SURVIVOR VOTES BLUES
Author: MeB
Email: lenoxfiles@hotmail.com
Spoiler: No major spoiling.
Summary: Entering into the middle of the Survivor series comes a catastrophe so devastating, only one hope is left...The readers from the list.
Disclaimer: All characters of Buffy tVS are the property of Joss. Survivor belongs to Jeff Probst. The pen names of the friends on the SFA list belong to them. I am borrowing them. The Cable Guy belongs to the wild Jim Carey.
Rating - PG-13 xwxwxwxwxwxwxwxwxwxwxwxwxwxwxwxwxwxwx
SURVIVOR VOTES BLUES
John Gage, Paramedic, wearing blue coveralls with a drill in a holster on one hip and a rolled cable clipped on a loop on his other hip. Speaks with a lisp. "Oh, man! This is the worst dilemma I have ever seen in my life!!"
Jeff Probst looks up from his desk, clearly agitated. "What?! Who the hell are you?" He taps the intercom on his desk. "Security! Get up here on the double." He rises to his feet and faces the intruder. "How did you get in here? This is a secure location."
"Security is for the insecure, Jeff. And right now, I know you're feeling really insecure. That's why I came. I came to help you, Jeff...before it's too late."
"What are you talking about?"
"The Survivors on the island, Jeff. Something's wrong and you have to help them."
Probst blinked at him. He looked at the monitors on the wall and watched closely. On one monitor, Spike walked up to Giles who was lying on the beach, and he kicked sand in his face.
"Always wanted to do that to the ole' git," he said with a chuckle as Giles jumped to his feet.
On another screen, Angel and Buffy were sitting on the beach, gazing at each other...They were lost in their own thoughts.
On another screen, Fred and Anya were sitting on a log as they looked up at a pacing, irate Willow who was throwing her hands up into the air. "They voted off Tara! Tara! C-can you believe this? I mean, sweet Tara...my baby. How could they do this?" She pointed at her unwilling audience. "I'm going to make it to the merge, and then...then I'll find out who was behind it. Who was responsible for voting off Tara...I'll find out...Someone's gonna get it fer sure, I'm so mad."
On another screen, Wesley was snoring soundly, a crab sitting right on his face.
And on another screen, Xander was working on keeping the fire going while he muttered to himself, "I didn't vote off Tara. Willow has to believe me. It wasn't me. It wasn't me...It was them!"
Behind him, Cordelia had her hands on her hips and she was glaring at Jonathan. "What is your childhood trauma, Joe?"
Jonathan frowned. "M-my name is Jonathan. Not Joe."
Cordelia rolled her eyes. "Like that's my fault or something because your name is Jane. I'm not your mother." She started to walk away.
Jonathan looked after her. Then he squared his shoulders and shouted, "Oh...Oh yeah? Well...what's your childhood trauma?!"
Probst kept watching the screens and finally, he looked at John Gage. "I see nothing amiss."
"'I ssee nothing amisss,'" he repeated. "Oh, man, Jeff. You are so blind, you couldn't see somebody else's nose if it was right in front of ya." He shook his head. "Don't you get it? The problem isn't there. It's not on the island, ya goober. It's on...that!!" He pointed at Probst's computer. "It's on that Fan/Fic list. I'm sure you know all about that...don't'cha, Jeffie?"
Probst looked at him knowingly.
Gage nodded. "Yeah. I thought you did. You know all about those crazy writers out there on that SFA Fan/Fiction list. If they're not trying to spoil the Spoilers than they're trying to vote the Voters. Gotta watch out for that MeB guy. He's the worst one...and that friend of his, Mark W. Oh, yeah...I see the knowing look in your eyes, baby. I'm on to you like flies on the doggy doodoo."
"I still don't see what you're getting at here."
"You wanted votes for your last Survivor installment...well, you got 'em, didn'tcha?" He put his face close to Probst's menacingly. "DIDN'TCHA?!"
Probst involuntarily stepped back. "Yes. I did."
"But your votes are a dilemma...You got 7 votes. Only one of those votes went to one person...but the other votes, Jeff?" He looked at him.
Probst sighed. "It's...it's a three way tie."
"Three way tie...Let's do the math, Jeffie, 'k? That means three of your survivors have two points. And you need votes to break the ties."
Probst nodded. "This is true. We need more votes."
Gage looked at the computer. He dove into the computer and laughed. "I'll be back! Because I'm the CABLE GUY!!"
Probst stared at his screen. "Where are you going?"
"You can thank Mark W, and the people of the SFA Fan/Fiction list for their votes...but without more votes...you're doomed, Jeffie." He looked out from the screen, his eyes red. "I'll get those votes to come in."
He laughed like a maniac.
Probst turned off his computer.
________________________
SURVIVOR VOTES BLUES-The Sequel
Probst stepped back from his desk, having just turned off his computer when suddenly, it turned itself back on. The computer began to shake, and then the shaking took control of the desk. Probst took several steps back...staring in amazement.
"What the...?"
Then he saw it.
A head pulled itself from the screen. A maniac-like grin was pasted on its face and its eyes glowed bright red. Its hands reached out and grabbed the edge of the desk. It pulled itself out with a "AAaaargggh! Errrrrrhhhhhhnnnnnnn! Iiiiiioooooooouuussss!"
Then...it was free.
The familiar blue coveralls and the drill on one hip, the cable on the other, made Probst realize who it was.
"Oh...it's you." He rolled his eyes. "The Cable guy."
The Cable Guy turned to leer at him. "That's right, little Jeffie. But you can call me...Will Robinson."
"Don't you have a real name?"
"I have many names, Jeffie. And all of them are as real to me as the sun that shines upon the flowers of nature." He handed him a slip of computer printout paper. "Here it is, buddy boy. Take it."
Probst took it. "And this is?"
"The vote you were looking for."
He looked at the paper. "This is it then. The deciding vote from Cori. And she has voted for--"
Suddenly, the Cable Guy slapped duct tape on his mouth. "Oh, I just knew it was too good to be true!! I thought you weren't gonna be like the others but I was wrong!"
"Mmmpppphhhhtt?"
"You want to spoil it for everyone, just like the others! Even now, they're talking about Spike in Africa or Lousiana, or whatever! But the point is it has to end!"
Probst ripped the tape off from his mouth. "You have some serious issues, don't you?"
The Cable Guy looked at him seriously. "Actually, I do subscribe to quite a few popular ssubsscriptions like Time Life Magazine, Nickelodeon, and the Amazing Spider-Man. You're right, Jeffie. I do have ssome sserious issues." He got into his face. "But this isn't about me, iss it? IS IT?"
Probst didn't respond.
"Just don't spoil it for the others, man. So what, you have your deciding vote, but that's all it is. You can't tell us now who that vote is for. You just can't." He looked at him with a pleading look. "Just send the next installment."
He nodded. "It will be sent, but I'm not the sender."
The Cable Guy sneered. "No, of course not. You're only a pawn in this to be used by the list, just like I am. It's that darn Meb guy who's the sender. Who does he think he is? Vic Mackee?" He pointed at Probst. "Well, I'm fighting him, Jeffie poo. You should, too. In fact, I'm taking on the whole darned list and I'm kicking some serious butts!"
"That's interesting, but if you don't mind...I've got a show to do."
"All riiiiiighty then, poopypants. But I'm watching you very closely." He paused for affect. "I think you're gonna see that the next installment of Survivor isn't gonna be what you expect."
Probst looked at him. "A warning?"
"Like the weather."
Probst looked puzzled. Then he shook his head. "Look. I don't care what happens next, just as long as you don't show up and ruin anything. Don't go anywhere near that island."
"Wouldn't dream of it," the Cable Guy said as he began to climb back into the computer. "It's the wrong island anyway. Couldn't find Ginger or Maryann and sso it's just no fun without them!"
After he was back in the computer, Probst turned it off. And as an after thought, he unplugged it.
______________________
TO BE CONTINUED--
Author: MeB
Email: lenoxfiles@hotmail.com
Spoiler: No major spoiling.
Summary: Entering into the middle of the Survivor series comes a catastrophe so devastating, only one hope is left...The readers from the list.
Disclaimer: All characters of Buffy tVS are the property of Joss. Survivor belongs to Jeff Probst. The pen names of the friends on the SFA list belong to them. I am borrowing them. The Cable Guy belongs to the wild Jim Carey.
Rating - PG-13 xwxwxwxwxwxwxwxwxwxwxwxwxwxwxwxwxwxwx
SURVIVOR VOTES BLUES
John Gage, Paramedic, wearing blue coveralls with a drill in a holster on one hip and a rolled cable clipped on a loop on his other hip. Speaks with a lisp. "Oh, man! This is the worst dilemma I have ever seen in my life!!"
Jeff Probst looks up from his desk, clearly agitated. "What?! Who the hell are you?" He taps the intercom on his desk. "Security! Get up here on the double." He rises to his feet and faces the intruder. "How did you get in here? This is a secure location."
"Security is for the insecure, Jeff. And right now, I know you're feeling really insecure. That's why I came. I came to help you, Jeff...before it's too late."
"What are you talking about?"
"The Survivors on the island, Jeff. Something's wrong and you have to help them."
Probst blinked at him. He looked at the monitors on the wall and watched closely. On one monitor, Spike walked up to Giles who was lying on the beach, and he kicked sand in his face.
"Always wanted to do that to the ole' git," he said with a chuckle as Giles jumped to his feet.
On another screen, Angel and Buffy were sitting on the beach, gazing at each other...They were lost in their own thoughts.
On another screen, Fred and Anya were sitting on a log as they looked up at a pacing, irate Willow who was throwing her hands up into the air. "They voted off Tara! Tara! C-can you believe this? I mean, sweet Tara...my baby. How could they do this?" She pointed at her unwilling audience. "I'm going to make it to the merge, and then...then I'll find out who was behind it. Who was responsible for voting off Tara...I'll find out...Someone's gonna get it fer sure, I'm so mad."
On another screen, Wesley was snoring soundly, a crab sitting right on his face.
And on another screen, Xander was working on keeping the fire going while he muttered to himself, "I didn't vote off Tara. Willow has to believe me. It wasn't me. It wasn't me...It was them!"
Behind him, Cordelia had her hands on her hips and she was glaring at Jonathan. "What is your childhood trauma, Joe?"
Jonathan frowned. "M-my name is Jonathan. Not Joe."
Cordelia rolled her eyes. "Like that's my fault or something because your name is Jane. I'm not your mother." She started to walk away.
Jonathan looked after her. Then he squared his shoulders and shouted, "Oh...Oh yeah? Well...what's your childhood trauma?!"
Probst kept watching the screens and finally, he looked at John Gage. "I see nothing amiss."
"'I ssee nothing amisss,'" he repeated. "Oh, man, Jeff. You are so blind, you couldn't see somebody else's nose if it was right in front of ya." He shook his head. "Don't you get it? The problem isn't there. It's not on the island, ya goober. It's on...that!!" He pointed at Probst's computer. "It's on that Fan/Fic list. I'm sure you know all about that...don't'cha, Jeffie?"
Probst looked at him knowingly.
Gage nodded. "Yeah. I thought you did. You know all about those crazy writers out there on that SFA Fan/Fiction list. If they're not trying to spoil the Spoilers than they're trying to vote the Voters. Gotta watch out for that MeB guy. He's the worst one...and that friend of his, Mark W. Oh, yeah...I see the knowing look in your eyes, baby. I'm on to you like flies on the doggy doodoo."
"I still don't see what you're getting at here."
"You wanted votes for your last Survivor installment...well, you got 'em, didn'tcha?" He put his face close to Probst's menacingly. "DIDN'TCHA?!"
Probst involuntarily stepped back. "Yes. I did."
"But your votes are a dilemma...You got 7 votes. Only one of those votes went to one person...but the other votes, Jeff?" He looked at him.
Probst sighed. "It's...it's a three way tie."
"Three way tie...Let's do the math, Jeffie, 'k? That means three of your survivors have two points. And you need votes to break the ties."
Probst nodded. "This is true. We need more votes."
Gage looked at the computer. He dove into the computer and laughed. "I'll be back! Because I'm the CABLE GUY!!"
Probst stared at his screen. "Where are you going?"
"You can thank Mark W, and the people of the SFA Fan/Fiction list for their votes...but without more votes...you're doomed, Jeffie." He looked out from the screen, his eyes red. "I'll get those votes to come in."
He laughed like a maniac.
Probst turned off his computer.
________________________
SURVIVOR VOTES BLUES-The Sequel
Probst stepped back from his desk, having just turned off his computer when suddenly, it turned itself back on. The computer began to shake, and then the shaking took control of the desk. Probst took several steps back...staring in amazement.
"What the...?"
Then he saw it.
A head pulled itself from the screen. A maniac-like grin was pasted on its face and its eyes glowed bright red. Its hands reached out and grabbed the edge of the desk. It pulled itself out with a "AAaaargggh! Errrrrrhhhhhhnnnnnnn! Iiiiiioooooooouuussss!"
Then...it was free.
The familiar blue coveralls and the drill on one hip, the cable on the other, made Probst realize who it was.
"Oh...it's you." He rolled his eyes. "The Cable guy."
The Cable Guy turned to leer at him. "That's right, little Jeffie. But you can call me...Will Robinson."
"Don't you have a real name?"
"I have many names, Jeffie. And all of them are as real to me as the sun that shines upon the flowers of nature." He handed him a slip of computer printout paper. "Here it is, buddy boy. Take it."
Probst took it. "And this is?"
"The vote you were looking for."
He looked at the paper. "This is it then. The deciding vote from Cori. And she has voted for--"
Suddenly, the Cable Guy slapped duct tape on his mouth. "Oh, I just knew it was too good to be true!! I thought you weren't gonna be like the others but I was wrong!"
"Mmmpppphhhhtt?"
"You want to spoil it for everyone, just like the others! Even now, they're talking about Spike in Africa or Lousiana, or whatever! But the point is it has to end!"
Probst ripped the tape off from his mouth. "You have some serious issues, don't you?"
The Cable Guy looked at him seriously. "Actually, I do subscribe to quite a few popular ssubsscriptions like Time Life Magazine, Nickelodeon, and the Amazing Spider-Man. You're right, Jeffie. I do have ssome sserious issues." He got into his face. "But this isn't about me, iss it? IS IT?"
Probst didn't respond.
"Just don't spoil it for the others, man. So what, you have your deciding vote, but that's all it is. You can't tell us now who that vote is for. You just can't." He looked at him with a pleading look. "Just send the next installment."
He nodded. "It will be sent, but I'm not the sender."
The Cable Guy sneered. "No, of course not. You're only a pawn in this to be used by the list, just like I am. It's that darn Meb guy who's the sender. Who does he think he is? Vic Mackee?" He pointed at Probst. "Well, I'm fighting him, Jeffie poo. You should, too. In fact, I'm taking on the whole darned list and I'm kicking some serious butts!"
"That's interesting, but if you don't mind...I've got a show to do."
"All riiiiiighty then, poopypants. But I'm watching you very closely." He paused for affect. "I think you're gonna see that the next installment of Survivor isn't gonna be what you expect."
Probst looked at him. "A warning?"
"Like the weather."
Probst looked puzzled. Then he shook his head. "Look. I don't care what happens next, just as long as you don't show up and ruin anything. Don't go anywhere near that island."
"Wouldn't dream of it," the Cable Guy said as he began to climb back into the computer. "It's the wrong island anyway. Couldn't find Ginger or Maryann and sso it's just no fun without them!"
After he was back in the computer, Probst turned it off. And as an after thought, he unplugged it.
______________________
TO BE CONTINUED--