Die
By Hippo
Disclaimer: I do not own anyone here. This doctor's name is Dr. Death.....really!
Old man Bugenhagen (Red XIII's "Grandfather") is sitting in the waiting room of a doctor's office, when the door opens. A skinny white-haired man with glasses appears.
Dr. Death: Next!
Bugenhagen floats his way in to Dr. Death's room and sits down. Dr. Death wheels his suicide machine (a tank full of poison with an injecting needle) over and sticks the needle in Bugenhagen's vein.
Dr. Death: Okay, just throw the switch and it'll be over with. Oh, by the way, that'll be $15.
Bugenhagen: Thank you!!
Dr. Death: So why'd you come to me for?
Bugenhagen: Well..... [BREAKS INTO A SONG, SUNG TO THE TUNE OF "FLY"]
All throughout my life, fate's Been good to me Who knows how much she's loved me? Now I cannot walk and I Barely can see. I've really gotten old. I think it's time to go.
I just want to die. Throw the switch and kill me baby. Throw the switch and kill me baby. I just want to die. Throw the switch and kill me baby. Throw the switch and kill me baby. Oh yeah.
Throw the switch and die, die. Throw the switch and die, die.
Dr. Death: [SINGING]
Everywhere you go, people Treat you like shit. Your life is not worth living. You've gotten old and useless And you're happy to quit. You'll find out, I know. My mother, she told me so. (When I killed her!)
Bugenhagen: [SINGING]
I just want to die. Throw the switch and kill me baby. Throw the switch and kill me baby. I just want to die. Throw the switch and kill me baby. Throw the switch and kill me baby.
I......just want......to........die!
Throw the switch and die, die. Throw the switch and die, die.
I got a nasty sickness That I don't think will pass. Who knows how long I've sought you? My bladder isn't working And I can't use my ass. Thirteen decades old, The poison's got to flow!
I just want to die. Jam that knife into me baby. Point that gun and shoot me baby. I just want to die. Throw the switch and kill me baby. Throw the switch and kill me baby. Oh yeah.
I.......just want.......to.....die!
(Throw the switch and die, die.) (Throw the switch and die, die.)
[JUST THEN, CLOUD AND COMPANY BUST IN]
Red XIII: Grandpa, we just save the planet!
Bugenhagen: Oh, okay! [HE TAKES THE NEEDLE OUT OF HIS ARM]
Dr. Death: Wait! You don't wanna live!!
Bugenhagen: Yes I do!
Dr. Death: Come on, people! My suicide machine will rust if it's not used soon! Tifa! You have a scar between your boobs, don't you?
Tifa: Not in this fic!
Dr. Death: Yuffie! You have only one leg, right?
Yuffie: Dammit! That's not a fake leg! It's a fishing net tied onto my real leg! [SHE UNDOES IT] See?
Dr. Death: Damn! How about you, Aeris?
Aeris: I'm already dead!
Dr. Death: Sheesh!
Dr. Death: You! You have a flatulence problem, don't you?
Putty the Little Dog: Suck my canine dick! [FART]
Dr. Death: Then you! Mr. T! You've got once arm, right. Can I kill you? Please? Pretty please? Pretty please with Sugar Ray, ahem, sugar on top?
[BARRET TAKES HIS GUN ARM AND BLOWS DR. DEATH AWAY]
Disclaimer: I do not own anyone here. This doctor's name is Dr. Death.....really!
Old man Bugenhagen (Red XIII's "Grandfather") is sitting in the waiting room of a doctor's office, when the door opens. A skinny white-haired man with glasses appears.
Dr. Death: Next!
Bugenhagen floats his way in to Dr. Death's room and sits down. Dr. Death wheels his suicide machine (a tank full of poison with an injecting needle) over and sticks the needle in Bugenhagen's vein.
Dr. Death: Okay, just throw the switch and it'll be over with. Oh, by the way, that'll be $15.
Bugenhagen: Thank you!!
Dr. Death: So why'd you come to me for?
Bugenhagen: Well..... [BREAKS INTO A SONG, SUNG TO THE TUNE OF "FLY"]
All throughout my life, fate's Been good to me Who knows how much she's loved me? Now I cannot walk and I Barely can see. I've really gotten old. I think it's time to go.
I just want to die. Throw the switch and kill me baby. Throw the switch and kill me baby. I just want to die. Throw the switch and kill me baby. Throw the switch and kill me baby. Oh yeah.
Throw the switch and die, die. Throw the switch and die, die.
Dr. Death: [SINGING]
Everywhere you go, people Treat you like shit. Your life is not worth living. You've gotten old and useless And you're happy to quit. You'll find out, I know. My mother, she told me so. (When I killed her!)
Bugenhagen: [SINGING]
I just want to die. Throw the switch and kill me baby. Throw the switch and kill me baby. I just want to die. Throw the switch and kill me baby. Throw the switch and kill me baby.
I......just want......to........die!
Throw the switch and die, die. Throw the switch and die, die.
I got a nasty sickness That I don't think will pass. Who knows how long I've sought you? My bladder isn't working And I can't use my ass. Thirteen decades old, The poison's got to flow!
I just want to die. Jam that knife into me baby. Point that gun and shoot me baby. I just want to die. Throw the switch and kill me baby. Throw the switch and kill me baby. Oh yeah.
I.......just want.......to.....die!
(Throw the switch and die, die.) (Throw the switch and die, die.)
[JUST THEN, CLOUD AND COMPANY BUST IN]
Red XIII: Grandpa, we just save the planet!
Bugenhagen: Oh, okay! [HE TAKES THE NEEDLE OUT OF HIS ARM]
Dr. Death: Wait! You don't wanna live!!
Bugenhagen: Yes I do!
Dr. Death: Come on, people! My suicide machine will rust if it's not used soon! Tifa! You have a scar between your boobs, don't you?
Tifa: Not in this fic!
Dr. Death: Yuffie! You have only one leg, right?
Yuffie: Dammit! That's not a fake leg! It's a fishing net tied onto my real leg! [SHE UNDOES IT] See?
Dr. Death: Damn! How about you, Aeris?
Aeris: I'm already dead!
Dr. Death: Sheesh!
Dr. Death: You! You have a flatulence problem, don't you?
Putty the Little Dog: Suck my canine dick! [FART]
Dr. Death: Then you! Mr. T! You've got once arm, right. Can I kill you? Please? Pretty please? Pretty please with Sugar Ray, ahem, sugar on top?
[BARRET TAKES HIS GUN ARM AND BLOWS DR. DEATH AWAY]