Pikmin: Behind the Utterly Ridiculous Scenes

by TriskaDeka

Olimar expected to go through the game normally, but a glitch in the CD prevents this from happening. -Originally from the Pikmin GameFAQ's Message Boards- {Chapter 5 Uploaded}

2. The Stupidity Ends

  -Pikmin: Behind the Utterly Ridiculous Scenes-  

 Rewritten by TriskaDeka and Grenade Guzzler

 Originally Made by Grenade Guzzler of the GameFAQs Message Boards

Chapter 2- The Stupidity Ends

Olimar:  Uh-oh… "Weird astronaut dude"?  NO!  I'm Olimar from Pikmin!

Human: What?

Olimar: You heard me!

Human: Pikmin? What are you talking about?

Olimar: Come on!!! You haven't heard of it???

Human: Nope.

Olimar: What year is this?

Human:  4002 AD. Why?

Olimar: Oh.... Then I guess it makes sense.

Human: You know, you'd look good for my son's science project.

*Human hot-glues Olimar to a glass platform*

Olimar: Great. Now what am I going to do?  I know!  I will pinch myself and hope it's just a bad dream!

*Olimar pinches himself and wakes up*

Olimar: Oh, joy! That was a scary dream, but at least now I'm back in the real world, with plant-animals who follow my every command, a giant emperor boss-thing with a pretty nasty fungal infection, and flowers that produce color-coded Pikmin food!

*Olimar squints into the distance*

Olimar: Could that possibly be ... The last piece I need to complete my ship? It is!! Come to papa!

(Olimar runs toward part; tries to grab it)

Olimar: Hey! I can't grab it! It's a hologram!

(Hole opens below him)

Olimar: What the...? (Falls) YAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!

(Camera shifts to a Bulbear, holding a projector and remote control)

Bulbear: I love technology!

Meanwhile, in the hole...

Olimar:

YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!  I'M GONNA DIE! I'M GONNA DIE! I'M GONNA... (Lands)   OOF! Huh? I'm alive? (Sees four caves)

After entering the first Cave, Olimar gets sucked into another portal and he appears in Hyrule!  Olimar sees someone familiar standing next to a castle.

Olimar: Hey! You're Link, aren't you? I saw you in the last Nintendo meeting?

Link doesn't hear a word Olimar's saying.

Olimar: Oh, right, I'm the size of a quarter...

Link steps on Olimar.

Olimar is falling through the earth and ends up in the Pikmin world again!  Olimar lands on the ground. He sees three things: A yellow Pikmin, The Dolphin (Destroyed for some time now...), and a plaid switch that does... well, it does something, I guarantee you that.

*Olimar presses the switch when a yellow, red, and blue onion pops out of the ground*

Olimar goes over and touches them when.....

Bowser jumps out of the bushes screaming "BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEERRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!"

Olimar, thinking quickly, took out a 12-pack of Budweiser.

Bowser: BEER!

Olimar: Want the beer? FETCH!

*Bowser runs after it screaming BEEEEEEEEEEERRRR!*

(Olimar decided to search for the Dolphin, when pieces of scrap metal knock him on the head! A blue Pikmin comes over)

Pikmin: *Huff-Puff* I came over here as fast as I could since I heard that knock!

Olimar: Pikachu!

Pikmin: Huh?!

Olimar: Pikachu!!!

Pikmin: OH NO!! He lost his memory! Now he thinks he's Pikachu!

*The Pikmin whacks Olimar over the head with a huge piece of metal, felling Olimar quite well*

*Olimar gets up after a long time*

Olimar: Squirtle! Squirtle!

*Olimar begins to "squirt"*

*Two red Pikmin and a yellow one die in the watery torrent of Olimar's "Water Gun" attack, but the blue one survives*

Pikmin: God, I wish I was dead right now.  That's it!  You asked for it Olimar!

*The Blue Pikmin took out a rocket launcher*

Pikmin: Now just stay still Squirtle…I mean Olimar.  You will only fly a few kilometers... *Click* Huh? *Click* *Click* what a time to run out of ammo!

Olimar:  Squirtle?

*The Pikmin threw the empty rocket launcher to the Red Pikmin by Olimar*

Blue Pikmin: You know what to do!

Red Pikmin: I do?  Oh!  I see…

*The Red Pikmin, with all his strength, jabbed the back end of the rocket launcher at Olimar's back, knocking him out*

Red Pikmin:  Hey!  Why didn't you just shoot him!

Blue Pikmin:  It's out of ammo!

Red Pikmin: What do you mean it's out of ammo? *Pulls trigger sending a rocket towards the Blue Pikmin* Oops…

Blue Pikmin:  YOU IDIOT!! *Gets hit by the rocket and flies off into the sky*

*After a while, Olimar got up and started to walk around like a drunken person*

Olimar:  Red Pikmin, for disturbing my brain injury induced bout of insanity, I will sacrifice you to a Fiery Blowhog!

Pikmin: Pft, that stupid Blowhog doesn't scare me.

Puffy Blowhog: Did someone call me?

Olimar: Not you, Fiery Blowhog!

Puffy Blowhog: Aww, but you never let me have any fun...

Olimar: Get out! GET OUT!

Puffy Blowhog: Now I'm mad. Why I ought to unscrew that stupid helmet of yours!

(Blowhog takes off his helmet. Olimar dies)

Blowhog: HAHAHAHAHA!

*Stomp*

Blowhog: OWIE! My foot! (Looks down) Olimar?! I thought you were dead!

Olimar: Actually that was my cousin, Alimar!

Blowhog: Alimar?! I thought that was the guy eaten by the Emperor!!

Olimar: Well that was Elimar! He's my aunt's mother's father's sister's grandma's brother's grandpa's uncle's cousin twice removed.

Blowhog: .....?

Olimar: No wait that was Ulimar! Or was it Ilimar?

Blowhog: WHO CARES?!?!?!?!?!? I'm going to stomp ya!!!

Olimar: Crud-cakes.

*Olimar throws the Pikmin into the air, just as the Puffy Blowhog is sucking in. The Pikmin gets caught and the Puffy Blowhog starts choking. It finally succeeds in swallowing the Pikmin and laughs at Olimar*

Puffy: Ha!

Olimar: Poop!

*The Blowhog's stomach explodes, and there is puffy gore everywhere*

Olimar: Ewww, what is this on my helmet?! I guess I have to wash it off.

*Olimar bends over near the water and takes off his helmet to rinse it off*

Olimar: I feeeeellll al l d i z z y . . . d i z z y!

*Olimar falls to his right, onto the bloody, blue Pikmin*

Olimar: Wha... hey, who are you? OH NO!!! VAMPIRE PIKMIN!!! SAVE ME! SAVE MEEEEEEE!!!

Pikmin: Whoa, what's wrong with you?

Olimar: SAVE ME!!! I WANT MY MOMMY!!!

*A Bulbear appears*

Bulbear: Gad, can't you shut this guy up? We're supposed to be sleeping all day you know!

Pikmin: Sure. *jumps in water and washes the blood off*

Olimar: MOOOOOMMMMMMYYYYY!!!... Oh, he's gone! Thank goodness!

Bulbear: Finally.

Pikmin: No offense, but you were acting like a retarded maniac there.

Olimar: Yes... I was... I think I better sleep now...

*Night falls, the next day*

Olimar: Okay! Let me check my life-support systems... bah! I have only 10 days until the battery runs out!

*Olimar goes up to the yellow Onion and withdraws 3 Pikmin*

Olimar: I have a job for you three!

Pikmin: What is it?

Olimar: Run in that lake and drown. It's so funny to see you struggle!

Pikmin: *sigh* okay...

*Olimar watches the Pikmin drown. He is laughing so hard that he doesn't realize that he needs to go to the bathroom*

*Olimar runs over to some bushes near by but realizes he can't go without taking his suit off*

Olimar: Oh no, what am I going to do!  I need to go or I'll go literally!  Wait what's that breathing sound behind me?

Pikmin: Relax, it's me!

Olimar: VAMPIRE PIKMIN!!! AAAAHHHH!!! Oh, wait, it's just a regular blue Pikmin. I've been having these hallucinations ever since yesterday.

Pikmin: Okay... I understand...

*something whacks Olimar on the head with a stick*

Olimar: Hey, what was that for? You cracked my helmet! You evil thing!

Pikmin: It wasn't me!

Olimar: Then who was it? A Ghost Pikmin?... Oh no... GHOST PIKMIN! AAAAHHHH! SAVE ME!!!

Pikmin: WILL YOU JUST BE QUIET???

Olimar: Okay... I need psychology right now.

???:  I'll give you your psychology...

Olimar: Oh no! It's a yellow Wollywog!

Wollywog: HERE'S WOLLY!!

Olimar: Oh no!

So captain Olimar takes off his helmet only to find that the Wollywog passes right through him. He finds out he's dead.  So he walks around to see what other ghostly things he can do. Then he found Emperor Bulblax that has eaten many of his pikmin.  Seeing this he decided to order a pizza…

(Pizza Guy comes)

PG: Thank you for ordering Pete's Pickled Pickle Palace Pizza Place. (Try and say THAT three times fast!)

Olimar: Uh, aren't you supposed to say that after I give you the money?

PG: Sorry. Anyway, did you order Pete's Powerful Pinching Pizza? (Opens lid)

Olimar: HEY! That's not pizza! That's a disembodied hand!

(Hand pinches Olimar on the nose. Olimar wakes up to Day One)

Olimar: Sheesh, how many times am I going to wake up from stupid dream sequences?

 *Olimar sees a red Pikmin, the thrashed Dolphin, and a polka-dotted switch. *

Olimar: I know!  I'll take off my helmet!

*Olimar takes helmet off and chokes, then puts helmet back on*

Olimar: Shoot, why do I keep forgetting that. Maybe I'll pull that switch...

*Olimar pulls the switch only to trigger his helmet-auto-remove function! *

*Olimar's helmet pops off and starts rolling down a hill*

Olimar: Noooooooooooooo!!

*Helmet is eaten by a Spotty Bulbear*

Olimar: ACKK!!!....

*Olimar blacks out...*

...When he awakes, he finds himself by the Dolphin!  He sees the fully complete Dolphin (which somehow repaired itself), a Pikmin and yet another switch that just seemed to appear out of nowhere.

Olimar: Who…what…where…when…why…how? How did my ship just get repaired like that?

Pikmin: We can work independently, too.

Olimar: Well, that's good.

*Hops in spaceship*

Olimar: Countdown in T-10, 9, 8, 7, 6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1, Ignition…

*Dolphin takes off*

Pikmin 2: *Looking at the spaceship fly* I wonder if we should have installed a new engine… the power cells on that one are dismally low.

Pikmin 1: Nah.

Olimar: Well now that I'm finally on my way home what will I do now?  I know! I think I'll fix my computer!

While Olimar was fixing his computer, he finally realized that the reason he left Hocotate was for milk and eggs!  Since he finally realized it just now, he accidentally touched the "light speed" button and…

Computer: Systems at 0%. Power cells inactive. ERROR!!! ERROR!!! ENGINE FAILURE!!!

Olimar: OH NO!!!

*Olimar's ship crash-lands back on the planet*

Olimar: Great. This is just great.

Breadbug: I come to steal your pellets!

Olimar: ...excuse me?

Breadbug: Pellet! PELLET PELLET PELLET! *drags pellet*

Olimar: Okay... that was weird... hey, another time portal! But it's the "out" kind. It's going to spit something out! Oh no! It's a gigantic rock!

The rock lands on Olimar, and he goes through the Earth. He pops out, finding himself at a fight in Super Smash Brothers Melee!

Olimar pops into an epic battle between Peach and Sheik. Peach notices him, but thinks it's just the Olimar trophy. She runs over and kicks him in the face to collect him. He flies off screen, but is able to jump back onto the stage. Meanwhile, Sheik just threw a Pokéball at Peach, but she dodged it. It opens to reveal Celebi, who creates a magical portal to take Olimar back to Pikmin world. Unfortunately, things are a bit different for some reason, and he realizes that the Dolphin is hovering over the ground. The Pikmin

must have fixed it again...but now Olimar can't reach it.  He jumps and he jumps but he can't reach it.

Olimar: I KNOW I WILL OREDER MY PIKMIN TO GET IT!!!!!!!!

*Olimar throws a Pikmin up there to fly his ship.  He throws it too high up and it dies.  The other Pikmin feel sad they lost their friend. They start advancing towards Olimar.  He takes off his helmet to squash them…*

Olimar: DIE! *Cough* Helmet attack! *Cough* Wait! I must *Cough* not turn into an enemy*Cough* of these Pikmin! *Puts Helmet back on* I would feel all bad inside!

Pikmin: You'll feel bad on the outside too. Get him!

Olimar: Dang.  Maybe I should take off my helmet to use as a stepladder to reach the Dolphin.

*Olimar takes off his helmet...again*

Olimar: GAG!!! KOFF-HAKK! *puts helmet on* Well, that was a stupid idea...

Pikmin: Say your prayers chump! *pulls out big hammer thingy*

Olimar: What the...? Where'd you get that?

Pikmin: I borrowed it from Amy Rose.

Olimar: Amy Rose?

Pikmin: Yeah, she's in the soundstage next door.

Olimar: Soundstage?

*A big microphone thing falls on Olimar's cranium*

Olimar: A big microphone thingy?!? Wait a sec... NOW I KNOW! This isn't a forsaken planet!! It's a stupid dream!

*Olimar wakes up*

Olimar: OKAY! THAT'S IT!! I AM TIRED OF THESE DUMB DREAM SEQUENCES!!! I AM GOING TO COMMIT SUICIDE!

Olimar takes off his helmet. Olimar dies.

THE END

Or is it...