Originally Made by Grenade Guzzler of the GameFAQs Message Boards
Chapter 3- Suicide won't work…
Olimar thought he could escape this fanfic by committing suicide. Too bad it didn't work…
*Olimar wakes up*
Olimar: Where am I?
*A Mech Pikmin walks up to him*
Olimar: Mech Pikmin? I wonder what you do?
Pikmin: \/\/3ll, 1 5p34|( l337 ...
Olimar: ... *drools*
Pikmin: 1d107.
Olimar: I don't understand you. I guess I'll have to reprogram you to speak real English rather than l337.
Olimar reprograms the Mech Pikmin.
Olimar: good now what is it?
Mech Pikmin: Kill the Blue Eyes Ultimate Dragon.
Olimar: The what?
Mech Pikmin: sorry, Uh-oh! It's here! Ahhhhhhhh!
The Mech Pikmin malfunctioned and blew up.
The Blue Eyes Ultimate Dragon appeared! It swung it's tail and knocked out Olimar.
A Battle Warrior somehow destroyed the Blue Eyes Ultimate Dragon.
Olimar wakes up and sees the Red Eyes Black Dragon.
Red Eyes Black Dragon: Hey everybody! Dinner's is ready!
All Yu-Gi-Oh! , Pokemon, Digimon, and Monster-Rancher monsters appear and said "Oh boy, an army of pikmin and Olimar!"
Olimar: I must fight back!
Olimar commanded the entire Pikmin army falls from the sky and destroys the Yu-Gi-Oh! , Pokemon, Digimon, and Monster-Rancher monsters army. Then the Pikmin ate them all and the Pikmin sit down in a grassy field.
Olimar: So, is that all you are going to do?
Pikmin: Sorry Mr. Olimar... We forgot...
*The Pikmin gets up and disperse. They all slowly march away from the corpse-ridden field, their bellies sagging to the ground after the feast they just had. *
*When Olimar can no longer see them, he took out his portable TV*
Olimar: I wonder what is on the news...
*Olimar flips to the news. *
News: All over the world, children were watching cartoons this morning. Then, a Pikmin army attacked... They ate all the children that were watching Pokemon and Digimon. Then they went to a factory in Mexico that makes Pikachu dolls and killed everyone working there.
Just then…Another Time Portal appears and takes him to "City Escape" from Sonic Adventure 2 Battle!
Olimar finds himself standing on a street. Suddenly, this big blue spiky thing is coming down on him at 250 mph.
Olimar: Hey! watch out! There's some-
*Splat*
Sonic: What was that? I think I ran over an animal!
Next minute, Olimar feels himself being hugged to death by a Chao!
Olimar: AHH! AHH! AHH!
SLAP!
The Chao is slapped silly! The chao, confused, begins to cry...
Olimar decided to leave the chao
behind. While he was walking away,
Olimar bumped into Sonic again, Sonic was mad that you slapped the chao. So Sonic used Sonic Wind to blow Olimar away! Olimar ended up landing back in the Pikmin
world again. Olimar decides to look for
pikmin buds, but then he remembers that he left all his Pikmin in their onions,
but when Olimar got there, the white gate leading towards the base was still
unopened!
Olimar: Oh no! I'm in the Forest of Hope!! The Dolphin and onions are still in
The Impact site!
???: There he is!
*Olimar turns around*
Bulborb#1: Get Him!
*The Bulborbs who were in Grenade Guzzler's old post are now advancing towards Olimar*
Olimar: Uh oh.. I guess those one million bulborbs wasn't a dream then.
Olimar: Huh? What is that sound?
*As Olimar turns around and looks through the white gate he sees four objects coming down from the sky*
Olimar: Is that what I think it is?
Yes it was! Slowly the Dolphin and all three onions landed, and another Olimar
came out of the ship!
Olimar by the gate: I must try to open the gate by yourself!
Olimar by the gate tried head-butting the door only to find out that the door didn't break down and he broke his helmet. Not knowing what to do, he decided to die peacefully. The pikmin on the other side of the gate saw what happened. The pikmin, feeling sad, decided to pick him up and feed him into the onion, changing him into a pikmin, The second Olimar plucked him and the first Olimar took his spaceship and took off!
Unfortunately, The spaceship didn't have its "Eternal Fuel Dynamo" and ran out of fuel in mid-flight. The Second Olimar put its cursor around you and whistled. For some unknown reason, the first Olimar felt an urge to follow him. Thinking quickly, he tried to fart to refuel the ship, but then he forgot that pikmin can't fart! As the Dolphin crashed, Olimar blacked out…
Later…
Pre-Day 1…Again…
*Olimar wakes up *
Olimar: what… Huh? Where am I?
Computer: You are in the ship you weakling! You have been sleeping for the past 6 days straight!
Olimar: Oh… I dreamed that I crashed into this planet, and all of my ship parts flew into different places in the planet, and the planet had poisonous oxygen. My emergency life support system wasn't fully charged so I had only 30 days before I would die, and there were these plant-like animals that I called Pikmin.
Computer: you are a weakling.
Olimar: I guess I am.
Computer: Hehehe, you're a weakling!
Olimar: Sometimes I wish that the ship would crash and it would make you be quiet
Computer: Then fly into an asteroid. See if I care!
Olimar: Whoa!! I think I'm having dejavu.
*Meteor comes out and hits the dolphin*
Computer: Hahaha! Sweet freedom!
*The computer burns off and falls onto the ground, along with other parts*
Olimar: This is serious dejavu.
*The Dolphin crashes into the planet surface*
Back at Day 1: The Impact site
Olimar: I must have passed out... OK!! This is very serious dejavu.
*Olimar knowing what is supposed
to happen does everything in order to the part where the pikmin seed pops out*
*Olimar plucks the sprout*
Pikmin: Hi. I..
Olimar: I already know! just follow me now!
*Olimar tells the pikmin to pick up the pellets*
Olimar: Hmm....Wait a minute. I'm dreaming... I'm still a pikmin!
Olimar wakes up only to fall into a time portal taking him into the dawn of time! Or is it…
Olimar and his one Pikmin land back in the time of the ancient Pikmin. To Olimar's surprise these pikmin were 2X as tall as Olimar, and slightly fatter than their future counter parts (Which with their height made them look skinny). Olimar saw that they were 8 distinct different areas. He also saw that there was a Palace like spot near by. It had Pikmin creating pellets and planting pellet trees!
Olimar: I think I'll go to the black area.
*Inside the black area*
Pikmin 1: Look over there... could it be?
Pikmin 2: Yes it is! Our god has returned!
Olimar: God? I think you are mistaken...
*All the black Pikmin are bowing in front of Olimar*
Pikmin 1: Thank you for returning oh holy Aydaphystronrqetyulterniup!
Olimar: ...?
Pikmin 2: Yes! Now we can go on with our celebration!
*Some black Pikmin jump up and explode*
Olimar: Argh! It's those self-destructing Black ones again! Wait a minute... that means that I can self-destruct too!
Pikmin 3: Heya... I'm da smartest pikthingy in da club! hahaha
Pikmin 4: Na you're not. I am! hahaha *picks nose*
Olimar: I have to get out of here... I know! I'll self-destruct too!
Olimar self-destructed and is now lying in pieces. The other black pikmin picked up his pieces and turned him back into his regular pikmin form. They said that it was a ritual to blow up like that after their god has returned. Satisfied with their reply, Olimar went back to the Dolphin and blasted off. Unfortunately, he had to remember that the dolphin was not with him. The Dolphin that Olimar was riding disappeared in mid-flight and Olimar fell back into the world of Ancient Pikmin.
Olimar: Ow! Darn my Imagination!
After Olimar regrouped his pikmin, he was in front of three pathways. While Olimar was thinking which pathway to take, he found a big button.
Olimar: Wonder what this button does…
Olimar pressed the button, and three more buttons smaller than the big button emerged from the big button. Olimar decided to push the red button with the warning signs on it, making some weird laser cannon appear!
Olimar: Uh-oh…
Olimar gets zapped and... Gets
turned back into his original form!!
Olimar: YES!! I'm normal again!!
*Olimar calls his Pikmin to his side*
Ancient Pikmin 1: AHH!! It's a person from Hocotate!
Ancient Pikmin 2: What is he doing to those children!!
Olimar: What?? Those are my pikmin. They follow me.
Ancient Pikmin 2: He's put them through Slavery!! Let's get him!!!
Olimar: Uh-oh...again
*The Ancient Pikmin slowly advance towards Olimar*
Olimar: Damn!! Let's see, hmm… Fight, Item, PiKMiN, or Run… I shall get out an item. Yes, this will do
nicely...
^^^Olimar uses Red Pellet to
sprout five modern red Pikmin. The Pikmin join Olimar's side at the battle.^^^
^^^Ancient Pikmin 1 hits Olimar with a rock for 24 HP
damage!^^^
^^^Olimar uses Helmet Head-butt on Ancient Pikmin 1
for 32 HP damage. The five red helpers pound Ancient Pikmin 1 for 55 HP damage!^^^
^^^Ancient Pikmin 2 summons a black Pikmin helper.
The Pikmin joins the Ancient Pikmin's party."
^^^Olimar uses Pikmin Toss against Ancient Pikmin 2.
The Pikmin scores a perfect hit and causes 50 HP damage. The thrown Pikmin dies
and Olimar now has 4 red helpers by his side.^^^
^^^Ancient Pikmin 1 throws his Black helper at
Olimar. Black Pikmin uses self-destruct and causes 124 damage to Olimar!^^^
^^^Olimar uses Pikmin Toss on Ancient Pikmin 1. The
Pikmin scores a near perfect hit for 40 HP damage. The thrown Pikmin dies and
Olimar now has 3 red helpers by his side.^^^
^^^Ancient Pikmin 1 is defeated!^^^
^^^Ancient Pikmin 2 runs away^^^
Olimar: That was a tough battle.
Another one of those strange time portals comes and takes Olimar to when he still was on Hocotate. His computer tells him to go he should go by that strange planet. "No!!!!!!! I'll crash and be stuck in a world with plant-animals who follow my every command, a giant emperor boss-thing with a pretty nasty fungal infection, and flowers that produce color-coded Pikmin food!!" The Computer says "You're a wimp Olimar!" Olimar replies, "I am not I'll go by that planet and show you I'm no scaredy cat!" Olimar goes and gets hit by a meteor "Not again…" Olimar does his normal things except no pikmin come out and he sees a black pikmin.
Black pikmin: Hi I'm the smartest pikmin.
Olimar: What's 1+1?
Black pikmin: 0
Olimar: you're a useless pikmin.
Black pikmin: no. I'm very useful
Olimar: Oh really…
Olimar decided to use the black
pikmin as fishing bait... the strange thing is it didn't attract fish... IT
attracted Emperor Bulblax!!!
Bulblax: Huff-Puff... How many times do I have to go through this fanfic to
huff-puff... Eat YOU!!!
Olimar: Fanfic??
Black Pikmin: Duh!! The fanfic on Fanfiction.net! The fanfic named Pikmin: Behind the Utterly Ridiculous Scenes!! Man you are stupid Olimar!!!
Olimar: I thought you were supposed to be stupid...
Black Pikmin: Oh Yeah!! I forgot... 1+1=0!!! duhh...
Olimar: Well sorry Bulblax, what were we doing?
*Olimar gets eaten by Bulblax...again!*
Or did he...
Nevermind he did.
Somewhere else…
Purple pikmin 1: We have no problem on taking
over the world. The only problem is Olimar. Here now we're going to kill him.
First take his helmet off. Then ripe his legs and arms out. Then take his
eyeballs out and poke a hole in both of his eardrums. Then take his teeth out
and then bring him to the purple onion then turn him into a purple pikmin.
Purple pikmin 2: Why not just take his helmet off?
Purple pikmin 1: Too easy, and the rest of the pikmin we shall…Well I don't know what we will do to them yet… Let's make them eat whatever is in that package!
Purple pikmin 2: But are you sure that is safe?
Purple pikmin 1: Yes! *Opens package and eats contents* Yuck!! What is that stuff?
Purple pikmin 2: I think that's what they call cheese…
*Screen starts to fade out *
Purple pikmin 1: Wait!!! We aren't done yet!!!
Purple pikmin 2: Would you just shut up!
*Screen fades out fully *
*Screen Fades in back at Olimar*
*Olimar jumps out of Bulblax, and Olimar doesn't look calm as usual..*
Olimar: YAHHH!!!! *Starts attacking Bulblax*
Back in the dolphin... A Pikmin is in his ship
Pikmin: Ooo!! It wouldn't hurt to fire the nova blaster while Olimar is gone would
it? naw..
*Pikmin presses the button*
ZAP!!!
Back to Olimar... Bulblax's Life is on 1%!
Olimar: One more hit!
*In slow-motion*
Olimar: YahhhHH!!
*camera goes to laser*
Olimar: AHHHHH!!
*Olimar is a few millimeters from
hitting Bulblax when..*
Back at base...
Pikmin#1: Oh isn't nature nice?
Pikmin#2: Yeah..
*BOOOOOOOOOOOOM!!!!!!!!!!!!* *NUKE!* *BURN!* *OVERKILL!!* *WHY?* *ANY WORD TO DESCRIBE A BIG EXPOLSION!!!*
Pikmin#1: Why did the sun become big for a second?
Pikmin#2: It didn't it was just a shot from the nova blaster.
Pikmin#1: Ok.
Back at where Olimar is supposed to be... Imagine the place being raided by 1,000,000 Bob-ombs. Where's Bulblax? Most Likely been vaporized. But what about Olimar?
*You see Olimar hit the front of your screen and continues falling down*
*A flash of light bursts out of the bottom of the screen*
Olimar Score -1
Pikmin Score +1
GAME OVER
TriskaDeka: WHAT!! Whatever happened to the "Olimar is Down!"
Message? Oh well. I'll just load my game.
*I load my game*
TriskaDeka: Huh? Olimar is Missing??
Shadowx6: Maybe I should load my game.
TriskaDeka: Fine with me…
Shadowx6 puts in his memory card and loads his data. He was on Day 29 with 29 ship parts!
5 minutes later…
TriskaDeka: What are you doing?
Shadowx6: Huh?
TriskaDeka: You've been moving the control stick in different directions for 5 minutes now. I don't think you can pollute the planet…
Shadowx6: …Oh fine then… *Goes to final trial*
At "The Final Trial"
Olimar: I wonder if I can stand back and shoot the nova blaster at Emperor Bulblax?
At the base.
Purple Pikmin 1: Cheese
Purple Pikmin 2: Aren't we suppose to plan on taking over the world?
Purple Pikmin 1: Lunch break.
Little did captain Olimar know, the purple pikmin are
putting red pikmin in slavery.
Purple Pikmin 3: Milk the cows and while you at it, make
cheese.
The red pikmin looked at the six-foot cow.
Red pikmin: How am I suppose to milk that thing? I'm only few inches.
Purple Pikmin 3: Do it or get
whip!
Olimar: I am going to beat you up!
Bulblax: Go away it my lunch break.
Olimar: Why are you eating my safe?
Bulblax: Safe? I thought it was pork…
Olimar: Now what I'm gonna pay the pizza guy with?
Pizza guy: Here you double cheese pizza with some barbecue sauce. That will be thirteen bucks!
Olimar: Oh you can use this Bulblax. Cut him up then use him as chunks for pizza.
So the pizza guy drag emperor Bulblax away.
Bulblax: Hey! What are you doing with me.
PG: I own you now. Now make pizza or I'll make you into pizza.
Olimar: Ah well, There's only 1 cent in the safe any way. Huh? What does this button do?
Olimar pushes the button. The button disappears and a portable
springboard (The one in the Mario World Series) takes its place.
Olimar: Cool! I want to try it out!
*Olimar jumps on the board and..*
*BOING!!*
Olimar: AHHHHH!!!!!!!!!
*Oh no it seems that the springboard bounced him back to a battle between
Olimar and a Yellow Wollywog in an epic Earthbound RPG battle! *
Olimar is attacking the Yellow
Wollywog.
- Attack - Punch
Yellow Wollywog
- Attack - Squishy-Squishy
Olimar
- Escape
Olimar tries to run away and is
chased by the Yellow Wollywog! "AH!! No! Don't squish me!"
The Yellow Wollywog keeps bouncing after Olimar, chasing him.
Olimar takes his time to look through PSI attacks.
"Hmm..I was hurt a little so I'll use life up." He starts to charge
up his PSI powers when the Yellow Wollywog suddenly squishes through the
ground!
~Video of him falling through the ground past weird alien fossils.~
He notices that he's falling right into a time portal…again…
Olimar: Dammit!!
To be continued…is that right?
TriskaDeka: Yes…
Oh ok… To be continued…