I vowed never to come back to the city. The city that had offered so much, but I had gained so little. But what could I do? It was a class reunion. I hadn't seen anyone since graduation, and I guess I kind of missed them.
I hadn't been able to talk myself out of staying with Big Bob and Miriam. Ever since I graduated Valid Victorian and president of my sorority, I was the favorite of the Pataki daughters. That was another reason I wanted to go back to the reunion- I was a successful stock broker in New York, had grown into my looks, and matured brilliantly.
Big Bob had sent me on a mission for hamburger buns for the cook-out he insisted on throwing me for coming back. I hadn't recognized anyone so far, even though deep inside I wanted everyone to wait until the party.
I reached for the bag when I felt a hand swoosh against mine. "Oh, I'm sorry," I said quietly and looked up. It was a man, not too much taller than me, who looked so familiar.
"Helga?"
That voice…that head…
"Arnold?"
Next thing I knew I was swooped up in toned arms. "It's so nice to see you, I haven't heard from you in ages."
I looked at him for a little while. He had grown to be quite handsome. I remembered my thoughts of him when I was younger. Gosh, I was in love with the poor kid. In our sophomore year we dated, we were even an item when we were juniors, but come senior year I had well, out-grown him. He still had that boyish charm I had admired so when I was younger, but I then realized it was much nicer to admire from afar than to actually have him.
"I-It's nice to see you too. Are you just in town for the reunion?"
"Yeah, I flew in from Florida yesterday."
"Oh really?" I asked, and grabbed that package of hamburger buns. "What do you do over there?"
"Oh, just some work with NASA. I'm developing some space crafts and tools."
I smiled and looked at his jacket. The NASA patch was quite obvious.
"Are you still friends with Gerald? I've been up there a few times to see him and Phoebe, but we've never crossed paths," I asked. It was true. I hadn't seen him since the wedding.
"Yeah, I've been there a few times."
Why was this conversation so awkward? Was it the fact we swore each other we'd still write and call? Was it that I promised that maybe someday I'd give the two of us another chance? Or was it that he really just wanted his hamburger buns?
"Well, I really have to go. I promised Bob I'd be back by six."
"Oh, alright. Listen, Helga, are you seeing anybody?" he asked. I must have blushed at the question.
"Not really. Not seriously, I mean."
"Well, would you like to meet me for some coffee tomorrow morning?"
I smiled. He could sell ice to a polar bear.
"Sure, why not. I'll meet you at ten at France's Bistro," I said and he grinned.
"I'm looking forward to it. It's nice to see you again, Helga," he said sweetly, and walked away.
When I got to the bistro, Arnold was already there. He stood up when I got there, and pulled out my chair. Such a gentleman.
That morning we talked mostly about jobs and relationships. I told him about Todd, the man I almost married. Todd was an accountant in the bank next to my office, but he moved to Oklahoma and wanted me to go with him. I couldn't.
Then he brought it up.
"Why did we break up Helga? I mean, I thought we were gonna be together forever."
I sighed and put down my cup of coffee. "Honestly, I think I just wanted more in a relationship. You're a great guy Arnold, you were then, and you are now, but I look for a deeper meaning in a relationship. When it was us, I didn't feel anything. I'm sorry."
I got up and put five bucks on the table. "I'll see you at the reunion in a few days Arnold. Thank you for the coffee date. It was nice seeing you again."
I remember the day Arnold asked me out on our first date. The sophomore year had just started, and I had taken up soccer and volleyball. I had finally grown into my mug of a face, and had gone to a few of my father's anger management classes. I was learning how to be more polite and courteous, and I think that was what caught his eye.
"Hi Helga," he said as he walked up to me. We had met so many new people, you'd think I would have forgotten about him. Alas, he was still the one and only man in my heart.
"H-Hi Arnold," I said shyly, and smiled.
"What are you doing Saturday?" he asked, putting his arm on my locker.
"Nothing I think"
"How about me and you do something? You know, like a date."
From that moment on, we dated almost every Saturday. We became to be pretty close friends. On our first date the summer before junior year, he kissed me. Not just the pecks we had shared before to startle the crowd, but a full-out romantic kiss. I thought I had everything. We were officially boyfriend and girlfriend.
We were together all junior year, but come senior year I felt such a lack in the relationship. I had also heard Arnold was thinking the same. So, I broke it off. Apparently, I had just fallen victim of the rumor mill. Arnold was pretty depressed for a while. I felt bad, but not bad enough to get back together with him. We stayed friends, but he always wanted more than I did.
The night had finally come. I paced around my room making sure everything about me was perfect. Phoebe and Gerald were picking me up, so I couldn't be too late. I was just about to re-do my hair for the fifteenth time, I heard a knock on my door. It was Phoebe.
"Hey, you look great," she said sweetly, and I laughed a little.
"Thanks, I'm really nervous. Does my hair look alright?"
"It looks outstanding. Why are you so nervous? It's just the gang."
"Have you forgotten? The last time I saw the gang I was still ordinary Helga Pataki. I want to look like I've changed, Pheebs," I sighed and looked at myself in the mirror one last time.
"You look positively stunning. Now come on, Gerald's waiting for us. He's talking to your father about selling his televisions at his store," she said gently and led me down the hall.
The car ride was way too short. When we got there, my stomach did a flip and almost felt like it was gonna hurl out my throat. "I'll park the car. I'll see you ladies inside," Gerald said, and helped his wife out of the car. I squeezed Phoebe's hand and we walked into the gym.
As far as I could tell, everyone was there. I hadn't seen most of them since Phoebe and Gerald's wedding, which was about three years ago. I looked at Phoebe. For a minute, I thought she was just as nervous as I was.
It was 8th grade. We were having the big dance- the last one before we went to high school. Phoebe and I were trying to look our best. Phoebe had really grown up- she was positively gorgeous. Unlike me, who still had the unibrow and was considered "scary". When we came to junior high, we met so many new people. I saw Arnold flirting and talking with Wendy and Cleo, the two most popular girls in school.
"Why can't I be like that Pheebs? Instead I'm the dorky girl in the corner, watching my true love flirt like crazy," I said and Phoebe gently smiled.
"Don't worry about it Helga. We're going to have a wonderful time. I think I see Porter giving you the eye over there," she said and pointed to our fellow classmate and nerdy friend, Porter.
I walked over and we started talking. I had never really talked to him like this before. We had the occasional chat- usually over math and teachers, but I was beginning to see Porter in a much more charming light. As the night went on, we started dancing. Towards the end of the night, Porter kissed me. My real first kiss. Every dream and fantasy of Arnold slipped away, all I saw was Porter. We talked the rest of the night, and we started being boyfriend and girlfriend. Most people couldn't believe it, even Phoebe. I secretly hoped Arnold would be jealous- but he didn't show any signs.
Over the summer Porter and I broke up. He moved away to the country because his dad found a better job. I think Porter gave me a special kind of confidence. I think that's why I wanted to change.
"Breath check Pheebs," I said and puffed in my best friends face. "You're a true bud," I smiled and she gave me the thumbs up sign.
"Helga! Phoebe!"
We turned around to see Rhonda, someone I hadn't thought of much since graduation. She was one of my closest friends in high school, mainly because of my increased popularity, but we didn't talk during college. She didn't even come to Gerald and Phoebe's wedding. We all went to that wedding.
"How are you ladies doing?" she asked. She looked ravishing. She looked exactly like her mother.
"Just fine Rhonda. How's Sid?"
Ah, yes. Another one of us to marry within the group. It's funny watching us all grow.
"Mom, I'm not going. There's no way you can make me go to another stupid, lousy, crappy-"
"But honey, it's homecoming. You don't want to let down Phoebe, do you?"
"First of all, Phoebe has Gerald. She doesn't need me hanging around. Second of all, I'm not even nominated for court. I don't want to go that stupid dance."
"Oh baby sister, it'll be fun. Maybe you'll find a great date," Olga smiled, and I felt like killing her.
Mom had bought me the dress for the dance. Why was this such a big deal for her? It wasn't prom-it was just homecoming. A bunch of seniors, and I didn't know most of them.
"Will it make you happy?"
"Yes Helga. It will make me so happy."
"I don't want to be a third wheel you guys," I said as I walked into the dance with Phoebe and Gerald, arm in arm.
"Of course you aren't Helga. We're so glad that you decided to come," Phoebe smiled, but Gerald just looked straight ahead. He didn't want to be seen with me. Who would? He was so popular, as was Phoebe, and I was just Helga. Getting left behind in the dust.
I sat down in the corner, watching my best friend have a crazy and great time. She was so happy. She was up for court. Her popularity had boosted so high ever since her and Gerald made out at the 4th of July Picnic that summer, and I could see why. She was absolutely gorgeous. Why was she still hanging around me?
I moved my eyes from Phoebe to Gerald. Dang, he had sure grown into a hot young man. He was always the cool one, always the bud. We never got along too well.
I then looked at my other elementary school friends. Everyone else had grown and blossomed into young, wonderful adults. Me? I was still the same. Same ol' Helga.
"Oh, he's doing great. Too bad you couldn't come to the wedding Helga. The whole gang was there."
"I had to work," I lied. I was actually jetting off to Hawaii with Todd that weekend.
"Oh. Well, you really need to come and visit. Both of you. I really miss you guys."
"We do too, Rhonda. Well, I think we better mingle. We'll talk to you later," Phoebe smiled and led me to a crowd of people.
"Helga! I've been looking for you," I heard someone say. I looked to see Arnold walking towards us. "Wow, you look great. You too Pheebs."
Phoebe blushed. "Thanks. Gerald's parking the car, he'll be here soon," she said and elbowed me.
"Oh, um, you look nice too Arnold," I said, and his smile grew.
"Thanks."
There was a moment of awkward silence. Of course Phoebe broke it. "Well, I think we were looking for some girlie friends. Save a dance for me, alright Arnold?" she smiled and we walked off.
"Save a dance for me?" I laughed and she rolled her eyes. "You can't forget that night Helga. That night we almost weren't friends."
"I hope I never talk to you again!" Phoebe yelled down the hall.
"Same to you!" Gerald hollered back and slammed some lockers.
Phoebe burst into tears and ran into my arms. "I can't believe this! Where are his morals Helga? One week in Miami and I'm no longer attractive? God, I hate him!"
Over Spring Break, Gerald had met some girl and apparently kissed her. He told Phoebe, and she blew.
"And the dance is TONIGHT Helga! I KNOW he's going to try to pull some stupid stunt with another girl, I just know it! Probably Rhonda or Wendy or…GOD I don't care!" she huffed and pushed away from me. "I'll show him. I'll show him!"
I walked into the dance alone that night. It sounded pretty lame to begin with. 'Freshmen Spring Fling'. I only went for the brief moment I could share with Arnold, whether passing him at the punch table or smiling at him across the gym. I found my two friends Freeda and Zena, when the room went silent. In walked Gerald, arm in arm with Wendy. She had this huge smile on her face, I wanted to kill her. I controlled myself though. I was working hard on becoming a lady.
Next thing I knew, the room went silent again. In walked Phoebe, arm in arm with-
Arnold.
Arnold.
My love, Arnold.
I got teary-eyed. I walked over to Phoebe, and her smile dropped. "Arnold, I'll be right back," she smiled and nodded towards me. He gave a little wave, and went off. "We're just here as friends, Helga. Just to show Gerald I can be just as…cunning as him."
"Couldn't you be cunning with someone else? Sid? Lorenzo?"
"For once Helga, think of someone besides yourself! We're just here as friends okay? Now if you'd excuse me, I have to find my date."
I could've sworn I had steam coming out my ears. I closed my eyes and counted to ten, just like our family counselor told dad to do, and walked back over to Freeda and Zena. I didn't need Phoebe tonight. No. I could be just fine with my other friends.
Then it happened.
"Gerald! What are you doing?"
"What does it look like I'm doing Phoebe? I'm dancing!"
"This is OUR song. And you're dancing with HER."
"Yeah, so?"
"Well, 'so' this bucko!"
Next thing I know I hear cheers and hollers. I push through the crowd to see Phoebe kissing Arnold hard.
I ran out of that gym crying my eyes out. I knew Phoebe saw me. I sat in the bathroom crying, and I heard her quiet voice.
"Helga, I know you're in here. And I honestly don't think you'll want to talk back. But just hear me out, okay? There is no way I'd want some guy to come between our friendship. You're my best friend, Helga. I hope you know that. I'm sorry I did that. It really was wrong. But the way you feel about Arnold? I feel about Gerald. The sight of him dancing with Wendy…to our song…I couldn't take it. I had to do something that would just drive him crazy. I really like him, and I miss him too. I'm not really that mad about the whole spring break thing. You know, I flirted a lot at the beach too. And he's a guy-a total jerk to begin with. Well, anyway, I just want to let you know I'm sorry. I don't like Arnold that way at all…and I hope you know that. Well, I'm going to go talk to Gerald. Cross your fingers for me, okay? And I'll make double sure Arnold knows I don't like him that way. Alright, well, if you don't have anything to say-"
"Phoebe, it was wrong."
"I know."
I got out of my stall and looked at her. She's my best friend. She wouldn't hurt me on purpose.
I wrapped her in a giant hug. And we've never fought over a stupid guy again.
"Yeah, how could I forget!" I laughed and we walked over to talk to some other girls from our class.
The night continued. I danced with a few guys- mostly my closest friends. It was nice being with them again. They seemed to enjoy my changes- the fact that I was easier to be around and I was attractive seemed to ease their minds. Most of us were still single, and the rest were newlyweds.
I dreaded the first slow song. Just like high school. The slow song would come, and I would sit alone. Except I knew tonight I wouldn't get to be alone. I knew someone was waiting for me.
Finally it came. A real romantic tune. I saw Gerald sweep Phoebe in his arms. She giggled and looked at me. I smiled back and gave the thumbs up to the both of them. I then felt a tap on my shoulder.
"May I have this dance?"
I smiled and took Arnold's hand. He led me to the dance floor, then pulled me close. He had such an amazing smell.
"No Phoebe, don't. Don't you even dare-"
Finally, the last dance of the year. The 'Freshmen Ball' they called it, since we weren't allowed at prom. If I had to go to one more dance that year, I think I would've died. But this one was different. This one, Phoebe was-
"Hey Arnold! Gosh, isn't this funny! You don't have anyone to dance with, and neither does Helga! Well, maybe you guys should just…dance together!"
I looked down. I heard Arnold sigh, then put his hands on my hip.
"Hands on his shoulders, hun," Phoebe whispered and I did as she said. I looked into his eyes. So green…so magical.
"Are you looking forward to summer?" he asked. I wasn't sure if you were supposed to talk during a slow dance. But I went with his lead.
"Yeah. We're going away for most of it."
"You know, I haven't seen much of you this year."
"Yeah, well- you've been busy."
"Not too busy. I kinda miss seeing you everyday."
"Really?"
"Sure."
The dance ended too soon. Right afterwards, I pulled Phoebe from Gerald and gave her every detail. "See Helga? You're changing! And the whole world knows it!"
The next slow song than came. I looked around for Arnold, ready to drop the "well looky-here! Both of us without a dance partner again! Well what do you say bud? Another go around with the old Helga?" line.
I then saw him giggling and rubbing noses with Cleo, and immediately felt stupid. Why would he dance with me? I wasn't anything special. I was just Helga. Boring Helga whom he'd just known since pre-school.
The dance ended and I tried to pull away. Arnold still held me, and I looked into his eyes. Still so green…
"That was nice Arnold," I said sweetly and pushed away. He looked kind of hurt, but I patted his shoulder to calm him down. "I'll see you around," I smiled and walked to find Phoebe. She was laughing with Gerald, but when she saw me she knew what had happened.
"I don't think I can take this much longer Phoebe. I don't like this kind of pressure," I sighed and sat down.
"Do you want me to talk to him?" Gerald asked and I shook my head.
"It's okay. If he gets too fiesty I'll just punch him," I laughed. They both gave a polite chuckle, and then people came and talked to us. I talked to Zena and Freeda for a while. They were my best friends until I started dating Arnold. It was nice to talk to them again.
Another slow song came. I looked at Phoebe. She looked at Gerald. Then she sighed.
"Well, I think I'll take that dance with Arnold now. How about you dance with Gerald, Helga? I wouldn't mind."
So Gerald and I walked to the dance floor, and I watched as Phoebe gracefully danced with Arnold. He didn't pull her close like he did me.
"You really scored with Pheebs, Geraldo," I smiled, and he nodded.
"I know. You know, sometimes I wish you could've stayed with Arnold, Helga-"
"Gerald, please don't start this again-"
"Just hear me out, okay? I mean, back in high school, I had always daydreamed about the four of us just sticking together. You know, being neighbors, same jobs…but now I only see you both on separate occasions, and I kind of just wish it would've all happened."
I sighed. I knew Phoebe had always hoped for that two. Sophomore year and up, the four of us stuck together like glue. I missed that. It was never the four of us anymore. Just the three of us…at different times.
"Mom, I'm going over to Gerald's."
"Again? That's the fifth time today, Helga."
"Mom, come on! It's summer! Besides, I was at Phoebe's house today too."
I ran out of the house. We were all meeting at Gerald's to go to Rhonda's big party that night. It was the summer before junior year, and I was already with Arnold. The four of us had been hanging out everyday that summer. Fishing, go-cart racing, anything we could do together. It was the perfect summer.
I knocked on the Johanson's door and walked in. "It's me, Helga!" I called and heard the television going in the living room. Everyone was already there, and they all welcomed me when I came in.
We talked for a while. In fact, we talked the whole night. We totally forgot about Rhonda's party. We ate junk food and watched movies, even though we didn't really pay attention. We talked about the past, we talked about the future, we talked about us.
"I think we're gonna be friends forever, the four of us. No matter what, I think I'm always gonna depend on you guys," Gerald smiled and hugged Phoebe.
"Yeah, I see that happening," Arnold said and hugged me too. I just looked at Phoebe and she looked at me. We were in heaven.
"Maybe again someday, Gerald."
The dance ended and Gerald hugged me. It was weird knowing we hadn't always been friends. At one time, he would've picked anyone over me to dance with. Now, even though we were just friends, besides the fact he was very happily married, it was nice to see how things can change.
The night went on from there. When the DJ announced the last slow song, I knew I couldn't just hide from Arnold. That would be wrong. So when he took my hands, I just followed him onto the dance floor.
They played "our song" from junior year. The song we danced to, the song we first kissed to, the song he promised he'd always love me to.
"Remember this song?" he smiled, totally reading my thoughts.
"Of course."
"This has been fun tonight."
"Yeah, it has."
"I really do want to see you more often."
"I'd like that."
"Maybe we could plan to go the same weekend to Gerald and Phoebe's."
"That would be great."
He looked into my eyes. He smiled, and pulled me close again. He hummed the song for a little bit, and I just closed my eyes. For a moment, I forgot the past and everything. I just thought of the magic…the kind of night…
The song ended, and Arnold took my hands. He led me outside. The music was still pounding, but I didn't really want to stay.
He led me to the shrub garden, and we sat on a bench. He picked a flower from the bush, and put it in my hair. It was all so utterly romantic. I cringed at the thought of the night I told him it was all over.
It was the nightly phone call. Every night at eight, Arnold would call me and we'd talk. This night however, would maybe be the last.
"Hello?"
"Hey babe."
"Oh, hi Arnold. I'm glad you called."
"I call every night! Why's this any different?"
"Well, I have to tell you something. But, I'd like it if you came over. I don't want to do this over the phone."
A few minutes later I heard a knock on my door. "Come in," I said and showed him to the bed. "Arnold, let me please say that I truly do love you. I think you're a great guy, and I could never see myself living a day without thinking about you."
"I feel the same way about you, Helga."
"I was afraid you would say that."
"Excuse me?"
"Arnold…I think we should break-up."
"But-but…you just said you loved me."
"I do. But I think it's more of a brotherly love. I just don't feel anything with you anymore Arnold. You will never know how much this relationship has meant to me…something I've wanted for so long…but I think that it should end. All good things have to end Arnold, and I don't want this to end tragically."
"What did I do wrong? I can change Helga! Just let me know what I did!"
"Nothing. Nothing at all. People change Arnold, and I guess relationships do too."
He walked over to me and kissed me. "Tell me you felt something, Helga. Tell me you felt that spark…that spark that brought us together. Tell me that you changed your mind and that we'll always be together. Helga, tell me that this is all a mistake and we're never going to break-up."
A tear fell down my face. He put his hand upon it, and I put my hand upon his.
"I'm sorry Arnold."
I let go, and showed him the door. He took his coat and left.
"It really is a lovely night," he smiled, and took my hand.
"Yes."
"You look quite lovely too."
"Thank you."
He looked into my eyes and put his hand on my face. I sighed as he brought my face closer to his. "Please Arnold, don't do anything we're going to regret-"
"Helga I can't take this any longer. You know how much you mean to me…how much I love you-"
"Arnold! Please! I know you want to try this again, but I'm not sure if I'm ready. Don't pressure me into something I don't want to do!"
"But Helga-I know you want to take this chance again. I know you do. Deep down you're so ready you're about to burst!"
"How do you know?"
He then pulled me close to him. Our lips were so close, if I would have sneezed we would have been in full lip-lock.
"Intuition."
He then pulled me into such a lavish kiss, I thought I was going to marry him right then and there.
"Did you feel the spark again Helga?"
I sighed and looked at him.
"No," I lied.
"No?"
"No Arnold."
He let go of me and scooted away.
"Are you sure?"
I sighed and pulled him into a kiss of my own. Same spark.
"Not anymore."
He smiled and took my hand. "Shall we give this another round?" he smiled, and I looked away. I thought of all those memories. Good, bad, beautiful, ugly, romantic, heart-breaking…
"I-I-I don't know!" I cried and ran off. I didn't want to be with him again, I didn't want to lose him.
I tripped over a stone and fell. I looked at the sky. The stars were twinkling and the moon was shining, as if nothing in the world was wrong. I started to cry and got up. I walked towards the spot, the last spot I would talk to Arnold alone for a very long time.
"I can't believe we did it!" I yelled and hugged Phoebe tightly. Our picture had been taken a million times, but my smile was permanent. I was going off to college, to become something, to meet new people! I sighed when I felt a tap on my shoulder. I turned around to see Gerald, and I hugged him close.
"No hug for me?" I heard a familiar voice say. There was Arnold, looking really handsome in his cap and gown, smiling.
"Don't be crazy!" I laughed and gave him a gigantic hug. He kissed me on the cheek and led me underneath the big oak tree beside our school.
"Are you ready for college?" he asked, and I smiled.
"I've been dreaming of it ever since I learned there was something bigger than this dumb city out there. How about you?"
"I think I am. These past four years were great, huh?"
"Yeah."
"Helga, do you promise to still call me? And write?"
"Of course Arnold! You're one of my best friends!"
"I know…I hope you'll give me another shot someday Helga-"
"Arnold not this again!"
"Just give me a minute okay? Someday I know you'll realize how much you miss me, and we'll get back together, I know it."
"Maybe Arnold."
He kissed me on the cheek again and squeezed my hand. I smiled and we walked back towards our group.
"Helga? Are you there?"
I turned around to see Arnold, who looking pretty frazzled.
"Yeah."
"I thought I'd find you here."
He sat beside me underneath the tree, and pointed out a constellation. He told me some interesting space stories too. "I really love my job," he laughed, and I couldn't help but giggle too. "I'm sorry if I scared you Helga," he said quietly, and bowed his head.
"It's okay."
He looked at me, but he didn't look sad or hurt anymore, he looked angry.
"Helga, I don't understand you. You're a real screwed up kid, you know that?"
"Thanks Arnold," I said sarcastically, and felt the tears coming.
"I KNOW you want to give me another shot Helga-"
"Just stop it! You're just going to-"
"Helga! Listen to yourself! You know what your problem is?"
"I guess not, but apparently you do!"
"You're too scared to get close to someone. You pull away when someone opens up to you, because you're afraid that you'll do the same."
"That's not true."
"Yes it is. I don't know what's worse- the pain I feel when I'm not with you, or the pain I feel when I'm with you knowing you'll never feel the same way about me."
We were quiet for a little while. When we saw people leaving the gymnasium, we knew the reunion was officially over. And our night was coming to a close.
"Helga, I need an answer. I need to know whether I'm wasting my time, or if there's a smidge of hope."
I sighed and looked at him. I DID love him. I always have. Always will.
I pulled him close and kissed him. Same spark. The same spark I always had when I kissed him, the same spark I will always have whenever I think about kissing him, there was no other way to say it.
I loved Arnold.
I hadn't been able to talk myself out of staying with Big Bob and Miriam. Ever since I graduated Valid Victorian and president of my sorority, I was the favorite of the Pataki daughters. That was another reason I wanted to go back to the reunion- I was a successful stock broker in New York, had grown into my looks, and matured brilliantly.
Big Bob had sent me on a mission for hamburger buns for the cook-out he insisted on throwing me for coming back. I hadn't recognized anyone so far, even though deep inside I wanted everyone to wait until the party.
I reached for the bag when I felt a hand swoosh against mine. "Oh, I'm sorry," I said quietly and looked up. It was a man, not too much taller than me, who looked so familiar.
"Helga?"
That voice…that head…
"Arnold?"
Next thing I knew I was swooped up in toned arms. "It's so nice to see you, I haven't heard from you in ages."
I looked at him for a little while. He had grown to be quite handsome. I remembered my thoughts of him when I was younger. Gosh, I was in love with the poor kid. In our sophomore year we dated, we were even an item when we were juniors, but come senior year I had well, out-grown him. He still had that boyish charm I had admired so when I was younger, but I then realized it was much nicer to admire from afar than to actually have him.
"I-It's nice to see you too. Are you just in town for the reunion?"
"Yeah, I flew in from Florida yesterday."
"Oh really?" I asked, and grabbed that package of hamburger buns. "What do you do over there?"
"Oh, just some work with NASA. I'm developing some space crafts and tools."
I smiled and looked at his jacket. The NASA patch was quite obvious.
"Are you still friends with Gerald? I've been up there a few times to see him and Phoebe, but we've never crossed paths," I asked. It was true. I hadn't seen him since the wedding.
"Yeah, I've been there a few times."
Why was this conversation so awkward? Was it the fact we swore each other we'd still write and call? Was it that I promised that maybe someday I'd give the two of us another chance? Or was it that he really just wanted his hamburger buns?
"Well, I really have to go. I promised Bob I'd be back by six."
"Oh, alright. Listen, Helga, are you seeing anybody?" he asked. I must have blushed at the question.
"Not really. Not seriously, I mean."
"Well, would you like to meet me for some coffee tomorrow morning?"
I smiled. He could sell ice to a polar bear.
"Sure, why not. I'll meet you at ten at France's Bistro," I said and he grinned.
"I'm looking forward to it. It's nice to see you again, Helga," he said sweetly, and walked away.
When I got to the bistro, Arnold was already there. He stood up when I got there, and pulled out my chair. Such a gentleman.
That morning we talked mostly about jobs and relationships. I told him about Todd, the man I almost married. Todd was an accountant in the bank next to my office, but he moved to Oklahoma and wanted me to go with him. I couldn't.
Then he brought it up.
"Why did we break up Helga? I mean, I thought we were gonna be together forever."
I sighed and put down my cup of coffee. "Honestly, I think I just wanted more in a relationship. You're a great guy Arnold, you were then, and you are now, but I look for a deeper meaning in a relationship. When it was us, I didn't feel anything. I'm sorry."
I got up and put five bucks on the table. "I'll see you at the reunion in a few days Arnold. Thank you for the coffee date. It was nice seeing you again."
I remember the day Arnold asked me out on our first date. The sophomore year had just started, and I had taken up soccer and volleyball. I had finally grown into my mug of a face, and had gone to a few of my father's anger management classes. I was learning how to be more polite and courteous, and I think that was what caught his eye.
"Hi Helga," he said as he walked up to me. We had met so many new people, you'd think I would have forgotten about him. Alas, he was still the one and only man in my heart.
"H-Hi Arnold," I said shyly, and smiled.
"What are you doing Saturday?" he asked, putting his arm on my locker.
"Nothing I think"
"How about me and you do something? You know, like a date."
From that moment on, we dated almost every Saturday. We became to be pretty close friends. On our first date the summer before junior year, he kissed me. Not just the pecks we had shared before to startle the crowd, but a full-out romantic kiss. I thought I had everything. We were officially boyfriend and girlfriend.
We were together all junior year, but come senior year I felt such a lack in the relationship. I had also heard Arnold was thinking the same. So, I broke it off. Apparently, I had just fallen victim of the rumor mill. Arnold was pretty depressed for a while. I felt bad, but not bad enough to get back together with him. We stayed friends, but he always wanted more than I did.
The night had finally come. I paced around my room making sure everything about me was perfect. Phoebe and Gerald were picking me up, so I couldn't be too late. I was just about to re-do my hair for the fifteenth time, I heard a knock on my door. It was Phoebe.
"Hey, you look great," she said sweetly, and I laughed a little.
"Thanks, I'm really nervous. Does my hair look alright?"
"It looks outstanding. Why are you so nervous? It's just the gang."
"Have you forgotten? The last time I saw the gang I was still ordinary Helga Pataki. I want to look like I've changed, Pheebs," I sighed and looked at myself in the mirror one last time.
"You look positively stunning. Now come on, Gerald's waiting for us. He's talking to your father about selling his televisions at his store," she said gently and led me down the hall.
The car ride was way too short. When we got there, my stomach did a flip and almost felt like it was gonna hurl out my throat. "I'll park the car. I'll see you ladies inside," Gerald said, and helped his wife out of the car. I squeezed Phoebe's hand and we walked into the gym.
As far as I could tell, everyone was there. I hadn't seen most of them since Phoebe and Gerald's wedding, which was about three years ago. I looked at Phoebe. For a minute, I thought she was just as nervous as I was.
It was 8th grade. We were having the big dance- the last one before we went to high school. Phoebe and I were trying to look our best. Phoebe had really grown up- she was positively gorgeous. Unlike me, who still had the unibrow and was considered "scary". When we came to junior high, we met so many new people. I saw Arnold flirting and talking with Wendy and Cleo, the two most popular girls in school.
"Why can't I be like that Pheebs? Instead I'm the dorky girl in the corner, watching my true love flirt like crazy," I said and Phoebe gently smiled.
"Don't worry about it Helga. We're going to have a wonderful time. I think I see Porter giving you the eye over there," she said and pointed to our fellow classmate and nerdy friend, Porter.
I walked over and we started talking. I had never really talked to him like this before. We had the occasional chat- usually over math and teachers, but I was beginning to see Porter in a much more charming light. As the night went on, we started dancing. Towards the end of the night, Porter kissed me. My real first kiss. Every dream and fantasy of Arnold slipped away, all I saw was Porter. We talked the rest of the night, and we started being boyfriend and girlfriend. Most people couldn't believe it, even Phoebe. I secretly hoped Arnold would be jealous- but he didn't show any signs.
Over the summer Porter and I broke up. He moved away to the country because his dad found a better job. I think Porter gave me a special kind of confidence. I think that's why I wanted to change.
"Breath check Pheebs," I said and puffed in my best friends face. "You're a true bud," I smiled and she gave me the thumbs up sign.
"Helga! Phoebe!"
We turned around to see Rhonda, someone I hadn't thought of much since graduation. She was one of my closest friends in high school, mainly because of my increased popularity, but we didn't talk during college. She didn't even come to Gerald and Phoebe's wedding. We all went to that wedding.
"How are you ladies doing?" she asked. She looked ravishing. She looked exactly like her mother.
"Just fine Rhonda. How's Sid?"
Ah, yes. Another one of us to marry within the group. It's funny watching us all grow.
"Mom, I'm not going. There's no way you can make me go to another stupid, lousy, crappy-"
"But honey, it's homecoming. You don't want to let down Phoebe, do you?"
"First of all, Phoebe has Gerald. She doesn't need me hanging around. Second of all, I'm not even nominated for court. I don't want to go that stupid dance."
"Oh baby sister, it'll be fun. Maybe you'll find a great date," Olga smiled, and I felt like killing her.
Mom had bought me the dress for the dance. Why was this such a big deal for her? It wasn't prom-it was just homecoming. A bunch of seniors, and I didn't know most of them.
"Will it make you happy?"
"Yes Helga. It will make me so happy."
"I don't want to be a third wheel you guys," I said as I walked into the dance with Phoebe and Gerald, arm in arm.
"Of course you aren't Helga. We're so glad that you decided to come," Phoebe smiled, but Gerald just looked straight ahead. He didn't want to be seen with me. Who would? He was so popular, as was Phoebe, and I was just Helga. Getting left behind in the dust.
I sat down in the corner, watching my best friend have a crazy and great time. She was so happy. She was up for court. Her popularity had boosted so high ever since her and Gerald made out at the 4th of July Picnic that summer, and I could see why. She was absolutely gorgeous. Why was she still hanging around me?
I moved my eyes from Phoebe to Gerald. Dang, he had sure grown into a hot young man. He was always the cool one, always the bud. We never got along too well.
I then looked at my other elementary school friends. Everyone else had grown and blossomed into young, wonderful adults. Me? I was still the same. Same ol' Helga.
"Oh, he's doing great. Too bad you couldn't come to the wedding Helga. The whole gang was there."
"I had to work," I lied. I was actually jetting off to Hawaii with Todd that weekend.
"Oh. Well, you really need to come and visit. Both of you. I really miss you guys."
"We do too, Rhonda. Well, I think we better mingle. We'll talk to you later," Phoebe smiled and led me to a crowd of people.
"Helga! I've been looking for you," I heard someone say. I looked to see Arnold walking towards us. "Wow, you look great. You too Pheebs."
Phoebe blushed. "Thanks. Gerald's parking the car, he'll be here soon," she said and elbowed me.
"Oh, um, you look nice too Arnold," I said, and his smile grew.
"Thanks."
There was a moment of awkward silence. Of course Phoebe broke it. "Well, I think we were looking for some girlie friends. Save a dance for me, alright Arnold?" she smiled and we walked off.
"Save a dance for me?" I laughed and she rolled her eyes. "You can't forget that night Helga. That night we almost weren't friends."
"I hope I never talk to you again!" Phoebe yelled down the hall.
"Same to you!" Gerald hollered back and slammed some lockers.
Phoebe burst into tears and ran into my arms. "I can't believe this! Where are his morals Helga? One week in Miami and I'm no longer attractive? God, I hate him!"
Over Spring Break, Gerald had met some girl and apparently kissed her. He told Phoebe, and she blew.
"And the dance is TONIGHT Helga! I KNOW he's going to try to pull some stupid stunt with another girl, I just know it! Probably Rhonda or Wendy or…GOD I don't care!" she huffed and pushed away from me. "I'll show him. I'll show him!"
I walked into the dance alone that night. It sounded pretty lame to begin with. 'Freshmen Spring Fling'. I only went for the brief moment I could share with Arnold, whether passing him at the punch table or smiling at him across the gym. I found my two friends Freeda and Zena, when the room went silent. In walked Gerald, arm in arm with Wendy. She had this huge smile on her face, I wanted to kill her. I controlled myself though. I was working hard on becoming a lady.
Next thing I knew, the room went silent again. In walked Phoebe, arm in arm with-
Arnold.
Arnold.
My love, Arnold.
I got teary-eyed. I walked over to Phoebe, and her smile dropped. "Arnold, I'll be right back," she smiled and nodded towards me. He gave a little wave, and went off. "We're just here as friends, Helga. Just to show Gerald I can be just as…cunning as him."
"Couldn't you be cunning with someone else? Sid? Lorenzo?"
"For once Helga, think of someone besides yourself! We're just here as friends okay? Now if you'd excuse me, I have to find my date."
I could've sworn I had steam coming out my ears. I closed my eyes and counted to ten, just like our family counselor told dad to do, and walked back over to Freeda and Zena. I didn't need Phoebe tonight. No. I could be just fine with my other friends.
Then it happened.
"Gerald! What are you doing?"
"What does it look like I'm doing Phoebe? I'm dancing!"
"This is OUR song. And you're dancing with HER."
"Yeah, so?"
"Well, 'so' this bucko!"
Next thing I know I hear cheers and hollers. I push through the crowd to see Phoebe kissing Arnold hard.
I ran out of that gym crying my eyes out. I knew Phoebe saw me. I sat in the bathroom crying, and I heard her quiet voice.
"Helga, I know you're in here. And I honestly don't think you'll want to talk back. But just hear me out, okay? There is no way I'd want some guy to come between our friendship. You're my best friend, Helga. I hope you know that. I'm sorry I did that. It really was wrong. But the way you feel about Arnold? I feel about Gerald. The sight of him dancing with Wendy…to our song…I couldn't take it. I had to do something that would just drive him crazy. I really like him, and I miss him too. I'm not really that mad about the whole spring break thing. You know, I flirted a lot at the beach too. And he's a guy-a total jerk to begin with. Well, anyway, I just want to let you know I'm sorry. I don't like Arnold that way at all…and I hope you know that. Well, I'm going to go talk to Gerald. Cross your fingers for me, okay? And I'll make double sure Arnold knows I don't like him that way. Alright, well, if you don't have anything to say-"
"Phoebe, it was wrong."
"I know."
I got out of my stall and looked at her. She's my best friend. She wouldn't hurt me on purpose.
I wrapped her in a giant hug. And we've never fought over a stupid guy again.
"Yeah, how could I forget!" I laughed and we walked over to talk to some other girls from our class.
The night continued. I danced with a few guys- mostly my closest friends. It was nice being with them again. They seemed to enjoy my changes- the fact that I was easier to be around and I was attractive seemed to ease their minds. Most of us were still single, and the rest were newlyweds.
I dreaded the first slow song. Just like high school. The slow song would come, and I would sit alone. Except I knew tonight I wouldn't get to be alone. I knew someone was waiting for me.
Finally it came. A real romantic tune. I saw Gerald sweep Phoebe in his arms. She giggled and looked at me. I smiled back and gave the thumbs up to the both of them. I then felt a tap on my shoulder.
"May I have this dance?"
I smiled and took Arnold's hand. He led me to the dance floor, then pulled me close. He had such an amazing smell.
"No Phoebe, don't. Don't you even dare-"
Finally, the last dance of the year. The 'Freshmen Ball' they called it, since we weren't allowed at prom. If I had to go to one more dance that year, I think I would've died. But this one was different. This one, Phoebe was-
"Hey Arnold! Gosh, isn't this funny! You don't have anyone to dance with, and neither does Helga! Well, maybe you guys should just…dance together!"
I looked down. I heard Arnold sigh, then put his hands on my hip.
"Hands on his shoulders, hun," Phoebe whispered and I did as she said. I looked into his eyes. So green…so magical.
"Are you looking forward to summer?" he asked. I wasn't sure if you were supposed to talk during a slow dance. But I went with his lead.
"Yeah. We're going away for most of it."
"You know, I haven't seen much of you this year."
"Yeah, well- you've been busy."
"Not too busy. I kinda miss seeing you everyday."
"Really?"
"Sure."
The dance ended too soon. Right afterwards, I pulled Phoebe from Gerald and gave her every detail. "See Helga? You're changing! And the whole world knows it!"
The next slow song than came. I looked around for Arnold, ready to drop the "well looky-here! Both of us without a dance partner again! Well what do you say bud? Another go around with the old Helga?" line.
I then saw him giggling and rubbing noses with Cleo, and immediately felt stupid. Why would he dance with me? I wasn't anything special. I was just Helga. Boring Helga whom he'd just known since pre-school.
The dance ended and I tried to pull away. Arnold still held me, and I looked into his eyes. Still so green…
"That was nice Arnold," I said sweetly and pushed away. He looked kind of hurt, but I patted his shoulder to calm him down. "I'll see you around," I smiled and walked to find Phoebe. She was laughing with Gerald, but when she saw me she knew what had happened.
"I don't think I can take this much longer Phoebe. I don't like this kind of pressure," I sighed and sat down.
"Do you want me to talk to him?" Gerald asked and I shook my head.
"It's okay. If he gets too fiesty I'll just punch him," I laughed. They both gave a polite chuckle, and then people came and talked to us. I talked to Zena and Freeda for a while. They were my best friends until I started dating Arnold. It was nice to talk to them again.
Another slow song came. I looked at Phoebe. She looked at Gerald. Then she sighed.
"Well, I think I'll take that dance with Arnold now. How about you dance with Gerald, Helga? I wouldn't mind."
So Gerald and I walked to the dance floor, and I watched as Phoebe gracefully danced with Arnold. He didn't pull her close like he did me.
"You really scored with Pheebs, Geraldo," I smiled, and he nodded.
"I know. You know, sometimes I wish you could've stayed with Arnold, Helga-"
"Gerald, please don't start this again-"
"Just hear me out, okay? I mean, back in high school, I had always daydreamed about the four of us just sticking together. You know, being neighbors, same jobs…but now I only see you both on separate occasions, and I kind of just wish it would've all happened."
I sighed. I knew Phoebe had always hoped for that two. Sophomore year and up, the four of us stuck together like glue. I missed that. It was never the four of us anymore. Just the three of us…at different times.
"Mom, I'm going over to Gerald's."
"Again? That's the fifth time today, Helga."
"Mom, come on! It's summer! Besides, I was at Phoebe's house today too."
I ran out of the house. We were all meeting at Gerald's to go to Rhonda's big party that night. It was the summer before junior year, and I was already with Arnold. The four of us had been hanging out everyday that summer. Fishing, go-cart racing, anything we could do together. It was the perfect summer.
I knocked on the Johanson's door and walked in. "It's me, Helga!" I called and heard the television going in the living room. Everyone was already there, and they all welcomed me when I came in.
We talked for a while. In fact, we talked the whole night. We totally forgot about Rhonda's party. We ate junk food and watched movies, even though we didn't really pay attention. We talked about the past, we talked about the future, we talked about us.
"I think we're gonna be friends forever, the four of us. No matter what, I think I'm always gonna depend on you guys," Gerald smiled and hugged Phoebe.
"Yeah, I see that happening," Arnold said and hugged me too. I just looked at Phoebe and she looked at me. We were in heaven.
"Maybe again someday, Gerald."
The dance ended and Gerald hugged me. It was weird knowing we hadn't always been friends. At one time, he would've picked anyone over me to dance with. Now, even though we were just friends, besides the fact he was very happily married, it was nice to see how things can change.
The night went on from there. When the DJ announced the last slow song, I knew I couldn't just hide from Arnold. That would be wrong. So when he took my hands, I just followed him onto the dance floor.
They played "our song" from junior year. The song we danced to, the song we first kissed to, the song he promised he'd always love me to.
"Remember this song?" he smiled, totally reading my thoughts.
"Of course."
"This has been fun tonight."
"Yeah, it has."
"I really do want to see you more often."
"I'd like that."
"Maybe we could plan to go the same weekend to Gerald and Phoebe's."
"That would be great."
He looked into my eyes. He smiled, and pulled me close again. He hummed the song for a little bit, and I just closed my eyes. For a moment, I forgot the past and everything. I just thought of the magic…the kind of night…
The song ended, and Arnold took my hands. He led me outside. The music was still pounding, but I didn't really want to stay.
He led me to the shrub garden, and we sat on a bench. He picked a flower from the bush, and put it in my hair. It was all so utterly romantic. I cringed at the thought of the night I told him it was all over.
It was the nightly phone call. Every night at eight, Arnold would call me and we'd talk. This night however, would maybe be the last.
"Hello?"
"Hey babe."
"Oh, hi Arnold. I'm glad you called."
"I call every night! Why's this any different?"
"Well, I have to tell you something. But, I'd like it if you came over. I don't want to do this over the phone."
A few minutes later I heard a knock on my door. "Come in," I said and showed him to the bed. "Arnold, let me please say that I truly do love you. I think you're a great guy, and I could never see myself living a day without thinking about you."
"I feel the same way about you, Helga."
"I was afraid you would say that."
"Excuse me?"
"Arnold…I think we should break-up."
"But-but…you just said you loved me."
"I do. But I think it's more of a brotherly love. I just don't feel anything with you anymore Arnold. You will never know how much this relationship has meant to me…something I've wanted for so long…but I think that it should end. All good things have to end Arnold, and I don't want this to end tragically."
"What did I do wrong? I can change Helga! Just let me know what I did!"
"Nothing. Nothing at all. People change Arnold, and I guess relationships do too."
He walked over to me and kissed me. "Tell me you felt something, Helga. Tell me you felt that spark…that spark that brought us together. Tell me that you changed your mind and that we'll always be together. Helga, tell me that this is all a mistake and we're never going to break-up."
A tear fell down my face. He put his hand upon it, and I put my hand upon his.
"I'm sorry Arnold."
I let go, and showed him the door. He took his coat and left.
"It really is a lovely night," he smiled, and took my hand.
"Yes."
"You look quite lovely too."
"Thank you."
He looked into my eyes and put his hand on my face. I sighed as he brought my face closer to his. "Please Arnold, don't do anything we're going to regret-"
"Helga I can't take this any longer. You know how much you mean to me…how much I love you-"
"Arnold! Please! I know you want to try this again, but I'm not sure if I'm ready. Don't pressure me into something I don't want to do!"
"But Helga-I know you want to take this chance again. I know you do. Deep down you're so ready you're about to burst!"
"How do you know?"
He then pulled me close to him. Our lips were so close, if I would have sneezed we would have been in full lip-lock.
"Intuition."
He then pulled me into such a lavish kiss, I thought I was going to marry him right then and there.
"Did you feel the spark again Helga?"
I sighed and looked at him.
"No," I lied.
"No?"
"No Arnold."
He let go of me and scooted away.
"Are you sure?"
I sighed and pulled him into a kiss of my own. Same spark.
"Not anymore."
He smiled and took my hand. "Shall we give this another round?" he smiled, and I looked away. I thought of all those memories. Good, bad, beautiful, ugly, romantic, heart-breaking…
"I-I-I don't know!" I cried and ran off. I didn't want to be with him again, I didn't want to lose him.
I tripped over a stone and fell. I looked at the sky. The stars were twinkling and the moon was shining, as if nothing in the world was wrong. I started to cry and got up. I walked towards the spot, the last spot I would talk to Arnold alone for a very long time.
"I can't believe we did it!" I yelled and hugged Phoebe tightly. Our picture had been taken a million times, but my smile was permanent. I was going off to college, to become something, to meet new people! I sighed when I felt a tap on my shoulder. I turned around to see Gerald, and I hugged him close.
"No hug for me?" I heard a familiar voice say. There was Arnold, looking really handsome in his cap and gown, smiling.
"Don't be crazy!" I laughed and gave him a gigantic hug. He kissed me on the cheek and led me underneath the big oak tree beside our school.
"Are you ready for college?" he asked, and I smiled.
"I've been dreaming of it ever since I learned there was something bigger than this dumb city out there. How about you?"
"I think I am. These past four years were great, huh?"
"Yeah."
"Helga, do you promise to still call me? And write?"
"Of course Arnold! You're one of my best friends!"
"I know…I hope you'll give me another shot someday Helga-"
"Arnold not this again!"
"Just give me a minute okay? Someday I know you'll realize how much you miss me, and we'll get back together, I know it."
"Maybe Arnold."
He kissed me on the cheek again and squeezed my hand. I smiled and we walked back towards our group.
"Helga? Are you there?"
I turned around to see Arnold, who looking pretty frazzled.
"Yeah."
"I thought I'd find you here."
He sat beside me underneath the tree, and pointed out a constellation. He told me some interesting space stories too. "I really love my job," he laughed, and I couldn't help but giggle too. "I'm sorry if I scared you Helga," he said quietly, and bowed his head.
"It's okay."
He looked at me, but he didn't look sad or hurt anymore, he looked angry.
"Helga, I don't understand you. You're a real screwed up kid, you know that?"
"Thanks Arnold," I said sarcastically, and felt the tears coming.
"I KNOW you want to give me another shot Helga-"
"Just stop it! You're just going to-"
"Helga! Listen to yourself! You know what your problem is?"
"I guess not, but apparently you do!"
"You're too scared to get close to someone. You pull away when someone opens up to you, because you're afraid that you'll do the same."
"That's not true."
"Yes it is. I don't know what's worse- the pain I feel when I'm not with you, or the pain I feel when I'm with you knowing you'll never feel the same way about me."
We were quiet for a little while. When we saw people leaving the gymnasium, we knew the reunion was officially over. And our night was coming to a close.
"Helga, I need an answer. I need to know whether I'm wasting my time, or if there's a smidge of hope."
I sighed and looked at him. I DID love him. I always have. Always will.
I pulled him close and kissed him. Same spark. The same spark I always had when I kissed him, the same spark I will always have whenever I think about kissing him, there was no other way to say it.
I loved Arnold.