IX

"CJ, you wanted to see me?" Sam stepped inside her office.

"Yeah. Close the door."

He closed it behind him and hovered awkwardly, suddenly inexplicably nervous. "CJ?"

CJ got up from behind her desk and walked towards him. She regarded him in silence, and tapped her pen against her cheek thoughtfully. He was a quarter of an inch away from cracking and confessing every possible crime he could remember ever committing when she put the pen down and folded her arms.

"Sam..." He could hear how carefully she was picking her words. "Is it... at all possible that you have... a boyfriend?"

He blinked. Whoa. "You know, I honesty never thought about it that way before? But, um, yeah. I guess I do, at that." He couldn't help smiling.

"Okay. First." CJ stepped forward and enveloped him in a warm, comforting hug. "That's great, Sam. I'm really happy for you. That's wonderful." She pulled back. "Second." She raised her voice to a shout. "What the hell were you thinking?"

"I wasn't thinking anything, CJ!" he retorted loudly. "It's not like I woke up one morning and said, 'hey, what I really need right now is a homosexual relationship'. It just... happened," he shrugged.

CJ let out a slow breath. "Okay. Okay. Where did you meet him?"

"In a bar."

"All right, we've really got to ban you from talking to people in bars, okay?"

"CJ-"

"Sam."

He shrugged aggressively. "No, what, CJ? I just... I just met him, okay? His name is Steven Radcliffe, he's thirty-two years old, and he's... great," he finished, with a quiet little smile that he couldn't quite suppress.

CJ's expression softened a little. "Great?"

He blushed shyly. "Yeah."

She sighed. "Sam..."

"CJ, it's not-"

She gave him a warning glare. "Sam, don't say it's not a big deal, because whether any of us like it or not, it is a big deal. I found this out because one reporter already knows, and she doesn't think it should be a big deal either. But others are gonna find out, and they will think it's a big deal, and they will decide it's news."

"I'm not doing anything wrong," he said defensively.

She gave him a heartbreaking smile. "Of course you're not. But you're gonna get attention, you're gonna get hate mail, and you're gonna get a lot of scrutiny. There are gonna be questions about why the Deputy Director of Communications for an administration that's a huge proponent of gay rights felt it necessary to disguise his sexuality."

"I haven't been disguising anything, CJ," Sam insisted, shaking his head. "I always dated girls before, I met a guy I liked, end of story."

"End of story?"

"Yes."

CJ gave him a look. "Most people would not find themselves in this story."

"I'm not most people, CJ."

"You're really not, are you?"

Sam shook his head again and walked a few paces before turning back to face her. "CJ, I'm not- I'm not stupid. I knew this was gonna see me hit with a whole lot of crap that has nothing to do with anything, and it wasn't gonna be pretty. I went into this with my eyes open."

She gave him an appraising look. "You think he's worth it?"

"I'm sure he is."

"Okay."

"Okay?"

CJ nodded. "You should have called me, Sam," she said.

"I know," he admitted. "I... I think I was afraid if I called you too early, you might talk me out of it."

"I would hate to do that, Sam."

"I know." He believed her. "But you'd've done it."

"It's too late to do that now?" she pressed, ever hopeful.

"Definitely."

"Okay." She was silent for a beat. "Sam, you know I'm only-"

"Yeah."

"This could be tough for you. It could be tough for your guy, as well. Does he know what you do?"

"He knows I'm in politics."

"You need to tell him, Sam."

He did. "Yeah."

"You probably need to talk to Leo, as well."

Sam winced. "Yeah. I can only imagine how that might go." 'I accidentally slept with a call-girl' was one thing, 'I not-particularly-accidentally acquired a boyfriend, and I'm keeping him, too' was really quite another.

"You want me to-?" CJ offered.

"No. Maybe. I don't know. Can I think about it?" This all seemed to be spinning out of control way too fast.

"Sure," she nodded kindly. "But not for too long, Sam. Nothing stays quiet for long in this town, and I'd rather-"

"Yeah."

"Okay?"

"Okay."

He turned to leave, and she called out to him. "Sam." He looked back. "He's not a male prostitute, is he?"

Sam had to laugh. "He's a technical writer."

"Well, okay then."

As he was leaving, CJ called him back again. "Sam." She gave him a slow smile. "You do look happy."

"I am," he agreed.

"I'm glad."

"Thank you."

He left.

Lunch with Leo wasn't quite the same as lunch with Abbey, but it definitely beat dining with whatever group was mewling for presidential attention this particular day. The downside, of course, was that he didn't get to switch his brain off and zone out as he sometimes wanted to.

"How are we coming along with the fallout from the Healthcare Bill?" he asked, as he forked up the last of his salmon.

"Surprisingly well," Leo nodded, taking a sip from his glass of water. "Bizarrely enough, this business with Josh actually helped sweep it under the carpet. Everybody's much more concerned with talking about what's happening with his PTSD than what actually sparked the attack."

Jed nodded slowly. "What about this thing tonight? Is it a good idea to put him on TV this soon?"

Leo hesitated, then shrugged. "Maybe not, but we've got to do it. Josh is right; Berrington's gonna be baiting him all the way, but we can't afford to run away from this. The public needs to see him in debate. They need to see that whatever his condition, he's capable of doing his job to the best of his ability. If we can't show them that, how are we supposed to justify allowing him to still do it?"

Leo was right.

Leo was right. They were all public servants here; they owed it to the people they served to perform that service as best as possible. It wasn't just what they were paid for, it was their duty.

Something that had been lurking in the depths of his mind for too long floated up to the surface, and resolutely refused to be pushed back down into some place he could ignore it. It was time to do something he really didn't want to do.

Jed stood up, and Leo, caught off guard, scrambled to echo the motion. "Mr. President?" he asked, with a frown. For a moment Jed ached for the simpler days when his oldest friend could have sat whenever he damn well pleased and called him whatever he felt like. And then he reminded himself to be careful what he wished for.

"I just remembered I need to call Abbey," he explained, and Leo obligingly allowed himself to be ushered towards the door. However, he was as always attuned to Jed's body-language, and he looked at his old friend with concern.

"Something I should know about?"

"Just a few things I want to get straight," Jed said quickly.

When Leo was gone, he hesitated for a long time, and then finally picked up the phone.

This wasn't going to be the easiest conversation in the world.