Each Scientist quickly attached their student to a helmet attached to the
newly christened 'N-60-Whack'.
"It's easier if they're unconscious." O said as he adjusted the helmet around Wufei's head.
"And quieter." S commented before he tucked his hands into his sleeves and began to continue his secret notes on the process. (A form of which you are reading right now. How I came by these notes is irrelevant and too horrible to ever tell anyone but my therapist.)
"Plug it in! Plug it in!" H cried as he gripped his transparent blue controller.
J flicked the switched and settled in beside his fellow carriers of the Super-Genius-With-An-Interest-In-Torturing-Their-Adolecent-Students-Or-Just- Making-Their-Lives-A-Little-Harder Cards, who all were transfixed by the big screen television.
They all gave a little "Ohhhh" and "Ahhhh" when the Nintendo logo appeared. Once the legal mumbo-jumbo had trailed off of the screen they all waited in excitement to see if their latest break though was a success and to play the game of course.
Warriors, Wizards and Wyoming appeared on the block screen after another moment used to build suspense.
"Wyoming?" The Scientists all said as one in disbelief. Then they shrugged and went back into their 'ready-for-anything' sitting stance.
Far, far away from Wyoming or Earth for that matter or where ever Star Wars took place there was a realm. This land was made up of every race of people. Everyone worked together happily and there was peace and prosperity. Infomercials never lasted more then five seconds and Richard Simmons didn't live there. Everyone was joyful. But, you see there was a man who wasn't happy. He grew annoyed with Girl Scouts and experimented on them, turning them into evil creatures.well eviler creatures. But he died in a freak car battery licking contest.oh don't worry he had no chance of winning.
The Scientists breathed sighs of relief and continued to read.
Now his brother Marcel took over for him but opened a lovely floral arrangement shop on Grove Street. But his mailman soon grew tired of this infernal 'By snow, sleet, rain, shine' motto and him and his connections with the milkman, muffin man and ice cream man led him to own a multibillion E-mail company and the entire rule over the world. Later he settled down with a nice door-to-door make up sales consultant, as she preferred to be called and had me! Now on to the real story.
One day the Gods of a world much like this one but with much better homeless rates and a greater understanding of the game of water polo came together and decided to have an Air Hockey tournament. But their golden puck of power was locked away in a large mansion filled with booby traps, monsters and other not-so-pleasant-things because when you need to find a storage area after spring-cleaning you'll take anything. They came together and got.
J, being the first player shifted the arrow down to the 5 on the option box and pressed A.
.5 of the world's greatest beings together. These beings were.
Five boxes appeared with a row of characters. After checking stats, changing colors and names they all made their decisions. .J the Ultimate Cyborg (Player 1), G the Demon Ghoul (Player 2), S the Viking Knight (Player 3), H the Creepy Mage (Player 4) and O the Brutal General (Player 5). These chosen ones were brought to the mansion of horrors and began their quest. But another group of Gods, these ones were smaller in size but not power, felt they needed a game of Frisbee to take their mind off of the grievances that come with being a God and happened to share storage space with the first group of Gods. And this group also sent out a group of 5 individuals.
A box came up and asked: Would you like to have your opponents randomly chosen? J selected No and the five looked through their choices and once they finally found exactly what they wanted. Five blue A Buttons were pressed and five evil laughs were shared.
Meanwhile the five boys looked around them. They were in front of a big mansion that seemed to be almost bursting at the seams with junk. They also each noticed they couldn't talk and that they recognized none of the other people they were with or so they thought.
The first thing Heero tried to do was take a step forward but he found he could do nothing but keep his hands on his hips and slightly turn his head back and forth. He couldn't even blink until his head was fifty degrees to the right and even then it wasn't by choice. And his vision stopped just short of where he could see whoever was beside him, he hoped they weren't the ones who were giggling.
Duo's first move was to try to turn his head and say something to one of the people beside him but soon found all he could do was stand there holding his elbows looking straight ahead. He couldn't even sigh in frustration. Something kept tickling the back of his knee and he was growing aggravated with the giggling.
Trowa stood in the complete silence he was familiar with and was perfectly calm until he felt something brush against his calf. When he went to move his head he found all he could do was have his hands by he sides and feel whatever it was hit his leg every few minutes. And why was some one giggling?
Quatre stood trying to figure out what had happened. Something wasn't right. Nothing usually looked like this. He tried to ask one of the figures beside him if they knew where he was but found all he could do was stand. And every few seconds he'd begin to giggle.
Wufei felt dazed when he seemed to come out of his trance or whatever he was in. He had his arms crossed but felt that there was something wasn't normal. He felt like he'd just gone through an out of body experience. And to make matters worse someone beside him kept giggling.
The Scientists finally stopped laughing long enough to read the final messages:
You must get the puck before the other group. Be careful and good luck!
The five boys saw a group of huge and very intimidating men run past and enter the castle before they could move. Between the time from the men running past them and the men actually entering the castle they were each given the image of a golden discus and a quick brief on what they had to do. As soon as the men entered the castle they all were able to move.
Duo turned first to his right first and saw a man with two triangle ears poked out on the top of his head one with a silver hoop in it. He wore nothing but an animal skin loincloth and carried a spear by his side. His hands had long yellow nails that appeared to be more like claws. His wrists and ankles seemed to have little circles of ginger fur surrounding them. The individual wore some flimsy looking tan sandals. He glanced up to come eye to eye with two slits of eyes. Only they were slit vertically instead of the normal horizontal. He glanced behind the individual to see an orange tail flicking back and forth. He opened his mouth probably to beg the figure not to kill him when the cat man grew pale and took a step back. Duo stopped fearing this man then and there.
Trowa turned to his left to see a man shorter then himself. The boy was extremely pale and bald. His creamy smooth skin looked eerie. He was wearing all grey with gold buttons and had a black cloak around his shoulders. The person flicked his eyes all over Trowa in a quick analysis looked behind him and then opened his mouth and Trowa automatically figured out what he was. Four extremely large, white pointed canine teeth filled his vision and Trowa's mind was screaming at him: Vampire!
Wufei finally glad to have the chance to turn and strangle the beast of burden that kept giggling turned to his left and looked; there was nothing there. He looked back and forth and finally down and came face to face with what seemed a little child. They were wearing a little light purple tunic with brown leather cord sewn, as X's to tighten it by the throat. The boy also had a light purple headband of cloth tied around his head with strange black writing on it. He had blue hair in the shape of an ice cream cone swirl look and rosy red cheeks that almost looked painted on. The boy had some brown boots on and no pants. His pointed ears let Wufei figure out what he was; an elf.
Quatre couldn't figure it out. Sure most people were taller then him but not usually by this much. When those five huge men had run by he'd almost peed his pants because he thought there was an earthquake. Even the woman to his right was taller then his by quite an extent. She wore a white robe- dress with large slits going almost up to her hips and sleeves going to her elbows. She also had pants and white pointed boots. Her black hair was put up into two buns on the size of her head with little white ribbons. It looked like a cross between Une and Sailor Moon but very nice. She had a sword in a while holster on her back.
Heero briefly looked over the cat man and vampire switch places from the hunter to the hunted and decided to take this bull by the horns. He walked in front of the group and glanced at the little child and the woman who seemed to be giving each other a critical eye. He cleared his throat and watched as four pairs of eyes snapped forward and then give him a quick once over and all look doubtful, even the child and the woman.
"We have to beat that other group to that gold disc. And when we do there will be great risk."
"No kidding!" The vampire said.
"Who said you were the leader?" The woman in white asked crossing her arms over her chest.
Heero momentarily thought about his answer. "Where I'm from I piloted a great machine. All my enemies received quite a lashing."
"So did I." The woman said shifting all her weight onto only and put her hand on her hip.
"I did also." The little boy in indigo said. The other four laughed.
"Man I would have crushed you flat in my suit." The vampire said starring down at the little boy.
"Mine was made out of the greatest metal known to man. Any one who challenged me ran." Heero countered.
"Same." The feline man said as he looked at his claws that didn't just grow on the top of his fingers but from right out of the tip of them.
Heero, not even stopping to think about the similarities between the five of them and quickly said, "I was one of the most wanted criminals on and off the planet. And this rhyming is getting annoying I wish I could can it."
The others looked unimpressed.
"Been there, done that." The woman on the end said.
"Well my name means two and first the worst, second the best, third the one with the hairy chest, fourth the king, fifth the queen, sixth is the one in a washing machine."
"I'm not the worst!" Heero cried rather childishly. "If I felt like it my lips would be pursed."
"I do not have a hairy chest.well not usually." Trowa muttered looking down at himself.
"I don't recall being a king." Quatre said looking confused.
"I'm not woman." Wufei growled.
The other four looked at him and took a step back.
"I've never seen that good a drag queen."
"Not even on Jerry Springer."
"Especially not on Jerry Springer."
"I'm not a drag queen!" Wufei snapped.
"Well then what do you call yourself?"
"Female impersonator?"
"Transvestite?"
"Claudette?"
"I'm not a woman!" Wufei yelled throwing her hands behind her and stamping her foot.
"Then explain those." Duo said pointing at Wufei's chest. Wufei looked down and saw two C cups.
"I'm a woman?" He asked meekly.
"Looks that way." The cat man said.
"You have a sword." The elf said brightly.
She reached behind her and pulled out the long blade. After a quick examination she nodded.
"This will do nicely." After a moment's thought and a glance over her companions her eyes rested on Trowa and she simply said, "You can kill me." She tossed him her blade but it seemed to pause in midair and come back to her.
"That was weird." Heero commented. "Maybe soon she'll grow a beard!" The others nodded.
"Okay you do it." She said handing the blade to the vampire. He held out a hand to take the blade but the woman's hand jerked back and smashed right into the elf's face.
"Oh Allah! My nose." He cried holding his face.
Once more no one noticed that Quatre had mentioned something from Earth, like when they'd been talking about Jerry Springer or their Gundams.
"Well I can't do it myself! That's a coward's way out. I'll get one of those men who ran past to do it."
"Looks like your stuck with us." Duo said pinching her butt.
Once Duo was smacked and Quatre realized his nose wasn't bleeding, most likely due to elf magic, the conversation restarted.
"Well why should we listen to a bard?" Quatre asked crossing his arms.
"A bard? Believing that is rather hard." Heero said. In truth he was he was a robust figure. He had a red cap on his head with a large purple feather His clothes were also red and he had a traveling cloak on and worn, dirt covered boots. He had a pan flute in a pouch on his hip and a small harp case on his back. His hear was blond and he had a face that seemed to always be smiling. He would have been disgusted with himself.
"Y'know traveling poet, song writer, interment player?"
"I know what it is. And I am not one. And whoever disagrees will be met with a shot gun."
"We are not having this conversation again." Duo said.
"You're lucky it's overcast cue ball."
"Cue ball?" Duo said just before he put a hand to the top of his head and shrieked like a little girl.
"Oh go cough up a fur ball!"
"Please! Everyone! Fighting won't help us!" Quatre cried out in a high- pitched shriek. "Now let's be civilized! My name is Quatre Raberba Winner."
"Quatre?" They all asked as one, blinking.
"I know it's a rather peculiar name."
"Why do you look like that?"
"Well you see, my mommy and daddy loved each other very much and-" Quatre said.
"No I meant.oh for crying out loud! Hi I'm Trowa Barton."
"Trowa? But your half cat." Quatre said tilting his head to the side.
"And you're an elf. We'll start a freak show." Wufei said with a mock wave. "It's Wufei."
"I pinched Wufei's butt! Oh God! Burn off my hand." Duo said.
"Why did you pinch his butt? For that you will sleep in a hut!" Heero demanded glaring at his lover.
"Just being friendly?" Duo suggested hopefully sort of.
Heero briefly exchanged a look with Wufei who then smacked Duo again.
"Come on let's go after those gods of man meat." After a moments pause Wufei let out a frustrated snarl. "Great whoever's body I'm in also has raging female hormones."
The five, having nothing better to do and finding there was an invisible wall behind them walked up to the mansion.
"Trowa you pedophile." Duo said giving him a shocked look and causing everyone to stop walking and look at Trowa.
"What?" Trowa said taken back.
"Quatre is only like what eight? Jeez take your perverted eyes away from him." And with that final comment Duo grabbed Quatre's wrist and tugged him along.
"I wonder if he's wearing any underwear." Wufei wondered out loud.
"That's what I was trying to figure out." Towa said quietly before Wufei giggled and Heero just gave him an up and down once over before the two sped up their walking and were soon running after Duo and Quatre. Trowa threw his arms up in the air and followed.
The all reached the door at approximately the same time and stared up at its towering size.
"How do we get in?" Quatre asked looking around.
"Spread out and search." Heero commanded. "I wonder if that tree is an elm or a birch."
"What would people think? A vampire listening to a bard?" Duo muttered as he checked under the large 'Hi! I'm Mat!' doormat. "And one who has terrible rhymes."
Trowa stealthy, after a suggestion from Wufei climbed up the wooden door and checked all around its perimeter for a doorbell or handle or something.
Wufei checked on the bushes on the right while Heero checked those on the left.
Quatre reached forward and ripped the handle in front of him and pulled a smaller, door open. When nobody noticed he cleared his throat and said, "Guys?"
"Not now Quatre. I wish there was a word called Smatra."
"But-"
"You heard the man. Give us a moment."
"Fine. I'll see you inside." And when he closed the door they all turned around to see the door click back into place.
"Quatre? Quatre! Let us in! Quatre! You better open this door of your little blue haired, pointed-eared butt will be black and blue." They all cried as they kicked and slammed fists against the door. Quatre had to ram the small door to get it to stay open after all the pounding the boys had been doing while he tried to open it the first time. In the process he knocked Heero down.
Just as Trowa crouched down to crawl in the door Duo interrupted. "I'm not going in there defenseless."
"Duo you're a vampire. I'm sure you have some kind of power." Wufei said.
"Oh.right.well good luck Quatre. I'll miss you."
Quatre thought it over really he was in trouble he was smaller then the rest with nothing he could use, in a last minute scramble he searched himself and came up with a bag of pouches that was somewhere down his tunic.
"Huh.wonder what this is?" He pulled one out and looked in. There was a powder. He sniffed it and it sort of made his nose tingle.
"Great! I'm a drug dealing elf." Quatre said as he put the bag back into his tunic.
"Good idea we all better check to see if we're carrying anything useful." Wufei commented.
"I'm leader." Heero growled but he agreed and everyone complied. "No one heed her!"
No one listened to his rhymes. They were mostly useless.
Heero had his pan flute, his harp, ink, paper and a quill he also had very little money.
Trowa had no where to put anything seeing as he was just wearing a little loincloth and a little necklace with a pointed tooth on it.
Duo also found nothing but he did find he was wearing a lot of layers of clothing. Besides the cloak, and his grey shirt and pants he has a white dress shirt, a grey vest, a tight-fitting white shirt that was almost like a girdle and grey suspenders and a white undershirt.
"How can you not be warm?" Wufei asked.
"Do vampires feel coolness and warmth?" Quatre asked from where he was sitting on the ground shaking out his boots.
"I dunno." Duo said flashing a grin at an irritable Trowa who was sitting on a wide railing that was on either side of the doorway and was casually grooming the underside of his arm much like a cat would. He glared at the vampire because the boy was standing between Quatre and him and in the position Quatre was in he'd be able to answer the underwear question. And his cat half taking over he felt it was Duo's responsibility to move.
Duo putting on a saucy grin reached out and patted Trowa on the head.
"Good kitty."
Faster then Duo could blink Trowa was on his haunches hissing and spitting.
Duo bared his fangs and hissed back. But it had more of a predator's growl.
Trowa swiped at his face and landed three red lines on his pale cheek. Before Duo pounced on him the cut was healed.
"Trowa is getting in a lot of fights today huh?" Wufei said casually to Quatre.
"My money is on Heero." Quatre said as the bard approached the fight.
"I don't know I think the two of them could take him in bard form."
"Your on."
"$10?"
"Naturally."
They watched as Heero reached into the bushes and ripped out a chunk of a plant then held it above the two figures. Trowa immediately let go of Duo and followed Heero as the bard slowly backed away dangling the plant in front of Trowa. He slowly crawled into the mansion constantly keeping the bunch of leaves in Trowa's vision. Once everyone was in Heero tossed the plant out and closed the small door.
"What was that?" Quatre asked as everyone looked around the dark room and didn't see much.
"Catnip. Now shut up before I give you a fat lip."
"Yuy! Stop that bloody rhyming."
"I wish I could. Lets all pray and knock on wood."
It was true usually his first remark sounded much like him then a cheery voice would take over and come up with the next boring comment. Much like Wufei, it seemed Heero was sharing the body with another presence, probably the body's original owner. In fact they all seemed to be in the same predicament. Quatre kept giggling, he swore the natural owner of the body was probably high on some of the powder in the bag right before Quatre took over. Duo kept thinking about just leaning over and biting Quatre. Like anyone would miss him, he was too tiny. And Trowa just couldn't shake the image of a ball of yarn.
"It's easier if they're unconscious." O said as he adjusted the helmet around Wufei's head.
"And quieter." S commented before he tucked his hands into his sleeves and began to continue his secret notes on the process. (A form of which you are reading right now. How I came by these notes is irrelevant and too horrible to ever tell anyone but my therapist.)
"Plug it in! Plug it in!" H cried as he gripped his transparent blue controller.
J flicked the switched and settled in beside his fellow carriers of the Super-Genius-With-An-Interest-In-Torturing-Their-Adolecent-Students-Or-Just- Making-Their-Lives-A-Little-Harder Cards, who all were transfixed by the big screen television.
They all gave a little "Ohhhh" and "Ahhhh" when the Nintendo logo appeared. Once the legal mumbo-jumbo had trailed off of the screen they all waited in excitement to see if their latest break though was a success and to play the game of course.
Warriors, Wizards and Wyoming appeared on the block screen after another moment used to build suspense.
"Wyoming?" The Scientists all said as one in disbelief. Then they shrugged and went back into their 'ready-for-anything' sitting stance.
Far, far away from Wyoming or Earth for that matter or where ever Star Wars took place there was a realm. This land was made up of every race of people. Everyone worked together happily and there was peace and prosperity. Infomercials never lasted more then five seconds and Richard Simmons didn't live there. Everyone was joyful. But, you see there was a man who wasn't happy. He grew annoyed with Girl Scouts and experimented on them, turning them into evil creatures.well eviler creatures. But he died in a freak car battery licking contest.oh don't worry he had no chance of winning.
The Scientists breathed sighs of relief and continued to read.
Now his brother Marcel took over for him but opened a lovely floral arrangement shop on Grove Street. But his mailman soon grew tired of this infernal 'By snow, sleet, rain, shine' motto and him and his connections with the milkman, muffin man and ice cream man led him to own a multibillion E-mail company and the entire rule over the world. Later he settled down with a nice door-to-door make up sales consultant, as she preferred to be called and had me! Now on to the real story.
One day the Gods of a world much like this one but with much better homeless rates and a greater understanding of the game of water polo came together and decided to have an Air Hockey tournament. But their golden puck of power was locked away in a large mansion filled with booby traps, monsters and other not-so-pleasant-things because when you need to find a storage area after spring-cleaning you'll take anything. They came together and got.
J, being the first player shifted the arrow down to the 5 on the option box and pressed A.
.5 of the world's greatest beings together. These beings were.
Five boxes appeared with a row of characters. After checking stats, changing colors and names they all made their decisions. .J the Ultimate Cyborg (Player 1), G the Demon Ghoul (Player 2), S the Viking Knight (Player 3), H the Creepy Mage (Player 4) and O the Brutal General (Player 5). These chosen ones were brought to the mansion of horrors and began their quest. But another group of Gods, these ones were smaller in size but not power, felt they needed a game of Frisbee to take their mind off of the grievances that come with being a God and happened to share storage space with the first group of Gods. And this group also sent out a group of 5 individuals.
A box came up and asked: Would you like to have your opponents randomly chosen? J selected No and the five looked through their choices and once they finally found exactly what they wanted. Five blue A Buttons were pressed and five evil laughs were shared.
Meanwhile the five boys looked around them. They were in front of a big mansion that seemed to be almost bursting at the seams with junk. They also each noticed they couldn't talk and that they recognized none of the other people they were with or so they thought.
The first thing Heero tried to do was take a step forward but he found he could do nothing but keep his hands on his hips and slightly turn his head back and forth. He couldn't even blink until his head was fifty degrees to the right and even then it wasn't by choice. And his vision stopped just short of where he could see whoever was beside him, he hoped they weren't the ones who were giggling.
Duo's first move was to try to turn his head and say something to one of the people beside him but soon found all he could do was stand there holding his elbows looking straight ahead. He couldn't even sigh in frustration. Something kept tickling the back of his knee and he was growing aggravated with the giggling.
Trowa stood in the complete silence he was familiar with and was perfectly calm until he felt something brush against his calf. When he went to move his head he found all he could do was have his hands by he sides and feel whatever it was hit his leg every few minutes. And why was some one giggling?
Quatre stood trying to figure out what had happened. Something wasn't right. Nothing usually looked like this. He tried to ask one of the figures beside him if they knew where he was but found all he could do was stand. And every few seconds he'd begin to giggle.
Wufei felt dazed when he seemed to come out of his trance or whatever he was in. He had his arms crossed but felt that there was something wasn't normal. He felt like he'd just gone through an out of body experience. And to make matters worse someone beside him kept giggling.
The Scientists finally stopped laughing long enough to read the final messages:
You must get the puck before the other group. Be careful and good luck!
The five boys saw a group of huge and very intimidating men run past and enter the castle before they could move. Between the time from the men running past them and the men actually entering the castle they were each given the image of a golden discus and a quick brief on what they had to do. As soon as the men entered the castle they all were able to move.
Duo turned first to his right first and saw a man with two triangle ears poked out on the top of his head one with a silver hoop in it. He wore nothing but an animal skin loincloth and carried a spear by his side. His hands had long yellow nails that appeared to be more like claws. His wrists and ankles seemed to have little circles of ginger fur surrounding them. The individual wore some flimsy looking tan sandals. He glanced up to come eye to eye with two slits of eyes. Only they were slit vertically instead of the normal horizontal. He glanced behind the individual to see an orange tail flicking back and forth. He opened his mouth probably to beg the figure not to kill him when the cat man grew pale and took a step back. Duo stopped fearing this man then and there.
Trowa turned to his left to see a man shorter then himself. The boy was extremely pale and bald. His creamy smooth skin looked eerie. He was wearing all grey with gold buttons and had a black cloak around his shoulders. The person flicked his eyes all over Trowa in a quick analysis looked behind him and then opened his mouth and Trowa automatically figured out what he was. Four extremely large, white pointed canine teeth filled his vision and Trowa's mind was screaming at him: Vampire!
Wufei finally glad to have the chance to turn and strangle the beast of burden that kept giggling turned to his left and looked; there was nothing there. He looked back and forth and finally down and came face to face with what seemed a little child. They were wearing a little light purple tunic with brown leather cord sewn, as X's to tighten it by the throat. The boy also had a light purple headband of cloth tied around his head with strange black writing on it. He had blue hair in the shape of an ice cream cone swirl look and rosy red cheeks that almost looked painted on. The boy had some brown boots on and no pants. His pointed ears let Wufei figure out what he was; an elf.
Quatre couldn't figure it out. Sure most people were taller then him but not usually by this much. When those five huge men had run by he'd almost peed his pants because he thought there was an earthquake. Even the woman to his right was taller then his by quite an extent. She wore a white robe- dress with large slits going almost up to her hips and sleeves going to her elbows. She also had pants and white pointed boots. Her black hair was put up into two buns on the size of her head with little white ribbons. It looked like a cross between Une and Sailor Moon but very nice. She had a sword in a while holster on her back.
Heero briefly looked over the cat man and vampire switch places from the hunter to the hunted and decided to take this bull by the horns. He walked in front of the group and glanced at the little child and the woman who seemed to be giving each other a critical eye. He cleared his throat and watched as four pairs of eyes snapped forward and then give him a quick once over and all look doubtful, even the child and the woman.
"We have to beat that other group to that gold disc. And when we do there will be great risk."
"No kidding!" The vampire said.
"Who said you were the leader?" The woman in white asked crossing her arms over her chest.
Heero momentarily thought about his answer. "Where I'm from I piloted a great machine. All my enemies received quite a lashing."
"So did I." The woman said shifting all her weight onto only and put her hand on her hip.
"I did also." The little boy in indigo said. The other four laughed.
"Man I would have crushed you flat in my suit." The vampire said starring down at the little boy.
"Mine was made out of the greatest metal known to man. Any one who challenged me ran." Heero countered.
"Same." The feline man said as he looked at his claws that didn't just grow on the top of his fingers but from right out of the tip of them.
Heero, not even stopping to think about the similarities between the five of them and quickly said, "I was one of the most wanted criminals on and off the planet. And this rhyming is getting annoying I wish I could can it."
The others looked unimpressed.
"Been there, done that." The woman on the end said.
"Well my name means two and first the worst, second the best, third the one with the hairy chest, fourth the king, fifth the queen, sixth is the one in a washing machine."
"I'm not the worst!" Heero cried rather childishly. "If I felt like it my lips would be pursed."
"I do not have a hairy chest.well not usually." Trowa muttered looking down at himself.
"I don't recall being a king." Quatre said looking confused.
"I'm not woman." Wufei growled.
The other four looked at him and took a step back.
"I've never seen that good a drag queen."
"Not even on Jerry Springer."
"Especially not on Jerry Springer."
"I'm not a drag queen!" Wufei snapped.
"Well then what do you call yourself?"
"Female impersonator?"
"Transvestite?"
"Claudette?"
"I'm not a woman!" Wufei yelled throwing her hands behind her and stamping her foot.
"Then explain those." Duo said pointing at Wufei's chest. Wufei looked down and saw two C cups.
"I'm a woman?" He asked meekly.
"Looks that way." The cat man said.
"You have a sword." The elf said brightly.
She reached behind her and pulled out the long blade. After a quick examination she nodded.
"This will do nicely." After a moment's thought and a glance over her companions her eyes rested on Trowa and she simply said, "You can kill me." She tossed him her blade but it seemed to pause in midair and come back to her.
"That was weird." Heero commented. "Maybe soon she'll grow a beard!" The others nodded.
"Okay you do it." She said handing the blade to the vampire. He held out a hand to take the blade but the woman's hand jerked back and smashed right into the elf's face.
"Oh Allah! My nose." He cried holding his face.
Once more no one noticed that Quatre had mentioned something from Earth, like when they'd been talking about Jerry Springer or their Gundams.
"Well I can't do it myself! That's a coward's way out. I'll get one of those men who ran past to do it."
"Looks like your stuck with us." Duo said pinching her butt.
Once Duo was smacked and Quatre realized his nose wasn't bleeding, most likely due to elf magic, the conversation restarted.
"Well why should we listen to a bard?" Quatre asked crossing his arms.
"A bard? Believing that is rather hard." Heero said. In truth he was he was a robust figure. He had a red cap on his head with a large purple feather His clothes were also red and he had a traveling cloak on and worn, dirt covered boots. He had a pan flute in a pouch on his hip and a small harp case on his back. His hear was blond and he had a face that seemed to always be smiling. He would have been disgusted with himself.
"Y'know traveling poet, song writer, interment player?"
"I know what it is. And I am not one. And whoever disagrees will be met with a shot gun."
"We are not having this conversation again." Duo said.
"You're lucky it's overcast cue ball."
"Cue ball?" Duo said just before he put a hand to the top of his head and shrieked like a little girl.
"Oh go cough up a fur ball!"
"Please! Everyone! Fighting won't help us!" Quatre cried out in a high- pitched shriek. "Now let's be civilized! My name is Quatre Raberba Winner."
"Quatre?" They all asked as one, blinking.
"I know it's a rather peculiar name."
"Why do you look like that?"
"Well you see, my mommy and daddy loved each other very much and-" Quatre said.
"No I meant.oh for crying out loud! Hi I'm Trowa Barton."
"Trowa? But your half cat." Quatre said tilting his head to the side.
"And you're an elf. We'll start a freak show." Wufei said with a mock wave. "It's Wufei."
"I pinched Wufei's butt! Oh God! Burn off my hand." Duo said.
"Why did you pinch his butt? For that you will sleep in a hut!" Heero demanded glaring at his lover.
"Just being friendly?" Duo suggested hopefully sort of.
Heero briefly exchanged a look with Wufei who then smacked Duo again.
"Come on let's go after those gods of man meat." After a moments pause Wufei let out a frustrated snarl. "Great whoever's body I'm in also has raging female hormones."
The five, having nothing better to do and finding there was an invisible wall behind them walked up to the mansion.
"Trowa you pedophile." Duo said giving him a shocked look and causing everyone to stop walking and look at Trowa.
"What?" Trowa said taken back.
"Quatre is only like what eight? Jeez take your perverted eyes away from him." And with that final comment Duo grabbed Quatre's wrist and tugged him along.
"I wonder if he's wearing any underwear." Wufei wondered out loud.
"That's what I was trying to figure out." Towa said quietly before Wufei giggled and Heero just gave him an up and down once over before the two sped up their walking and were soon running after Duo and Quatre. Trowa threw his arms up in the air and followed.
The all reached the door at approximately the same time and stared up at its towering size.
"How do we get in?" Quatre asked looking around.
"Spread out and search." Heero commanded. "I wonder if that tree is an elm or a birch."
"What would people think? A vampire listening to a bard?" Duo muttered as he checked under the large 'Hi! I'm Mat!' doormat. "And one who has terrible rhymes."
Trowa stealthy, after a suggestion from Wufei climbed up the wooden door and checked all around its perimeter for a doorbell or handle or something.
Wufei checked on the bushes on the right while Heero checked those on the left.
Quatre reached forward and ripped the handle in front of him and pulled a smaller, door open. When nobody noticed he cleared his throat and said, "Guys?"
"Not now Quatre. I wish there was a word called Smatra."
"But-"
"You heard the man. Give us a moment."
"Fine. I'll see you inside." And when he closed the door they all turned around to see the door click back into place.
"Quatre? Quatre! Let us in! Quatre! You better open this door of your little blue haired, pointed-eared butt will be black and blue." They all cried as they kicked and slammed fists against the door. Quatre had to ram the small door to get it to stay open after all the pounding the boys had been doing while he tried to open it the first time. In the process he knocked Heero down.
Just as Trowa crouched down to crawl in the door Duo interrupted. "I'm not going in there defenseless."
"Duo you're a vampire. I'm sure you have some kind of power." Wufei said.
"Oh.right.well good luck Quatre. I'll miss you."
Quatre thought it over really he was in trouble he was smaller then the rest with nothing he could use, in a last minute scramble he searched himself and came up with a bag of pouches that was somewhere down his tunic.
"Huh.wonder what this is?" He pulled one out and looked in. There was a powder. He sniffed it and it sort of made his nose tingle.
"Great! I'm a drug dealing elf." Quatre said as he put the bag back into his tunic.
"Good idea we all better check to see if we're carrying anything useful." Wufei commented.
"I'm leader." Heero growled but he agreed and everyone complied. "No one heed her!"
No one listened to his rhymes. They were mostly useless.
Heero had his pan flute, his harp, ink, paper and a quill he also had very little money.
Trowa had no where to put anything seeing as he was just wearing a little loincloth and a little necklace with a pointed tooth on it.
Duo also found nothing but he did find he was wearing a lot of layers of clothing. Besides the cloak, and his grey shirt and pants he has a white dress shirt, a grey vest, a tight-fitting white shirt that was almost like a girdle and grey suspenders and a white undershirt.
"How can you not be warm?" Wufei asked.
"Do vampires feel coolness and warmth?" Quatre asked from where he was sitting on the ground shaking out his boots.
"I dunno." Duo said flashing a grin at an irritable Trowa who was sitting on a wide railing that was on either side of the doorway and was casually grooming the underside of his arm much like a cat would. He glared at the vampire because the boy was standing between Quatre and him and in the position Quatre was in he'd be able to answer the underwear question. And his cat half taking over he felt it was Duo's responsibility to move.
Duo putting on a saucy grin reached out and patted Trowa on the head.
"Good kitty."
Faster then Duo could blink Trowa was on his haunches hissing and spitting.
Duo bared his fangs and hissed back. But it had more of a predator's growl.
Trowa swiped at his face and landed three red lines on his pale cheek. Before Duo pounced on him the cut was healed.
"Trowa is getting in a lot of fights today huh?" Wufei said casually to Quatre.
"My money is on Heero." Quatre said as the bard approached the fight.
"I don't know I think the two of them could take him in bard form."
"Your on."
"$10?"
"Naturally."
They watched as Heero reached into the bushes and ripped out a chunk of a plant then held it above the two figures. Trowa immediately let go of Duo and followed Heero as the bard slowly backed away dangling the plant in front of Trowa. He slowly crawled into the mansion constantly keeping the bunch of leaves in Trowa's vision. Once everyone was in Heero tossed the plant out and closed the small door.
"What was that?" Quatre asked as everyone looked around the dark room and didn't see much.
"Catnip. Now shut up before I give you a fat lip."
"Yuy! Stop that bloody rhyming."
"I wish I could. Lets all pray and knock on wood."
It was true usually his first remark sounded much like him then a cheery voice would take over and come up with the next boring comment. Much like Wufei, it seemed Heero was sharing the body with another presence, probably the body's original owner. In fact they all seemed to be in the same predicament. Quatre kept giggling, he swore the natural owner of the body was probably high on some of the powder in the bag right before Quatre took over. Duo kept thinking about just leaning over and biting Quatre. Like anyone would miss him, he was too tiny. And Trowa just couldn't shake the image of a ball of yarn.