RETURNING HOME, PART TWO

CHAPTER TWO. COMING TO TERMS

***

Late the next day, Jess stood at the Gilmore's front door, nervously adjusting his weight from foot to foot. He wasn't used to being nervous at the thought of a girl, especially not one that he had already kissed. The problem was, she hadn't looked all that happy to have kissed him. In fact, she'd looked horrified. To make matters worse, she hadn't set one foot in the diner in the last two days. Only something major could keep a guzzler like Rory away from Luke's coffee. Apparently, her kiss with him had been major; Jess wasn't sure if he should be pleased or worried.

Jess had waited a couple of days before going to see her, and now he was at her door. He'd knocked a moment ago and finally Rory answered.

"Oh! Jess! Um… come in," she stammered, two spots of pink instantly colouring her cheeks.

"Thanks."

"How are you?"

"Good. You?"

"Oh um good," she answered, as though surprised he'd asked.

"How's Lorelai?"

"Oh she's at work – working late."

"I didn't ask you where she was, I asked you how she was," he threw back glibly with a smirk. Although, he had to admit, it was nice knowing Lorelai wasn't about to come storming into the room to chase him away with a pitchfork.

Rory's blush grew in intensity. "Oh. She's good too," she uttered and quickly changed the subject. "Would you like something to drink? I think we have some… um… tap water actually."

Jess smiled. "Yes tap water would be just lovely," he teased, loving how flustered she looked.

While she went into the kitchen, Jess took a seat on the living room couch and wrung his hands a couple times. Even now that he was here, he wasn't sure what he should say to her. It was quite some time before she finally came in with two glasses of water.

Jess wasn't particularly thirsty but holding the glass gave his hands something to do. He gratefully accepted the water and took a gulp. "I say Rory, where do you import your tap water from? It's divine!"

"Don't torment me Jess." She'd said it lightly, but he could see she was not in the mood for beating around the bush. She looked tired and nervous as she sat down on the extreme opposite side of the couch. If she were any farther away, she'd be sitting on the armrest, he thought.

He cleared his throat and decided to dive right in. "OK. Well, seriously then…"

Rory instantly hung her head. "I know what you're gonna say."

"Oh really." He was pretty sure she didn't.

"Yeah." Suddenly, she was rambling. "And I'm so sorry about what happened. I… I don't know what came over me. I guess I was just happy to see you. But I never should have…" she gulped. "Kissed you like that. I know it was wrong and I'm just so embarrassed about it."

Avoiding his gaze, she hadn't seen the look of distress momentarily cross his face as she'd spoken. Jess opted for honesty. "Rory… Don't be embarrassed… I was happy to see you too. I always am. And as far as the kiss goes… I didn't think there was anything wrong about it. In fact," he continued slowly, gaining more confidence as he went on, "if you hadn't kissed me, maybe I would've kissed you first."

That got her attention. Her head spun around towards him, causing shimmering layers of hair to spill over her shoulder. "What do you mean?"

Chuckling softly and running a hand through his hair and onto his neck, he answered. "Well I don't know. Have you been living under a rock?" When she just stared at him, he decided to go for broke, no longer caring if his words were revealing too much, "You know I only came back here so I could be near you."

"Oh!" Blushing furiously and seemingly shocked, Rory quickly averted her gaze again. She looked at the dish of candies sitting on the table in front of her, the staircase leading upstairs, the blinking light of the VCR. Really, she looked at anything but Jess. "Well. But. Uh…" He silently observed her as she willed herself to stop stammering. She placed her hands, palms down, in the air on either side of her, as though mimicking some yogic exercise, calmly took a deep breath and switched her intense stare to the coffee table. It had been a fascinating ritual; Jess wished he could replay it. She spoke again. "Well I thought maybe… but I didn't know."

"I didn't come back here to see Taylor."

"No I don't suppose you did." She was still staring at the coffee table, as though it were the most mesmerizing piece of furniture she had ever seen.

Jess turned his body towards her, placing a bent leg in front of him on the cushion and resting his arm on the back of the couch. Leaning closer, he tried to catch her gaze. "Rory," he said, stressing his words, "I enjoyed the kiss. Really. All of it except the part where you practically sprained an ankle trying to get away from me." He cleared his throat, took another gulp of water, and spoke more faintly – with more of a childlike hesitancy. "When you ran away, at first I thought maybe I'd done something wrong. You know, pushed you too far or something. But I guess you were just remembering that boyfriend of yours."

"Yeah Dean."

"Meanwhile I was left wishing I'd gotten a better grip on you before you pushed yourself away."

"Really?" With a husky voice, she made it sound more like a statement than a question.

She looked him right in the eye then, and his breath caught in his throat. "Of course. I told you, I enjoyed the kiss. Um. Extremely." Argh! He thought. 'Um. Extremely'? Jess was no good at these things. His heart pounding, he decided to try and distract her from his gracelessly personal disclosure. He went on playfully, "By the way… I'm all for it if you want to kiss me again." He paused while she chuckled softly. Her laughter gave him the courage to add, "If you do, and if you give me some advance notice, maybe I'll be able to hold on to you tighter next time."

Suddenly Jess felt his cheeks growing hot. Was he really saying these things to Rory? Was he finally and truly losing control of his vocal faculties? He was thankful, for the millionth time in his young life, that his skin tone would hide his blush well. Even still, he backtracked a bit from his flirtations and mumbled "I mean you really did catch me off-guard the other day."

Her lips tugged into a small smile, but he could see a hint of mischief in those eyes. "I'll think about it. Jess?"

"Yeah?"

She held her breath for a moment before going on. "Do you… like me?"

Here's the million-dollar question! he thought breathlessly. What could he say? 'I love you'? Although he was sure it was the truth, he couldn't bring himself to say it; he'd never said it to anyone before. "I think of you remotely as the sort of person that I could occasionally stand to talk to, yeah," he replied with a grin, recalling how she had spluttered that very sentence the day he'd cleaned out the Gilmore's rain gutters. When she responded favourably to his reply, Jess grew relieved that, even in his decidedly dorky mental state, he had come up with something halfway witty to say. With his next question, however, he once again grew tense. "What about you?"

"Me?"

"No, the other you." The joke was meant to release some of his nervous energy. It didn't work. Quietly, almost inaudibly, he asked her "Do you like me?"

Her voice was soft, but not at all unassertive when she replied "Yeah."

Then she remained silent for a moment, her eyes seemingly haunted. It prompted Jess to put forth "And Dean, huh?" disappointment colouring his words.

"And Dean."

"Huh. Well, wonders never cease."

"Don't say that."

He sighed. "I know. Sorry." He watched as Rory fiddled with her wristwatch for a short period of time. "So now what?"

"I don't know yet."

Jess pursed his lips and nodded his head slightly in a gesture of thoughtful acceptance. "I hope you'll think about it. Um. I mean 'Us'. If there is an 'Us'."

"Would you like there to be an 'Us'?" she squeaked.

Jess pretended to think it over for a moment, nodding his head again in mock-serious ponderance. Then, when he seemingly came up with his answer, he decidedly shook his head once and put on a dopey grin. "Yup," came his one-word response. Rory, biting her lower lip, smiled and briefly cast her eyes downward to the pattern on the couch. That innocent look was so sexy it could have killed Jess right there.

They sat in silence a moment, Rory sneaking peeks at him wonderingly and Jess returning them in kind, before he carried on. "So… I'm gonna go. I'll stop by in a few days, if you'd like. Give you some time to think about it."

He watched her face fall then. "Jess… You should know, I'm going to Washington D.C. for the summer – six weeks. I leave in a couple of days…" By now his face had fallen too. She went on, "Paris and I are going to attend a youth leadership conference there, since we'll be on the student body council next year."

"Oh. What about school? Isn't it still in session?"

"Yeah. For a couple more weeks but Paris and I wrote our finals early so we could have the chance to go on this trip."

He paused, with furrowed brow, and looked down at his shoe before continuing. Damn, six weeks? "Well… I'll miss you."

"You will?"

"Hello? Yeah… I missed you while I was in New York."

"I missed you too."

"I know," he replied gently.

"Oh." They were both speaking softly now, as though some contract had been signed that all discussions about separation should barely be audible.

"So leaving in two days huh? Do you think you'll know what you want by then?" He asked anyway, not thinking that she would.

"I don't know."

"Well, take your time. But I hope, before long, we can work this whole situation out." She nodded at this. "And I hope it works out in my favour," he dared to add in a louder voice, leaning forward with a rakish smile.

Eyes twinkling, she changed the subject, "Hey. Don't get into any trouble while I'm gone."

"Do you have any idea how boring this hokey town is if I don't get into trouble? I plan to play a few more tricks on Doose before this summer's out. Hey!" he continued, clapping a hand to his forehead as if a thought had just occurred to him. "Maybe I did come back here to see Taylor."

"Jess…" she lectured good-naturedly and he laughed. He could tell she wasn't mad at him. "And what about Dean? Are you going to play tricks on him too?"

"Nah…" he said shaking his head. "I don't give a crap about Dean. Only you. If he stays away from me, I'll stay away from him."

"Thank you."

"Actually, I don't think I'll do too many nasty things around here this summer. I promised Luke that things were gonna be different from now on." Jess had meant it too. The only problem was, what would he do with himself with Rory gone all summer? "Ah geez. Speaking of which… I also promised I'd help out more with the diner, including tonight. I guess I should get back there." After a pause he stood up, exhaling audibly but feeling jovial. "Well… I'm gonna get going."

Following his lead, she rose and they both made their way to the front door. Having opened the door, Jess turned around. To his surprise and delight, she was right behind him.

Standing close to her in the open doorway, he ran his thumb and fingertips lightly over her cheek and back into her hair, causing her eyes to close momentarily before returning – heavy-lidded – to his face. "I'm glad we got a chance to talk before you left," he added.

She nodded, looking as though words failed her. With a smile and a slight nod of his head, he turned and left then, hoping that she had been expecting him to kiss her. Always leave them wanting more, he thought.

***

Later that night, Jess was just letting the last customers out of the diner. After the door closed behind them, he locked it and turned the 'Open' sign around to reveal 'Please Come Again'. Caesar had left a few minutes ago, having already served the last of the meals and cleaned the grill. Jess, alone in the diner now, cleared the table by the window - the one that Lorelai had been referring to as table five ever since her diner-talk days. Outside it was dark and, with the help of the diner lights, the room was reflected back at him off of the windows. It was silent now and Jess was enjoying it. It gave him a chance to think.

Tonight, as usual, his thoughts were of Rory. Specifically, he pondered the sexy look on her face when, earlier that night, he'd touched her cheek and run his fingers through her hair. He was sure now that she had expected – and wanted – him to give her their second kiss.

Maybe Jess should have given in to her wishes after all. His not having done so, wasn't for lack of wanting to. It was more due to the fact that she would have to come to some sort of a decision first; he couldn't risk seeing that look of panic and guilt on her face again.

Gathering the last of the dishes, he decided he would certainly have to see Rory again before she left for D.C.

The smile – that unbeknownst to him had formed on his face – evaporated when he become conscious that Rory would soon be far away. A wave of loneliness spread through him. She would be even farther away from him than when he'd been in New York.

New York.

With a sigh, his mind drifted to his mother. She was already alone – living in their little space on the fifth floor of the Beavis apartment building, lost somewhere in the heart of Manhattan.

Having placed as much tableware as he could in the dishwasher, he started the machine up and wiped clean the last few plates by hand. His thoughts persisted. He and his mother had gotten along well during the last few days he was there. Even he could see it would be a shame to let that progress slide.

Finished in the kitchen, he walked out towards the dining area. Standing in the doorway, he placed his hands one on either side of the doorframe and leaned forward, stretching the muscles in his chest and arms. Stretching his neck from side to side, he surveyed the scene in front of him, feeling a sense of personal contentment he hadn't felt in a while. For once things were starting to go well for him. Jess turned out the lights before slipping up the stairs to the apartment.

Inside the apartment, he was surprised to find Luke still awake. His uncle was sitting on the couch listening to music by the dim light of a lamp. At first, the older man seemed to be deep in thought, but Luke was immediately aware when the song to which he'd been listening ended. He hit a button on the remote and the song started up all over again.

"You OK?" Jess asked, concerned, kicking off his shoes.

"Yeah." But it wasn't enough to convince Jess.

"What are you listening to?"

"Carolyn Dawn Johnson. 'Complicated'."

Jess only had to hear a few of the lyrics to realize that Luke was thinking about Lorelai.

"You should make up with her." He wasn't just saying that because Luke's making up with Lorelai would make Jess's life easier. He could see – anyone could see - that Luke loved and genuinely missed the woman.

"Who?"

"Lorelai."

"Yeah."

Picking up the portable phone, Jess went into his room and shut the door. He dialed a number and a moment later, his mother answered. As Jess had recently discovered, Luke had missed Jess when he was in New York; maybe there was a good chance his mother missed him too. "Hey there… Yeah. Good. I just wanted to let you know that I made it here alright…"

***

Late the next evening, Jess watched Rory for a brief moment, wondering why fate had decided to take her away from Stars Hollow now. Rory was packing the last of her things, oblivious to his presence. Feeling guilty for staring, Jess knocked on the smooth pane of glass. Whirling around, she put a hand to her chest in surprise, startled to find him standing outside her downstairs bedroom window. Then she smiled and came towards him.

Opening the window, she exclaimed "Hi there!"

"Hi. I didn't mean to startle you," he said as he placed his elbows on the windowsill and leaned against the building. "I just wanted to say goodbye before you left. Tomorrow's the big day huh?"

Smiling, Rory relayed the details. "Yeah we leave tomorrow morning. I'm actually getting a little excited about going."

"That's great." He said sincerely, "I know you'll have a great time." He should receive an Academy Award for the brave face he was putting on.

"Yeah. You know? I think I will. Even with Paris."

He laughed. "I can just imagine," Jess understood her comment all too well as he recalled his heated –albeit enjoyable - discussion with Paris about Jack Kerouac. Then Jess recalled one of the reasons for his late night visit. "Oh! And I wanted to lend you this." He pulled a worn paperback out of his back pocket.

Taking it from him, she stated, "Oh this is a great book."

With a smirk, he lamented "Ah. You've read it. I keep forgetting you've read almost as many books as I have."

"Almost as many?"

"Well maybe more. I wouldn't know," he backtracked good-naturedly. "But anyway, I've written some things in the margins for you."

"Good. I'll definitely read it. It'll be… kinda like I'm taking you with me."

"I'd like that," he said and inwardly glowed at the sight of her blush.

"Maybe I'll put you in my suitcase," she spoke with a twinkle in her eye.

"Sure, you can pack me next to your undergarments!" he came back, raising his eyebrows twice in quick succession. This earned him a playful swat on the arm and they both laughed.

Reluctantly, not wanting the moment to end, Jess continued, "Well I guess I should be heading back to the diner. I promised Luke I'd help him close up tonight – Again." Jess opened his eyes wide to stress the first syllable of 'again'. Damn. I always have to close up at such inopportune times, he thought with frustration.

"I should finish packing anyway. Big day tomorrow."

Jess stalled a bit longer. "I woulda came earlier, but I noticed Dean was here."

"Oh. Yeah he was here." Her tone remained neutral, noncommittal.

"I woulda come to your door, but the jeep is here. Figured Lorelai was home."

Rory nodded slowly. "She is."

"I should go," he said with a gentle voice, a touch of sadness colouring the words.

She mimicked his tone. "Yeah… Gotta pack."

"See ya."

"Yeah, see ya." But when Jess started to move away from the window, she called him back.

"Yeah?" He questioned.

"Come here." And he did as she asked. She reached through the open window and grasped his wrist, pulling him closer still. Placing her other hand behind his neck, she guided him toward her lips for a gentle kiss. His heart did a two-step and his fingers somehow found their way into the silky hair at the nape of her neck. Jess yielded like putty in her hands.

His knees were weak again, and, were she not holding onto him, he might not have kept his balance. Was this what it would always feel like to kiss Rory? A dizzying, head-spinning rush?

He could only hope the kiss was affecting her as strongly – and as favourably - as it did him. He couldn't quite believe it was happening. Part of him was able to relax and enjoy the feel of her soft lips against his; another part of him kept waiting for her to pull back abruptly, panicking again. Happily, she didn't.

When they broke apart, a lazy moment later, she warned, "I don't know what that means yet. But it means something."

"For me too," he breathed as he dazedly ran his fingers through her hair again, his heart pumping excessive amounts of oxygen to his brain. "Keep in touch, OK?" he spoke through the lump in his throat.

"I will. When I get settled in, I'll give you a call."

Giving her another quick kiss, Jess backed away from the window, smiling wanly. Slowly her grasp shifted from his wrist into his hand, their fingers lingering momentarily together before they parted. Her grin matched his.

He swung himself around the porch pillar and descended the stairs two at a time. Once his feet hit the grass, he turned briefly to look up at her again. She was still watching him with a smile. When he reached the edge of the property she called, "Thanks again for the book!"

"Anytime!" came his reply.

***

Early the next morning, Jess was coming down the stairs from the apartment. He was just about to walk into the diner when he caught a glimpse of Rory at the counter. The smile, which had formed at the sight of her – and at the sight of the dewy lips he had kissed the night before - faded when he noticed Dean and Lorelai were also there. Jess fell back into the shadows and observed them. Rory was just saying goodbye to Luke. Luke, still avoiding Lorelai, came around the counter to give the youngest Gilmore a hug.

"Have a good trip, Rory."

"Thanks Luke. Well, I guess we better get going…" Rory, looked around casually. Jess realized with a jolt, she's looking for me! Even with Dean standing right there! "Tell Jess I said 'bye'," she said before Dean and Lorelai scowled.

Jess popped out of the hallway into the diner, just as Luke was saying, "Will do. Oh Jess."

"Goodbye? Leaving town, huh?" Jess pretended that he didn't already know, and practiced his most casual facial expression. Dean stared at him with a look nothing short of hatred and slipped a protective arm around Rory's shoulders.

"Yeah. I'm going to Washington, D.C. for a few weeks." She replied, also pretending that they hadn't already talked about the fact twice before.

Jess, aware that everyone's eyes were on him – two pairs of glowering eyes in particular – wished her a good trip. There was nothing more he could say, without blowing her cover. He noticed a look of understanding pass across her face; she knew he wanted to say more.

"Well as I was just saying, we better get going. Paris is probably climbing the walls cause I'm not at the airport extra early. Luke, thanks for the coffee, I'm gonna miss it while I'm gone."

"You're welcome. Have a good time."

Thanks, bye Luke. Bye Jess."

There was a chorus of goodbyes between Rory and the diner's patrons as the Gilmores and Dean turned to leave. Just as Lorelai was about to walk out the door, Luke called out. "Lorelai, see you later."

Lorelai turned, a look of shock melting into one of warmth and happiness. "See you Luke."

Jess watched the trio through the window as they climbed into Lorelai's jeep. Dean was going to the airport with Rory. And before she would board the plane, she would kiss Dean, with the approval of her watching mother. Jess sighed. He felt like such a paramour.

***

AUTHOR'S NOTE

Thanks to everyone who took the time to review my story. You guys are great and your kind words give me the strength and the stamina to continue with my story. Good and/or bad reviews are welcome so keep 'em coming!

I still have a few more chapters up my sleeve but I'm writing most of them from scratch and I'm a slooooow writer. Please be patient! Thanks.