Chapter four of my first fanfiction. Spoilers for Peach Girl volume 12!
About names. Kairi is 'Kiley' 's original name in the Japanese tanks. Ryo is Kairi's older (nearly identical) brother. Aki Misao (last name Aki, first name Misao) is Kairi and Momo's school nurse, who has been a character since the earliest chapters.
Dialogue broken off with *** indicates flashbacks. Quotes surrounded by - indicate first-person thoughts.
Again, this is my first fic so if anyone reads this, pleeease leave a review! Thanks very much for the comments so far, they're keeping me going!
-Parakiss
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Circle of Trust Chapter 4: We're Both Searching
~~~~
The sun was setting already. Momo gazed out over the surface of the water, admiring the orange rays reflecting off it. Had it really been that long? She'd only mean to swim a few laps after school and then leave. She'd wound up spending hours just sitting by the edge..Momo seemed to be losing all track of time lately.
-I should go home already..-
She rose to her feet and grabbed her bag, slinging it over her shoulder with a heavy sigh, hating to leave.
-This is the only place I feel secure anymore-
She turned around and jumped back with a start, clenching her jaw.
-Or was, until now-
Kairi tentatively took a step forward. "Momo..Momo, please, we just need to-"
She stepped around him, anger building up inside her. He had some nerve, constantly showing up like this..HE was the one who broke HER heart..
Kairi followed behind her and grabbed her arm. "Momo!"
She jerked away. "Don't TOUCH me! Don't come NEAR me!" She wasn't kidding. She was fuming.
Kairi watched her hurry forward and then took off again, this time throwing himself in front of her and dropping to his knees, his head bowed down.
"PLEASE Momo! Please, please just give me a few minutes! Just let me talk to you, just this one last time and I'll leave you alone..please, please!"
Momo paused, taken back by the desperation in his voice. A mixture of feelings heating her heart. She hated him.
"Please!"
She had no reason to speak to him.
"Please.."
This was all his fault..she had no obligations, she had no remorse, she was the victim, she was the-
"Momo!"
"..Fine."
Kairi looked up, uncertain he'd heard her right, but she'd already moved away, walking over to a nearby bench and slumping onto it, a grim expression on her face.
Exhaling nervously, he went over and sat down gingerly next to her, careful not to get too close. Where to start? He wanted to explain. He wanted to somehow make things better. He just wanted her not to hate him..but what exactly could he say that would make that happen?
"I..I'm sorry."
He knew that wouldn't do it, but he HAD to say it again. He meant it. He couldn't express how much he meant it.
"I've..when I was able to become friends with you, I was amazed. When you began confiding in me, when we began spending time together, I was happy. I was so happy that you let yourself get close to me, and that you trusted me. I loved being with you so much...I looked forward to seeing you more than anything."
Momo shifted and Kairi glanced at her sideways, to see her expression soften slightly as she stared at the ground. He swallowed.
"I always had so much fun with you, Momo. I really developed feelings for you. But no matter how happy I became, there was a part of me that was always sad. There are memories inside that I just keep going back to, over and over...a burning inside so intense, a feeling of love.."
Momo cut in. "For Misao?"
Kairi didn't say anything.
"Why? Why not for me?"
He paused, and clasped his hands together. Momo stared at them as his grasp tightened until his knuckles turned white.
"It's probably..probably because it was the first time, ever. With Misao..it was the first time anyone ever looked at me. Not as "Ryo's little brother". Just as Kairi."
Kairi told Momo the story, the long history of growing up second-best to his brother, his first meeting with Misao, his joy at having someone who only cared for him, his heartbreak at finding Ryo had won again after all.
"That day, at the beach..after I found out about Misao and Ryo, I ran away. I just ran with no where to go, and stayed away from her, from him. When they found me..Ryo told me how Misao had been so upset. All the others had already left, but Misao refused, she refused to go home without me. She spent every minute of those few days searching for me, he said. When I saw her, she looked so relieved..."
"I couldn't help it, then. Despite what had happened with Ryo, I didn't feel any less love for Misao. She really DID care for me, still more than anyone else. I swore it would never matter what happened, or who Misao came to love. She'd always be my most important person..no matter what."
Kairi went silent, and Momo faught to keep threatening tears behind her eyelids, feeling worse than ever. She felt Kairi's pain while he talked..this wasn't easy on him. And he was telling the truth. She hadn't imagined there'd been so much behind it..she hadn't expected this. She never knew he hurt so badly, so secretly.
The irony struck her. They were both so similar..they were both just searching for someone to see them for who they really were.
Kairi couldn't be number one to Misao.
Momo couldn't be number one to Kairi.
She forced a smile bitterly and turned to Kairi.
"Okayasu..kiss me."
He jumped, staring at her.
"Kiss me."
She didn't move. He stared at her for a moment longer and then leaned in slowly. Momo tilted her head, waiting expectantly, Kairi so close now she could feel his breath on her face...he hesitated.
She closed her eyes. "Do you..love me?"
Silence. "I do."
"But..you love Misao more?"
"..yes."
She choked back a sob. "Idiot."
He met her gaze finally, briefly, before turning away yet again.
"Are you going to..pursue Misao now?"
Kairi shook his head. "I can't. It's impossible."
Momo looked at him. "Is that so?"
"That's so."
"Aren't you afraid of what will happen if she begins seeing someone else? Aren't you afraid of losing her even more?"
The hurt flashed in his eyes. She wished she hadn't said that.
"Yeah..I am."
"Momo..I'm sorry. It was such a horrible thing, what I did. I'm really sorry."
-Heh.- Momo ran a hand through her hair wearily. "Yeah..it was. It's just my luck, huh? To be told this by a guy right after I've truly fallen in love with him."
Kairi winced. "..I'm sorry.."
Momo fiddled with the strap of her bag, wishing she didn't have as many thoughts running through her head. Nothing was clear now. Nothing except the fact that she still loved him.
-Despite it all..I do..-
"But you know..even now..it's okay.."
She jumped off the bench and turned back to him, a slight smile forming.
"Even now, knowing your true feelings.."
"The Kairi that loves Misao is good enough for me."
He stared at her, his brain not comprehending. He rose to his feet and she smiled again.
"All I want is to be by your side."
She reached up towards him, standing on her toes and closing her eyes-
He grabbed her shoulders and held her back.
"We can't."
-what?-
"We can't see each other. Not anymore."
-But-
"But..you don't hate me..you love me, you said so, that's wh-"
"That's WHY we can't see each other. I have to be a man. Because I love Momo. You say you want to be by my side..you say I can kiss you..that's fine with you?"
"It's fine, I-"
"Is it really? Is it really okay? Despite what I've said? Despite the fact that I love another woman, and have memories of her I'll never stop thinking about? Despite the fact that you'll be second best? Everything I've said to you..you'll really forgive me for everything?"
"I can't put you through that. I can't hurt you even more. It's my fault..my fault for making you cry like this. My fault for everything that's happening. I shouldn't be so easily forgiven. That's why..that's why we can't stay together."
Momo threw her arms in the air, exasperated. "What are you saying?! You love me, you're sorry, you don't want to hurt me, so you'll dump me? You don't want to put me through any more pain, so you'll LEAVE me? I said I was FINE! You said it was useless anyway..I said I'd forgive you..as long as I can be with you..that's all I want! As long as you.."
"I love Misao. I love her. That's why.."
"I can't be with you at all."
"I'm sorry."
He walked away, leaving her standing alone in shock.
Not again..
-He said he loved me!-
He can't do this again.
Her feet refused to move.
He can't make this..*final*.
She finally looked after him, catching his retreating form several yards away.
"Kairi!" She yelled, running a few steps forward.
"KAIRI!"
She could no longer see him.
~~~~~
Momo slumped against a stone column, ignoring the stares of those around her. Even now she couldn't stop crying. She glanced at the tracks and wished more than anything for the train to pull in already. She wanted to go home. She wanted to curl up in her bed and sleep. And never wake up.
For the first time that day, something actually went her way. She breathed a heavy sigh of relief as she heard the bustle of the train from far down the tracks. Hastily she wiped at her eyes with the back of her hand, hoping to regain some composure before boarding.
A few fresh drops slid down her cheek and she cursed under her breath. Looks like she'll be having another sob session once she gets one, regardless of what the other passengers will think.
The screech of brakes, and doors opened. Momo stared at the ground and waited for those departing to step off, then hurried forward when no one else seemed to be coming.
"Oof!" Momo bumped heavily into someone and mumbled an apology.
"Adachi?"
She froze, lifting her head. -Please no..-
Toji's mouth fell open upon seeing her tears. "Adachi?! Adachi what happened? What's wrong?"
"Nothing, nothing's wrong, I'm f..I'm fine!" She tried to step around him but he blocked her.
"Adachi.." he stared at her expression. "Did something..happen with Okayasu?"
She didn't say anything, and he reached a hand out to her arm. "Why? What happened? You look so upset.."
Momo brushed his hand off and forced a laugh. "Ha..haha, nothing happened, of course, nothing's wrong, I'm fine, now-"
"Don't lie to me!"
She bit her lip as he continued.
"I know when you're upset..and I know when you're lying. So don't try it."
"..just tell me..what happened?"
Another tear escaped, and she finally pushed him aside, running forward onto the train as the doors shut behind her.
Toji stared at the train as it sped past, his fist slamming into the column next to him, anger completely blocking out the pain.
-That bastard!-
~~~~~
More chapters coming soon. I'm also writing another PG fanfic, a much shorter, more romantic story which basically contains how I'd like to see the ending go ^_^. It won't be as boring as this story, and it'll be up soon! Look for it, ne?
About names. Kairi is 'Kiley' 's original name in the Japanese tanks. Ryo is Kairi's older (nearly identical) brother. Aki Misao (last name Aki, first name Misao) is Kairi and Momo's school nurse, who has been a character since the earliest chapters.
Dialogue broken off with *** indicates flashbacks. Quotes surrounded by - indicate first-person thoughts.
Again, this is my first fic so if anyone reads this, pleeease leave a review! Thanks very much for the comments so far, they're keeping me going!
-Parakiss
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Circle of Trust Chapter 4: We're Both Searching
~~~~
The sun was setting already. Momo gazed out over the surface of the water, admiring the orange rays reflecting off it. Had it really been that long? She'd only mean to swim a few laps after school and then leave. She'd wound up spending hours just sitting by the edge..Momo seemed to be losing all track of time lately.
-I should go home already..-
She rose to her feet and grabbed her bag, slinging it over her shoulder with a heavy sigh, hating to leave.
-This is the only place I feel secure anymore-
She turned around and jumped back with a start, clenching her jaw.
-Or was, until now-
Kairi tentatively took a step forward. "Momo..Momo, please, we just need to-"
She stepped around him, anger building up inside her. He had some nerve, constantly showing up like this..HE was the one who broke HER heart..
Kairi followed behind her and grabbed her arm. "Momo!"
She jerked away. "Don't TOUCH me! Don't come NEAR me!" She wasn't kidding. She was fuming.
Kairi watched her hurry forward and then took off again, this time throwing himself in front of her and dropping to his knees, his head bowed down.
"PLEASE Momo! Please, please just give me a few minutes! Just let me talk to you, just this one last time and I'll leave you alone..please, please!"
Momo paused, taken back by the desperation in his voice. A mixture of feelings heating her heart. She hated him.
"Please!"
She had no reason to speak to him.
"Please.."
This was all his fault..she had no obligations, she had no remorse, she was the victim, she was the-
"Momo!"
"..Fine."
Kairi looked up, uncertain he'd heard her right, but she'd already moved away, walking over to a nearby bench and slumping onto it, a grim expression on her face.
Exhaling nervously, he went over and sat down gingerly next to her, careful not to get too close. Where to start? He wanted to explain. He wanted to somehow make things better. He just wanted her not to hate him..but what exactly could he say that would make that happen?
"I..I'm sorry."
He knew that wouldn't do it, but he HAD to say it again. He meant it. He couldn't express how much he meant it.
"I've..when I was able to become friends with you, I was amazed. When you began confiding in me, when we began spending time together, I was happy. I was so happy that you let yourself get close to me, and that you trusted me. I loved being with you so much...I looked forward to seeing you more than anything."
Momo shifted and Kairi glanced at her sideways, to see her expression soften slightly as she stared at the ground. He swallowed.
"I always had so much fun with you, Momo. I really developed feelings for you. But no matter how happy I became, there was a part of me that was always sad. There are memories inside that I just keep going back to, over and over...a burning inside so intense, a feeling of love.."
Momo cut in. "For Misao?"
Kairi didn't say anything.
"Why? Why not for me?"
He paused, and clasped his hands together. Momo stared at them as his grasp tightened until his knuckles turned white.
"It's probably..probably because it was the first time, ever. With Misao..it was the first time anyone ever looked at me. Not as "Ryo's little brother". Just as Kairi."
Kairi told Momo the story, the long history of growing up second-best to his brother, his first meeting with Misao, his joy at having someone who only cared for him, his heartbreak at finding Ryo had won again after all.
"That day, at the beach..after I found out about Misao and Ryo, I ran away. I just ran with no where to go, and stayed away from her, from him. When they found me..Ryo told me how Misao had been so upset. All the others had already left, but Misao refused, she refused to go home without me. She spent every minute of those few days searching for me, he said. When I saw her, she looked so relieved..."
"I couldn't help it, then. Despite what had happened with Ryo, I didn't feel any less love for Misao. She really DID care for me, still more than anyone else. I swore it would never matter what happened, or who Misao came to love. She'd always be my most important person..no matter what."
Kairi went silent, and Momo faught to keep threatening tears behind her eyelids, feeling worse than ever. She felt Kairi's pain while he talked..this wasn't easy on him. And he was telling the truth. She hadn't imagined there'd been so much behind it..she hadn't expected this. She never knew he hurt so badly, so secretly.
The irony struck her. They were both so similar..they were both just searching for someone to see them for who they really were.
Kairi couldn't be number one to Misao.
Momo couldn't be number one to Kairi.
She forced a smile bitterly and turned to Kairi.
"Okayasu..kiss me."
He jumped, staring at her.
"Kiss me."
She didn't move. He stared at her for a moment longer and then leaned in slowly. Momo tilted her head, waiting expectantly, Kairi so close now she could feel his breath on her face...he hesitated.
She closed her eyes. "Do you..love me?"
Silence. "I do."
"But..you love Misao more?"
"..yes."
She choked back a sob. "Idiot."
He met her gaze finally, briefly, before turning away yet again.
"Are you going to..pursue Misao now?"
Kairi shook his head. "I can't. It's impossible."
Momo looked at him. "Is that so?"
"That's so."
"Aren't you afraid of what will happen if she begins seeing someone else? Aren't you afraid of losing her even more?"
The hurt flashed in his eyes. She wished she hadn't said that.
"Yeah..I am."
"Momo..I'm sorry. It was such a horrible thing, what I did. I'm really sorry."
-Heh.- Momo ran a hand through her hair wearily. "Yeah..it was. It's just my luck, huh? To be told this by a guy right after I've truly fallen in love with him."
Kairi winced. "..I'm sorry.."
Momo fiddled with the strap of her bag, wishing she didn't have as many thoughts running through her head. Nothing was clear now. Nothing except the fact that she still loved him.
-Despite it all..I do..-
"But you know..even now..it's okay.."
She jumped off the bench and turned back to him, a slight smile forming.
"Even now, knowing your true feelings.."
"The Kairi that loves Misao is good enough for me."
He stared at her, his brain not comprehending. He rose to his feet and she smiled again.
"All I want is to be by your side."
She reached up towards him, standing on her toes and closing her eyes-
He grabbed her shoulders and held her back.
"We can't."
-what?-
"We can't see each other. Not anymore."
-But-
"But..you don't hate me..you love me, you said so, that's wh-"
"That's WHY we can't see each other. I have to be a man. Because I love Momo. You say you want to be by my side..you say I can kiss you..that's fine with you?"
"It's fine, I-"
"Is it really? Is it really okay? Despite what I've said? Despite the fact that I love another woman, and have memories of her I'll never stop thinking about? Despite the fact that you'll be second best? Everything I've said to you..you'll really forgive me for everything?"
"I can't put you through that. I can't hurt you even more. It's my fault..my fault for making you cry like this. My fault for everything that's happening. I shouldn't be so easily forgiven. That's why..that's why we can't stay together."
Momo threw her arms in the air, exasperated. "What are you saying?! You love me, you're sorry, you don't want to hurt me, so you'll dump me? You don't want to put me through any more pain, so you'll LEAVE me? I said I was FINE! You said it was useless anyway..I said I'd forgive you..as long as I can be with you..that's all I want! As long as you.."
"I love Misao. I love her. That's why.."
"I can't be with you at all."
"I'm sorry."
He walked away, leaving her standing alone in shock.
Not again..
-He said he loved me!-
He can't do this again.
Her feet refused to move.
He can't make this..*final*.
She finally looked after him, catching his retreating form several yards away.
"Kairi!" She yelled, running a few steps forward.
"KAIRI!"
She could no longer see him.
~~~~~
Momo slumped against a stone column, ignoring the stares of those around her. Even now she couldn't stop crying. She glanced at the tracks and wished more than anything for the train to pull in already. She wanted to go home. She wanted to curl up in her bed and sleep. And never wake up.
For the first time that day, something actually went her way. She breathed a heavy sigh of relief as she heard the bustle of the train from far down the tracks. Hastily she wiped at her eyes with the back of her hand, hoping to regain some composure before boarding.
A few fresh drops slid down her cheek and she cursed under her breath. Looks like she'll be having another sob session once she gets one, regardless of what the other passengers will think.
The screech of brakes, and doors opened. Momo stared at the ground and waited for those departing to step off, then hurried forward when no one else seemed to be coming.
"Oof!" Momo bumped heavily into someone and mumbled an apology.
"Adachi?"
She froze, lifting her head. -Please no..-
Toji's mouth fell open upon seeing her tears. "Adachi?! Adachi what happened? What's wrong?"
"Nothing, nothing's wrong, I'm f..I'm fine!" She tried to step around him but he blocked her.
"Adachi.." he stared at her expression. "Did something..happen with Okayasu?"
She didn't say anything, and he reached a hand out to her arm. "Why? What happened? You look so upset.."
Momo brushed his hand off and forced a laugh. "Ha..haha, nothing happened, of course, nothing's wrong, I'm fine, now-"
"Don't lie to me!"
She bit her lip as he continued.
"I know when you're upset..and I know when you're lying. So don't try it."
"..just tell me..what happened?"
Another tear escaped, and she finally pushed him aside, running forward onto the train as the doors shut behind her.
Toji stared at the train as it sped past, his fist slamming into the column next to him, anger completely blocking out the pain.
-That bastard!-
~~~~~
More chapters coming soon. I'm also writing another PG fanfic, a much shorter, more romantic story which basically contains how I'd like to see the ending go ^_^. It won't be as boring as this story, and it'll be up soon! Look for it, ne?