HELP! LEMME IN! YOUR WORLD'S FULL OF LOONIES!!' 'He's scared of Christians!' points out World Stirring Things Champion Eiko. 'Awww bless..' remarks Rose, opening the door only to have Sephy thrust a giant brightly coloured pile of Jenova's Witness pamphlets into her arms. 'Have these, no-one else seems to want them.' 'What makes you think I do?' They troop in and spot the new, sickeningly pink sofa. 'Like it?' Aeris chirps. 'It's in Sunset Magenta no. 26 and I got it to match THAT flower, see, the teensy cute one in the corner of the garden? And don't you just ADORE the little blue tassels, aren't they simply DARLING -' 'Right!' Sephy snaps. 'EAT THE DAMN SOFA - AND YER TEENSY CUTE FLOWER TOO!!!'
By 10'o clock that night Aeris has eaten her second sofa of the day and has a teensy cute Sunset Magenta number 26 flower sticking out of her mouth. Sephy has a teensy cute smug grin on his mouth- until Aeris lets out a window rattling, sofa scented belch.
'PER-LEASE!!' shuts everyone in complete and utter unison. 'By the way,' Freya points out. 'Where in the name of my stupid hat has the potato peeler gone? I just haven't seen it for a while..and I have to say if there's one person I don't trust it's.Well okay there's about 500 people I don't trust but..' 'See, this is why we hardly let her talk during the game,' says Dagger. 'Her point is where's the stupid piece of lethal kitchen equipment?' 'In my thong for safe keeping!' Kuja assures everyone. 'DON'T MAKE ME THINK THAT EITHER!' yells Eiko and steals his new Barbie Tea Set as punishment.
'Waaait..' Kuja feels in his underpants to check. 'It ain't here!' The rather slow to catch on Jack yells 'DON'T DO THAT IN MY HOUSE!' and kicks the unfortunate Genome out of the window where he lands in an apple tree. 'Can we search for the peeler?' asks Zidane. 'Cos I wanna nose around in your house.' 'Sure,' says Rose. 'But only cos I think you're cute.' 'HEY!' yells Jack. 'AREN'T YOU DATING ME?!' Dating YOU?!' replies a shocked Rose. 'I thought we were flatmates? I hate to tell u this but I'm not actually a lesbian!' 'GOOD! Cos I'm not actually a woman!' 'WHAT??? YOU - MAN -ARE?!?!' 'Hence the name Jack!' I thought it was short for Jaqueline!' 'AAARGH!! HANDS UP WHO THINKS I'M FEMALE!' 14 very confused people raise their hands. 'So I'm dating you?' asks Rose, still trying to get to grips with this fact. 'YEAH!' 'Well you're dumped!' Jack runs out crying. 'So are you single NOW? asks Zidane. 'Yeah..' Dagger punches Zidane and runs to cry in the washing machine. Eiko tries to comfort her but she doesn't feel like talking so she kicks Eiko into the tree with Kuja. 'Hi Eiko! Welcome to the tree club! Of course the MAIN one's Iifa or Lifa, I can't actually read the map, but this can be our holiday home! Let's play at house! as long as I can be Mummy!' 'Oh Fen-riir..! Would you like to play?' 'O.K, O.K, you can be Mummy!' 'They completely deserve each other' Cloud tries to mutter to Sephy but he is already scrambling out of the window to join in.
The remaining few who aren't playing preschool game or crying in the washing machine divide into peeler hunting pairs. Cloud insists on pairing with Tifa and they find themselves searching the bedroom. No prizes for guessing what happens. No prises for guessing who walks in and no prizes for guessing what she yells. But you can have a prize if you can guess why I bother to write this nonsense. 'TIFA I HATE YOU YOU BITCH CLOUD'S MINE!' yells an incensed Aeris. 'Oh yeah! I don't see your name on him!' How could you miss it? He has a tattoo!' 'Sorry Tifa.. I was drunk..' explains a red faced Cloud. 'But he PREFERS me! 'But I have better taste in interior decoration! 'Yeah, you literally taste it!' "That was not my fault..' Aeris goes beetroot and runs to cry in the sink, because Dagger had taken the washing machine. Cloud and Tifa resume their "buisness". Suddenly Cloud lets out a terrible shriek. 'Not that bad was it? asks Tifa. 'No, but I think I just found the potato peeler..'
O.K, all together now-EEWW!! Especially when you realise that Cloud had enough impact on the peeler for the world to go blank and everyone ( especially him and Tifa) to yell 'noo!!'