And, in honor of my badfic, Daniel Pezzini-Nottingham:

MY HERO
by Danny

My hero is my mom. She is a police officer. She carries a gun.
And a really big sword, but she told me not to tell anyone about
that because it's a secret. I think she is really pretty. My
dad must think she is too, because he is always touching her and
stuff.

It's gross. She's my mom, but she's a GIRL.

My uncle Danny says that one day I will want to touch girls, but
I think he's wrong. He's dead. Maybe you forget stuff when you
die.