------------- from Part 1 of 'After Duloc - The Three Bears & Moving On'
After sitting there for quite a bit, listening to Papa Bear and Baby Bear
weep oceans of tears, causing dents in the dirt floor, I stood up.
"I know who can help you!" I exclaimed in my oh-so-popular voice, a bit
uneasy about what they would reply.
The two bears looked at me in surprise, and rubbed their eyes in disbelief.
They probably surprised at how well my leg had healed after Lord Farquaad
had attacked it brutally, and then Papa Bear clenched his paw in anger at
the thought of the midget.
"Gingerbread Man," Cinderella looked at me unsure. "are you sure you can
handle this?"
"Yes," I replied, and continued. "Now that Lord Farquaad's castle has been
turned into the Duloc Museum, we can ask Magic Mirror if you can go on the
Dating Game! It worked for Farquaad!"
Baby Bear looked a little skeptical at first, and then brightened. "I heard
that they're giving away spools of gold thread to the first fifteen people
who can guess the weight of the pea that was under the princess' mattress!"
"Why not?" Papa Bear sighed sadly. "Goodbye Cinderella. See you in a week."
"Goodbye!" I waved.
"Wait...but..." Cinderella said in surprise at our sudden exit.
We arrived at Lord Farquaad's castle. I shivered at the sight of it, not be-
cause it was frightening in itself, but because of my frightening experience
there. I noticed that the two bears felt the same way I did, as they strug-
gled to look at the castle's windows without breaking down into tears.
We soon found ourselves in Farquaad's kitchen, where I again, had a shudder
attack. Magic Mirror seemed to be asleep.
"Wake up!" Baby Bear screamed.
"No, mum, let me ride pony..." Magic Mirror said, apparently still in
sleep. Finally, after blinking a few times, Magic Mirror stared in sur-
prise. "Oh, hello. This room was remodeled two centuries ago, after the
original owner decided that the toilet was unacceptable for the chef-"
"Magic Mirror," I interrupted his automatic tourist-info-chat. "it's me,
Gingerbread Man!"
Magic Mirror stared at me, and then smiled. "It really is you! How are you
doing, and how can I help you and your two friends? Wait... weren't there
three of them last time-?"
"Farquaad." I replied simply, careful of my words around the two griefsticken
bears. Magic Mirror nodded in understanding.
"He never treated me well. I still shudder uncontrollably when I remember him
directing his dimwitted Colodius to show me a sample of his power," Magic
Mirror started his shuddering spree.
"We don't have time for your shuddering, Magic Mirror! We need the only thing
that will help Papa Bear find the woman of his dreams!" I said the last part
in a TV-announcer voice with the best of my ability. "The Dating Game!" Then I
started "do-do-do"ing, re-creating the Dating Game music.
"Ugh," Magic Mirror shook his head bashfully. "Fine."
The real Dating Game music came on, and Magic Mirror's face was replaced temp-
orarily with the purple-with-flowers background, along with three faded pictures
of the soon wives-to-be. Baby Bear clapped his hands in excitement, while Papa
Bear gulped.
"What are we waiting for?" Magic Mirror said in his Dating-Game-host voice. "It's
time for you to meet our eligable bachelorettes! And here they are!
"Bachelorette Number One's perfect if you like the older women. And I mean, older.
She enjoys having baskets of fruits and snacks brought to her on a daily basis. But
don't be discouraged. Her hobbies include wakeboarding and dancing at night clubs.
It's Little Red Riding Hood's Grandmother!
"Bachelorette Number Two is an in-your-face, I'm-eating-you-for-lunch kind of wo-
man. She's very sweet. In fact, she currently resides in a gingerbread house, coat-
ed with frosting. Her hobbies are are pushing little kids around, and throwing them
into the fire. It's the Witch from Hansel and Gretel! "Last but not least, Bachelorette
Number Three is a girl who's sick of her younger brothers getting all the attention.
She's all grown up now, but does the phrase 'Four Little Pigs' ring a bell? Probably
not- she auditioned for the role of the fourth pig, but was turned down when Hollywood
producers went short on casting money. Things that comfort this pig are reading cheesy
romance novels, eating entire sticks of butter, and filling in crossword puzzles. It's
the lesser known, Fourth Pig!
"So, who'll it be? Bachelorette Number One, Bachelorette Number Two, or Bachelor-
ette Number Three?" Magic Mirror smiled.
Papa Bear looked about doubtfully. I clenched my hands together hopefully. Baby
Bear had fallen asleep. Magic Mirror was still smiling. The mice on the window-
sill dressed in clothes squeaked "One!", "Two, two!", or "Pick three!".
"Who are you going to pick?" I asked, though I secretly wished for someone who
could cook, and I had a sense that the Fourth Pig was a cooking maven.
"Hm," Papa Bear looked at everyone in the room nervous. "I... I pick... I pick..."
Papa Bear sighed heavily with woe. "I don't pick any of them." Papa Bear started
for the door, which he then kicked with all his might.
BANG! A loud noise seemed to have come from the ceiling.
"What was that?" I walked away from the spot that was now wet, thanks to me being
startled so horribly.
"I don't know, Gingerbread Man, the window washers don't come until Tuesday..." Magic
Mirror pondered.
We all turned around. What we saw startled us more, hence the gasps. A brown bear
with a lavender bow on her head was lying on the ground. She seemed to be conscious;
I hope she was still breathing. I jumped off of the table and crept cautiously toward
the area.
Papa Bear seemed even more startled- I'm not sure why, though. He moved slowly towards
the bear at first, and then rushed to her side.
"Jaquelyn?" He said, stunned.
The bear seemed to be awaking. "Ah! Get away from me Giant- Whew! I'm not on the bean-
stalk anymore!"
"The beanstalk?" Magic Mirror asked.
"The Giant?" I said in chorus with the now-awaken Baby Bear.
"Yeah," Jaquelyn the Bear said, straightening her bow, which had become crooked. "You
know, Jack and the Beanstalk. Jack, short for Jackie? Jackie, short for Jacquelyn?
Pleased to meet you. I assume you're Gingerbread Man, Magic Mirror, and... Papa Bear?
Is it really you?" Jaquelyn stood up.
"Huh? You know each other?" Baby Bear raised an eyebrow.
"Of course," Papa Bear smiled at the memory. "we were a couple in high school- and then,
well, you cheated on me with the Big Bad Wolf!" Papa Bear's grin turned to a saddened,
somewhat angered look. "And then I met your mother, Baby Bear."
"No," Jaquelyn corrected. "that was a rumor! I never cheated on you! I tried to tell you!
All the emails I sent!"
"You didn't?" Papa Bear was just as surprised as everyone else in the room, who had the
least clue about what was going on.
"Wait a minute- you're telling me," I tried to clarify, "that you two dated in high school,
then broke up because of a rumor, and then never saw Jaquelyn again?"
The re-united couple nodded.
"What about all that beanstalk prattle?" I demanded to know in a gentle way. "How did you
even get into this room? I never even saw you come from the door!"
"Let me explain," Jaquelyn paced slowly around the room. "Jack and the Beanstalk. Remember-
Jack, short for Jackie. Jackie, short for Jaquelyn. Jaquelyn is who I am. I was at the top
of the beanstalk. The Giant was chasing me, thanks to the 'Blood of an Englishman' scented
potpourri I had in my pocket. I fell of the beanstalk, and landed on the roof of this castle.
I had been asleep up there for who knows how long. Then, I suppose I fell... somehow."
Papa Bear smiled. "That was me! I had kicked the door in anger, which sent you flying down
to this room!" Baby Bear nodded in satisfaction.
"Where's your wife?" Jaquelyn asked with caring interest.
"Can I explain this time?" Magic Mirror sighed.
"Go ahead. The stage is your's," Papa Bear motioned.
I'm just a plain Gingerbread Man who was almost killed by Lord Farquaad. You know what
happens next. It's all there- Papa Bear reunites with his high school love, after the
tragic loss of his former wife. His former love seems to have the same charm as before.
Yup- you guessed it- Papa Bear marries the pig, and sends Jaquelyn a 'Get Well Soon' card.
Just kidding.
As you guessed the first time, Papa Bear marries Jaquelyn, and Baby Bear is happy, as
Jaquelyn teaches him oragami. They live happily ever after- for now.
My humble gingerbread throat is getting a bit sore now. I'll be pouring myself a cup of
frosting 'n almonds tea, and tomorrow, I'll tell you about how an evil midget became an
evil midget. Until then, "Do you know... the Muffin Man?"
© Einna Mellon 2002