~Also to my reviewers (I try to answer any reviewer's questions or what not
cuz I'm just so nice ^^.
Talking Hawk: (sorry I called you LadyHawk before just proves how crazy skool is getting me and this lotr craze I'm on I guess you can understand the Lady part heh) Actually no I've never had this effect on people although I must say this is the first time I've ever posted any of my work. I am deeply touched that you enjoy it so much and I was very content with how Chapter 6 went. You are right with the beginning of Chapter 7 to make one whole again does make more sense. And yes this is no romance Sam is still deeply in love with Rose and she will be metioned before this is over. But Frodo and Sam have this strong bond that goes deeper than anything. So pure is their friendship. Alright anyway. Sam will be talking about Rose later on incase no one notice that when Frodo said, "Does that please you?" Sam really didn't answer. I won't drag this out much longer it is almost finished.
Sorrowful Eagle: Aw yes a hobbit can find happiness I suppose. You'll just have to read and find out.
Chibi Neko: ::blushes crimson:: Really I'm not all that good. But thank you and yes more is coming I like to try and update asap so that my readers aren't too tortured but I also always like to leave them wanting more.
Gimli der Zwerg: This is definitely not the end though it is nearing. I hope it meets your expectations ^^;;;;
Ailsa Joy: ::blushes again:: I'm so happy you are enjoying this. It's my purpose. If my readers aren't happy than neither am I. You really made my day. Thank you. I'm so happy this story is coming out alright and everyone is really enjoying it.
P.N.Batgirl: Mind you these are not MY characters ::smiles innocently at lawyers:: but I do try my hardest to portray Sam, Frodo, and the rest of Tolkein's characters the way he'd want me to. I'd like to stay true to his work at all times.
Coriandra: Keep reading things will go a bit deeper in the next chapters. Note to everyone keep a kleenex near this next chapter's a doosy. ^^;;;; Timber: I plan on writing many many many Sam and Frodo non-slash fics. I'm not a fan of slash but am definitely a fan of Sam and Frodo. I have ideas of some alternate ending to Tolkein's books (a without gollum ending) (can Frodo come to destroy the ring on his own? Stuff) ok wont give too much away. I'm glad you enjoy it. Keep your eyes open for the next fic.
Trilliah: Yes yes I know I'm so evil. I really liked that ending really good place to leave off and hook you guys for good. ALWAYS LEAVE THEM WANTING MORE. I can't tell you how many times I've said that and I am true to my word. GreyLadyBeast: I try to update asap so there should be a new chapter every day and a new story is in the works.
FrodoLover: Yes I love Frodo too. Though Sam comes in close second, so close even it would be considered a tie ^^. Yes I am a romantic too but mind you this is no romance. I am keeping Tolkein's characters true to how he portrayed them. I'm so glad you like this I really am. Thank you for reviewing.
EileenBlazer: Yes I like to be cruel as stated earlier. ::Holds off rioting crowd:: I'm writing! I'm writing!
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Chapter 9: A Shadow of the Past
Sam paced uneasily about the floor in Bilbo's room. He did not sleep all that night. He remembered well as if suddenly ripped out of his peaceful state, the blur between dreams and reality. When he had gotten Frodo to his feet and finally gotten them both back to the elven home he was about to collapse. Never had he felt such turmoil in that land, he didn't think it possible. He felt as if all the strength was drained from him, though Frodo was never a heavy burden and he was quite able to walk Sam was thoroughly drained. He never wished to see Frodo like that again and now that he has he doubted himself for ever coming, for ever reminding Frodo of the Ring, the Quest.
"Look what you've done now, Samwise! He might have hurt you but if *you* forgot *him* he'd be a lot better off! If you just forgot all about this crazy journey he would still be happy! You fool! You hurt him! Did he have dreams of YOU stabbing him with a morgul blade? Well that's what you've done, Samwise Gamgee! That's what you've done!" Sam's thoughts blazed in his mind. Tears were hot on his cheeks.
"Sam?"
Sam jumped and shook like a frightened animal when he noticed Bilbo beside him. Bilbo saw the wild fear in his eyes, the doubt muddled with it, the pain and anguish streaked across his face in tears. Bilbo bit his lip hard to quell his own tears. Sam's eyes still held their wildness as if his desire for the Ring had suddenly awakened in wrath and he looked upon a greedy orc wishing to take it. But Bilbo knew the Ring was far from Sam's mind. It was Frodo he feared for.
"Sam, he'll be alright. He's not hurt, his wounds can't hurt him now."
"The memories of those wounds are a forever burning pain," Sam choked through gasping sobs. "And I'm the one who brought them back to him."
"Sam you must stop being so hard on yourself."
Sam shook his head, "I failed him. I should have kept him safe and taken that morgul blade instead. I should have been the one to carry the burden for my master. That was my duty."
"Sam!" Bilbo got suddenly stiff and stern, "He never was and never will be your master. No matter what you called him, Mr. Frodo, Master Frodo, you were always Samwise to him, he loved you as a brother, more than a brother. You did as well as anyone to protect him. Now he needs you with him."
"Gandalf won't let me in just yet," Sam said meekly trying to regain a steady tone, "He says Elrond cannot be bothered when healing."
"Well that's a whole barrel of nonsense!" exploded Bilbo, "Surely you are the only one that can help Frodo! And why not let you in? Well we'll see about that. Come along Samwise." He stormed off to Frodo's room. Sam followed, wide-eyed.
~~~
When they reached Frodo's door Bilbo was about to knock when voices reached them.
"There are no wounds to heal."
"Can you do nothing, Elrond?"
"These are just memories plaguing his dreams I can do nothing for that."
"He says they pain him."
"When he sleeps he will mutter many things not to be taken seriously. Most of what he says may be in a fit of dilerium trying to be what he could have been. Whatever he says is just a memory."
"I believe he is in pain, one does not writhe such in sleep if he is not in pain."
"Sam!" came another lost voice, as if crying from the deepest darkest depths. "Sam! Help me Sam! The orcs, the orcs! They took it! Sam! All is lost now, do not be dead Sam! Do not leave me!"
Sam let out a cry, "Mr. Frodo! Coming Mr. Frodo!" he burst in the door and was stopped by Gandalf.
"Let him through!" Bilbo defended the lad. "Frodo wishes to see him, you heard it clear as day."
"I heard it, Bilbo, but he is dreaming. If you wish to see him you can, Samwise, but what he says might be harsh. I don't think-"
"Sam!"
"Lemme through!" Sam raged.
"You don't understand, Samwise. He will repeat things he's said or thought along the Quest. Some may be hard to take."
"He needs me!" Sam pleaded.
"Then go, Sam." The wizard said gently letting the fighting hobbit go. He scrambled to his feet and ran off in the direction of the cries.
Elrond raised his eyebrows at Gandalf, "Are you sure you did the right thing? He might hurt young Samwise with his words, unintentional as it may be."
"It is doing them greater pain by parting them. Sam is the only cure for him now."
~~~
"Mr. Frodo?"
Memories flooded Sam's mind. He remembered Rivendell, seeing Frodo lie on that huge bed, quivering and murmuring horrible things. So small and lost. Now the bed was not so huge and Rivendell this was not, but Sam could not help but shutter at the similarities. But Frodo did not look sick, just- scared.
Frodo's hand waved unsteadily around him, "Sam?"
"Yes, Mr. Frodo, I'm here." Sam took Frodo's hand and tried stay his constant shivering.
"I thought you were dead."
"I'm not dead, Mr. Frodo," Sam answered choking on his tears, and neither are you.
"It's real. Darkness and Shadow. Darkness and Shadow!" Frodo cried writhing in the bed again. "It's so dark! Why is it so dark?"
"Try opening your eyes. Your dreamin', Mr. Frodo." Sam could not stop old habits any longer, nor could he stop saying Frodo's name the Mr. was the force of habit he had come so well accustomed to. And now feeling so low on himself he did not feel right calling the one he failed so miserably by his unformal name.
~~~
Sam could not tell how long he sat by Frodo's bedside. Now it must have been shorter than it felt. He thought he had been there, still as a statue, for days when it had only been minutes. Frodo slept restlessly, tossing and murmerring.
"Barrowdowns. Barrowdowns. Dark, cold, shadow, wind. Sam! Pippin! Merry! Come along! Why don't you keep up? Where are you?" Frodo tossed throwing his arms in the air almost striking Sam.
"I'm here," he whispered. Frodo did not seem to hear.
Sam thought he heard Frodo begin some tuneless song, dark and cold, "Cold be hand and heart and bone, and cold be sleep under stone: never more to wake on stony bed," he said in a shivery voice, "never, till the Sun fails and the Moon is dead. In the black wind the stars shall die, and still on gold here let them lie, till the dark lord lifts his hand over dead sea and withered land."
Sam was growing afraid now. The chant made his bones freeze and his blood run cold. His face went pale white, he did not remember the song. Just the word Barrowdowns and his time there was not an enjoyable one. Sam tried to shake away the growing fear that clenched his heart and tried to think about the sun in the Shire and his lovely garden.
Time went on as Frodo tossed moving to darker times of their journey. "No! I need to use it! They'll see me! Icy cold. So very cold. Sam! Sam!"
"Here, Mr. Frodo," Sam tried to soothe, failing to calm his shaking voice.
"It's cold, Sam. My arm, can't move, my arm. Poisoned icicle. My arm."
"Poisoned icicle?"
Frodo shook. He put his trembling hands to his face, "Gandalf! Shadow and flame! I've killed him! I let him fall!"
Sam started to sob, "Frodo, he is not dead. He is not dead. It was never your fault."
"The Eye! He seeks me!" Frodo cowered shrinking into himself, "The Ring it's getting so heavy! So heavy! The mirror, the vision! The Eye!
Sam burried his head in his hands. "Oh Frodo."
"No it is not for Gondor! The Ring is nothing but evil! It does no good! Be gone! You cannot weild it! I cannot weild it! But it is MINE! Mine I tell you!" Frodo kicked violently.
Sam bit his lip. Boromir. How terrible this was, why couldn't Frodo wake? "He does not deserve this!" Sam cried looking up as if pleading (or demanding) with a higher power. "Do not do this to him!" Then he bowed his head.
"No, Sam."
Sam lifted head again eyes searching Frodo expectantly, "Y- yes, Mr. Frodo?"
"No, Sam. You cannot come. I'm- I'm going to Mordor alone."
"No!" Sam shouted feeling as if he were being dragged to the past as well, "You cannot go alone! I made a promise!"
"I don't want you to get hurt, Sam. The Ring is my burden alone. I don't want it to get to you too. It already has taken me, Sam. I have been swept off my feet, Bilbo warned. I cannot turn back, but you can. It has taken hold of me, Sam."
Sam trembled. He had never said this before. But Frodo abruptly changed to yet another point in the Quest.
"Tired, so tired. Stairs, endless stairs, forever stairs. The Ring, so heavy. Climbing, forever climbing."
Sam remembered this. He held his breath. His own legs began to ache at memory of the Stairs of Cirith Ungol.
"Sam? Sam! Where are you? Orcs, so many orcs! The Ring! They've taken it! They've taken everything! And now you're gone! You've left me, Sam! All is lost! Sam!"
"I never left you!" Sam cried.
"You have abandonned me! They have killed you! Oh Sam! Don't be dead!"
"Never! I'd never abandon you!"
Frodo's face quickly changed. "Sam?"
"Frodo?"
"You have it." He said in a dark malevolent tone, "Give it to me! You theif! You've stolen it! Give it to me! You'll betray me! You'll take it and leave me for dead!"
"How could you think such a thing?" Sam said in a hurt voice.
"You theif! Give it to me! It's mine! My precious! Mine!"
"No," Sam whimpered in a barely audible tone.
Frodo was silent once more. The silence heavy like the heat and throb of Mount Doom. Frodo's voice came clear, "I have come. But I do not choose now to do what I came to do. I will not do this deed. The Ring is mine!"
Sam felt himself freeze. He heard those words before. Those exact words. And he cried. Frodo whimpered his voice growing weaker as he felt his hand for the finger that no longer was there.
"No, Sam you cannot come with me this time. I have lost the Shire but it has been saved for you and others. I'm glad of that. Don't be sad we'll meet again. For you were a ringbearer too, if only for a short time."
The corners of Sam's mouth twitched flickering a slight smile. Frodo's voice was so sad, he did not want to leave him. Sam brushed back the curls from Frodo's face. He didn't forget. His heart could not forget.
Frodo's voice was now a light whisper. "He was real. I know it. And he'll come. He'll come."
"Was this what Frodo thought while he was here?" Sam thought. "So he didn't forget me. The bonds of our friendship held." Sam brushed away the remnants of his tears. "No," he said sternly, "You brought this on him. Why would he want you for a friend?"
"Darkness. Shadow." Frodo murmerred.
Sam thought about the words. He had heard them before. Frodo had quieted for a while now though his face still looked fearful. Sam stroked his hand gently thinking about the words. A rhyme came to mind. One of Bilbo's old rhymes to be precise. It brought some comfort as Sam began to recite it:
*All that is Gold does not Glitter* *Not all those who Wander are Lost* *The Old that is Strong does not Wither* *Deep Roots are not Reached by the Frost* *From the Ashes a Fire shall be Woken*
"...From darkness a light shall spring," finished another weak voice.
"Frodo? Mr. Frodo your awake!" Sam rejoiced.
"That I am, Sam."
"Are you well? Do you need me to fetch Elrond? Gandalf?" Sam motioned to fetch them but was restrained by Frodo's desperate hold on his hand.
"Don't," he whispered. "There is no wound to be treated. They were just-" he drew in a deep breath and let it out, "-nightmares," he sighed.
Sam kept his gaze on Frodo as he sat, "Are you sure?" Sam tried hard not to show the pain on his own face from hearing Frodo's words.
"Yes, Sam. This is how it must be. I cannot have both. My memories or my peace. I must make payment for the memories I so greatly cherish." He put a hand on Sam's, "Thank you for giving them back to me."
Sam withdrew, "Why do you thank me?" he said in a low empty tone. "I've done nothing but bring pain to you, Mr. Frodo."
Frodo cocked his head, "Mr. Frodo?"
Sam bowed his head to hide the hot blush that was creeping to his ears. Yes, he wanted to say, No longer worthy of calling you Frodo if ever I was at all. But Sam kept quiet.
Frodo turned away, "That hurts, Sam," he whispered.
Sam looked up quickly the color draining from his face, his eyes wide desperately searching Frodo for an answer. But Frodo had turned away looking out the window. He slowly settled back down into the covers still not looking in Sam's direction. A heavy silence lay on the room.
At length Frodo sighed again, still not looking towards Sam, "If that is your wish, Master Gamgee."
Sam felt a great distance growing between them. This was the last thing he wanted. He gulped, "Are you well enough to have something to eat?"
Frodo glared up at Sam, "I told you, I am perfectly well and in no pain! They are nightmares, Sam! Nothing more but shadows from the past!" He lept from the bed to demonstrate his good health.
Sam winced as if struck by his friend's angry words. He hung his head, "Shadows. Memories that *I* returned to you."
At that Frodo exploded. "Samwise!" he shouted as Sam winced again like a child that had been caught doing something wrong and was now getting the scolding of his life, "Samwise! Can you not see? I was lost without you. Lost! I was not happy just blissfully unaware. I did not know pain and I did not know pleasure! I did not know grief and I did not know joy! All I knew is the pathetic existence I was granted here and that somewhere beyond that sea I had a life! Now whether that life was kind to me or not I'd rather have it than nothing at all. There were no answers for me but there was something missing. A part of me missing. Now I'm willing to endure all the painful memories of my life to have you back!" With that Frodo broke down into tears.
He took time to quell his sobs and look up at a very stunned Sam. "And I thought that was friendship. A friendship we shared. But now- now you just called me Mr. Frodo. Do you know what Mr. Frodo means, Sam? It means that I am nothing more than your master. Your master, Sam! I don't want to be your master! I never did! I never felt I was! I thought of us as equals, friends! I thought you had finally seen that!"
Sam blinked and some tears rolled down his cheeks, "Oh Frodo. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry, I didn't mean-"
"You did Sam. You thought of yourself lower than me. Why?"
"I felt-" Sam took a big gulp, "I felt I had failed to protect you."
"From what? The Quest? The sword? The fire? The ring? That was never your fault. I was meant to carry that ring. It was my destiny. If not for you I'd be dead and all of Middle-Earth with me."
"But you were hurt so terribly-" Sam began.
"Do you know what hurt me more, Sam?" Frodo calmed his shaking voice.
Sam shook his head.
"You calling me Mr. Frodo just now."
"Oh Frodo. What can I do? I'm sorry!" he cried.
"Promise me this," Frodo's tone grew serious. "Never call me Mr. Frodo, or think me higher than you, ever ever again."
"I won't, Frodo. I won't"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~Alright this is almost over I hope you people don't think I'm dragging this out. I'm just trying to portray my vision in the best way possible. I can't tell you how thankful I am for all of your reviews. You really inspired me to keep this going. I never really thought my writing was that good, surely yes it was acceptable and fairly average for a fifteen year old but I didn't think I'd have so many fans. Just a note the songs and the chant Frodo says in his nightmare is not mine. These are all quotes from the book. Frodo's chant is from the Barrowdowns when Sam, Pippin, and Merry are turned to stone. I tried to bring up all of the painful parts of his journey, even the smallest hardships, please tell me if I left anything out.~
Talking Hawk: (sorry I called you LadyHawk before just proves how crazy skool is getting me and this lotr craze I'm on I guess you can understand the Lady part heh) Actually no I've never had this effect on people although I must say this is the first time I've ever posted any of my work. I am deeply touched that you enjoy it so much and I was very content with how Chapter 6 went. You are right with the beginning of Chapter 7 to make one whole again does make more sense. And yes this is no romance Sam is still deeply in love with Rose and she will be metioned before this is over. But Frodo and Sam have this strong bond that goes deeper than anything. So pure is their friendship. Alright anyway. Sam will be talking about Rose later on incase no one notice that when Frodo said, "Does that please you?" Sam really didn't answer. I won't drag this out much longer it is almost finished.
Sorrowful Eagle: Aw yes a hobbit can find happiness I suppose. You'll just have to read and find out.
Chibi Neko: ::blushes crimson:: Really I'm not all that good. But thank you and yes more is coming I like to try and update asap so that my readers aren't too tortured but I also always like to leave them wanting more.
Gimli der Zwerg: This is definitely not the end though it is nearing. I hope it meets your expectations ^^;;;;
Ailsa Joy: ::blushes again:: I'm so happy you are enjoying this. It's my purpose. If my readers aren't happy than neither am I. You really made my day. Thank you. I'm so happy this story is coming out alright and everyone is really enjoying it.
P.N.Batgirl: Mind you these are not MY characters ::smiles innocently at lawyers:: but I do try my hardest to portray Sam, Frodo, and the rest of Tolkein's characters the way he'd want me to. I'd like to stay true to his work at all times.
Coriandra: Keep reading things will go a bit deeper in the next chapters. Note to everyone keep a kleenex near this next chapter's a doosy. ^^;;;; Timber: I plan on writing many many many Sam and Frodo non-slash fics. I'm not a fan of slash but am definitely a fan of Sam and Frodo. I have ideas of some alternate ending to Tolkein's books (a without gollum ending) (can Frodo come to destroy the ring on his own? Stuff) ok wont give too much away. I'm glad you enjoy it. Keep your eyes open for the next fic.
Trilliah: Yes yes I know I'm so evil. I really liked that ending really good place to leave off and hook you guys for good. ALWAYS LEAVE THEM WANTING MORE. I can't tell you how many times I've said that and I am true to my word. GreyLadyBeast: I try to update asap so there should be a new chapter every day and a new story is in the works.
FrodoLover: Yes I love Frodo too. Though Sam comes in close second, so close even it would be considered a tie ^^. Yes I am a romantic too but mind you this is no romance. I am keeping Tolkein's characters true to how he portrayed them. I'm so glad you like this I really am. Thank you for reviewing.
EileenBlazer: Yes I like to be cruel as stated earlier. ::Holds off rioting crowd:: I'm writing! I'm writing!
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Chapter 9: A Shadow of the Past
Sam paced uneasily about the floor in Bilbo's room. He did not sleep all that night. He remembered well as if suddenly ripped out of his peaceful state, the blur between dreams and reality. When he had gotten Frodo to his feet and finally gotten them both back to the elven home he was about to collapse. Never had he felt such turmoil in that land, he didn't think it possible. He felt as if all the strength was drained from him, though Frodo was never a heavy burden and he was quite able to walk Sam was thoroughly drained. He never wished to see Frodo like that again and now that he has he doubted himself for ever coming, for ever reminding Frodo of the Ring, the Quest.
"Look what you've done now, Samwise! He might have hurt you but if *you* forgot *him* he'd be a lot better off! If you just forgot all about this crazy journey he would still be happy! You fool! You hurt him! Did he have dreams of YOU stabbing him with a morgul blade? Well that's what you've done, Samwise Gamgee! That's what you've done!" Sam's thoughts blazed in his mind. Tears were hot on his cheeks.
"Sam?"
Sam jumped and shook like a frightened animal when he noticed Bilbo beside him. Bilbo saw the wild fear in his eyes, the doubt muddled with it, the pain and anguish streaked across his face in tears. Bilbo bit his lip hard to quell his own tears. Sam's eyes still held their wildness as if his desire for the Ring had suddenly awakened in wrath and he looked upon a greedy orc wishing to take it. But Bilbo knew the Ring was far from Sam's mind. It was Frodo he feared for.
"Sam, he'll be alright. He's not hurt, his wounds can't hurt him now."
"The memories of those wounds are a forever burning pain," Sam choked through gasping sobs. "And I'm the one who brought them back to him."
"Sam you must stop being so hard on yourself."
Sam shook his head, "I failed him. I should have kept him safe and taken that morgul blade instead. I should have been the one to carry the burden for my master. That was my duty."
"Sam!" Bilbo got suddenly stiff and stern, "He never was and never will be your master. No matter what you called him, Mr. Frodo, Master Frodo, you were always Samwise to him, he loved you as a brother, more than a brother. You did as well as anyone to protect him. Now he needs you with him."
"Gandalf won't let me in just yet," Sam said meekly trying to regain a steady tone, "He says Elrond cannot be bothered when healing."
"Well that's a whole barrel of nonsense!" exploded Bilbo, "Surely you are the only one that can help Frodo! And why not let you in? Well we'll see about that. Come along Samwise." He stormed off to Frodo's room. Sam followed, wide-eyed.
~~~
When they reached Frodo's door Bilbo was about to knock when voices reached them.
"There are no wounds to heal."
"Can you do nothing, Elrond?"
"These are just memories plaguing his dreams I can do nothing for that."
"He says they pain him."
"When he sleeps he will mutter many things not to be taken seriously. Most of what he says may be in a fit of dilerium trying to be what he could have been. Whatever he says is just a memory."
"I believe he is in pain, one does not writhe such in sleep if he is not in pain."
"Sam!" came another lost voice, as if crying from the deepest darkest depths. "Sam! Help me Sam! The orcs, the orcs! They took it! Sam! All is lost now, do not be dead Sam! Do not leave me!"
Sam let out a cry, "Mr. Frodo! Coming Mr. Frodo!" he burst in the door and was stopped by Gandalf.
"Let him through!" Bilbo defended the lad. "Frodo wishes to see him, you heard it clear as day."
"I heard it, Bilbo, but he is dreaming. If you wish to see him you can, Samwise, but what he says might be harsh. I don't think-"
"Sam!"
"Lemme through!" Sam raged.
"You don't understand, Samwise. He will repeat things he's said or thought along the Quest. Some may be hard to take."
"He needs me!" Sam pleaded.
"Then go, Sam." The wizard said gently letting the fighting hobbit go. He scrambled to his feet and ran off in the direction of the cries.
Elrond raised his eyebrows at Gandalf, "Are you sure you did the right thing? He might hurt young Samwise with his words, unintentional as it may be."
"It is doing them greater pain by parting them. Sam is the only cure for him now."
~~~
"Mr. Frodo?"
Memories flooded Sam's mind. He remembered Rivendell, seeing Frodo lie on that huge bed, quivering and murmuring horrible things. So small and lost. Now the bed was not so huge and Rivendell this was not, but Sam could not help but shutter at the similarities. But Frodo did not look sick, just- scared.
Frodo's hand waved unsteadily around him, "Sam?"
"Yes, Mr. Frodo, I'm here." Sam took Frodo's hand and tried stay his constant shivering.
"I thought you were dead."
"I'm not dead, Mr. Frodo," Sam answered choking on his tears, and neither are you.
"It's real. Darkness and Shadow. Darkness and Shadow!" Frodo cried writhing in the bed again. "It's so dark! Why is it so dark?"
"Try opening your eyes. Your dreamin', Mr. Frodo." Sam could not stop old habits any longer, nor could he stop saying Frodo's name the Mr. was the force of habit he had come so well accustomed to. And now feeling so low on himself he did not feel right calling the one he failed so miserably by his unformal name.
~~~
Sam could not tell how long he sat by Frodo's bedside. Now it must have been shorter than it felt. He thought he had been there, still as a statue, for days when it had only been minutes. Frodo slept restlessly, tossing and murmerring.
"Barrowdowns. Barrowdowns. Dark, cold, shadow, wind. Sam! Pippin! Merry! Come along! Why don't you keep up? Where are you?" Frodo tossed throwing his arms in the air almost striking Sam.
"I'm here," he whispered. Frodo did not seem to hear.
Sam thought he heard Frodo begin some tuneless song, dark and cold, "Cold be hand and heart and bone, and cold be sleep under stone: never more to wake on stony bed," he said in a shivery voice, "never, till the Sun fails and the Moon is dead. In the black wind the stars shall die, and still on gold here let them lie, till the dark lord lifts his hand over dead sea and withered land."
Sam was growing afraid now. The chant made his bones freeze and his blood run cold. His face went pale white, he did not remember the song. Just the word Barrowdowns and his time there was not an enjoyable one. Sam tried to shake away the growing fear that clenched his heart and tried to think about the sun in the Shire and his lovely garden.
Time went on as Frodo tossed moving to darker times of their journey. "No! I need to use it! They'll see me! Icy cold. So very cold. Sam! Sam!"
"Here, Mr. Frodo," Sam tried to soothe, failing to calm his shaking voice.
"It's cold, Sam. My arm, can't move, my arm. Poisoned icicle. My arm."
"Poisoned icicle?"
Frodo shook. He put his trembling hands to his face, "Gandalf! Shadow and flame! I've killed him! I let him fall!"
Sam started to sob, "Frodo, he is not dead. He is not dead. It was never your fault."
"The Eye! He seeks me!" Frodo cowered shrinking into himself, "The Ring it's getting so heavy! So heavy! The mirror, the vision! The Eye!
Sam burried his head in his hands. "Oh Frodo."
"No it is not for Gondor! The Ring is nothing but evil! It does no good! Be gone! You cannot weild it! I cannot weild it! But it is MINE! Mine I tell you!" Frodo kicked violently.
Sam bit his lip. Boromir. How terrible this was, why couldn't Frodo wake? "He does not deserve this!" Sam cried looking up as if pleading (or demanding) with a higher power. "Do not do this to him!" Then he bowed his head.
"No, Sam."
Sam lifted head again eyes searching Frodo expectantly, "Y- yes, Mr. Frodo?"
"No, Sam. You cannot come. I'm- I'm going to Mordor alone."
"No!" Sam shouted feeling as if he were being dragged to the past as well, "You cannot go alone! I made a promise!"
"I don't want you to get hurt, Sam. The Ring is my burden alone. I don't want it to get to you too. It already has taken me, Sam. I have been swept off my feet, Bilbo warned. I cannot turn back, but you can. It has taken hold of me, Sam."
Sam trembled. He had never said this before. But Frodo abruptly changed to yet another point in the Quest.
"Tired, so tired. Stairs, endless stairs, forever stairs. The Ring, so heavy. Climbing, forever climbing."
Sam remembered this. He held his breath. His own legs began to ache at memory of the Stairs of Cirith Ungol.
"Sam? Sam! Where are you? Orcs, so many orcs! The Ring! They've taken it! They've taken everything! And now you're gone! You've left me, Sam! All is lost! Sam!"
"I never left you!" Sam cried.
"You have abandonned me! They have killed you! Oh Sam! Don't be dead!"
"Never! I'd never abandon you!"
Frodo's face quickly changed. "Sam?"
"Frodo?"
"You have it." He said in a dark malevolent tone, "Give it to me! You theif! You've stolen it! Give it to me! You'll betray me! You'll take it and leave me for dead!"
"How could you think such a thing?" Sam said in a hurt voice.
"You theif! Give it to me! It's mine! My precious! Mine!"
"No," Sam whimpered in a barely audible tone.
Frodo was silent once more. The silence heavy like the heat and throb of Mount Doom. Frodo's voice came clear, "I have come. But I do not choose now to do what I came to do. I will not do this deed. The Ring is mine!"
Sam felt himself freeze. He heard those words before. Those exact words. And he cried. Frodo whimpered his voice growing weaker as he felt his hand for the finger that no longer was there.
"No, Sam you cannot come with me this time. I have lost the Shire but it has been saved for you and others. I'm glad of that. Don't be sad we'll meet again. For you were a ringbearer too, if only for a short time."
The corners of Sam's mouth twitched flickering a slight smile. Frodo's voice was so sad, he did not want to leave him. Sam brushed back the curls from Frodo's face. He didn't forget. His heart could not forget.
Frodo's voice was now a light whisper. "He was real. I know it. And he'll come. He'll come."
"Was this what Frodo thought while he was here?" Sam thought. "So he didn't forget me. The bonds of our friendship held." Sam brushed away the remnants of his tears. "No," he said sternly, "You brought this on him. Why would he want you for a friend?"
"Darkness. Shadow." Frodo murmerred.
Sam thought about the words. He had heard them before. Frodo had quieted for a while now though his face still looked fearful. Sam stroked his hand gently thinking about the words. A rhyme came to mind. One of Bilbo's old rhymes to be precise. It brought some comfort as Sam began to recite it:
*All that is Gold does not Glitter* *Not all those who Wander are Lost* *The Old that is Strong does not Wither* *Deep Roots are not Reached by the Frost* *From the Ashes a Fire shall be Woken*
"...From darkness a light shall spring," finished another weak voice.
"Frodo? Mr. Frodo your awake!" Sam rejoiced.
"That I am, Sam."
"Are you well? Do you need me to fetch Elrond? Gandalf?" Sam motioned to fetch them but was restrained by Frodo's desperate hold on his hand.
"Don't," he whispered. "There is no wound to be treated. They were just-" he drew in a deep breath and let it out, "-nightmares," he sighed.
Sam kept his gaze on Frodo as he sat, "Are you sure?" Sam tried hard not to show the pain on his own face from hearing Frodo's words.
"Yes, Sam. This is how it must be. I cannot have both. My memories or my peace. I must make payment for the memories I so greatly cherish." He put a hand on Sam's, "Thank you for giving them back to me."
Sam withdrew, "Why do you thank me?" he said in a low empty tone. "I've done nothing but bring pain to you, Mr. Frodo."
Frodo cocked his head, "Mr. Frodo?"
Sam bowed his head to hide the hot blush that was creeping to his ears. Yes, he wanted to say, No longer worthy of calling you Frodo if ever I was at all. But Sam kept quiet.
Frodo turned away, "That hurts, Sam," he whispered.
Sam looked up quickly the color draining from his face, his eyes wide desperately searching Frodo for an answer. But Frodo had turned away looking out the window. He slowly settled back down into the covers still not looking in Sam's direction. A heavy silence lay on the room.
At length Frodo sighed again, still not looking towards Sam, "If that is your wish, Master Gamgee."
Sam felt a great distance growing between them. This was the last thing he wanted. He gulped, "Are you well enough to have something to eat?"
Frodo glared up at Sam, "I told you, I am perfectly well and in no pain! They are nightmares, Sam! Nothing more but shadows from the past!" He lept from the bed to demonstrate his good health.
Sam winced as if struck by his friend's angry words. He hung his head, "Shadows. Memories that *I* returned to you."
At that Frodo exploded. "Samwise!" he shouted as Sam winced again like a child that had been caught doing something wrong and was now getting the scolding of his life, "Samwise! Can you not see? I was lost without you. Lost! I was not happy just blissfully unaware. I did not know pain and I did not know pleasure! I did not know grief and I did not know joy! All I knew is the pathetic existence I was granted here and that somewhere beyond that sea I had a life! Now whether that life was kind to me or not I'd rather have it than nothing at all. There were no answers for me but there was something missing. A part of me missing. Now I'm willing to endure all the painful memories of my life to have you back!" With that Frodo broke down into tears.
He took time to quell his sobs and look up at a very stunned Sam. "And I thought that was friendship. A friendship we shared. But now- now you just called me Mr. Frodo. Do you know what Mr. Frodo means, Sam? It means that I am nothing more than your master. Your master, Sam! I don't want to be your master! I never did! I never felt I was! I thought of us as equals, friends! I thought you had finally seen that!"
Sam blinked and some tears rolled down his cheeks, "Oh Frodo. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry, I didn't mean-"
"You did Sam. You thought of yourself lower than me. Why?"
"I felt-" Sam took a big gulp, "I felt I had failed to protect you."
"From what? The Quest? The sword? The fire? The ring? That was never your fault. I was meant to carry that ring. It was my destiny. If not for you I'd be dead and all of Middle-Earth with me."
"But you were hurt so terribly-" Sam began.
"Do you know what hurt me more, Sam?" Frodo calmed his shaking voice.
Sam shook his head.
"You calling me Mr. Frodo just now."
"Oh Frodo. What can I do? I'm sorry!" he cried.
"Promise me this," Frodo's tone grew serious. "Never call me Mr. Frodo, or think me higher than you, ever ever again."
"I won't, Frodo. I won't"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~Alright this is almost over I hope you people don't think I'm dragging this out. I'm just trying to portray my vision in the best way possible. I can't tell you how thankful I am for all of your reviews. You really inspired me to keep this going. I never really thought my writing was that good, surely yes it was acceptable and fairly average for a fifteen year old but I didn't think I'd have so many fans. Just a note the songs and the chant Frodo says in his nightmare is not mine. These are all quotes from the book. Frodo's chant is from the Barrowdowns when Sam, Pippin, and Merry are turned to stone. I tried to bring up all of the painful parts of his journey, even the smallest hardships, please tell me if I left anything out.~