Title: Big Fellowship
Author: doodlez Chapter: 8 A/N: Must start working on deadline. (Chants) 13th of every month, 13th of every month. Oh, yes, and also, vote for who you want kicked off, or I'll pick 'em myself! Just post a review, or, if you're really bored and want to kill a bit of time, e-mail me. I'm also going to start working on Gimli's accent a bit more, too.
1:05 PM
"If you would please pick up the tape measurer on the bench between you two," Big Fellowship commands privately to Gimli and Merry in the Confession Cam Room (CCR).
Gimli picks it up and shoots an inquiring look at the camera in front of them.
"Measure the rope, Gimli," Big Fellowship says gently.
".Oh. Ach. Aye. I knew that," Gimli mutters gruffly and measures the rope. "Two... wait, three, three feet and four inches."
"Well done!" Big Fellowship cheers, and the rope and handcuffs disappear. Gimli and Merry give a whoop, look embarrassed, and turn away from each other, blushing. They sit there in awkward silence for a moment, and abruptly leave.
"Next!" Big Fellowship calls through the intercom in the living room. "Legolas and Boromir."
Boromir shoves open the sliding glass door and drags a red-eyed Legolas inside. Gimli turns away when Legolas glares at him.
"Come on, come on," Boromir says hastily, and they disappear into the CCR.
"Please pick up the-" Big Fellowship begins, but is cut off by an all too eager Boromir, who has already measured the rope.
"Onefoottwoinchesgetitoff!"
"Good job," Big Fellowship says without enthusiasm, and the rope and handcuffs disappear. Boromir cheers and races out of the room. Legolas shuffles outside, speed-shuffles through the living room, and goes back outside, slamming the sliding glass door behind him. A worried-faced Gimli follows, with a bit of encouragement from Sam.
1:30 PM
The Fellowship all are celebrating their freedom by hiding in separate corners of the house and refusing to speak to anyone, for fear that a rope and handcuff would appear and link them together for all eternity.
The results were:
Pippin/Gandalf - 6 inches. (If they had gone inside the CCR a few minutes earlier than they had, then it would still be at 4 feet 1 inches, but they had a lengthy argument about who got to sit on which side of the couch.)
Sam/Aragorn - 0 inches.
Frodo/Gollum: 1 foot. (It took them a while to measure the rope, as Gollum kept clutching and hugging the tape measurer, adopting it as his new "Precious". Big Fellowship let him keep it, deciding that it would keep him out of trouble for a while until he had to leave.)
3:00 PM
Legolas comes back inside and disappears into the bathroom, slamming the door in Gimli's face with an enraged shout of "It's over!"
Gimli gasps and stares at the door for a long time, listening numbly to the sounds of the shower being turned on, the shower being turned off, hair being braided, body mist being sprayed, toenails being painted, etc.
He staggers back outside (past Merry in Room 1, who was catching up on his reading; a fast-asleep Aragorn in Room 2; Gollum in the kitchen who was raiding the pantry; Pippin in the dining room who was finishing up the leftovers of that morning's breakfast; Sam in the living room, snuggling next to Frodo on the couch; and Frodo in the living room, who still hadn't recovered from the 24 hours of being tied to Gollum, and was desperately trying to get away from Sam) and takes a seat next to Gandalf on the brick deck.
Gandalf inhales deeply from his pipe and blows a few smoke-ships into the air, glancing down at the depressed dwarf out of the corner of his eye. He coughs, and is otherwise silent.
Gimli sighs, looking over - and up, because dwarves are rather short creatures and wizards are rather tall ones - at Gandalf.
"Gandalf. ye're wise, aren't you?"
"I like to think I am."
"You know about. these sort of things?"
"Depends what you mean by that."
"Um. relationship matters?"
Gandalf gives Gimli a hearty pat on the back. "My friend, you have come to the right wizard. I may not look it, but I was once as young and romantic as you are now."
"So you know how I can get Legolas back?"
"Yes."
Gimli smiles. "Thank you."
"Don't mention it. Now, the first thing you need to do."
Gollum, in his tree, cranes his ear to try and listen to Gandalf's whispers, meanwhile stroking his tape measurer. "What issss they saying, Preciouss?" he murmurs, peering at Gandalf and Gimli with beady eyes. "What doesss they mean by 'bend and sssnap'?"
3:30 PM
"Lego?" Gimli purrs, knocking softly on the bathroom door.
"Go away," Legolas snaps, voice muffled through the door.
"May I give you something?"
"No."
"Please?"
"No."
"If you don't like it, you can. you can punch me in the face," Gimli offers.
There's a short pause.
".Okay," Legolas reluctantly agrees, and opens the door slightly. Gimli motions for him to come closer and Legolas obeys, stepping out into the hall. Gimli holds up a blue erasable pen.
Legolas narrows his eyes. ".A pen? And a BIC, too! The least you could've done is gotten me a pen of good qual-"
"Oops!" Gimli says, cutting him off, and drops the pen purposely onto the floor. He slowly bends down to pick it up, the words of the wise Gandalf echoing in his mind: "Bend. and snap." He snaps up.
Chonnnng-"Guh!" Legolas collapses, clutching his jaw and writhing in agony. Gimli's helmet had connected sharply with the elf's chin as he had straightened up.
Gimli kneels down, horrified that his seemingly perfect plan had backfired. "Legolas! Legolas! I'm sorry! Are you all right?"
Legolas gives him a rather violent reply.
3:40 PM
Gandalf exhales a smoke-duck and leans back onto his palms, gazing distantly at the ivy wall on the opposite side of the lawn.
Gimli slowly crawls through the back door on his hands and knees, shuts it with his foot, and crawls up to Gandalf, whimpering incoherently.
Gandalf looks down at him, eyeing his injuries with a trained eye.
"Hm. You did the bend-and-snap, yes?"
Gimli nods.
"And, judging by the blood on your helmet, he got hit on the way up?"
Gimli nods.
"And then he punched you in the face?"
Gimli nods, spitting a bloody tooth onto the lawn.
"And kneed you in the groin?"
Gimli nods.
"And attempted to break your neck, but couldn't because he couldn't find your neck and gave up and went back to the bathroom to clean himself up?"
"'Ow dig goo gnow?"
"How did I know?"
Gimli nods.
"My pocket-sized seeing-stone, of course," Gandalf grins, taking it out and showing it to Gimli.
"Mug be g'andy."
"Yes, it is handy."
"Cag you fig my moug?"
"What?"
"Cag you fig my mouf?"
"Sorry, I don't know how to. You'll just have to wait for your mouth to heal."
Gimli groans. Gandalf pats him on the back, nearly killing the poor dwarf. "There, there. Just give him some time. He'll come crawling back to you eventually."
"Mmg."
"You're welcome."
(A/N: "Bend-and-snap" technique © Legally Blonde, a really weird movie, but entertaining nonetheless. I like this chapter. Hee. By the way, any Discworld fans out there? By Terry Pratchett? Good books. Go read. The first one's called "The Colour of Magic". Oh, and I'm going to try and do some Big Fellowship comics.heh heh heh.. if I ever finish them, I'll give you guys the link.)
Author: doodlez Chapter: 8 A/N: Must start working on deadline. (Chants) 13th of every month, 13th of every month. Oh, yes, and also, vote for who you want kicked off, or I'll pick 'em myself! Just post a review, or, if you're really bored and want to kill a bit of time, e-mail me. I'm also going to start working on Gimli's accent a bit more, too.
1:05 PM
"If you would please pick up the tape measurer on the bench between you two," Big Fellowship commands privately to Gimli and Merry in the Confession Cam Room (CCR).
Gimli picks it up and shoots an inquiring look at the camera in front of them.
"Measure the rope, Gimli," Big Fellowship says gently.
".Oh. Ach. Aye. I knew that," Gimli mutters gruffly and measures the rope. "Two... wait, three, three feet and four inches."
"Well done!" Big Fellowship cheers, and the rope and handcuffs disappear. Gimli and Merry give a whoop, look embarrassed, and turn away from each other, blushing. They sit there in awkward silence for a moment, and abruptly leave.
"Next!" Big Fellowship calls through the intercom in the living room. "Legolas and Boromir."
Boromir shoves open the sliding glass door and drags a red-eyed Legolas inside. Gimli turns away when Legolas glares at him.
"Come on, come on," Boromir says hastily, and they disappear into the CCR.
"Please pick up the-" Big Fellowship begins, but is cut off by an all too eager Boromir, who has already measured the rope.
"Onefoottwoinchesgetitoff!"
"Good job," Big Fellowship says without enthusiasm, and the rope and handcuffs disappear. Boromir cheers and races out of the room. Legolas shuffles outside, speed-shuffles through the living room, and goes back outside, slamming the sliding glass door behind him. A worried-faced Gimli follows, with a bit of encouragement from Sam.
1:30 PM
The Fellowship all are celebrating their freedom by hiding in separate corners of the house and refusing to speak to anyone, for fear that a rope and handcuff would appear and link them together for all eternity.
The results were:
Pippin/Gandalf - 6 inches. (If they had gone inside the CCR a few minutes earlier than they had, then it would still be at 4 feet 1 inches, but they had a lengthy argument about who got to sit on which side of the couch.)
Sam/Aragorn - 0 inches.
Frodo/Gollum: 1 foot. (It took them a while to measure the rope, as Gollum kept clutching and hugging the tape measurer, adopting it as his new "Precious". Big Fellowship let him keep it, deciding that it would keep him out of trouble for a while until he had to leave.)
3:00 PM
Legolas comes back inside and disappears into the bathroom, slamming the door in Gimli's face with an enraged shout of "It's over!"
Gimli gasps and stares at the door for a long time, listening numbly to the sounds of the shower being turned on, the shower being turned off, hair being braided, body mist being sprayed, toenails being painted, etc.
He staggers back outside (past Merry in Room 1, who was catching up on his reading; a fast-asleep Aragorn in Room 2; Gollum in the kitchen who was raiding the pantry; Pippin in the dining room who was finishing up the leftovers of that morning's breakfast; Sam in the living room, snuggling next to Frodo on the couch; and Frodo in the living room, who still hadn't recovered from the 24 hours of being tied to Gollum, and was desperately trying to get away from Sam) and takes a seat next to Gandalf on the brick deck.
Gandalf inhales deeply from his pipe and blows a few smoke-ships into the air, glancing down at the depressed dwarf out of the corner of his eye. He coughs, and is otherwise silent.
Gimli sighs, looking over - and up, because dwarves are rather short creatures and wizards are rather tall ones - at Gandalf.
"Gandalf. ye're wise, aren't you?"
"I like to think I am."
"You know about. these sort of things?"
"Depends what you mean by that."
"Um. relationship matters?"
Gandalf gives Gimli a hearty pat on the back. "My friend, you have come to the right wizard. I may not look it, but I was once as young and romantic as you are now."
"So you know how I can get Legolas back?"
"Yes."
Gimli smiles. "Thank you."
"Don't mention it. Now, the first thing you need to do."
Gollum, in his tree, cranes his ear to try and listen to Gandalf's whispers, meanwhile stroking his tape measurer. "What issss they saying, Preciouss?" he murmurs, peering at Gandalf and Gimli with beady eyes. "What doesss they mean by 'bend and sssnap'?"
3:30 PM
"Lego?" Gimli purrs, knocking softly on the bathroom door.
"Go away," Legolas snaps, voice muffled through the door.
"May I give you something?"
"No."
"Please?"
"No."
"If you don't like it, you can. you can punch me in the face," Gimli offers.
There's a short pause.
".Okay," Legolas reluctantly agrees, and opens the door slightly. Gimli motions for him to come closer and Legolas obeys, stepping out into the hall. Gimli holds up a blue erasable pen.
Legolas narrows his eyes. ".A pen? And a BIC, too! The least you could've done is gotten me a pen of good qual-"
"Oops!" Gimli says, cutting him off, and drops the pen purposely onto the floor. He slowly bends down to pick it up, the words of the wise Gandalf echoing in his mind: "Bend. and snap." He snaps up.
Chonnnng-"Guh!" Legolas collapses, clutching his jaw and writhing in agony. Gimli's helmet had connected sharply with the elf's chin as he had straightened up.
Gimli kneels down, horrified that his seemingly perfect plan had backfired. "Legolas! Legolas! I'm sorry! Are you all right?"
Legolas gives him a rather violent reply.
3:40 PM
Gandalf exhales a smoke-duck and leans back onto his palms, gazing distantly at the ivy wall on the opposite side of the lawn.
Gimli slowly crawls through the back door on his hands and knees, shuts it with his foot, and crawls up to Gandalf, whimpering incoherently.
Gandalf looks down at him, eyeing his injuries with a trained eye.
"Hm. You did the bend-and-snap, yes?"
Gimli nods.
"And, judging by the blood on your helmet, he got hit on the way up?"
Gimli nods.
"And then he punched you in the face?"
Gimli nods, spitting a bloody tooth onto the lawn.
"And kneed you in the groin?"
Gimli nods.
"And attempted to break your neck, but couldn't because he couldn't find your neck and gave up and went back to the bathroom to clean himself up?"
"'Ow dig goo gnow?"
"How did I know?"
Gimli nods.
"My pocket-sized seeing-stone, of course," Gandalf grins, taking it out and showing it to Gimli.
"Mug be g'andy."
"Yes, it is handy."
"Cag you fig my moug?"
"What?"
"Cag you fig my mouf?"
"Sorry, I don't know how to. You'll just have to wait for your mouth to heal."
Gimli groans. Gandalf pats him on the back, nearly killing the poor dwarf. "There, there. Just give him some time. He'll come crawling back to you eventually."
"Mmg."
"You're welcome."
(A/N: "Bend-and-snap" technique © Legally Blonde, a really weird movie, but entertaining nonetheless. I like this chapter. Hee. By the way, any Discworld fans out there? By Terry Pratchett? Good books. Go read. The first one's called "The Colour of Magic". Oh, and I'm going to try and do some Big Fellowship comics.heh heh heh.. if I ever finish them, I'll give you guys the link.)