I don't know when it all started. This whole urge to be with him. I just know that I do. People might call it dirty, unnatural. We'll burn in hell surely for our forbidden love. But none of that matters to me as long as I can be with him...
...Because of what I do... what I've done...
...This is hell....
Fallen Tears
::Chapter Two::
Standard Disclaimers Apply
I carefully made my way down the stairs, though I really have no idea why I was sneaking. I guess I just didn't want to run into Ken. I don't think I can face him after what happened up there in my room. ::He must think I'm an immature little kid after the way I was carrying on.:: I thought, more than a little disgusted with myself. I chewed on my bottom lip absently, my eyes roaming the room as I continued down the stairs.
My grip on the railing tightened as I noticed a familiar brown head sitting down on the couch watching TV. I froze where I stood, right foot in the air, poised to step down on the next step. I felt my chest tighten and my eyes went wide. ::He's there! No no...this is not good! That's where I'm going. He can't be there! Why is he there?!:: My thoughts chased themselves in circles in my head, as I conveniently chose to forget the fact that he lived in the house just as I did.
::Whoa...calm down there, Omi.:: A voice in my head told me. I bit back the urge to reply, because nothing would have helped me feel worse than having an argument with myself. Taking a deep breath, I closed my eyes, counting backwards from 10. Think happy thoughts.
10...
::Flash:: Flowers. Flowers are pretty. Like flowers. I work with flowers... everyday, flowers. Then after flowers, I work on the mission. I use my...
9...
::Flash:: Computer. Blinking white cursors on a black screen. Abstract. I like computers. They're quiet, and don't talk a lot like...
8...
::Flash:: Girls. Girls are pretty, like flowers. Girls smell nice too, also like flowers. Does this mean girls are flowers? Girls like...
7...
::Flash:: Boys. Boys aren't pretty. They're all muscular and rough. They don't smell like flowers either. They smell like sweat. They're sweaty...from working and um... playing... with balls... ! I mean um... playing sports! Yes! They play...
6...
::Flash:: Sports. Fun. Laughing. Running. Friends. Sports are good... Sports like..
5...
::Flash:: Soccer. Soccer is a professional sport. People play it for money. People play it for fun. I know someone that played for both money and fun...
4...
::Flash:: Ken. Mmm...Ken kun... he's so sweet. And so handsome too. He's perfect... No... must not think of..
3...
::Flash:: Ken...even his name is perfect. Not too long, and yet it can mean so much. Just... Ken... so sweet... Ack! No think of Ken! Baka baka...think of ...
2...
::Flash:: Darts. Weapons. For the missions... Missions with...
1...
::Flash:: Ken. Ken. Kenken. *giggle* how cute.
0...
I let the number trail off in my mind... amazed at how little that did to help me. No matter what I try to think about... it always seems to come back to him. Blinking, I realized that I was still frozen with my foot raised to continue the descent down the stairs. With a heavy sigh I brought it down onto the next step, and winced as I remembered, a tad too late, that it was the step that always creaked. A loud creaking noise echoed throughout the house and I froze again as I saw the brown head turn towards me.
A wide grin plastered on his face, Ken rested his elbows on the back of the couch as he rested his chin on his hands.
"Ne Omi kun" He said, his voice light and joking. Suddenly I felt like crying. Just sitting down right where I was and letting go. The tension was too much. ::No...I can't cry... not in front of him.:: Even as I told myself this, I could feel the tears welling up in my eyes. ::I'm a trained assassin. I can kill people with the flick of my wrist. I will not cry because the boy I lo...like thinks of me only as a friend. I will not...cry...:: Feeling as though I were about to burst, I turned around and started back up the stairs, not answering him. ::I have to get away from him.::
It seemed like a good idea at the time. I would just leave, go to my room, have my little cry and then come back down like nothing had happened. Good idea right? But that was before I felt my foot start to slip on the wooden step and the sensation of falling. Tucking my body into a tight ball protecting my head, I felt my back hit the edge of the first step and I bit my lip in pain. All the way down the stairs I alternately bounced and rolled, discovering new pains in places I didn't even know existed.
At the last one, I hit it hard enough to be lodged from my careful position, and I went sprawling across the floor to end up on my back with my legs and arms spread out around me.
"Omi! Are you okay?" I heard Ken's frantic voice from off to the left of me, and I struggled up to a sitting position. "Omi...my god. Are you okay?" He was right next to me now, his hand on my shoulder. He didn't seem to know any words, other than my name and 'are you okay?' I raised my head to look at him, and noticed the worried expression on his face. ::He's worried for me. For -me-.:: I felt an unreasonable amount of joy at this revelation, perhaps I should fall down the stairs a bit more often. ::Of course he's worried for you, you're his friend.:: That evil voice was back, reminding me of all the cruel truths.
I realized how ridiculous I must have looked to him. Hair ruffled, clothes in disarray, sitting there with my legs still spread, and a stupefied expression on my face. ::Real sexy there Omi:: I was beginning to hate that voice. Looking up into his face, slight movement caught my eye and I noticed the TV on in the background. I turned my head slightly so that I could see what it was he was watching and bit my lip when I finally made out the blurry figures.
"Soccer." I said stupidly, my voice sounding small, wavering slightly. I looked back at him for a moment. Then I burst out in tears, flinging my arms around his neck and hiding my face in his shoulder.
~*~*~*~*~*~
I watched as Youji led Aya into the kitchen, the red head stumbling slightly. ::They must both be really drunk.:: Shaking my head, I plopped down onto the couch and grabbed the remote. Turning on the TV, I flipped through the various channels as I thought back to what had just happened up in Omi's room. ::I can't believe myself. I acted like a fool.:: Groaning slightly I sunk deeper into the couch, resisting the urge to smack myself. ::I wonder whom Omi was talking about. When he was doing the whole rose thing.:: I felt my chest tighten from a slight, or rather more than slight, twinge of jealousy. Suddenly feeling as if I was doing something wrong, I looked around the room guiltily even though I was the only one there. ::I am NOT jealous of Omi. I'm happy for him. Really.:: I dutifully ignored the fact that it sounded more like I was trying to convince myself than any real argument.
A grating voice jerked me out of my thoughts, beating my ears with its harsh noise. Startled, I jerked back against the couch, accidentally dropping the remote in doing so. It clattered the floor, the back popping off and one of the batteries flying out to roll halfway across the room. I had continued flipping through the channels while I was 'thinking' and had stopped on the amateur karaoke station. Some middle-aged man was on TV belting his heart out along with some American group called the Backstreet Boys.
Mournfully I gazed at the lone battery lying in the middle of the floor, feeling very reluctant to move. ::Looks like I'm stuck watching this.:: I thought as I turned my gaze back to the TV screen. I actually stared at it for a whole three seconds before I was off the couch and at the battery so fast the room seemed to blur around me. Then I was frantically trying to stuff the battery back in the remote, my tongue sticking out the side of my mouth.
//Because I want it that waaaaayyyyyy.....//
::Dear god...won't you hurry up!?!:: Finally getting the stupid remote to work I gratefully switched the channel, grinning slightly as it changed to a professional soccer game. Settling back comfortably onto the couch, I patted the remote. ::I love technology::
After about a few minutes or so, I heard a loud creaking noise and grinned to myself. Someone forgot about The Step again. Turning around, I saw that it was Omi who had stepped on it. My smile faltered a bit as memories of earlier flooded my head. Forcing my grin to stay in place, I called out to him.
"Ne, Omi kun." I was rather proud of myself for being able to keep my voice free of the emotional torrent I was feeling inside. He just looked at me, his eyes seeming to see right through my pitiful act, and I almost lost my cool right there. But then he just turned and started back up the stairs without even saying anything to me. I was hurt. I watched him ascend slowly up the stairs, and my heart seemed to clench. Then I saw it happen.
My eyes widened as his foot seemed to come out from under him and he went flying backwards. His instincts as an assassin kicked in and he immediately got into a position that protected his head. My mouth opened slightly as I watched him fall down the stairs, every fiber of my being wanting to go and catch him and yet I was unable to move. The last step seemed to jolt him out of his careful position and he ended up lying on his back. It also jolted me out of stupor and I jumped over the back of the couch and was rushing to his side.
"Omi! Are you okay?" My voice sounded thin, but I didn't care. The only thought on my mind was his safety. He had forced himself into a sitting position by the time I had reached him and I cautiously placed my hand on shoulder. "Omi...my god! Are you okay?" I seemed to have also lost my ability to come up with new and different words. Again, I didn't care.
He looked at me, his eyes wide. I stared back at him, my eyes doing a once over to make sure that he wasn't seriously injured. Taking in the tousled hair and the rumpled clothing, he had never looked sexier in my opinion. ::Did I just think that?:: I thought incredulously. ::Yes you did. Now shut up. Concentrate on Omi now, Baka.:: The voice did have a point though. Re-focusing on him, I noticed that he wasn't looking at me, but rather at the TV screen behind me.
"Soccer." He said, sounding tired. He looked back at me and I gulped, being this close to him was making me uncomfortable. Then the next thing I knew, he was in my arms, crying. ::OH MY GOD! OMI IS CRYING!?! WHAT DO I DO?!?!:: I was freaking out.
Figuring that the floor wasn't the most comfortable place right now, especially after his fall, I spied the couch not that far off. With shaking hands, I scooped him up and gently carried him over to the couch. He never stopped
crying.
Sitting down on it, I settled him comfortably in my lap, his arms still wrapped around my neck. At a complete loss of what to do, I settled for stroking his hair and gently making shushing noises. ::This feels nice. Very nice. Except for the whole he's crying thing. Yeah...that's a bad thing.:: After a few moments he calmed down enough to the point where he stopped crying and just sat there sniffling, his face nuzzled into the crook of my neck and shoulder.
I continued to pet his hair with one hand and gently rubbing one hand in small circles over his back. Yes. This felt very good. It felt right. Feeling his breathing slow down and become more rhythmic I realized that he had fallen asleep. ::He fell asleep in my arms! -My- arms!:: I felt like cheering.
"Oh...Ken kun! Look what you have here." I froze as I recognized the voice and I turned my head to see Youji grinning at me over the back of the couch.
"What do you want?" I asked irritably, annoyed to be interrupted. He held up a bottle of wine to signify his reason for being there.
"I just came to get the spare bottle. And look what I found." He said smugly.
"Baka, he fell down the stairs and started crying. I was just comforting him." I snapped then instantly regretted my tone of voice. Youji's grin widened and he reached over to pat me on the head.
"It okay Ken kun, I understand. I've had a few dreams about him myself, if you know what I mean?" I growled at him, and he grinned. "Or maybe that was you that I had the dream about. Ta ta." He said flippantly, dancing away before I could smack him.
"YOUJI!"
TBC
Author's notes: Anou...sorry that this chapter is kinda rushed...and that it's not that good... Its 6am right now and I desperately need some sleep but I wanted to finish this before I lost my train of thought. n_n thanks for sitting through yet another chappy! *cheer* Go you! Anywhoo... feel free to email me for any reason (I love email) at chibi_ukyou@yahoo.com . Ta ta!
...Because of what I do... what I've done...
...This is hell....
Fallen Tears
::Chapter Two::
Standard Disclaimers Apply
I carefully made my way down the stairs, though I really have no idea why I was sneaking. I guess I just didn't want to run into Ken. I don't think I can face him after what happened up there in my room. ::He must think I'm an immature little kid after the way I was carrying on.:: I thought, more than a little disgusted with myself. I chewed on my bottom lip absently, my eyes roaming the room as I continued down the stairs.
My grip on the railing tightened as I noticed a familiar brown head sitting down on the couch watching TV. I froze where I stood, right foot in the air, poised to step down on the next step. I felt my chest tighten and my eyes went wide. ::He's there! No no...this is not good! That's where I'm going. He can't be there! Why is he there?!:: My thoughts chased themselves in circles in my head, as I conveniently chose to forget the fact that he lived in the house just as I did.
::Whoa...calm down there, Omi.:: A voice in my head told me. I bit back the urge to reply, because nothing would have helped me feel worse than having an argument with myself. Taking a deep breath, I closed my eyes, counting backwards from 10. Think happy thoughts.
10...
::Flash:: Flowers. Flowers are pretty. Like flowers. I work with flowers... everyday, flowers. Then after flowers, I work on the mission. I use my...
9...
::Flash:: Computer. Blinking white cursors on a black screen. Abstract. I like computers. They're quiet, and don't talk a lot like...
8...
::Flash:: Girls. Girls are pretty, like flowers. Girls smell nice too, also like flowers. Does this mean girls are flowers? Girls like...
7...
::Flash:: Boys. Boys aren't pretty. They're all muscular and rough. They don't smell like flowers either. They smell like sweat. They're sweaty...from working and um... playing... with balls... ! I mean um... playing sports! Yes! They play...
6...
::Flash:: Sports. Fun. Laughing. Running. Friends. Sports are good... Sports like..
5...
::Flash:: Soccer. Soccer is a professional sport. People play it for money. People play it for fun. I know someone that played for both money and fun...
4...
::Flash:: Ken. Mmm...Ken kun... he's so sweet. And so handsome too. He's perfect... No... must not think of..
3...
::Flash:: Ken...even his name is perfect. Not too long, and yet it can mean so much. Just... Ken... so sweet... Ack! No think of Ken! Baka baka...think of ...
2...
::Flash:: Darts. Weapons. For the missions... Missions with...
1...
::Flash:: Ken. Ken. Kenken. *giggle* how cute.
0...
I let the number trail off in my mind... amazed at how little that did to help me. No matter what I try to think about... it always seems to come back to him. Blinking, I realized that I was still frozen with my foot raised to continue the descent down the stairs. With a heavy sigh I brought it down onto the next step, and winced as I remembered, a tad too late, that it was the step that always creaked. A loud creaking noise echoed throughout the house and I froze again as I saw the brown head turn towards me.
A wide grin plastered on his face, Ken rested his elbows on the back of the couch as he rested his chin on his hands.
"Ne Omi kun" He said, his voice light and joking. Suddenly I felt like crying. Just sitting down right where I was and letting go. The tension was too much. ::No...I can't cry... not in front of him.:: Even as I told myself this, I could feel the tears welling up in my eyes. ::I'm a trained assassin. I can kill people with the flick of my wrist. I will not cry because the boy I lo...like thinks of me only as a friend. I will not...cry...:: Feeling as though I were about to burst, I turned around and started back up the stairs, not answering him. ::I have to get away from him.::
It seemed like a good idea at the time. I would just leave, go to my room, have my little cry and then come back down like nothing had happened. Good idea right? But that was before I felt my foot start to slip on the wooden step and the sensation of falling. Tucking my body into a tight ball protecting my head, I felt my back hit the edge of the first step and I bit my lip in pain. All the way down the stairs I alternately bounced and rolled, discovering new pains in places I didn't even know existed.
At the last one, I hit it hard enough to be lodged from my careful position, and I went sprawling across the floor to end up on my back with my legs and arms spread out around me.
"Omi! Are you okay?" I heard Ken's frantic voice from off to the left of me, and I struggled up to a sitting position. "Omi...my god. Are you okay?" He was right next to me now, his hand on my shoulder. He didn't seem to know any words, other than my name and 'are you okay?' I raised my head to look at him, and noticed the worried expression on his face. ::He's worried for me. For -me-.:: I felt an unreasonable amount of joy at this revelation, perhaps I should fall down the stairs a bit more often. ::Of course he's worried for you, you're his friend.:: That evil voice was back, reminding me of all the cruel truths.
I realized how ridiculous I must have looked to him. Hair ruffled, clothes in disarray, sitting there with my legs still spread, and a stupefied expression on my face. ::Real sexy there Omi:: I was beginning to hate that voice. Looking up into his face, slight movement caught my eye and I noticed the TV on in the background. I turned my head slightly so that I could see what it was he was watching and bit my lip when I finally made out the blurry figures.
"Soccer." I said stupidly, my voice sounding small, wavering slightly. I looked back at him for a moment. Then I burst out in tears, flinging my arms around his neck and hiding my face in his shoulder.
~*~*~*~*~*~
I watched as Youji led Aya into the kitchen, the red head stumbling slightly. ::They must both be really drunk.:: Shaking my head, I plopped down onto the couch and grabbed the remote. Turning on the TV, I flipped through the various channels as I thought back to what had just happened up in Omi's room. ::I can't believe myself. I acted like a fool.:: Groaning slightly I sunk deeper into the couch, resisting the urge to smack myself. ::I wonder whom Omi was talking about. When he was doing the whole rose thing.:: I felt my chest tighten from a slight, or rather more than slight, twinge of jealousy. Suddenly feeling as if I was doing something wrong, I looked around the room guiltily even though I was the only one there. ::I am NOT jealous of Omi. I'm happy for him. Really.:: I dutifully ignored the fact that it sounded more like I was trying to convince myself than any real argument.
A grating voice jerked me out of my thoughts, beating my ears with its harsh noise. Startled, I jerked back against the couch, accidentally dropping the remote in doing so. It clattered the floor, the back popping off and one of the batteries flying out to roll halfway across the room. I had continued flipping through the channels while I was 'thinking' and had stopped on the amateur karaoke station. Some middle-aged man was on TV belting his heart out along with some American group called the Backstreet Boys.
Mournfully I gazed at the lone battery lying in the middle of the floor, feeling very reluctant to move. ::Looks like I'm stuck watching this.:: I thought as I turned my gaze back to the TV screen. I actually stared at it for a whole three seconds before I was off the couch and at the battery so fast the room seemed to blur around me. Then I was frantically trying to stuff the battery back in the remote, my tongue sticking out the side of my mouth.
//Because I want it that waaaaayyyyyy.....//
::Dear god...won't you hurry up!?!:: Finally getting the stupid remote to work I gratefully switched the channel, grinning slightly as it changed to a professional soccer game. Settling back comfortably onto the couch, I patted the remote. ::I love technology::
After about a few minutes or so, I heard a loud creaking noise and grinned to myself. Someone forgot about The Step again. Turning around, I saw that it was Omi who had stepped on it. My smile faltered a bit as memories of earlier flooded my head. Forcing my grin to stay in place, I called out to him.
"Ne, Omi kun." I was rather proud of myself for being able to keep my voice free of the emotional torrent I was feeling inside. He just looked at me, his eyes seeming to see right through my pitiful act, and I almost lost my cool right there. But then he just turned and started back up the stairs without even saying anything to me. I was hurt. I watched him ascend slowly up the stairs, and my heart seemed to clench. Then I saw it happen.
My eyes widened as his foot seemed to come out from under him and he went flying backwards. His instincts as an assassin kicked in and he immediately got into a position that protected his head. My mouth opened slightly as I watched him fall down the stairs, every fiber of my being wanting to go and catch him and yet I was unable to move. The last step seemed to jolt him out of his careful position and he ended up lying on his back. It also jolted me out of stupor and I jumped over the back of the couch and was rushing to his side.
"Omi! Are you okay?" My voice sounded thin, but I didn't care. The only thought on my mind was his safety. He had forced himself into a sitting position by the time I had reached him and I cautiously placed my hand on shoulder. "Omi...my god! Are you okay?" I seemed to have also lost my ability to come up with new and different words. Again, I didn't care.
He looked at me, his eyes wide. I stared back at him, my eyes doing a once over to make sure that he wasn't seriously injured. Taking in the tousled hair and the rumpled clothing, he had never looked sexier in my opinion. ::Did I just think that?:: I thought incredulously. ::Yes you did. Now shut up. Concentrate on Omi now, Baka.:: The voice did have a point though. Re-focusing on him, I noticed that he wasn't looking at me, but rather at the TV screen behind me.
"Soccer." He said, sounding tired. He looked back at me and I gulped, being this close to him was making me uncomfortable. Then the next thing I knew, he was in my arms, crying. ::OH MY GOD! OMI IS CRYING!?! WHAT DO I DO?!?!:: I was freaking out.
Figuring that the floor wasn't the most comfortable place right now, especially after his fall, I spied the couch not that far off. With shaking hands, I scooped him up and gently carried him over to the couch. He never stopped
crying.
Sitting down on it, I settled him comfortably in my lap, his arms still wrapped around my neck. At a complete loss of what to do, I settled for stroking his hair and gently making shushing noises. ::This feels nice. Very nice. Except for the whole he's crying thing. Yeah...that's a bad thing.:: After a few moments he calmed down enough to the point where he stopped crying and just sat there sniffling, his face nuzzled into the crook of my neck and shoulder.
I continued to pet his hair with one hand and gently rubbing one hand in small circles over his back. Yes. This felt very good. It felt right. Feeling his breathing slow down and become more rhythmic I realized that he had fallen asleep. ::He fell asleep in my arms! -My- arms!:: I felt like cheering.
"Oh...Ken kun! Look what you have here." I froze as I recognized the voice and I turned my head to see Youji grinning at me over the back of the couch.
"What do you want?" I asked irritably, annoyed to be interrupted. He held up a bottle of wine to signify his reason for being there.
"I just came to get the spare bottle. And look what I found." He said smugly.
"Baka, he fell down the stairs and started crying. I was just comforting him." I snapped then instantly regretted my tone of voice. Youji's grin widened and he reached over to pat me on the head.
"It okay Ken kun, I understand. I've had a few dreams about him myself, if you know what I mean?" I growled at him, and he grinned. "Or maybe that was you that I had the dream about. Ta ta." He said flippantly, dancing away before I could smack him.
"YOUJI!"
TBC
Author's notes: Anou...sorry that this chapter is kinda rushed...and that it's not that good... Its 6am right now and I desperately need some sleep but I wanted to finish this before I lost my train of thought. n_n thanks for sitting through yet another chappy! *cheer* Go you! Anywhoo... feel free to email me for any reason (I love email) at chibi_ukyou@yahoo.com . Ta ta!