It's Mark is upon us forever Part 12/12 (Epilogue)
*** (Previously on It's Mark is upon us forever)***
He reached the door and was about to announce his departure when something happened that he did not expect. She answered him.
"Someone once told me..." She began, staring into the depths of space. "...that indulgences are what made life worth living."
The Doctor stilled, a wave of understanding crashing down on him. Suddenly it all made sense...
***(And now the conclusion) ***
The object in front of him lost it's structural integrity, blurring outside of it's normal parameters before it slowly regained it's formal shape. He suddenly realized he was spacing out and blinked, and his vision was once again normal. When you're lost in thought it's easy to forget what your eyes are doing. He sighed and resettled himself on the sofa, twisting around to stare out of the large window showing the expanse of space. These didn't keep his interest long either, for the stars soon became blurs in his vision as well.
The answers to the questions he had been asking himself were right in front of him, but it didn't make him feel any better. The answers themselves were far worse. But the question most prominent in his mind was Why? Why did I let this happen?
The mess that bound them together started nearly two years ago. He remembered the away mission clearly. It was the first time he had ever experienced such profound sensations. Before then he didn't even know what he was missing. He felt jealous of them, the organics that took advantage of such a gift all their lives. But she didn't care. She ignored this blessing, denied herself true pleasure from life. He tried to make her see that it wasn't irrelevant, that things such as this were what made life wonderful, unique, invigorating. In the end she saw his point and attempted to integrate this vital component into her life. He had been pleased. But now, it seemed that he had pushed it a little too far.
Then came the day when she asked him for help. She wanted to feel emotions like any other human. She had recently found a use for these frivolous emotions and was eager for them. He knew what she wanted them for, why she was rushing to get the procedure over and done with. It pained him, because these emotions were not to be wasted on him. But he kept his mouth shut and performed what she requested, and watched as she happily ran into the arms of another man.
No one was to anticipate how these emotions would confuse her. What was once dull for her became exciting, exhilarating. The new emotions and sensations that she never knew she was capable of, swarming around her and threatening to drown her in delight each and every time she tasted his lips, felt his hold on her. She loved the way the sweetness of delicacies such as chocolate flooded her mouth, leaving a trail of warmness as it traveled down her throat. These new experiences they overwhelmed her. She craved them. Indulgence became her addiction.
But indulgence is not always what she received. When she was faced with a challenge that gave her not pleasure, it frightened her. She didn't want to grow, she wanted to stay where she was and wash herself in this sensuality forever. Friendship, work, personal development. All of it was irrelevant. Indulgence was all she needed. And for a long time that phrase that she once heard on an away mission floated in her mind. Indulgences are what make life worth living. Yes, love, pleasure, sensations. These were what she lived for.
And this was the reason why she ran. Her wants were becoming separated from her, forced away from her by someone who wanted to see her change. Someone who noticed that she was shrinking away from everyone and descending into her own little world. But she wouldn't let him. She ran, in search of someone who could give her what she most desired.
Then he came into the picture. She pulled him away from things that were important to him and made him believe that she loved him. It was apparent now that it wasn't the only reason why she confronted him. He now knew what else she wanted. What made him frustrated was why he didn't see it sooner.
For years, he had adored her from afar, watching as she had relationships, never once considering him as an option. In his eyes she was the perfect woman. Beautiful beyond measure, intelligent beyond understanding. So he sat there, and pined for her. In his mind he built a pedestal for her upon which she stood. He looked up at her, at what he couldn't have. But now she was his. While her obvious problems were piling up around him, he chose to ignore. Rather than trying to see who she really was, he was still holding on to the fantasy. He was afraid she wouldn't be who he always dreamed her to be, and in the end that was the only thing he ended up with, an illusion.
His eyes were opened too late.
His world came crashing down around him.
He fought for their relationship, tried to help her see her own shortcomings. It wasn't noticed. She was too far away to understand him. Too sucked up in her own wants to care. He now understood why Chakotay looked at him like that. He, too, had realized the impossible too late. And now Chakotay was pitying him. The next man Seven was going to devastate.
He knew why all of this had happened, why everything ended up the way it did. He curled up his lip in self-disgust. It was all because of his one bad decision. No matter how many times he tried to find some other reason to blame, it was useless. It was all because of him and his greed for his fantasy. Why he thought that it would be all he dreamed it would be was presently beyond him. And that one decision had one major opportunity cost.
He dashed his one chance at happiness, all for a fantasy.
He tried to turn back, try to fight himself out of his situation. He begged Seven, saying that this relationship was falling apart and that it wasn't going to work out. When he saw her reaction, he quickly quieted his pleas. She was too emotionally unstable for such a blow. The look of anxiety on her face when he talked to her was clear enough. She would slide into depression, go crazy, if he left her. He was her only link to the real world. Without him, the few threads that she still held on to would be snapped. He just couldn't do it. He still loved her too much to do that.
He had searched and inquired after Imirika, wondering what had become of her, if she had been torn apart so horribly as he had. But when he received an answer from her, it wasn't what he wanted to hear. It was a recorded message from her from her current residence on Lohana'thu. He could tell by her face that she was somewhat upset by the sudden letter from him, not quite sure how to respond. But when she finally did speak, her voice was soft and cracked. She had become engaged with a Pattonian gentleman. She couldn't finish the rest of the message because she was too emotional.
He was confused by what he felt. He wasn't quite sure if he was happy for her, sad because she was lost to him forever, or if he was jealous because she had found happiness without him. Whatever it was, it left a cold feeling in his heart.
So this is it, then. Life was ruined. He was stuck. No way to fix what he had done. Seven was miserable, he was miserable, and the only person he thought to escape to was no longer an option. He had made enemies of those he once considered friends. They seemed to be opening up to him again, but he knew in their hearts they would never forgive him. Not after he so thoughtlessly did what he had done.
He sighed and continued to look out at the stars. It's funny how something that started so long ago could have such an impact on your life. How things said, decisions made, would forever change the shape of our destiny. What was his destiny, he could never know. All he knew was that it would take a long time to fix what he had done, and even then he might still not live it down.
He heard the door swish behind him as someone entered the quarters. The lights were off, but he knew who it was. He didn't turn his head as his asked his question. "Where have you been?"
He heard an intake of breath, but it ceased, like she was going to say something but she decided against it. He heard her step over across the room. "I'm going to bed." She said quietly, knowing that he wasn't in the mood to talk.
He turned his head enough to see her disappear around the corner into the room. She was getting worse. Her back was slumped, and her once full figure was starting to deteriorate, her hair haphazardly falling out of its bun. He knew where she had been. For the last week she had retreated to the holodeck, spending countless hours there. He tried to convince her to regenerate, but she had altogether abandoned the idea. She was falling apart. And someone needed to fix her. Someday he might, if she would only listen. So many things needed to be straightened out; she had things she needed to learn, to understand, but it wasn't going to happen now.
Was it ever going to happen? He wondered. Will I be able to fix the problem without digging ourselves deeper? Silence only answered him. He searched the stars, but they offered no help. Only one thing came to his mind.
We are all molded and remolded by those who have loved us. And though that love may pass, we remain, nonetheless, their work. No love, no friendship can ever cross the path of our destiny without leaving its mark upon us forever.
-Mauriac
THE END
*** (Previously on It's Mark is upon us forever)***
He reached the door and was about to announce his departure when something happened that he did not expect. She answered him.
"Someone once told me..." She began, staring into the depths of space. "...that indulgences are what made life worth living."
The Doctor stilled, a wave of understanding crashing down on him. Suddenly it all made sense...
***(And now the conclusion) ***
The object in front of him lost it's structural integrity, blurring outside of it's normal parameters before it slowly regained it's formal shape. He suddenly realized he was spacing out and blinked, and his vision was once again normal. When you're lost in thought it's easy to forget what your eyes are doing. He sighed and resettled himself on the sofa, twisting around to stare out of the large window showing the expanse of space. These didn't keep his interest long either, for the stars soon became blurs in his vision as well.
The answers to the questions he had been asking himself were right in front of him, but it didn't make him feel any better. The answers themselves were far worse. But the question most prominent in his mind was Why? Why did I let this happen?
The mess that bound them together started nearly two years ago. He remembered the away mission clearly. It was the first time he had ever experienced such profound sensations. Before then he didn't even know what he was missing. He felt jealous of them, the organics that took advantage of such a gift all their lives. But she didn't care. She ignored this blessing, denied herself true pleasure from life. He tried to make her see that it wasn't irrelevant, that things such as this were what made life wonderful, unique, invigorating. In the end she saw his point and attempted to integrate this vital component into her life. He had been pleased. But now, it seemed that he had pushed it a little too far.
Then came the day when she asked him for help. She wanted to feel emotions like any other human. She had recently found a use for these frivolous emotions and was eager for them. He knew what she wanted them for, why she was rushing to get the procedure over and done with. It pained him, because these emotions were not to be wasted on him. But he kept his mouth shut and performed what she requested, and watched as she happily ran into the arms of another man.
No one was to anticipate how these emotions would confuse her. What was once dull for her became exciting, exhilarating. The new emotions and sensations that she never knew she was capable of, swarming around her and threatening to drown her in delight each and every time she tasted his lips, felt his hold on her. She loved the way the sweetness of delicacies such as chocolate flooded her mouth, leaving a trail of warmness as it traveled down her throat. These new experiences they overwhelmed her. She craved them. Indulgence became her addiction.
But indulgence is not always what she received. When she was faced with a challenge that gave her not pleasure, it frightened her. She didn't want to grow, she wanted to stay where she was and wash herself in this sensuality forever. Friendship, work, personal development. All of it was irrelevant. Indulgence was all she needed. And for a long time that phrase that she once heard on an away mission floated in her mind. Indulgences are what make life worth living. Yes, love, pleasure, sensations. These were what she lived for.
And this was the reason why she ran. Her wants were becoming separated from her, forced away from her by someone who wanted to see her change. Someone who noticed that she was shrinking away from everyone and descending into her own little world. But she wouldn't let him. She ran, in search of someone who could give her what she most desired.
Then he came into the picture. She pulled him away from things that were important to him and made him believe that she loved him. It was apparent now that it wasn't the only reason why she confronted him. He now knew what else she wanted. What made him frustrated was why he didn't see it sooner.
For years, he had adored her from afar, watching as she had relationships, never once considering him as an option. In his eyes she was the perfect woman. Beautiful beyond measure, intelligent beyond understanding. So he sat there, and pined for her. In his mind he built a pedestal for her upon which she stood. He looked up at her, at what he couldn't have. But now she was his. While her obvious problems were piling up around him, he chose to ignore. Rather than trying to see who she really was, he was still holding on to the fantasy. He was afraid she wouldn't be who he always dreamed her to be, and in the end that was the only thing he ended up with, an illusion.
His eyes were opened too late.
His world came crashing down around him.
He fought for their relationship, tried to help her see her own shortcomings. It wasn't noticed. She was too far away to understand him. Too sucked up in her own wants to care. He now understood why Chakotay looked at him like that. He, too, had realized the impossible too late. And now Chakotay was pitying him. The next man Seven was going to devastate.
He knew why all of this had happened, why everything ended up the way it did. He curled up his lip in self-disgust. It was all because of his one bad decision. No matter how many times he tried to find some other reason to blame, it was useless. It was all because of him and his greed for his fantasy. Why he thought that it would be all he dreamed it would be was presently beyond him. And that one decision had one major opportunity cost.
He dashed his one chance at happiness, all for a fantasy.
He tried to turn back, try to fight himself out of his situation. He begged Seven, saying that this relationship was falling apart and that it wasn't going to work out. When he saw her reaction, he quickly quieted his pleas. She was too emotionally unstable for such a blow. The look of anxiety on her face when he talked to her was clear enough. She would slide into depression, go crazy, if he left her. He was her only link to the real world. Without him, the few threads that she still held on to would be snapped. He just couldn't do it. He still loved her too much to do that.
He had searched and inquired after Imirika, wondering what had become of her, if she had been torn apart so horribly as he had. But when he received an answer from her, it wasn't what he wanted to hear. It was a recorded message from her from her current residence on Lohana'thu. He could tell by her face that she was somewhat upset by the sudden letter from him, not quite sure how to respond. But when she finally did speak, her voice was soft and cracked. She had become engaged with a Pattonian gentleman. She couldn't finish the rest of the message because she was too emotional.
He was confused by what he felt. He wasn't quite sure if he was happy for her, sad because she was lost to him forever, or if he was jealous because she had found happiness without him. Whatever it was, it left a cold feeling in his heart.
So this is it, then. Life was ruined. He was stuck. No way to fix what he had done. Seven was miserable, he was miserable, and the only person he thought to escape to was no longer an option. He had made enemies of those he once considered friends. They seemed to be opening up to him again, but he knew in their hearts they would never forgive him. Not after he so thoughtlessly did what he had done.
He sighed and continued to look out at the stars. It's funny how something that started so long ago could have such an impact on your life. How things said, decisions made, would forever change the shape of our destiny. What was his destiny, he could never know. All he knew was that it would take a long time to fix what he had done, and even then he might still not live it down.
He heard the door swish behind him as someone entered the quarters. The lights were off, but he knew who it was. He didn't turn his head as his asked his question. "Where have you been?"
He heard an intake of breath, but it ceased, like she was going to say something but she decided against it. He heard her step over across the room. "I'm going to bed." She said quietly, knowing that he wasn't in the mood to talk.
He turned his head enough to see her disappear around the corner into the room. She was getting worse. Her back was slumped, and her once full figure was starting to deteriorate, her hair haphazardly falling out of its bun. He knew where she had been. For the last week she had retreated to the holodeck, spending countless hours there. He tried to convince her to regenerate, but she had altogether abandoned the idea. She was falling apart. And someone needed to fix her. Someday he might, if she would only listen. So many things needed to be straightened out; she had things she needed to learn, to understand, but it wasn't going to happen now.
Was it ever going to happen? He wondered. Will I be able to fix the problem without digging ourselves deeper? Silence only answered him. He searched the stars, but they offered no help. Only one thing came to his mind.
We are all molded and remolded by those who have loved us. And though that love may pass, we remain, nonetheless, their work. No love, no friendship can ever cross the path of our destiny without leaving its mark upon us forever.
-Mauriac
THE END