Glad this continues to please. Ok, this is less a chapter, more an
interlude. This is NOT "But Seriously, Does This Dress Make Me Look Fat?"
nor is it "I Can't Believe You Think Sam Is Cuter Than ME!". This, my
friends, is "I Need You, I Want You, Marry Me and Make Me the Happiest
Hobbit That Ever Lived!" Alternate title: "So Who's Going to the Wear
Pants?". It might also be called an exercise in insanity. *crazy giggle*
Tolkien: You rule, man, love ya and will return them only a little molested;)
And now...
Chapter (not really, more of an interlude) 4
Gandalf watched Aragorn, Boromir, Legolas and Gimli tear after the fleeing Orcs. He let his eyes follow them a moment and then turned to assure himself that the four hobbits were unharmed.
"Good fight, my boys! Well played all around." Gandalf crowed. The hobbits beamed at the wizard's praise, proud that they had made a good showing in their first real battle. Pippin had several deep scratches and Merry's cloak was torn were an Orc had slashed at his back but aside from that there were no casualties to speak of.
Sam and Frodo looked around cautiously before sheathing their swords and letting out a loud cry.
"Did you see that Gandalf?" Sam was grinning broadly at his companions "Did ya see Mr. Frodo? How they ran?" Frodo grinned back, then a tight, worried look spread across his delicate features.
"Gandalf? Do you suppose Aragorn and the others will catch up with the last of the goblins before they can get back to where ever they came from?"
Gandalf patted Frodo on the back reassuringly. The wind came faster, playing in Frodo's dark curls and across his slender cheek.
Gandalf smiled at the Ringbearer's concern for his fellows.
"Legolas can run like a leaf driven before a storm and Aragorn could track a mouse at midnight. Boromir and Gimli are strong and brave as elves and kings." Gandalf winked and his smile grew warmer "They will be fine, Frodo. Come, let us have some small morsel to eat and so pass the time pleasantly. It is well deserved."
"Right, second breakfast. Excellent idea." Pippin's apparently bottomless stomach growled as he dug into his pack. " Apples, bread, cakes? Salt meat, dried fruit and honey?"
Gandalf eyed the excited hobbit, appraising his numerous if shallow wounds. " A little cake would suit me well but get you here first, Master Took. There's a scratch or two on you that needs mending."
"Mmmmhhmmem" Pippin responded, his mouth full and overflowing. Merry was looking, annoyed, through the claw marks in the back of his cloak.
"Whew, I'll say that was a close one." He shook his head "An inch closer and I'd have a great dirty hole in my back. Blast and be bother those Orcs, this is my only wrap. Hope it doesn't decide to rain."
He looked at the sky quickly, half expecting to see storm clouds gathering for a deluge. The sky showed no sign of cloud and remained brilliantly blue.
Sam took up the edge of the cloak, fingering the jagged edge of the rent in the coarse fabric. He examined it closely before declaring it could be patched easily. He busied himself, rummaging in his pack for a skein of thread and an awl.
Amongst the boughs and rustling leaves of the oaks that surrounded them, Voices began to stir.
Gandalf cleaned the largest scratch on Pippin's arm with a clear liquid that stung and brought tears to the hobbit's eyes. He grumbled as Gandalf moved to clean the next deepest wound.
The others settled down for their small picnic. They studied their fallen enemy, the bodies, scattered and the ground blacken and bloody among the trunks of the trees. Many of them had Legolas' arrows between their horrible eyes. Arrows and swords had scarred the lower bark on many of the oaks.
The sun was quite hot on their heads and the air around them started to smell heavily of dead orc.
"Whew, it stinks" Merry exclaimed
. He opened his mouth to suggest that they move a little way away from the carrion when, violently and without warning, the air around them filled with screams.
The five looked at one another in terror.
"The Authors! The evil will once again consume us!" Gandalf dropped Pippin's arm and moved backward slowly.
Gandalfhadalwayknownhewasdifferentfromtheotherwizards.Wanthereallywantedwast osettledown.
Samsankontooneknee.FrodowatchedhimwithtearsinhiseyesasSampulledaboxoutofhisp ocket.
MerryandPippinfellinthedirtyreadytomakewildmonkeyloveinfrontofeveryone.
The screaming faded to a dull throbbing chant.
Merry and Pippin looked at one another and groaned. In silent agreement, they each turned and ran in the opposite direction of the other. Pippin was barreling towards the thicker woods, in the direction that Strider and the others had taken, when all at once he went flying head long into the large bushes in front of him. He lay in them a moment, dazed, watching Merry tear through the underbrush.
Pippin slowly recovered his feet, dusting the leaves from his tangled hair. He shook his head to clear it of the spinning. His eyes rested on the obstacle that had sent him into the shrub. Pippin surveyed with some amusement, a good deal of fear and not a little nausea the scene that was playing out slightly to his right.
"Sam! Oh Sam. I never expected this! I don't know what to say." Frodo's eyes were huge with emotion and he seemed to be fighting tears.
Sam was on bended knee in front of his Master, clutching Frodo's hand. " Mr. Frodo, I love you more than life itself. More than mushrooms! I need you, I want you, all you have to say is 'yes' and you'll make me the happiest hobbit that ever lived."
Frodo pulled Sam to his feet, looked him deep in the eye and howled, "Yes, of course the answer is 'Yes' Sam, my dearest. Of course I'll marry you!"
Sam threw his arms around Frodo, who in turn burst into tears. Then, getting back on his knee, Sam slipped a ring on to his Master's finger. The ring was, in fact, the one the Ring to rule them all, the one ring to find them and in the darkness bind them, the most awful and evil power in Middle Earth.
Pippin's eyes grew wide as Frodo disappeared. He was certain that of all the sinister and despicable roles the ring had played through the ages, this, reduced to an engagement ring, topped them all. Sauron would probably curl up and die if he knew that his precious creation was now very close to becoming a hobbit's wedding band.
Sam looked rather surprised that his love had disappeared and was presently running in circles trying to locate his "fiancée". Pippin shook his head and considered returning to his original plan. Running off like a madman into a wood that was most likely crawling with murderous Orcs was looking more and more like a safest thing he could possibly do, given the current situation.
With any luck they'd kill him before he was forced to throw the bridal shower. Pippin's mind was made up by the next, highly disturbing, thought: " Who was the bride? Who would wear the pants in THAT relationship?" He was damned if he was going to stick around to find out. The Took turned toward the East.
Pippin shuttered, then started to walk and at the same time Frodo reappeared just behind him.
Sam hurdled himself at Frodo and wrapped his future "life partner" in another tight hug.
"Cuddle muffin! I was worried. There is SO much to plan! Should the reception be buffet or a sit down dinner?"
Frodo smiled dreamily over Sam's head at Pippin "Cousin? What do you think of a lavender gown? With silver flowers embroidered up the sleeves and what do you think of pink lilies for my bouquet?"
Frodo sighed, " This is the most wonderful day of my life. Oh Pippin?"
Pippin, who had resumed sneaking further into the forest, froze. Foiled, he turned around reluctantly
"Yes, Frodo?"
"Pippin, would you do Sam and I the service of being my maid of honor? I was thinking Boromir could give me away and Aragorn could perform the ceremony, he's going to be a king so it'll be legal and Legolas can be the flower girl, he would look smashing in lavender and Gimli could be an usher. Perhaps Merry would be the best man? What do you think? Where is Merry, anyway?"
Merry had escaped and was nowhere to be seen. Pippin was sure he'd never been more jealous of anyone in his life.
The Voices were still palpable in the air.
Sam looked around " Snookums? When do you want to do this? The wedding, I mean, before or after we get to Mordor, Sugar Lips? Cause whatever you what that's what we'll do, Bunny Balls"
Frodo smiled " I was thinking in about twenty minutes? How's that, Love Butt? I'm pretty sure you have to reserve about a year in advance to get the Doom Room at Sauron's place and I can't wait that long, Smoochy Feet." Frodo paused to dry his eyes on Pippin's sleeve.
"Now, Pippin if you would be so good as to go look for some flowers for my bouquet, lilies if you can get them. Sam and I will freshen up and by the time the others find their way back we'll be just about set."
Pippin rolled his eyes "Lilies?!?" and began to edge once more toward the deepening woods. He turned to make a break for it but never got the opportunity for, out of the brush, appeared the others.
Out of the surrounding bush appeared THREE of the others: Aragorn, Boromir and Gimli. Pippin was puzzled; where was Legolas? And what was that buddle that Gimli was half dragging?
Pippin took a closer look and got an answer to both questions.
"What in the name of Eru happened to Legolas?!?"
Next time. Be there or be square!
A/N: Thanks again for the feedback. It motivates me. Sorry, no, characters will NOT stop popping out of nowhere to get harassed. How on earth do you expect me to put in Elven cameos? What kind of story doesn't have cameos?;) This intended "plot hole" lets me abuse SO many more characters and, really, isn't that why we're all here? However, do watch for bikini waxes for the boys cuz' that's just funny. If you have any other suggestions email me at souLESSgrrrl@hotmail.com. I'd be more than happy to take challenges or use suggested situations.
Shiny, happy people review, Trolls don't!
Tolkien: You rule, man, love ya and will return them only a little molested;)
And now...
Chapter (not really, more of an interlude) 4
Gandalf watched Aragorn, Boromir, Legolas and Gimli tear after the fleeing Orcs. He let his eyes follow them a moment and then turned to assure himself that the four hobbits were unharmed.
"Good fight, my boys! Well played all around." Gandalf crowed. The hobbits beamed at the wizard's praise, proud that they had made a good showing in their first real battle. Pippin had several deep scratches and Merry's cloak was torn were an Orc had slashed at his back but aside from that there were no casualties to speak of.
Sam and Frodo looked around cautiously before sheathing their swords and letting out a loud cry.
"Did you see that Gandalf?" Sam was grinning broadly at his companions "Did ya see Mr. Frodo? How they ran?" Frodo grinned back, then a tight, worried look spread across his delicate features.
"Gandalf? Do you suppose Aragorn and the others will catch up with the last of the goblins before they can get back to where ever they came from?"
Gandalf patted Frodo on the back reassuringly. The wind came faster, playing in Frodo's dark curls and across his slender cheek.
Gandalf smiled at the Ringbearer's concern for his fellows.
"Legolas can run like a leaf driven before a storm and Aragorn could track a mouse at midnight. Boromir and Gimli are strong and brave as elves and kings." Gandalf winked and his smile grew warmer "They will be fine, Frodo. Come, let us have some small morsel to eat and so pass the time pleasantly. It is well deserved."
"Right, second breakfast. Excellent idea." Pippin's apparently bottomless stomach growled as he dug into his pack. " Apples, bread, cakes? Salt meat, dried fruit and honey?"
Gandalf eyed the excited hobbit, appraising his numerous if shallow wounds. " A little cake would suit me well but get you here first, Master Took. There's a scratch or two on you that needs mending."
"Mmmmhhmmem" Pippin responded, his mouth full and overflowing. Merry was looking, annoyed, through the claw marks in the back of his cloak.
"Whew, I'll say that was a close one." He shook his head "An inch closer and I'd have a great dirty hole in my back. Blast and be bother those Orcs, this is my only wrap. Hope it doesn't decide to rain."
He looked at the sky quickly, half expecting to see storm clouds gathering for a deluge. The sky showed no sign of cloud and remained brilliantly blue.
Sam took up the edge of the cloak, fingering the jagged edge of the rent in the coarse fabric. He examined it closely before declaring it could be patched easily. He busied himself, rummaging in his pack for a skein of thread and an awl.
Amongst the boughs and rustling leaves of the oaks that surrounded them, Voices began to stir.
Gandalf cleaned the largest scratch on Pippin's arm with a clear liquid that stung and brought tears to the hobbit's eyes. He grumbled as Gandalf moved to clean the next deepest wound.
The others settled down for their small picnic. They studied their fallen enemy, the bodies, scattered and the ground blacken and bloody among the trunks of the trees. Many of them had Legolas' arrows between their horrible eyes. Arrows and swords had scarred the lower bark on many of the oaks.
The sun was quite hot on their heads and the air around them started to smell heavily of dead orc.
"Whew, it stinks" Merry exclaimed
. He opened his mouth to suggest that they move a little way away from the carrion when, violently and without warning, the air around them filled with screams.
The five looked at one another in terror.
"The Authors! The evil will once again consume us!" Gandalf dropped Pippin's arm and moved backward slowly.
Gandalfhadalwayknownhewasdifferentfromtheotherwizards.Wanthereallywantedwast osettledown.
Samsankontooneknee.FrodowatchedhimwithtearsinhiseyesasSampulledaboxoutofhisp ocket.
MerryandPippinfellinthedirtyreadytomakewildmonkeyloveinfrontofeveryone.
The screaming faded to a dull throbbing chant.
Merry and Pippin looked at one another and groaned. In silent agreement, they each turned and ran in the opposite direction of the other. Pippin was barreling towards the thicker woods, in the direction that Strider and the others had taken, when all at once he went flying head long into the large bushes in front of him. He lay in them a moment, dazed, watching Merry tear through the underbrush.
Pippin slowly recovered his feet, dusting the leaves from his tangled hair. He shook his head to clear it of the spinning. His eyes rested on the obstacle that had sent him into the shrub. Pippin surveyed with some amusement, a good deal of fear and not a little nausea the scene that was playing out slightly to his right.
"Sam! Oh Sam. I never expected this! I don't know what to say." Frodo's eyes were huge with emotion and he seemed to be fighting tears.
Sam was on bended knee in front of his Master, clutching Frodo's hand. " Mr. Frodo, I love you more than life itself. More than mushrooms! I need you, I want you, all you have to say is 'yes' and you'll make me the happiest hobbit that ever lived."
Frodo pulled Sam to his feet, looked him deep in the eye and howled, "Yes, of course the answer is 'Yes' Sam, my dearest. Of course I'll marry you!"
Sam threw his arms around Frodo, who in turn burst into tears. Then, getting back on his knee, Sam slipped a ring on to his Master's finger. The ring was, in fact, the one the Ring to rule them all, the one ring to find them and in the darkness bind them, the most awful and evil power in Middle Earth.
Pippin's eyes grew wide as Frodo disappeared. He was certain that of all the sinister and despicable roles the ring had played through the ages, this, reduced to an engagement ring, topped them all. Sauron would probably curl up and die if he knew that his precious creation was now very close to becoming a hobbit's wedding band.
Sam looked rather surprised that his love had disappeared and was presently running in circles trying to locate his "fiancée". Pippin shook his head and considered returning to his original plan. Running off like a madman into a wood that was most likely crawling with murderous Orcs was looking more and more like a safest thing he could possibly do, given the current situation.
With any luck they'd kill him before he was forced to throw the bridal shower. Pippin's mind was made up by the next, highly disturbing, thought: " Who was the bride? Who would wear the pants in THAT relationship?" He was damned if he was going to stick around to find out. The Took turned toward the East.
Pippin shuttered, then started to walk and at the same time Frodo reappeared just behind him.
Sam hurdled himself at Frodo and wrapped his future "life partner" in another tight hug.
"Cuddle muffin! I was worried. There is SO much to plan! Should the reception be buffet or a sit down dinner?"
Frodo smiled dreamily over Sam's head at Pippin "Cousin? What do you think of a lavender gown? With silver flowers embroidered up the sleeves and what do you think of pink lilies for my bouquet?"
Frodo sighed, " This is the most wonderful day of my life. Oh Pippin?"
Pippin, who had resumed sneaking further into the forest, froze. Foiled, he turned around reluctantly
"Yes, Frodo?"
"Pippin, would you do Sam and I the service of being my maid of honor? I was thinking Boromir could give me away and Aragorn could perform the ceremony, he's going to be a king so it'll be legal and Legolas can be the flower girl, he would look smashing in lavender and Gimli could be an usher. Perhaps Merry would be the best man? What do you think? Where is Merry, anyway?"
Merry had escaped and was nowhere to be seen. Pippin was sure he'd never been more jealous of anyone in his life.
The Voices were still palpable in the air.
Sam looked around " Snookums? When do you want to do this? The wedding, I mean, before or after we get to Mordor, Sugar Lips? Cause whatever you what that's what we'll do, Bunny Balls"
Frodo smiled " I was thinking in about twenty minutes? How's that, Love Butt? I'm pretty sure you have to reserve about a year in advance to get the Doom Room at Sauron's place and I can't wait that long, Smoochy Feet." Frodo paused to dry his eyes on Pippin's sleeve.
"Now, Pippin if you would be so good as to go look for some flowers for my bouquet, lilies if you can get them. Sam and I will freshen up and by the time the others find their way back we'll be just about set."
Pippin rolled his eyes "Lilies?!?" and began to edge once more toward the deepening woods. He turned to make a break for it but never got the opportunity for, out of the brush, appeared the others.
Out of the surrounding bush appeared THREE of the others: Aragorn, Boromir and Gimli. Pippin was puzzled; where was Legolas? And what was that buddle that Gimli was half dragging?
Pippin took a closer look and got an answer to both questions.
"What in the name of Eru happened to Legolas?!?"
Next time. Be there or be square!
A/N: Thanks again for the feedback. It motivates me. Sorry, no, characters will NOT stop popping out of nowhere to get harassed. How on earth do you expect me to put in Elven cameos? What kind of story doesn't have cameos?;) This intended "plot hole" lets me abuse SO many more characters and, really, isn't that why we're all here? However, do watch for bikini waxes for the boys cuz' that's just funny. If you have any other suggestions email me at souLESSgrrrl@hotmail.com. I'd be more than happy to take challenges or use suggested situations.
Shiny, happy people review, Trolls don't!