*previously on "It's Mark is upon us Forever"...*
They both laughed as he tapped on his commbadge. "Doctor to Voyager. Two to beam up." He embraced her in his arms and kissed her deeply as the light of the transporter engulfed them, sending them up to Voyager overhead
*And Now Part 7*
She wildly stalked down the middle of the hallway, forcing any passing crewmembers to paste themselves to the wall and endure her cold stare. Whereever she was going, she didn't quite know. She just knew she had to get there fast. She lifted up one of her hands to wipe a tear streaming down her reddened eye and continued to walk with her erratic gait. She was angry, saddened, and confused at the same time, and she didn't care if the frown on her face and her tear-stained cheeks gave that away.
Two unsuspecting female crewmembers turned the corner, too busy chatting and typing things into their PADDS to see the furious blonde blocking their path. It resulted in the first of the two being knocked to the ground, sprawled out and looking up to see her "roadblock" standing over her.
"Lieutenant Mowrey, watch where you are going." The woman spat and she quickly passed by her, making her way to the turbolift.
Ensign O'Patrick, quite shocked by the situation, suddenly remembered her friend on the floor. She tucked her PADD under her arm and used both of her hands to help her up. "Are you okay, Emily?"
"I'm fine." The Lieutenant answered as she stared after the dissapearing figure. "What's gotten into her?"
As they were pondering over this, the woman reached the turbolift and stepped in. She took a short breath and ordered "Deck Seven". As the lift shifted it's direction and started off to the deck she requested, she leaned on the back wall and rested her head, gazing up at the overhead lights. She felt sick to her stomach and her head was filled with fragmented thoughts. Damn these emotions, is what came to her mind at that moment. She decided that she had to slow down, think things through, put things in order. Order is understanding...
She thought back to the coversation that she ended a few minutes ago by walking out the door.
"Why don't you trust me?"
"I trust you."
"Then listen to me!"
"Why?"
"Because, you have a problem. You have been pushing away from me, hiding in your work, you're irritable...."
"There is nothing wrong with me."
"There has to be. Tell me what is going on. Let me help you."
"No"
"Dammit! Open up to me! Don't tell me that after an entire year you still don't trust me." His voice had reached an usually high volume, the frustration apparent.
"I do..."
"No you don't!"
A sigh. "I am not...comfortable with sharing with you. With anyone."
"You can't do that! You cannot keep your problems inside! Tell me."
Another sigh. "Very well..."
Silence, waiting for the finish of the sentence.
"It's you."
"Me? Why would it be me?"
"You are constantly pushing me. Telling me that I need to start being more social, bringing down my walls, what you are doing to me right now. I am not ready"
"Of course you are. It's been nearly five years since... I wanted to help you change, help you with your transition...."
"I cannot change. I am who I am."
"You can change! You are not you right now. You haven't found yourself yet...."
Anger started to rise. "I know who I am! And you cannot change me! You always think there is something wrong with me. That I need help."
"But you do."
"I don't need to take this from you. Or anyone else. I'm leaving."
"You aren't possibly going to leave..." A pause. "I thought this is what you wanted. This entire time. Someone to help you...."
"I guess you were wrong about me. Goodbye"
A large sigh escaped from her lips. Why the heck hadn't she seen it before? All this time... she was just a "pet project" for him, something he would work on then finally set her free like a proud trainer. She grimaced in disgust.
Her thoughts changed to other things. Things that would bring comfort. The first thing that popped into her mind was to head to the messhall and order a piece of chocolate cake. She decided to indulge one day with chocolate and discovered how sastifying chocolate was. She had soon become addicted. Yes, a good helping of chocolate would send her endorphins flying, help her at least feel emotionally sober enough to figure out what to do next.
"Cancel order to Deck Seven. Take me to the Messhall."
She tried very hard to concentrate her mind on getting to the smooth creamy chocolate, to ignore the anxiety that made her foot twitch. But dwelling on chocolate too fiercely only caused her mind to wander further. Chocolate was her one and only indulgence. In the back of her mind something someone once said to her played over and over again. She remembered the frustation in that voice. He was desperately trying to get her to see things in a whole new light. "Indulgences are what make life worth living!"
She remembered who had said that to her. A feeling of regret fell to the pit of her stomach. Her hand flew up to her torso to ease the physical pain. The Doctor had said that. Way back when the two of them and Harry Kim had been captured on that away mission and she was forced to download his programming into her cybernetic implants. She didn't know it then, but he was right. Indulgences were a necessity.
She looked upon herself with shame. She had ignored the Doctor for a long time. Her one true friend for years, and she left him alone in order to pursue her relationship with Chakotay. True, in the beginning, she was only dating Chakotay to experience it for the first time. But after a while she started feeling like there was a connection between the two, so she continued on.
When the Doctor confessed his love for her, she was shocked. She had suspected that he had feelings for her for quite some time, but she never chose to act on them. She would let him choose the place and time. When he did confess, she felt unerved. She already was in a relationship, and she liked the way it was developing. She was mentally screaming "Why now? Why when I am already commited! Why not sooner?" But there was nothing to be done. In the end, she had to tell the Doctor that she was in a relationship. She had to turn him down. She knew now that she had gone about it the wrong way, she could tell by the way the Doctor treated her with a professional attitude. She had damaged him badly, and she felt as if their friendship could no longer exist.
But now that Chakotay was out of the picture, she came to full realization of how much she had hurt her friend, her one companion on the road to humanity. She could only imagine how he felt this whole time, rejected, heartbroken. Her whole body ached when she thought about it, bringing back hidden feelings of romantic attraction to him that she chose to ignore many years ago. With the failsafe device removed, the full extent of those buried feelings now washed through her, her whole body acting on impulse. Suddenly she had a need. A need to see him, to set things straight.
Forget chocolate. She needed to speak with the Doctor. Immediately.
"Computer, cancel order to Messhall. Take me to my quarters on Deck 3." The turbolift shifted for the third time and headed off in a different direction. She tapped on her commbadge.
"Seven of Nine to the Doctor"...
*to be continued...*
They both laughed as he tapped on his commbadge. "Doctor to Voyager. Two to beam up." He embraced her in his arms and kissed her deeply as the light of the transporter engulfed them, sending them up to Voyager overhead
*And Now Part 7*
She wildly stalked down the middle of the hallway, forcing any passing crewmembers to paste themselves to the wall and endure her cold stare. Whereever she was going, she didn't quite know. She just knew she had to get there fast. She lifted up one of her hands to wipe a tear streaming down her reddened eye and continued to walk with her erratic gait. She was angry, saddened, and confused at the same time, and she didn't care if the frown on her face and her tear-stained cheeks gave that away.
Two unsuspecting female crewmembers turned the corner, too busy chatting and typing things into their PADDS to see the furious blonde blocking their path. It resulted in the first of the two being knocked to the ground, sprawled out and looking up to see her "roadblock" standing over her.
"Lieutenant Mowrey, watch where you are going." The woman spat and she quickly passed by her, making her way to the turbolift.
Ensign O'Patrick, quite shocked by the situation, suddenly remembered her friend on the floor. She tucked her PADD under her arm and used both of her hands to help her up. "Are you okay, Emily?"
"I'm fine." The Lieutenant answered as she stared after the dissapearing figure. "What's gotten into her?"
As they were pondering over this, the woman reached the turbolift and stepped in. She took a short breath and ordered "Deck Seven". As the lift shifted it's direction and started off to the deck she requested, she leaned on the back wall and rested her head, gazing up at the overhead lights. She felt sick to her stomach and her head was filled with fragmented thoughts. Damn these emotions, is what came to her mind at that moment. She decided that she had to slow down, think things through, put things in order. Order is understanding...
She thought back to the coversation that she ended a few minutes ago by walking out the door.
"Why don't you trust me?"
"I trust you."
"Then listen to me!"
"Why?"
"Because, you have a problem. You have been pushing away from me, hiding in your work, you're irritable...."
"There is nothing wrong with me."
"There has to be. Tell me what is going on. Let me help you."
"No"
"Dammit! Open up to me! Don't tell me that after an entire year you still don't trust me." His voice had reached an usually high volume, the frustration apparent.
"I do..."
"No you don't!"
A sigh. "I am not...comfortable with sharing with you. With anyone."
"You can't do that! You cannot keep your problems inside! Tell me."
Another sigh. "Very well..."
Silence, waiting for the finish of the sentence.
"It's you."
"Me? Why would it be me?"
"You are constantly pushing me. Telling me that I need to start being more social, bringing down my walls, what you are doing to me right now. I am not ready"
"Of course you are. It's been nearly five years since... I wanted to help you change, help you with your transition...."
"I cannot change. I am who I am."
"You can change! You are not you right now. You haven't found yourself yet...."
Anger started to rise. "I know who I am! And you cannot change me! You always think there is something wrong with me. That I need help."
"But you do."
"I don't need to take this from you. Or anyone else. I'm leaving."
"You aren't possibly going to leave..." A pause. "I thought this is what you wanted. This entire time. Someone to help you...."
"I guess you were wrong about me. Goodbye"
A large sigh escaped from her lips. Why the heck hadn't she seen it before? All this time... she was just a "pet project" for him, something he would work on then finally set her free like a proud trainer. She grimaced in disgust.
Her thoughts changed to other things. Things that would bring comfort. The first thing that popped into her mind was to head to the messhall and order a piece of chocolate cake. She decided to indulge one day with chocolate and discovered how sastifying chocolate was. She had soon become addicted. Yes, a good helping of chocolate would send her endorphins flying, help her at least feel emotionally sober enough to figure out what to do next.
"Cancel order to Deck Seven. Take me to the Messhall."
She tried very hard to concentrate her mind on getting to the smooth creamy chocolate, to ignore the anxiety that made her foot twitch. But dwelling on chocolate too fiercely only caused her mind to wander further. Chocolate was her one and only indulgence. In the back of her mind something someone once said to her played over and over again. She remembered the frustation in that voice. He was desperately trying to get her to see things in a whole new light. "Indulgences are what make life worth living!"
She remembered who had said that to her. A feeling of regret fell to the pit of her stomach. Her hand flew up to her torso to ease the physical pain. The Doctor had said that. Way back when the two of them and Harry Kim had been captured on that away mission and she was forced to download his programming into her cybernetic implants. She didn't know it then, but he was right. Indulgences were a necessity.
She looked upon herself with shame. She had ignored the Doctor for a long time. Her one true friend for years, and she left him alone in order to pursue her relationship with Chakotay. True, in the beginning, she was only dating Chakotay to experience it for the first time. But after a while she started feeling like there was a connection between the two, so she continued on.
When the Doctor confessed his love for her, she was shocked. She had suspected that he had feelings for her for quite some time, but she never chose to act on them. She would let him choose the place and time. When he did confess, she felt unerved. She already was in a relationship, and she liked the way it was developing. She was mentally screaming "Why now? Why when I am already commited! Why not sooner?" But there was nothing to be done. In the end, she had to tell the Doctor that she was in a relationship. She had to turn him down. She knew now that she had gone about it the wrong way, she could tell by the way the Doctor treated her with a professional attitude. She had damaged him badly, and she felt as if their friendship could no longer exist.
But now that Chakotay was out of the picture, she came to full realization of how much she had hurt her friend, her one companion on the road to humanity. She could only imagine how he felt this whole time, rejected, heartbroken. Her whole body ached when she thought about it, bringing back hidden feelings of romantic attraction to him that she chose to ignore many years ago. With the failsafe device removed, the full extent of those buried feelings now washed through her, her whole body acting on impulse. Suddenly she had a need. A need to see him, to set things straight.
Forget chocolate. She needed to speak with the Doctor. Immediately.
"Computer, cancel order to Messhall. Take me to my quarters on Deck 3." The turbolift shifted for the third time and headed off in a different direction. She tapped on her commbadge.
"Seven of Nine to the Doctor"...
*to be continued...*