Wow…it's been a while, but I'm back…I think…

A/N: …wow…all the old TP fans haven't written anything in so long. This is an excuse you see, since I haven't written anything since May…wow. I was still taking BioAP…did I leave off on a Cliffhanger? Yes I did. So. That would explain all the flames I got. For those of you who don't know what this fic is about: This is my interpretation of Squire…yes, I know it's already out…but it wasn't when I started it! Yes…it's been that long. For those off you who are wondering, no, I am not dead. I am quite happily alive, thank you. I read the last chapter…actually; Neal and the others were NOT going to tell Khari and Faleron what they told them… I worked on a website though, it's at http://www.angelfire.com/comics/bouken. Oh, right, yes, the voices in my head are still there, they say that candy is good, and that caffeine is good too…anyway…

For those of you who are impatient: Suddenly, the kakophans called up a gigantic meteorite from the store of overused movie ideas, and sent it hurtling toward Tortall. Tortall was blasted apart, except for a few smart chickens…wait, now, the chickens were killed too…anyways. Tortall was blasted apart, and the kakophans regained their home…the end.

Section: Winter

Chapter 19: Incongruity

"What?! Kakophans used Tortall as their nesting grounds?" Khari exclaimed, horrified.

"Yes." Neal said. "So you can't blame them for wanting their home back. Can you?"

"Have you told My Lord?" Faleron asked. "His majesties? Anyone?"

"Err…no." Owen said.

"Go! Right now!" Faleron said urgently. He waved frantically at the door.

"Sure you aren't trying to get rid of us for…private reasons?" Cleon joked.

"Of course not—" Faleron said, turning red, and turning his previous statement on its head.

Khari let out an exasperated sigh, and turned to Kel. "Funny how girls end up doing everything practical while the "men" are horsing around and joking about what is definitely NOT a laughing matter."

"You're right, Khari." Kel replied, keeping her face straight. "What say you and I go and report this?"

The two girls strode confidently out of the room, taking the riddle and map with them. It was only after they had been away for ten minutes did the other squires and Owen noticed their absence.

Sighing, Neal pushed Faleron back onto the mattress. "I'd better keep you alive when those two go off and report to the Stump."

"Don't bother." Faleron grumbled. "At least, don't bother if you're thinking of feeding me one of those nasty teas you and your knight mistress are always brewing."

"Word among the palace is they're more likely to kill people who drink them than the diseases they're supposed to cure." Cleon said.

"In my prayers, I always name those poor gullible lads that actually drink them." Owen added, unable to resist.

"Sir Alanna happens to be very competent with medicines, and I, with my education, am also extremely competent." Neal said huffily.

"My brain happens to be sound." Faleron replied evenly, "And right now it's telling me not to take any medicine brewed by you."

"No one understands me; you are all jealous of my superior intelligence." Neal said, stomping out of the room with a squawk.

In the dead of the night, a lady and an old man opened a shop in the busiest part of Corus. She was elegant, tall, willowy, and most obviously a noble. Yet her blue eyes were dull, giving her the unfocused look of one under a spell. The man grinned toothily at her and cackled. Old, descript, and hunchbacked, his outward appearance showed no sign of the powerful mage he was.

The markings of the shop indicated that it was a barbershop.

The first day it was open, people began to flock to the store for no apparent reason. Before that day, no one knew it was there. Yet even the rival barbers paid the mysterious shop a visit.

It seemed Kel and squires had a lot more to worry about than the kakophans.

"Lady," Lalasa said, "Have you had your hair trimmed lately?" She was in Kel's room, adjusting her new squire's wear. She had come for a visit, and was appalled by the state of Kel's new clothes. They were in Goldenlake colors, with every stitch perfect. The only problem was, they were two sizes too short. Kel was distracted by a letter she was writing to Ilane of Mindelan, and did not notice Lalasa's constant mention of the new barbershop in Corus. The fact that Lalasa's eyes were duller and glazed over also escaped Kel's usually sharp eyes.

"I'll think about it Lalasa." Kel replied distractedly. "Thank you." She added as Lalasa got up to go.

"You are very welcome my dear Keladry." Lalasa replied.

Strange, Kel thought, Lalasa's never called me by my first name before. Brushing this fact aside, Kel returned to her letter.

Nobles began visiting the new shop the third day it opened. In fact, nobles who lied very far away seemed to visit Corus just to get a haircut. Soon, Their Majesties were informed about this wonderful new barbershop. They visited the fourth day.

"A barbershop sir?" Kel asked her knight master. They had been jousting all day (or rather, Lord Raoul was jousting, Kel was flying and being hit.), and Kel wondered if she was hit one too many times. "Did you say you wanted me to visit a barbershop?"

"Yes Kel, your hair needs to be trimmed a bit, I think." He replied. "Go to the new one in Corus."

"Yes my Lord." Kel said gravely. This was an odd order indeed.

After every finished haircut, the lovely lady swept the floor of the shop. She placed a sample of hair from every visitor into a carefully categorized box. Each night, she cleaned the floor of the shop, and burned all the excess hair in a small pot with strong herbs. The crooked man locked himself in his room at night.

"You're going to get a haircut Kel?" Khari asked. "But you're hair is short enough. You don't really need a haircut."

Kel smiled, "That's what I thought," she said, "but apparently, I need shorter hair, otherwise it would be very uncomfortable to wear a helmet."

Khari sighed. "Why do military folk bother with helmets? They've got mages." Apparently, Khari believed that magical helmets that were invisible to the enemy were far more useful than real ones made of steel. However, as Kel pointed out, most strategists usually aim for the mage of the opposing army first. Khari refused to accept this fact, and stressed her opinion at every chance she got.

"A haircut, Mindelan?" A familiar voice asked. Kel knew who it was instantly; it always sent shivers down her back, pleasant ones.

"How incredibly astonishing." Neal continued. "Apparently, my lovely Knight Mistress has the same thought as Lord Raoul."

"Why is everyone getting a haircut?" Khari asked. "Although, I do have other matters I want to discuss."

"Yes?"

"Wyldon told me not worry about the kakophans," Khari said, sounding confused. "He also told me that the book we read was written by a fallible source. Someone named Fireheart, who claimed to be a dragon."

Neal, Khari, and Kel glanced at each other. The Lord of Cavall was not one to take such a discovery lightly. So why was he?

Merric and Seaver interrupted their thoughts.

"Are you three heading toward the city?" They asked, "We were wondering if you knew where the new barbershop is."

A/N: Yay! I'm done! I will update soon! I promise! I will definitely finish this story. It's so sad though, all my original readers have left me….