Disclaimer: Oh for God's sake, you should know by now.
Tidus fans ( WHAT??! You exist!) may have certain problems accepting that, concerning the events in this fanfic, that yes, I am right and he is CRAP.
Chapter 7 The place inside my head I go when I have no friends.
A beautiful cornfield scene is somewhat ruined by a crappy blonde half fish in abysmal dungarees skipping happily through it. You know who. There is a picturesque little well, all red brick and creeping flowers. Out of it pop 13 polygon people who are used to all this and 2 "normal" people who would swear that their morning tea was spiked.
'AAAAH!' yells Tidus when he sees them. 'AAAAH!' they all yell when they see Tidus. 'Where are we NOW?' asks Cloud, covering himself up with Sephy's long hair. 'AAAH, PERVERT!' yells Sephy, grabbing his hair away. 'AAAH, NUDITY!' yells Tidus, covering his eyes. ' WHERE ARE WE, stupid dungaree kid?' demands Kuja, who is one to talk about dress sense. 'Tidus-land' replies Tidus in his annoying voice. 'WHERE?!' 'The place inside my head I go when I have no friends', he replies cheerily 'Which must be most of the time.' observes Dagger. 'OF ALL THE PLACES TO BE!' screeched Sephy. 'COULDA BEEN HELL, OR THE ZERO WORLD. BUT NO.IT HAS TO BE BLOODY TIDUS LAND!' 'Emm.that needs a hyphen..' Tidus corrects. 'I need CLOOTHES!' yells Tifa. 'No you don't,' says Cloud. 'I have some spare dungarees,' Tidus offers. 'NO WAY!' And with that, Tifa strangles him with Sephy's hair. 'MY BEAUTIFUL TRESSES ARE NOT A UTENSIL! Oh look. you killed him!! YAY! I'm not your enemy now, in fact I'll be your best fwend.' 'Let's be best fwends!' And they have a big Barney the Dinosaur style hug, which is pleasurable for Sephy as Tifa is still nude. Needless to say, Cloud sulks.
***
In a bid for decency, Cloud has been forced to wear the dungarees from beyond hell ad Tifa is wearing an old dress of Yuna's. I'll leave it to your imagination how this got left in Tidus's imagination. EEEEWW. 'You know,' says Aeris. 'I don't think we should have killed Tidus. He was ever so sweet, I liked him.' 'WHAAAT?' This statement causes Kuja to faint. 'Right,' says Sephy, pointing his Masamune brand nail file at Tidus' festering corpse. 'EAT.'
Later, Aeris is crying, and vomiting profusely as it is normal to do when one has just been forced to eat a li'l half fish's corpse. Why couldn't Sephy just bloody well kill her in one quick, albeit tearjerkingly overdone, moment? One more forced consumption and she'd.well, she didn't know what she'd do, because, as everyone was so fond of pointing out, she was supposed to be dead by now. And because of this did not have one single decent offensive move. As Aeris pondered Sephy- splatting as an olympic sport, a terrible apparition appeared on the horizon. A troupe of naked dancing Yunas. 'Sweet Black Materia, what in the name of Jenova is that?' said Sephy and promptly fainted. Where's Tidus?' chorus the Yunas. 'I killed him!' boasts Tifa. 'With MY hair!' boasts Cloud. 'WHAT?! Sephy's hair!' "I know, but Sephy's unconscious, so I'm boasting for him.' Cloud informs the bemused group. 26 naked Yunas simultaneously burst into tears. 'Why are there naked Yunas anyway?' asks Steiner. 'Because we are trapped in the world's most irritating teenager's wet dream.' answers Kuja. The full awfulness of this statement starts to sink in. All of a sudden they ALL burst into tears. 'I will never look at a Playstation again in my life!' swears Rose. 'GET ME OUTTA HERE!!' yells Vivi. 'I CAN'T TAKE ANY MORE!!' He grabs the potato peeler and Firaga's it. 'Yaaay!' everyone screams and the world goes blank.
Author's note: Maybe that chapter shoulda been PG 13 as well, do naked Yunas count? Oh well, if you're traumatised it's too late now! Sorry! And I don't own Yuna, so don't sue me either!
Tidus fans ( WHAT??! You exist!) may have certain problems accepting that, concerning the events in this fanfic, that yes, I am right and he is CRAP.
Chapter 7 The place inside my head I go when I have no friends.
A beautiful cornfield scene is somewhat ruined by a crappy blonde half fish in abysmal dungarees skipping happily through it. You know who. There is a picturesque little well, all red brick and creeping flowers. Out of it pop 13 polygon people who are used to all this and 2 "normal" people who would swear that their morning tea was spiked.
'AAAAH!' yells Tidus when he sees them. 'AAAAH!' they all yell when they see Tidus. 'Where are we NOW?' asks Cloud, covering himself up with Sephy's long hair. 'AAAH, PERVERT!' yells Sephy, grabbing his hair away. 'AAAH, NUDITY!' yells Tidus, covering his eyes. ' WHERE ARE WE, stupid dungaree kid?' demands Kuja, who is one to talk about dress sense. 'Tidus-land' replies Tidus in his annoying voice. 'WHERE?!' 'The place inside my head I go when I have no friends', he replies cheerily 'Which must be most of the time.' observes Dagger. 'OF ALL THE PLACES TO BE!' screeched Sephy. 'COULDA BEEN HELL, OR THE ZERO WORLD. BUT NO.IT HAS TO BE BLOODY TIDUS LAND!' 'Emm.that needs a hyphen..' Tidus corrects. 'I need CLOOTHES!' yells Tifa. 'No you don't,' says Cloud. 'I have some spare dungarees,' Tidus offers. 'NO WAY!' And with that, Tifa strangles him with Sephy's hair. 'MY BEAUTIFUL TRESSES ARE NOT A UTENSIL! Oh look. you killed him!! YAY! I'm not your enemy now, in fact I'll be your best fwend.' 'Let's be best fwends!' And they have a big Barney the Dinosaur style hug, which is pleasurable for Sephy as Tifa is still nude. Needless to say, Cloud sulks.
***
In a bid for decency, Cloud has been forced to wear the dungarees from beyond hell ad Tifa is wearing an old dress of Yuna's. I'll leave it to your imagination how this got left in Tidus's imagination. EEEEWW. 'You know,' says Aeris. 'I don't think we should have killed Tidus. He was ever so sweet, I liked him.' 'WHAAAT?' This statement causes Kuja to faint. 'Right,' says Sephy, pointing his Masamune brand nail file at Tidus' festering corpse. 'EAT.'
Later, Aeris is crying, and vomiting profusely as it is normal to do when one has just been forced to eat a li'l half fish's corpse. Why couldn't Sephy just bloody well kill her in one quick, albeit tearjerkingly overdone, moment? One more forced consumption and she'd.well, she didn't know what she'd do, because, as everyone was so fond of pointing out, she was supposed to be dead by now. And because of this did not have one single decent offensive move. As Aeris pondered Sephy- splatting as an olympic sport, a terrible apparition appeared on the horizon. A troupe of naked dancing Yunas. 'Sweet Black Materia, what in the name of Jenova is that?' said Sephy and promptly fainted. Where's Tidus?' chorus the Yunas. 'I killed him!' boasts Tifa. 'With MY hair!' boasts Cloud. 'WHAT?! Sephy's hair!' "I know, but Sephy's unconscious, so I'm boasting for him.' Cloud informs the bemused group. 26 naked Yunas simultaneously burst into tears. 'Why are there naked Yunas anyway?' asks Steiner. 'Because we are trapped in the world's most irritating teenager's wet dream.' answers Kuja. The full awfulness of this statement starts to sink in. All of a sudden they ALL burst into tears. 'I will never look at a Playstation again in my life!' swears Rose. 'GET ME OUTTA HERE!!' yells Vivi. 'I CAN'T TAKE ANY MORE!!' He grabs the potato peeler and Firaga's it. 'Yaaay!' everyone screams and the world goes blank.
Author's note: Maybe that chapter shoulda been PG 13 as well, do naked Yunas count? Oh well, if you're traumatised it's too late now! Sorry! And I don't own Yuna, so don't sue me either!