RETURNING HOME, PART TWO

CHAPTER FOUR. BALANCE AND STRUCTURE

***

It was the first day of summer school. As if taunting him, the weather outside was perfect that day. Jess stepped out of his math class and checked his schedule. His second class was biology in room 103, just down the hall. Jess strolled into the classroom a few minutes before the bell with a sigh. Math was going to be a killer; hopefully biology would be better. He had to keep reminding himself that he didn't want to end up a year behind Rory. Jess selected a seat near the back of the class and, upon plopping himself down in the chair, he crossed his arms on the table and used them to cradle his drowsy head.

Jess was drifting into a restful state when he heard the voice of a teacher calling the class to attention. Then the voice singled him out in particular. "Jesse, is it?"

Jess sighed and resigned himself to fate. He sat up and blinked at the class. All eyes were turned to him. "It's Jess. Just Jess."

"Oh. Sorry. Jess. Well as I was saying, since this is a small class, I think it would be better if we all sat up at the front of the room. There's a perfect seat right over here."

Jess glanced around at the roughly 15 students in the class, his gaze finally falling on the empty chair the teacher had indicated. Without a word, he grabbed his notebook and his pen and trudged up to the front of the classroom. Jess never sat at the front of a classroom, if he could avoid it.

The teacher introduced himself as Ned Clark. He seemed a laid back sort of guy and insisted that everyone address him by his first name. He then guided the class through introductions. One by one, each student announced his or her name and stated something about his or herself. Ned injected banter into the discussion, when warranted, and jotted their names down in a notebook, taking attendance and drafting a seating plan.

Eventually, the boy to Jess's left, the one who shared a table with Jess and was now presumably his science partner, was introducing himself. "Derek Maser," the boy said. "And there are any number of places I would rather be than stuck in a classroom in the middle of summer!" Here here! thought Jess.

"Geez. I know what you mean!" Ned replied. "Right now I could have been hiking in the foothills of Montana. I love that country. But, alas, here I am. What would you be doing, Derek, if you weren't here?"

"Probably staying with my brother out west, surfing or something. Playing basketball. I don't know. Working part time."

"So why are you here instead?"

Derek looked shy when he continued. "Oh. Well, I want to major in medicine in college. I wanted to improve my bio grade."

"Oh! Admirable," Ned stated, pleased. After finishing with Derek, Ned turned to Jess "And last but not least we have Jess 'Just Jess'," he checked his list, "Mariano."

"Yuh," Jess answered in the affirmative with the bare minimum required articulatory effort.

"And what brings you to the wonderful summer edition of Biology 11?"

"My failing grade courtesy of non-participation and/or outright non-attendance."

"Ah, a slacker!" Ned rubbed his hands together in glee.

"In the flesh."

"Well just be sure to slouch defiantly in your chair at all times. Oh. And feel free to insert disruptive sarcastic remarks where applicable."

"I think I can handle that."

Ned laughed then and said "But seriously folks. We're all here for a reason, whatever it may be. I'm a fairly good-natured guy about most things, but I do insist that everyone do his best in this class. We're all wasting the summer away by being here, so let's at least make it worth our while. Everyone is going to pass this class." With that the energetic man began to hand out textbooks. "We're gonna start with chapter 13…" he was saying.

***

After his bizarre first biology class, Jess was able to slip over to the diner for a quick lunch. He tossed that morning's textbooks onto the diner's kitchen counter and proceeded to make himself a sandwich. Finishing that, he sat down at a table in a back corner of the kitchen, choosing to eat alone rather than with the diner's patrons. He looked at his textbooks, while he chewed thoughtfully. They were each terribly thick, he noted with gloom. It was going to be a long summer.

Just looking at these textbooks is enough to put a guy to sleep, he thought. It was a good thing Ned had been so lively in his lecture about plant life that day. Turned out, Ned had just the right tongue-in-cheek teaching style to keep Jess's attention. Math class was going to downright suck, but it looked like biology would be amusing, what with the wacky teacher.

Forty minutes later Jess was headed to classroom number 216 to find out what his third, and final, class - Social Studies - was going to be like. As it turned out, the Socials teacher, Mr. North, was a good deal stricter than Ned had been, and he promptly set about organizing alphabetical seating.

"Hey Slacker!" Derek Maser greeted as he was assigned the seat behind Jess.

"Hey Doc," came Jess's reply. "You trying to upgrade your marks in this class too?" Jess asked as the teacher continued shuffling people around.

"Nah. I failed this one," Derek replied sheepishly. "History and geography are not my forte."

"Me neither."

"You failed this one too, Slacker?"

"Yeah. Well it's been a rough year. Actually, last year was too, only last year I didn't take summer school and they held me back. Didn't want to get held back again so here I am." Jess wasn't particularly sure why he was volunteering this information to a stranger. Maybe it was Derek's friendly face. "It's been a rough couple of years," he reiterated, not wanting Derek to think he was dumb or something.

"Yeah, I guess!" Derek replied, apparently not put off by Jess's admission.

"Didn't want my uncle to be right," Jess went on. "Didn't want to end up being the guy in the back listening to Steely Dan."

"Huh?"

"Never mind," Jess said with a chuckle.

"Eww. Steely Dan," Derek muttered as the teacher was finally satisfied with the seating arrangement and called the class to order. Jess turned back to the front of the classroom, a smile on his face and a laugh threatening to bubble forth. He couldn't agree more.

***

When the bell rang signalling the end of the Social Studies class, Jess let his forehead drop down on the desk. He already had a mountain of history homework. Ugh, he thought, sitting there while his new classmates were filing out of the room.

"See ya, Slacker," called Derek as he too got up to leave.

"See ya," Jess replied, not moving. In time, the students, and the teacher as well, had vacated the room. Jess stayed there, alone in the classroom, for quite a while. He wasn't even thinking, just spacing out.

Finally - when he realized that, if he rested his head on the desk any longer, he was liable to drool all over himself - he gathered his books and headed out. Downstairs, Jess slipped out of the building using the back door, exiting out by the playing fields.

It was still a nice day outside: sunny, but not too hot. Birds were chirping in the trees around the building and a few students were sprawled on the green lawn, sunning themselves. Already, Jess observed as he headed for the diner, there was an afternoon pickup game of basketball taking place. It reminded him of the games he and his friends would play back at the court on Bleecker and 6th.

One newly familiar face on the basketball court stood out in particular. On the spur of the moment, Jess called out to him, "Hey Derek! Is there room for one more?"

"Well, we meet again!" Derek called back, behind the play. "Sure. You're on my team; these guys are whipping our asses!"

Jess tossed his books on the sidelines and the two of them dashed across the court to catch up with the play.

***

Later that afternoon, Jess chose a table at the far end of the diner and aimlessly flipped open his science text. If I can just read chapter 13, then I can take a break, he thought. His eyes drifted up from the book, however, as a couple of customers walked into the diner. Jess inexplicably stared at them as they discussed which table they would like to sit at. "No! Gotta read this chapter," he muttered. He forced his eyes back to the book, but it was easier said than done. The supper rush was going to start soon. There were too many distractions in the diner.

Finally Jess grunted, packed up his books and went upstairs. Once inside the apartment, Jess flopped down in front of the coffee table and again turned to chapter 13. He didn't read it though. Instead, he counted the pages. "Thirty-two pages," he murmured in disgust. He flipped back to the beginning of the chapter and tried to read it.

In the silence that ensued, Jess became acutely aware of a clock ticking somewhere in the apartment. Jess had never noticed an analog clock in the apartment before and, in irritation, he searched the room with his eyes for the source of the infernal ticking. He found it right above the stereo, thereby causing him to realize why he'd never heard the clock before: when in the apartment, he usually blasted his music.

Sitting in front of his textbook, Jess stared blankly at his stereo a moment. He thought maybe his Danko Jones CD was in there, and he found his thoughts drifting to the kick-ass guitar licks on track three. When he caught on to the fact that his mind was wandering again, he exasperatedly threw his arms up in the air. "It's impossible to read when you have to do it!" He sighed. He couldn't concentrate in here either. There were too many distractions in the apartment.

Finally inspiration struck. Jess gathered up his books again and headed back down the stairs to the diner. A couple minutes later, Jess was sitting on the floor, leaning up against the wall, in between jars of pickles and industrial sized vats of ketchup. He was in the diner's storage room, concentration coming at last.

***

The following Friday, after a long first week of summer school, Jess was ready to have some fun. Jess trotted onto the basketball court eager for the chance to unwind. A few of the guys were already there, Jess's lab partner included.

Jess and Derek seemed to be forging a good friendship. As it turned out, they had more in common than a healthy dislike for Steely Dan. Quite a bit more. Well, with the possible exception of Derek's strongly held career aspirations. Jess wasn't quite as firm in his career goals as the other boy was.

Jess was also coming to realize that some of the other regulars on the basketball court - Bobby, Neil and Laird in particular - were good guys as well. Jess was starting to feel like part of a social circle, a feeling he hadn't held since life had taken him away from New York all those many months ago.

That day, after Jess and Derek helped beat the pants off their team's opponents, Jess invited Derek back to the diner for a victory Coke. The exuberant Derek had readily agreed. On their way, the two recapped - in hilarious, imitative slow-motion playbacks - some of the more notable parts of that day's game. Their high-spirited conversation strayed to other topics besides basketball as well.

"Nah. You won't catch me reading that stuff," Derek was saying some time later, as the two of them sat at the counter, munching on the snacks Jess had snagged.

"Hey. Really. Austen and Bronte are not that bad. Don't knock it if you haven't tried it."

"What are you? A romantic or something?"

"Guess so."

"I dunno. When I read, which is not often, but it does occur from time to time, science fiction is really more my thing."

"To each his own," Jess was saying tolerantly, as Luke came up to him, balancing three plates of burgers and fries. Jess turned his attention to his uncle. "What?"

"Jess. I forgot to tell you, Rory called this afternoon. Again." Luke stressed in his dry wit. "I swear you two are acting more like lovesick teenagers everyday: Tying up the phone at all hours." Luke was rolling his eyes. "Geez," he added as he took off to serve the plates to the waiting customers in the back.

"Oh. Thanks." Jess replied, slightly embarrassed by Luke's grumblings.

Derek turned to Jess. "Rory Gilmore?"

Jess almost choked on a fry, his eyes opening wide. "Yeah. Why?" It surprised him to note that Derek knew whom they were talking about. Luke was going to have to be more careful about what he said in public: the walls apparently had ears. Jess would mention it to him the next chance he got.

"Isn't that Dean's girlfriend?"

Jess felt the floor drop out from beneath his stool. This was apparently worse than he'd thought. "Ah geez! Don't tell me you're Dean's friend."

"Yeah. Well, no not really. I mean he often plays basketball with us. That's how I know him."

"I've been playing basketball with you guys every day this week. I haven't seen him there once."

"That's cause he's working full time this summer. He only plays on weekends nowadays."

Guess I won't be playing basketball on weekends then, thought Jess. He tried to steer the subject away from Rory. "How can you be so cool and still be friends with a cheeseball like Dean?"

Derek laughed. "My bad," he said, popping a fry into his mouth. Jess's steering hadn't worked. "You seeing Rory or something?"

"No. Friends," Jess muttered, cramming more fries into his mouth. "Luke was just teasing me." Thankfully, Derek let it drop.

***

A few days later, Jess was ensconced in the diner's quiet storage room, reading about the life and times of Louis Riel from his extremely boring text book. How was it that Jess could read documentaries on any subject under the sun, but let one teacher assign a textbook reading, and Jess could barely get through it for yawning so much? He had a few more pages to go before he was done for the night.

Luke walked in on him then, carrying a box of groceries and supplies into the room. "Oh! Jess, there you are." He stopped. "What are you doing in the pantry?"

"Studying," Jess replied, giving Luke a 'duh' look and shaking his head slightly, as though it were the only logical reason anyone would be in the pantry.

"I've been looking for you. Rory phoned about fifteen minutes ago. I told her I'd get you to call her when I found you."

"Oh thanks, Luke," Jess replied. He removed his Socials text from his lap, tucked in a sheet of his homework as a bookmark, and pushed his papers up against the wall. He left the room as Luke continued to restock the shelves of the pantry.

Upstairs, Jess picked up the phone and dialed the number he knew by heart. When he heard a voice on the other end of the line, he inquired, "Rory?"

"Jess! Hey! I just called you."

"I know. Luke found me. What's up?"

"Nothing. Hey Jess! I'm coming home in nine days."

"Is it getting to be that time already?" he drawled.

"Yup."

"I know," he said smiling. "You already told me that, the last few times we talked."

"Did I?"

"Yeah. But the last time, you said ten days. And the time before that, eleven days…" he proclaimed all knowingly.

She giggled. "I guess I'm just excited."

"I guess!" She certainly sounded excited.

"I can't wait to see you," she said, causing a warm feeling to spread through his body just as surely as the warm smile was spreading across his face.

"You know; I won't mind one bit, seeing you again either. How are you?"

"Good. Can't you tell?"

Jess chuckled. "Yeah, I can tell. You sound like you're bouncing."

"I am," she said and they both laughed. "I can't help it. It was a good day, and there are only nine days till I'm back home!"

"You know what?"

"What?"

"I have it on good authority that, tomorrow, there will only be eight days till you get back."

"Wow! Eight days. I can't wait!"

"I've missed you," Jess said with off-handed sincerity.

"How can you miss me? We talk on the phone like everyday."

"Guess I missed seeing you then." His eyes involuntarily rolled, but his body was still saturated with warmth. It felt good to be able to admit his feelings to Rory.

Rory's voice took on a more serious tone; she had apparently calmed down. "I know what you mean. I missed you too, Jess."

"Good," he said, grinning. When he heard that, and the way that she had spoken his name, it was all he could do to keep from floating off into the stratosphere. Jess changed the subject, bringing himself back down to Earth so as to prevent any fruity comments from passing through his lips, "How's Paris doing?"

"Paris? She's doing great. She's totally in her element here. And she and I are getting along just fine. I have to admit, I was a little worried about it before, but no, Paris has been great, a real friend even. Still, I can't wait to see everyone back at home."

Everyone? Jess wondered and then sighed, his grin fading a bit. Everyone. Jess finally dared to ask her the question that had been burning in his mind for weeks. "So… you still talking to Dean, or what?"

"Oh!" came her uncomfortable response. "Yeah…" She was speaking slowly now, hesitatingly. "Actually I was gonna call him after I talked to you."

"Oh." Jess's chin involuntarily jutted out to the side in irritation. He had to push a crop of irrational thoughts out of his mind: it wasn't like they'd agreed to be faithful to one another or anything. And really, when it came right down to it, he had always known that she was still calling Dean.

"Jess? You still there?"

Jess forced his jaw to slacken before answering. He took a deep breath and relaxed his shoulders. Feigning comfortable detachment, he replied, "Yeah I'm here."

"Oh… Good," she still sounded nervous. "We still good?"

"We're good." Jess tried to sound upbeat. "Whatever. He's your boyfriend. Of course you're gonna call him."

"Um… Yeah." She sounded sad.

She probably thinks I don't want to talk to her anymore, Jess assumed. But Jess did. Dean be damned, Jess could not have kept himself from talking to her even if he'd wanted to. Boyfriend or not, Jess could not be anything but devoted to Rory, could not be anything less than her friend. "We're good! We're good! Don't worry," Jess tried to reassure her.

"Jess. Can I tell you something?"

"Yeah," he said with a trace of melancholy.

"I don't know if I'd call Dean my boyfriend anymore… I…"

Jess's depression evaporated. His brain was buzzing. Buzzing. Buzzing and whirling. He held his breath and pressed the phone closer to his ear, trying to make sense out of the tiny sounds she was creating on the other end of the line. "Go on," he urged in a soft voice, barely louder than a whisper.

"I don't know."

"You can tell me."

"Jess… I really don't know. I…" She sighed. "I'm sorry if I'm not making any sense. I'm just really confused."

"Huh," he grunted, feeling a little let down. "Me too," he said, a trace of his old sarcasm returning. She was confused. She was confusing. Jess didn't know what to think.

"I'll figure it out Jess. I promise."

"OK," he replied.

"I owe it to myself to see what happens when I get home."

Jess sighed shakily and nodded. Sitting on the edge of his bed now, he placed an elbow on his knee, dumped his cheek into his hand and stared at the floor, considering this for a moment. Unfortunately, he had to agree with her. He had to think that these were not the kind of things that could be decided over the phone.

"I understand," he began but then halted. He thought he understood. But then again, there was no ambivalence in his mind about the way he felt about her. He added, "You're gonna be home soon, you know."

"I know. I can't wait to see you."

"Really?"

"Really."

Jess's mood started to elevate again. The admission she had made about Dean had been a huge step for her. In the past, she'd always clung to the idea that Dean was her boyfriend, and always would be. At least now she was entertaining other possibilities.

"So Rory," he said, deciding to lighten the moment. His heart felt a little lighter, so why not have some fun? Assuming a manner of bored nonchalance, he joshed her, "You don't think you'd call Dean your boyfriend… Finally succumbed to my charms, huh?"

"Well I don't know," she teased. "I've met some pretty hot Washington guys."

"None as hot as me, I hope. I mean: I'm burning up, over here!" he teased back.

She laughed. "Nope, none as hot as you," she conceded in good fun.

"Good. I can relax then," he said, laughing along. "I'm just teasing you, you know."

"I know," she answered warmly.

"So… I gotta go… douse myself or something. Talk to you later?"

"Yeah," came her sweet voice, "Talk to you later, Jess." And they said their goodbyes, in their now-typical drawn out style.

Jess hung up the phone with a smile. The distance between Rory and him had been significant when he was in New York. Now that she was in Washington, the distance was technically even greater. But Jess didn't mind. They were much closer this time.

***

On Saturday afternoon, Jess was listless. He couldn't fathom any homework just then, and he'd been reading so many history and science chapters that it was literally painful to hold a book in front of his eyes. Jess popped a CD in the stereo and cranked it as the drivingly melodic, yet heavily industrialized, sounds of Econoline Crush filled the living room.

Jess walked away from the stereo, singing along under his breath. Of course, it wouldn't have mattered if he'd sung out loud: Luke couldn't have heard him over the music anyway. "…She says I'm the one she really wants… but I'll never be the one that she needs…" Jess hoped he had better luck than the pour sap in the song.

During one admittedly screechy part in the song, Luke turned down the stereo and exclaimed, "That's it! Jess, can't you do something else today? The whole town's at that damn turkey-calling contest and this is the first Saturday in months that I actually have the day off!"

"Geez! All right. But what would you have me do? There's nothing to do in this town. I sure as hell ain't gonna compete in that stupid contest!"

"Why don't you go play basketball?"

"It's the weekend," Jess replied, as though that summed it all up.

"So? I'm not getting you."

"Dean's there."

Luke relaxed a little bit, recognition crossing his face. "Oh. You think it will cause trouble?"

"Don't know." He and Dean together on a basketball court? Who knew what would happen? No. It was best to avoid the court today.

But then he reconsidered: maybe it wouldn't even matter. Maybe Dean was at the turkey-calling contest. He certainly was a Class A turkey.

***

After much deliberation, Jess headed down to the basketball court. Upon his arrival, Jess discovered fortune was not on his side: Dean was there. And, was it his imagination, or was Dean acting like he owned the whole court? Jess decided to leave. He didn't need to tempt fate.

Before Jess could turn around and make his hasty getaway, however, Derek, who was also on the court that day, caught sight of him. And apparently Derek didn't know how much bad blood existed between Jess and Dean. "Hey Jess! You're just in time!" he called out.

Jess froze in his tracks. Drat. Now everyone knew he was there. Much to Jess's disappointment, Dean caught the ball then, and the entire game ground to a halt. Reluctantly, Jess came closer.

Dean muttered. "What are you doing here?"

"I'm here to play. What does it look like?"

Dean attempted to stare him down but Jess returned the glare and held his ground. After a loaded moment, Dean relented. "Fine," he grumbled as he hurled the ball hard at Jess's chest.

Jess caught the ball easily, but not without taking a step backwards. He and Derek briefly shared a look - Derek's look of amazement meeting Jess's look of 'See what I mean?' - before Jess threw the ball back into play and the game resumed.

Dean and Jess steered away from each other for most of the game. On opposite teams, they both chose to play left wing, thus placing themselves on opposite edges of the court. And because of this, the game was going well for the most part.

However, the generous comfort zone they had established lacked permanence. At one point, the boy checking Jess tripped and fell, and had to limp off to the sidelines. His team suddenly shorthanded, Dean had to take up the slack. In the heat of the moment, Jess and Dean found themselves head to head.

Jess had the ball and, with his back to Dean, he dribbled deftly, keeping it always out of the taller boy's reach. Dean's height gave him an advantage in the reaching and shooting departments but Jess's smaller frame gave him a greater sense of balance and agility. Faking an overhead shot, Jess was able to quickly duck under Dean's arm and pass the ball to Laird. Laird immediately tossed the ball and scored.

"Ha!" Jess cried in triumph, watching the ball sail cleanly through the net.

Turning back towards Dean, as the play continued around them, Jess promptly received a deliberate push on the shoulders. The push was strong, but Jess recovered his balance easily.

"Look, I'm not your friend, Dean," Jess said in arrogant surprise, hatred welling up inside of him. "And I'm not trying to be. But you don't have to be hostile."

"Just stay away from Rory and we'll be fine," Dean replied acrimoniously.

"Sorry, Man, can't do it."

Dean gritted his teeth and let the comment slide as they both returned to the game still in progress. Jess - and it would seem Dean as well - decided to reinstate the unwritten rule of giving one another a wide berth.

***

Four days after the near-disastrous encounter with Dean on the basketball court, Jess walked into the diner, the door's bell jingling above his head. Lorelai was sitting at the counter. "Hey Good Guy," she said to him.

"Stop! Don't you ever stop?" Jess begged as he stepped over to the counter and dumped his books on top of it.

"Didn't Luke tell you? I'm physically incapable of stopping."

Luke, at the other end of the counter, looked up from the toaster and agreed matter-of-factly, "She is, you know."

Lorelai gave Jess a wide-eyed look, as if to say 'There. I told you so' and changed the subject. "So anyway, I was just telling Luke here, Rory's coming back home in a couple of days."

Jess knew. Oh! Jess knew! He was both excited and nervous by the prospect. He and Rory had shared many conversations over the phone - in the end, talking to each other almost every day. Each conversation was more wonderful than the last; Jess felt they were getting closer all the time.

Jess knew, however, that 'telephone' relationships were not the same as 'real-life' relationships. Rory's decision would not come over the phone. He had no idea what would happen when she returned to Stars Hollow. All he could do was hope for the best.

"Yeah. I know," Jess replied, pulling out a stool and sitting down a couple of place settings away from Rory's mother.

"You do? How? How do you know?"

"Um…" Jess mumbled, his eyes taking on a wide-eyed look of terror. He had just assumed that Lorelai knew about his phone calls with Rory. But Lorelai was looking at him coldly, eyes piercing and frown twitching. She didn't know. He felt sick as he realized he'd blown Rory's cover after all.

All of a sudden she let out a peal of laughter. "I'm just kidding, Jess! I know you and Rory have been talking on the phone!"

Jess let out a shaky breath. "You got some sort of twisted sense of humour there," he muttered. "I like it."

***

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