Chapter 2: Shattered Hopes
"We've been on the ship for a few moons now."
"Has it been that long!"
"Yes time passes differently here, Samwise."
"Like Lorien?"
Cirdan laughed, "Yes, little one."
"Well, how long?"
"You are impatient aren't you. Perhaps another two moons. It will pass quickly, Master Gamgee, I assure you."
Sam sighed, "Not quick enough."
"What troubles you. Don't you love the sea?"
"Oh yes I do, make no mistake. But- I've waited so long. I believe if I wait any longer I would surely burst. I must see him again. Have you- have you seen him, Cirdan?"
Cirdan got that worried look in his eyes again, "Yes, Master Gamgee, I've seen him. I've gone for many a visit."
"How is he! Is he doing well!" Sam bounced up and down. Like an excited child.
"Calm down, little one, or you will burst. He is well. But- but Sam, I should-"
Sam stopped bouncing for a moment, "What? What's wrong?"
"Sam," Cirdan sighed, "I didn't want to tell you- but-"
Sam felt his heart tug. Something was amiss. And he thought this journey would be simple, like going on holiday. Fool. He thought to himself, how can anything be easy?
Cirdan guided Sam and sat him down, "He is well. I assure you no harm can come to him where he is. The elves are taking very good care of him, and Master Bilbo too."
"Then what is wrong?" Sam whimpered, feeling all his hopes come to a crashing halt.
Cirdan was silent. Both gazed out to the sea for a while. The sun was setting the sky burst into golden flame. The sunsets were always so beautiful out on sea. Water surrounded them, Sam thought it strange that he was not afraid. Somewhere out there was his new home, and his old friend. But what was wrong? How could things go so wrong, after they just started to go right?
"Cirdan?"
The elf sighed. Sam had never seen an elf so distressed before. What could be wrong? Surely if Frodo was well- how could anything be wrong?
Cirdan spoke at length, "These lands do strange things to one's mind. While he was able to heal from his wounds, and forget his pain."
"That is good," said Sam, "I was hoping so. I remember seeing him "ill" and it hurt so much to see that." Sam looked at Cirdan, tears began to blur his vision. "I prayed long nights that he would never feel the burden of the ring again or the sting of the sword. I cursed that wraith ever on after that."
"Do you still feel the burden of the ring, Samwise?"
"I do, Cirdan. Or at least I did. But it was never as bad as Mr. Frodo. I never had such fits at night, but I still craved it. I yearned for its power. And sometimes all would seem lost and dark. But I had Rose..."
"I am sorry."
Sam let some tears fall silently, "After her death the pain and darkness got too much to bear. And my children tried. Oh they tried so hard to take care of me. But they couldn't and I didn't expect them to. Samwise Gard- Gamgee is no burden. They did not understand the power the ring held over me. And finally I turned to the sea. Mr. Frodo found healing here, perhaps I will too. Mr. Frodo-"
Sam looked up at Cirdan, "What is wrong?"
Cirdan sighed, "I best tell you now. While he was able to forget his wounds, his pain, he also forgot his life. He remembers it well enough, but I don't think- I don't think that he'll recognize you. The elves will, and Gandalf. They will help you and while Frodo's heart still remembers you it cannot convince the rest of him too."
Sam was silent. He never thought in all of his nightmares that this would be true. He sat, stunned as if struck down. At first he stammered a moment but then broke down into tears, "He- He forgot me! I don't- I don't believe it! Why did I come! Why, oh why!"
"He didn't forget you, Sam. It is the magic of the sea. With the pain of his life so went all else. But his heart won't forget you, I don't believe it could."
"How do you know?"
"I know because he loved you, Sam. He loved you so, and his heart won't forget. The heart can't forget."
Sam turned and fled to his cabin. When he reached his bed he collapsed. "You were a fool, Samwise!" He sobbed. When he closed his eyes he saw Frodo's face. And he was standing on the ship among the elves and Gandalf. His eyes had the look of farewell in them, but he had a half smile that said, We will meet again, dear Sam, and everything will be put to rights.
"Oh if only you knew! If only I knew!" Sam cried. Then his sobs stopped for a moment, "Would he still have gone? If he knew? Maybe Cirdan was wrong! He cannot be sure. What will I do?" He wailed, "Stay and let myself forget as well. Forget, Rosie, and Elanor and Frodo-lad and all the rest. Oh I'd never let myself forget them! I love them! I'll never ever forget you!" He cried to the ceiling.
After a moment his tears ceased but he could not stop this pain from tearing at his heart. He felt his very soul crying out, and he fell into an uneasy sleep. A sleep wracked by nightmares and pain. He tossed and moaned in his sleep.
"Frodo? No, Frodo!"
The image of his dear friend leaving, fading away into the mists, being swallowed by the sea, replayed in his mind. He saw him leave, leave forever. Leave him to die, torn and broken. And Rose's voice echoed in the wind, "Be free and go to him. You need each other, and he is lost."
"No, Rose! Don't leave me! He left me! Don't you go too!" Sam sat up abruptly. After a moment of regaining his wits the dreams kept replaying in his mind. He moaned and fell back into the covers, hoping to be swallowed by them and die. Darkness crept back into his mind. He hung on the edge of sleep and waking, the dream still haunting him. "Be free and go to him. You need each other, and he is- he is lost."
"He is lost."
"He is lost."
"He is lost."
"I'm lost, Rose. I don't know where to go now. All that I've ever loved has left me. Why did you leave me Rose! If you knew! Why did you go! Did he know? That look of farewell. Did he know? Oh say it isn't so!"
~~~
Day began to break and sunlight shone into Sam's cabin. He groaned and threw the covers over his head. Cirdan's voice came down to him, "It is light, little one, do you wish to come up?"
"No, sir, I'm not feeling to well," came Sam's strangled response as he choked back more tears.
Cirdan sighed and left to go about his duties on deck. He wanted to tell Sam it would be alright. His heart would still remember. Their love was so strong not even the magic of the Valor could break it. Couldn't he see that? Frodo would not forget. Would he? Cirdan shook his head; Of course not.
Sam stayed in his cabin for many days after that until he had finally convinced himself that Cirdan was wrong. Frodo would recognize him. He just has to. And if not he would make him.
"We've been on the ship for a few moons now."
"Has it been that long!"
"Yes time passes differently here, Samwise."
"Like Lorien?"
Cirdan laughed, "Yes, little one."
"Well, how long?"
"You are impatient aren't you. Perhaps another two moons. It will pass quickly, Master Gamgee, I assure you."
Sam sighed, "Not quick enough."
"What troubles you. Don't you love the sea?"
"Oh yes I do, make no mistake. But- I've waited so long. I believe if I wait any longer I would surely burst. I must see him again. Have you- have you seen him, Cirdan?"
Cirdan got that worried look in his eyes again, "Yes, Master Gamgee, I've seen him. I've gone for many a visit."
"How is he! Is he doing well!" Sam bounced up and down. Like an excited child.
"Calm down, little one, or you will burst. He is well. But- but Sam, I should-"
Sam stopped bouncing for a moment, "What? What's wrong?"
"Sam," Cirdan sighed, "I didn't want to tell you- but-"
Sam felt his heart tug. Something was amiss. And he thought this journey would be simple, like going on holiday. Fool. He thought to himself, how can anything be easy?
Cirdan guided Sam and sat him down, "He is well. I assure you no harm can come to him where he is. The elves are taking very good care of him, and Master Bilbo too."
"Then what is wrong?" Sam whimpered, feeling all his hopes come to a crashing halt.
Cirdan was silent. Both gazed out to the sea for a while. The sun was setting the sky burst into golden flame. The sunsets were always so beautiful out on sea. Water surrounded them, Sam thought it strange that he was not afraid. Somewhere out there was his new home, and his old friend. But what was wrong? How could things go so wrong, after they just started to go right?
"Cirdan?"
The elf sighed. Sam had never seen an elf so distressed before. What could be wrong? Surely if Frodo was well- how could anything be wrong?
Cirdan spoke at length, "These lands do strange things to one's mind. While he was able to heal from his wounds, and forget his pain."
"That is good," said Sam, "I was hoping so. I remember seeing him "ill" and it hurt so much to see that." Sam looked at Cirdan, tears began to blur his vision. "I prayed long nights that he would never feel the burden of the ring again or the sting of the sword. I cursed that wraith ever on after that."
"Do you still feel the burden of the ring, Samwise?"
"I do, Cirdan. Or at least I did. But it was never as bad as Mr. Frodo. I never had such fits at night, but I still craved it. I yearned for its power. And sometimes all would seem lost and dark. But I had Rose..."
"I am sorry."
Sam let some tears fall silently, "After her death the pain and darkness got too much to bear. And my children tried. Oh they tried so hard to take care of me. But they couldn't and I didn't expect them to. Samwise Gard- Gamgee is no burden. They did not understand the power the ring held over me. And finally I turned to the sea. Mr. Frodo found healing here, perhaps I will too. Mr. Frodo-"
Sam looked up at Cirdan, "What is wrong?"
Cirdan sighed, "I best tell you now. While he was able to forget his wounds, his pain, he also forgot his life. He remembers it well enough, but I don't think- I don't think that he'll recognize you. The elves will, and Gandalf. They will help you and while Frodo's heart still remembers you it cannot convince the rest of him too."
Sam was silent. He never thought in all of his nightmares that this would be true. He sat, stunned as if struck down. At first he stammered a moment but then broke down into tears, "He- He forgot me! I don't- I don't believe it! Why did I come! Why, oh why!"
"He didn't forget you, Sam. It is the magic of the sea. With the pain of his life so went all else. But his heart won't forget you, I don't believe it could."
"How do you know?"
"I know because he loved you, Sam. He loved you so, and his heart won't forget. The heart can't forget."
Sam turned and fled to his cabin. When he reached his bed he collapsed. "You were a fool, Samwise!" He sobbed. When he closed his eyes he saw Frodo's face. And he was standing on the ship among the elves and Gandalf. His eyes had the look of farewell in them, but he had a half smile that said, We will meet again, dear Sam, and everything will be put to rights.
"Oh if only you knew! If only I knew!" Sam cried. Then his sobs stopped for a moment, "Would he still have gone? If he knew? Maybe Cirdan was wrong! He cannot be sure. What will I do?" He wailed, "Stay and let myself forget as well. Forget, Rosie, and Elanor and Frodo-lad and all the rest. Oh I'd never let myself forget them! I love them! I'll never ever forget you!" He cried to the ceiling.
After a moment his tears ceased but he could not stop this pain from tearing at his heart. He felt his very soul crying out, and he fell into an uneasy sleep. A sleep wracked by nightmares and pain. He tossed and moaned in his sleep.
"Frodo? No, Frodo!"
The image of his dear friend leaving, fading away into the mists, being swallowed by the sea, replayed in his mind. He saw him leave, leave forever. Leave him to die, torn and broken. And Rose's voice echoed in the wind, "Be free and go to him. You need each other, and he is lost."
"No, Rose! Don't leave me! He left me! Don't you go too!" Sam sat up abruptly. After a moment of regaining his wits the dreams kept replaying in his mind. He moaned and fell back into the covers, hoping to be swallowed by them and die. Darkness crept back into his mind. He hung on the edge of sleep and waking, the dream still haunting him. "Be free and go to him. You need each other, and he is- he is lost."
"He is lost."
"He is lost."
"He is lost."
"I'm lost, Rose. I don't know where to go now. All that I've ever loved has left me. Why did you leave me Rose! If you knew! Why did you go! Did he know? That look of farewell. Did he know? Oh say it isn't so!"
~~~
Day began to break and sunlight shone into Sam's cabin. He groaned and threw the covers over his head. Cirdan's voice came down to him, "It is light, little one, do you wish to come up?"
"No, sir, I'm not feeling to well," came Sam's strangled response as he choked back more tears.
Cirdan sighed and left to go about his duties on deck. He wanted to tell Sam it would be alright. His heart would still remember. Their love was so strong not even the magic of the Valor could break it. Couldn't he see that? Frodo would not forget. Would he? Cirdan shook his head; Of course not.
Sam stayed in his cabin for many days after that until he had finally convinced himself that Cirdan was wrong. Frodo would recognize him. He just has to. And if not he would make him.