Disclaimer: If I owned it wouldn't there would be pointless and silly
antics and attics every episode and nothing useful would ever get done.kind
of like Maury. This came from an episode of Reboot and too many hours spent
playing video games.
The Scientists were bored, and when you are slightly evil and incredibly smart you need a lot to keep you from spiraling into that abyss of limbo called 'monotony'. So they of course, being brought up as total dorks, loved a good machine and video games with magic and stuff.
Now the evil part of them kicked in halfway through the building of the machine, which was really a combination of an N64 video game system from the twenty-first century, a toaster and a duplicate of the Zero System but with five helmets. And when the part of their brain that tells them to laugh at the kid who pokes themselves in the eye with a fork instead of asking if they're all right and then laughing made it so they'd also torture their little students of the ways of the Gundams. They figured as long as you're laughing at the kid you might as well follow him around with the fork constantly poking him with it until he develops a fear of forks. Y'know because scaring the kid for the rest of his natural life isn't technically illegal.
So of course they forced their protégés to come to their evil lair. Y'know the evil castle on the hill with the row and row of lawn gnomes, one of those fake wells with the painted on little roof and a mini windmill surrounded by plastic flamingos.
Now the story will begin with five figures climbing out of a red convertible they stared up at the zigzagging road like the ones you find in a haunted house movie and just to add to the effect snow began to come down in sheets.
"If there had been thunder and lightning, I would have thought we were in a horrible haunted house movie cliché." Wufei commented as they pulled their coats up tighter around themselves.
"Why prey-tell couldn't we have driven up that meandering road that goes right up to the door?" Duo asked as he began to shiver and his teeth began to chatter.
"Shut up and keep walking." Heero hissed, trying not to show how cold he was.
"I th-think w-we ran out of g-g-gas." Quatre said, not use to such cool weather.
They finally made it up to the house's front door after Duo risked falling off the suspended pathway a total of six times. Heero reached out and gripped the ornamental doorknocker with a Barbie head speared on the golden hoop of the knocker he then gave a sharp rap to the door.
"Wait. . .we didn't put up the bloody car roof." Trowa said glancing back at the car.
"Well here are the keys Trowa!" Duo said tossing the keys to the taller boy and turning back towards the door.
"I'll go with you Trowa." Quatre said quickly.
"Oh no! You are not making out in my baby. . .again!" Wufei said throwing his hands into the air.
As the three set off and the remaining two waited at the door Heero heard Trowa comment to Wufei, "I think there was an extra canteen of gas in the trunk. If we go fast we could probably drive away before the other two figure it out." Heero turned in time to see the three take off running to the car and sprinted after them.
Duo looked at his four fleeing comrades, shook his head and turned back to the door. A wave of realization that he was left alone. Alone with five of the world's crazed geniuses somewhere on the other side of the door. Alone with five of the world's crazed geniuses' dentures. That and the thought that he was doing the mature, if not smart, thing made him go running after his friends and fellow pilots.
Trowa and Heero reached the car at the same time and as Trowa fumbled for the keys Heero tackled him and tried to pry the keys out of his pinned down hand while trying to restrain the flailing limbs.
"Give me the keys!"
"No!"
Wufei and Quatre stared at the image of the two boys wrestling each other for the bits of shiny, jagged metal.
"$10 on Yuy."
"You're on."
Duo finally caught up and watched the fighting continue.
"I didn't know Trowa could bend that way." He commented tilting his head to the right.
"I did." Quatre commented to himself.
"Too much info." Wufei commented mildly.
"Trowa! I'm the leader! Give me the keys!"
"Says who?"
"One comes before three."
"Three is bigger then one." Duo sniggered at the double meaning.
"Trowa, usually you are the most rational out of all the others," The three spectators narrowed eyes, crossed arms and muttered. "So I hope you take this rationally." And with the final comment Heero bit Trowa's pinned down hand and scooped up the keys. He was about to put the top up when there was a loud rumbling coming from the castle-like house.
Quatre grinned wide and turned to Wufei. "You owe me ten big ones!"
"I can't believe you bet against your own boyfriend." Wufei sighed, shaking his head while fishing around in his pockets for the money.
Quatre's response was cut short by a wailing cry.
"Yeeha!" Crowed a figure brandishing a croquet mallet as he blasted out of the front door in a golf cart painted like a monster truck.
Four more came speeding from around the sides of the house and one even came out of a large first floor window waving and swinging a toilet plunger. The others each had a hook on a pole, a curling broom, a coat rack missing half the arms or a butterfly net.
They were careful to avoid hitting the gnomes, flamingos and other lawn decorations but other then that they were rather reckless.
J and H nearly crashed into one another, S almost ran over Wufei, O did so many pop-a-wheelies that all of the rubber of one of the tiers burnt away and sparks kept igniting from the stones he'd run over with his hubcap and G almost drove off the cliff path. . .twice.
Trowa and Heero had just enough time to dive into the car before the Scientists grabbed their pupils with the various objects they had.
Wufei was glad once more for his lightweight because when you're doing sixty-five in a golf cart and the only thing that is keeping you up is a toilet plunger's suction you better be glad your weight is the exact of a jar of peanut butter weighing 46kg.
The two remaining Scientists tied some cables to the car and towed it to their lair. Trowa and Heero were senselessly beating each other up once more.
The pilots, or those who weren't busy landing and ducking punches or praying for a petit figure for the rest of their life, or simply Duo and Quatre, watched as the golf carts went speeding down a ramp and right at a wall. They tried to wrench the wheel out of the older men's hands and failed for they had turned off the carts yet they were still going down the ramp at about forty-five kilometers an hour.
"Oh Betty Crocker on a sailboat!" Duo said eyes going wide as he clung on for dear life to the hooked pole.
"Please Sirs. We're going to crash!" Quatre cried as politely as possible from his seat in a butterfly net.
The Scientists just laughed and laughed and laughed.
Finally about a meter away from the wall the Scientists slammed on the breaks, but do to the snow they just began to skid and swerve.
Meanwhile in the car, Heero and Trowa were being carelessly tossed around while the two Scientists towing them started to play a bumper cars while swinging the wheel and ramming the side of the cart into the other's cart.
Just as Duo thought he was about to pass out or throw up from terror he saw the brick of the wall just centimeters from his face. He shut his eyes and waited for the bone shattering, organ-rupturing, skin shredding impact. Well when he finally opened his eyes he looked like a bloody, nasty, oozing corpse in the sense that he had two arms and legs not that he was bloody or oozing or nasty, well not on the outside. He wasn't even dead.
"Come along." G said as he scuttled into the next room followed by S and Wufei.
"Quatre? Why am I alive?"
"Well your mother and father loved each other very much and they-"
"No! I mean how come we aren't dead? I mean the wall and the carts and the driving and the crashing and the explosions and the screaming."
"It seems the wall was a hologram." Quatre said and to demonstrate he stuck his hand right through so that only a stump of his forearm could be seen on their side of the holographic wall. Seconds after he pulled it back in and took a step towards where G had gone the two remaining carts and the convertible came through right where he'd been standing.
Quatre gave a nervous chuckle before leaning back against the wall, which of course wasn't a wall meaning he fell straight through.
Duo began laughing so hard that he had to brace himself on his knees. And even then he kept wheezing and snorting.
"Shut up Duo." Quatre said as he hauled himself back in. Or he would have hauled himself back in if he hadn't slipped on some ice that had formed to quickly in Quatre's opinion. But instead of getting in a vertical position where he could have hurt Duo, he rotated in a one hundred-eighty degree arch so that just his head was visible on Duo's side of the wall.
"Ow." He said quietly as he just stared up at the ceiling.
Duo began laughing harder and fell down backwards and just howled so hard he began to cry.
Heero and Trowa deciding getting blood on the car Wufei almost worshipped wouldn't be a smart move, made a truce. They stepped out of the car and walked over to where they heard Duo cackling like a mad man or their mentors as the case might be.
They looked around and noticed Quatre, eyes glazed over, not moving and missing everything but his head. Had it been Heero's head they could have believed he'd still be alive. So when they saw Quatre stir and say, "Can someone kill Duo for me?"
Wufei coming back to check on the other's shot up his hand and did a kind of dance while using a higher voice to squeal, "Pick me! Oh! Oh! Me! Please!"
Trowa fainted. Duo laughed harder. Wufei raised an eyebrow. Heero folded his arms and frowned. Quatre's head disappeared.
The full 156cm figure of Quatre walked through the wall slowly, careful not to slip on any ice.
"Oh my! What happened to Trowa?"
"It's always the quiet ones." Duo said shaking his head. "Can we go in now? I'm cold." The others all kind of looked at each other, shrugged, looked at Trowa and back at each other, shrugged again and then finally all walked to the door.
Trowa stood up and muttered something about never being able to get any respect and trotted after them.
"Finally! There are our favorite little protégés." J said as he got out of a high backed, burgundy chair that was seated in front of a fire. He leaned forward on a cane and peered at the five boys though his bottle-lensed glasses.
Just as he opened his mouth to make some probably secretly evil speech with hidden meaning in every sentence and witty yet morbid puns and figures of speech in every paragraph, just as he was about to make a speech that would probably haunt each of them in a later date, make them question every aspect of their life, Duo ran and sat down in the chair he had just left. As soon as J was about to continue Quatre bounded over and sat on the right arm. J gave the two a look as though sarcastically asking if he could continue. Quatre murmured a quiet apology and Duo shot him a cocky little smirk that was dripping with a silent 'We're waiting.' So the not-so-good- yet-good Doctor cleared his throat and tried do continue but Wufei had halted his undoubtedly brilliant talk on whatever he was about to talk about by walking over to the chair and jumping up to sit on the high back of the chair. J growled and once more tried to begin but Trowa had some how come to be sitting on the other arm on the chair. He waved his hands at Heero and the chair and Heero almost as though ordered walked over and squished in with Duo on the scarlet cushion.
"If there are not any more interruptions." J said looking peeved.
"Oh! Can I switch spots with you Duo?"
"Only if I can get Wufei's spot."
"Ow! Someone is poking me with their elbow."
"Crack up the fire!"
"I think my leg is falling asleep."
"Does it hurt if I do this?"
"Nope."
"Hey I found a nickel in the chair."
"Life is good eh?"
"Dude you said 'eh!'"
"Eh you said 'dude.'"
"No stop that tickles!"
"Would you four stop moving before I fall off?"
"We'll stop after you fall off."
"You will if I fall and kill you."
"Ow! Now it's hurting!"
"Good. Then your leg isn't hibernating."
"The fire! Hello? Turning it up?"
"Hey Wufei can I switch spots with you?"
"Watch the hands Barton."
"What happened to the nickel?"
"I can't believe you said 'Eh.'"
"I-"
"Okay that's it. O let them have it." J said throwing his hands up in the air.
O, from the shadows, walked briskly forward and placed a hand briefly on each of their collars and squeezing their pressure points like only a psycho or a true master or a true master psycho can. One by one they slumped forwards until they were all one big pile at the foot of the chair.
"Let's just hook them up to the Wiggity-Wiggity-Whack-Mac." G said as he hauled Duo out of the pile and tossed him over his shoulder.
"We aren't calling it that." S said.
"What do you want to call it?"
"N64 and a blender."
"How about N-60-Whack?"
"Deal."
"How did you two help me create the world's greatest machines?" J asked.
"Oh don't mind him. Someone is still mad he didn't get to make some grand lecture." H said.
"H. Do you remember that kid with the fork?"
H gulped and nodded.
"Read you loud and clear."
The Scientists were bored, and when you are slightly evil and incredibly smart you need a lot to keep you from spiraling into that abyss of limbo called 'monotony'. So they of course, being brought up as total dorks, loved a good machine and video games with magic and stuff.
Now the evil part of them kicked in halfway through the building of the machine, which was really a combination of an N64 video game system from the twenty-first century, a toaster and a duplicate of the Zero System but with five helmets. And when the part of their brain that tells them to laugh at the kid who pokes themselves in the eye with a fork instead of asking if they're all right and then laughing made it so they'd also torture their little students of the ways of the Gundams. They figured as long as you're laughing at the kid you might as well follow him around with the fork constantly poking him with it until he develops a fear of forks. Y'know because scaring the kid for the rest of his natural life isn't technically illegal.
So of course they forced their protégés to come to their evil lair. Y'know the evil castle on the hill with the row and row of lawn gnomes, one of those fake wells with the painted on little roof and a mini windmill surrounded by plastic flamingos.
Now the story will begin with five figures climbing out of a red convertible they stared up at the zigzagging road like the ones you find in a haunted house movie and just to add to the effect snow began to come down in sheets.
"If there had been thunder and lightning, I would have thought we were in a horrible haunted house movie cliché." Wufei commented as they pulled their coats up tighter around themselves.
"Why prey-tell couldn't we have driven up that meandering road that goes right up to the door?" Duo asked as he began to shiver and his teeth began to chatter.
"Shut up and keep walking." Heero hissed, trying not to show how cold he was.
"I th-think w-we ran out of g-g-gas." Quatre said, not use to such cool weather.
They finally made it up to the house's front door after Duo risked falling off the suspended pathway a total of six times. Heero reached out and gripped the ornamental doorknocker with a Barbie head speared on the golden hoop of the knocker he then gave a sharp rap to the door.
"Wait. . .we didn't put up the bloody car roof." Trowa said glancing back at the car.
"Well here are the keys Trowa!" Duo said tossing the keys to the taller boy and turning back towards the door.
"I'll go with you Trowa." Quatre said quickly.
"Oh no! You are not making out in my baby. . .again!" Wufei said throwing his hands into the air.
As the three set off and the remaining two waited at the door Heero heard Trowa comment to Wufei, "I think there was an extra canteen of gas in the trunk. If we go fast we could probably drive away before the other two figure it out." Heero turned in time to see the three take off running to the car and sprinted after them.
Duo looked at his four fleeing comrades, shook his head and turned back to the door. A wave of realization that he was left alone. Alone with five of the world's crazed geniuses somewhere on the other side of the door. Alone with five of the world's crazed geniuses' dentures. That and the thought that he was doing the mature, if not smart, thing made him go running after his friends and fellow pilots.
Trowa and Heero reached the car at the same time and as Trowa fumbled for the keys Heero tackled him and tried to pry the keys out of his pinned down hand while trying to restrain the flailing limbs.
"Give me the keys!"
"No!"
Wufei and Quatre stared at the image of the two boys wrestling each other for the bits of shiny, jagged metal.
"$10 on Yuy."
"You're on."
Duo finally caught up and watched the fighting continue.
"I didn't know Trowa could bend that way." He commented tilting his head to the right.
"I did." Quatre commented to himself.
"Too much info." Wufei commented mildly.
"Trowa! I'm the leader! Give me the keys!"
"Says who?"
"One comes before three."
"Three is bigger then one." Duo sniggered at the double meaning.
"Trowa, usually you are the most rational out of all the others," The three spectators narrowed eyes, crossed arms and muttered. "So I hope you take this rationally." And with the final comment Heero bit Trowa's pinned down hand and scooped up the keys. He was about to put the top up when there was a loud rumbling coming from the castle-like house.
Quatre grinned wide and turned to Wufei. "You owe me ten big ones!"
"I can't believe you bet against your own boyfriend." Wufei sighed, shaking his head while fishing around in his pockets for the money.
Quatre's response was cut short by a wailing cry.
"Yeeha!" Crowed a figure brandishing a croquet mallet as he blasted out of the front door in a golf cart painted like a monster truck.
Four more came speeding from around the sides of the house and one even came out of a large first floor window waving and swinging a toilet plunger. The others each had a hook on a pole, a curling broom, a coat rack missing half the arms or a butterfly net.
They were careful to avoid hitting the gnomes, flamingos and other lawn decorations but other then that they were rather reckless.
J and H nearly crashed into one another, S almost ran over Wufei, O did so many pop-a-wheelies that all of the rubber of one of the tiers burnt away and sparks kept igniting from the stones he'd run over with his hubcap and G almost drove off the cliff path. . .twice.
Trowa and Heero had just enough time to dive into the car before the Scientists grabbed their pupils with the various objects they had.
Wufei was glad once more for his lightweight because when you're doing sixty-five in a golf cart and the only thing that is keeping you up is a toilet plunger's suction you better be glad your weight is the exact of a jar of peanut butter weighing 46kg.
The two remaining Scientists tied some cables to the car and towed it to their lair. Trowa and Heero were senselessly beating each other up once more.
The pilots, or those who weren't busy landing and ducking punches or praying for a petit figure for the rest of their life, or simply Duo and Quatre, watched as the golf carts went speeding down a ramp and right at a wall. They tried to wrench the wheel out of the older men's hands and failed for they had turned off the carts yet they were still going down the ramp at about forty-five kilometers an hour.
"Oh Betty Crocker on a sailboat!" Duo said eyes going wide as he clung on for dear life to the hooked pole.
"Please Sirs. We're going to crash!" Quatre cried as politely as possible from his seat in a butterfly net.
The Scientists just laughed and laughed and laughed.
Finally about a meter away from the wall the Scientists slammed on the breaks, but do to the snow they just began to skid and swerve.
Meanwhile in the car, Heero and Trowa were being carelessly tossed around while the two Scientists towing them started to play a bumper cars while swinging the wheel and ramming the side of the cart into the other's cart.
Just as Duo thought he was about to pass out or throw up from terror he saw the brick of the wall just centimeters from his face. He shut his eyes and waited for the bone shattering, organ-rupturing, skin shredding impact. Well when he finally opened his eyes he looked like a bloody, nasty, oozing corpse in the sense that he had two arms and legs not that he was bloody or oozing or nasty, well not on the outside. He wasn't even dead.
"Come along." G said as he scuttled into the next room followed by S and Wufei.
"Quatre? Why am I alive?"
"Well your mother and father loved each other very much and they-"
"No! I mean how come we aren't dead? I mean the wall and the carts and the driving and the crashing and the explosions and the screaming."
"It seems the wall was a hologram." Quatre said and to demonstrate he stuck his hand right through so that only a stump of his forearm could be seen on their side of the holographic wall. Seconds after he pulled it back in and took a step towards where G had gone the two remaining carts and the convertible came through right where he'd been standing.
Quatre gave a nervous chuckle before leaning back against the wall, which of course wasn't a wall meaning he fell straight through.
Duo began laughing so hard that he had to brace himself on his knees. And even then he kept wheezing and snorting.
"Shut up Duo." Quatre said as he hauled himself back in. Or he would have hauled himself back in if he hadn't slipped on some ice that had formed to quickly in Quatre's opinion. But instead of getting in a vertical position where he could have hurt Duo, he rotated in a one hundred-eighty degree arch so that just his head was visible on Duo's side of the wall.
"Ow." He said quietly as he just stared up at the ceiling.
Duo began laughing harder and fell down backwards and just howled so hard he began to cry.
Heero and Trowa deciding getting blood on the car Wufei almost worshipped wouldn't be a smart move, made a truce. They stepped out of the car and walked over to where they heard Duo cackling like a mad man or their mentors as the case might be.
They looked around and noticed Quatre, eyes glazed over, not moving and missing everything but his head. Had it been Heero's head they could have believed he'd still be alive. So when they saw Quatre stir and say, "Can someone kill Duo for me?"
Wufei coming back to check on the other's shot up his hand and did a kind of dance while using a higher voice to squeal, "Pick me! Oh! Oh! Me! Please!"
Trowa fainted. Duo laughed harder. Wufei raised an eyebrow. Heero folded his arms and frowned. Quatre's head disappeared.
The full 156cm figure of Quatre walked through the wall slowly, careful not to slip on any ice.
"Oh my! What happened to Trowa?"
"It's always the quiet ones." Duo said shaking his head. "Can we go in now? I'm cold." The others all kind of looked at each other, shrugged, looked at Trowa and back at each other, shrugged again and then finally all walked to the door.
Trowa stood up and muttered something about never being able to get any respect and trotted after them.
"Finally! There are our favorite little protégés." J said as he got out of a high backed, burgundy chair that was seated in front of a fire. He leaned forward on a cane and peered at the five boys though his bottle-lensed glasses.
Just as he opened his mouth to make some probably secretly evil speech with hidden meaning in every sentence and witty yet morbid puns and figures of speech in every paragraph, just as he was about to make a speech that would probably haunt each of them in a later date, make them question every aspect of their life, Duo ran and sat down in the chair he had just left. As soon as J was about to continue Quatre bounded over and sat on the right arm. J gave the two a look as though sarcastically asking if he could continue. Quatre murmured a quiet apology and Duo shot him a cocky little smirk that was dripping with a silent 'We're waiting.' So the not-so-good- yet-good Doctor cleared his throat and tried do continue but Wufei had halted his undoubtedly brilliant talk on whatever he was about to talk about by walking over to the chair and jumping up to sit on the high back of the chair. J growled and once more tried to begin but Trowa had some how come to be sitting on the other arm on the chair. He waved his hands at Heero and the chair and Heero almost as though ordered walked over and squished in with Duo on the scarlet cushion.
"If there are not any more interruptions." J said looking peeved.
"Oh! Can I switch spots with you Duo?"
"Only if I can get Wufei's spot."
"Ow! Someone is poking me with their elbow."
"Crack up the fire!"
"I think my leg is falling asleep."
"Does it hurt if I do this?"
"Nope."
"Hey I found a nickel in the chair."
"Life is good eh?"
"Dude you said 'eh!'"
"Eh you said 'dude.'"
"No stop that tickles!"
"Would you four stop moving before I fall off?"
"We'll stop after you fall off."
"You will if I fall and kill you."
"Ow! Now it's hurting!"
"Good. Then your leg isn't hibernating."
"The fire! Hello? Turning it up?"
"Hey Wufei can I switch spots with you?"
"Watch the hands Barton."
"What happened to the nickel?"
"I can't believe you said 'Eh.'"
"I-"
"Okay that's it. O let them have it." J said throwing his hands up in the air.
O, from the shadows, walked briskly forward and placed a hand briefly on each of their collars and squeezing their pressure points like only a psycho or a true master or a true master psycho can. One by one they slumped forwards until they were all one big pile at the foot of the chair.
"Let's just hook them up to the Wiggity-Wiggity-Whack-Mac." G said as he hauled Duo out of the pile and tossed him over his shoulder.
"We aren't calling it that." S said.
"What do you want to call it?"
"N64 and a blender."
"How about N-60-Whack?"
"Deal."
"How did you two help me create the world's greatest machines?" J asked.
"Oh don't mind him. Someone is still mad he didn't get to make some grand lecture." H said.
"H. Do you remember that kid with the fork?"
H gulped and nodded.
"Read you loud and clear."