Chapter 7
Is not! Is too!
Okay, before I continue, I'd just like to say that my friend, Michelle, came up with the idea of chucking Arty and Elspeth in. If you want to read some more of her hare-brained ideas, go to Search and set it to Author. Her fanfic name is Silver Frost. Feel free to send any flames to her. Heh heh heh.
*
"Hey, cool! I think that's---" began Rachel. "Butler." said the boy, in an Irish accent. "Now do you understand why you must never touch the red button?" "Yes, sir," sighed the giant, bowing his head, humbly. Hagrid had met his match. "Fowl, if this is one of your tricks---" growled one of the little.people. "I told you he couldn't be trusted, commander," said the other. "Amazing! Fowl, I believe you have led us to another land through your computer! I never knew that Mud Men had such advanced technology!" exclaimed the centaur. All five newcomers got up, dusting their clothing off. Rachel was not surprised to see that Butler had created a rather large, rather permanent dent in the bottom of the train. In fact, she could even see the ground if she leaned over to look at the hole. "Who are you?" cried Angeline, stepping back. "This is not logical! How can five people---" "Two, actually," said Rachel. "What do you mean? That's not logical, either! I see five figures before me, and you mean to say that there are only two?" shrieked Angeline. "Artemis and Butler are the only humans here," explained the other girl. "Artemis? Butler?" exclaimed Angeline. "You know. Artemis Fowl? The criminal mastermind. And Butler, his bodyguard?" Rachel stared expectantly at her friend. "Honestly! And you're meant to be the genius! Man, I feel so good about my IQ, now. I seriously think there's a chance for me." "That's because I don't spend hours reading storybooks!" snapped Angeline. "'Storybooks' are sometimes based on facts. Haven't you ever heard of Science Fiction? Ugh!" Rachel muttered something under her breath that sounded suspiciously enough, like 'stupid idiot'. However, there wasn't any time to wonder about that comment, because the next second, another figure crashed through the roof. "Who's that, then, Book Worm?" demanded Angeline. "Uh.Elspeth, right? From the Obernewtyn Chronicles!" Rachel smirked, her ego bouncing up about fifty points. "Ha! See? I'm smarter than you! Hahahahahahaha!" Her supposed 'friends' stared at her. Victoria tapped the side of her head, looking at Stephanie. "Huh?" "Never mind, o dimwitted one," replied Rachel, regaining the remaining shreds of her composure. "This is a matter of the wise." "And the insane," added Michelle, staring pointedly at Rachel. "Yes, yes. If you want to join the club, I know you have to add your own points, but please. Don't make yourself sound like a total loser," said Rachel, offhandedly. Then, she turned to Elspeth. "You are Elspeth, right?" When the woman simply nodded dumbly, she turned to the others and crowed, "I am a genius! I am a mind reader! I am---" "An idiot," muttered Angeline, under her breath. "Aw shuddup," snapped Rachel. "You're just jealous because I possess an absolutely incredible ability that you can only dream about. Well, dreaming's gonna be kinda hard for you too, because you don't have this ability." "And what would this ability be?" snorted Angeline. "Going mad?" giggled Michelle. "No. Thinking. I have a brain," said Rachel, smugly. "So do I." "D'ya use it?" Rachel frowned. This insult was not hurting its victim. What was going wrong? "Yes." "Well.it.it doesn't show!" crowed Rachel. This was her trump card! Her last resort! Her--- "Then you're blind." "But.aghr! You stupid---" "I'm not stupid." "FREAK! FREAK! FREAK! YOU FREAKY, GEEKY.uh.FREAK!" "That's a very limited vocabulary you've got there." "You starry-eyed, brain-washed, smitten FREAK!" shrieked Rachel. "There's that word again." Rachel looked down at her hands in defeat, then slowly lifted her gaze again. The furious look on her face was gone, replaced by a sly smile. "Oh Angeline," she sang, softly, malice glittering in her dark eyes. "What was that you said about being blind?" "I said that you were blind," replied Angeline, apparently unaware of the danger she was in. Then, glancing at Michelle, she smiled, deciding to make a joke. "You must be as blind as Michelle then, if you can't see that I use my brain." Michelle glowered at her. "Yes.and how exactly did she go blind?" "Blind? I'm going to go blind? I didn't know! I don't wanna go blind!" shrieked Michelle, waving her hands in the air and beginning to run around in circles. "The perfu---" Angeline froze, as she caught on. "Don't you dare," she said, backing away. "Don't you dare." "To spray or not to spray?" grinned Rachel, her smile strangely resembling a vampire's. Artemis looked quite shocked. "That is my facial expression!" he exclaimed, indignantly. "Butler?" The huge manservant took a menacing step forward, and Rachel lifted the perfume bottle up. "There's plenty to go round," she said. "Wanna smell like a." she read the side of the bottle. "Flowerbed for the next two days?" "Two days?" screeched Michelle. "Two bloody, freaking days?" "Shut up, Michelle. I can always make you smell worse," snapped Rachel. Then, she grinned. "Or better." "No! I'll be good," Michelle cowered down, away from the bottle. Butler took one look at the pink, heart-shaped bottle and followed suite, crouching beside his astonished charge. "Butler! It's only perfume!" he said. "Simply oils and scents mixed together!" Butler began to get up. "Flowery scents!" added Rachel. "Roses! Violets! Heck, maybe even camellias! Flowers assorted, it's all in here." Butler crouched back down. Artemis's eyes grew wider. "You have grenades! Throw them!" he shouted. "He can't, stupid," snorted Rachel. "We're in a train. He throws a grenade, he'll blow us all off to the nearest planet and further. Your legs will end up in Mars, Fowl, you little chicken, while your arms manage to land on both Pluto and Saturn. You want him to throw that grenade now?" Artemis Fowl Junior looked shocked. Why hadn't he thought of that? Something was draining his mind! No! Impossible! This couldn't be! "Noooooo!" he wailed, thin fingers covering his eyes. "This is not happening! I am just dreaming! Any second now, you will all disappear!" "One," said Rachel, looking at her watch. Artemis suddenly caught sight of the timepiece through his bony fingers, which couldn't quite cover his wide eyes. "Hey.what kind of watch is that?" he asked, taking his hands away from his face, to investigate the watch. "It's a---" began Rachel, proudly. Then, she frowned and paused, eyes flicking to her watch screen. Holding it up to her face, she read it. "Casio. Cheap." "I didn't know they made that model," said Artemis. Then, he froze, suddenly aware of what he had just said. "Let me rephrase that. I was unaware that they made them with such colours mixed. Aqua and black?" "Oh. That's cuz the original band broke. So I had to get a new one. I mean like, seriously! They should make watch bands last long as the watch itself!" Rachel scowled. "Exactly! I had the same problem with my Rolex, only they replaced it with a band that was a complete different colour to my watch face! Are they stupid or something?" Artemis shook his head, sadly. "Where did you have it replaced?" an evil grin was tugging at the corners of Rachel's mouth. "In Ireland, of---" the boy stopped talking to glare at Rachel, who was now unable to stop the smile, which was spreading from her face onto Michelle's, onto Angeline's.etc. "That's not funny," he said, darkly. The smile was lingering on Victoria's face, as she waited to pass it on to Christina. The other girl just stared at her blankly, before moving on to grab Harry, as if he were a China Doll. "Huh?" asked Harry. "Don't let them infect you," she wailed. "You're the only person who'll---" Harry was suddenly wrenched from her grip, causing him to cry out in pain, and Christina to scream in shock. "No!" she cried. "Give him back, you meanie poo!" Hermione looked quite shocked. "Meanie poo?" "Ngh! I want him back!" Christina tugged harder at the boy, who was now caught in Hermione's arms. "Never! He's mine!" "Is not!" "Is too!" "Is not!" "Is too!" "Is not!" "Is too!" And so the battle waged back and forth, as the helpless boy was tossed mercilessly between the jealous females. "Humph! It's always Harry who gets the girls!" Ron glowered at Victoria, as if it was her fault. "Don't you give me that look, you---" Victoria paused, trying to think of a suitable word. "Egotistic cretin?" suggested Rachel. "Insubordinate geek?" offered Artemis. "Self-pitying idiot?" Angeline looked at Victoria. "Huh?" Victoria scratched her head, even more lost for words. The three sighed, shaking their heads sadly. "I pity thee," sighed Rachel.
"Is not!" "Is too!" "Is not!" "Is too!" A few threads of the battle floated through the train, sounding through empty corridors, as if there were lost spirits walking the halls. They bounced off the walls, bringing more voices to echo their eerie cry. "Is not!" "Is too!" "Is not!" The sounds of the battle slid under doors, wrapping their words around the ears of all unfortunates who happened to be in that carriage. Their velocity made any speech impossible to comprehend, and their verocity was choking. It stuck to the listener's ears like.PVA glue, poisoning the mind, and shutting down the system. "Is too!" "Is not!" Oh the fierceness. It burned like a flame. Oh the hate. It stung like a hornet. Oh the pointlessness. It annoyed like my brother.
*
Say.what did you think of that? By the way, Elspeth, Artemis, Butler, Holly, Root and Foaly aren't mine. Elspeth belongs to Isobelle Carmody, and Artemis Fowl and co belong to Eoin Colfer. Harry n his gang belong to J K Rowling, as anyone with a brain would know that, so yeah. My friends and I.hang on. My 'friends' and I (sorry).well I doubt very much that we're in another story, so.whatever. Just.review. OK? Deal? Review. Cool.
Is not! Is too!
Okay, before I continue, I'd just like to say that my friend, Michelle, came up with the idea of chucking Arty and Elspeth in. If you want to read some more of her hare-brained ideas, go to Search and set it to Author. Her fanfic name is Silver Frost. Feel free to send any flames to her. Heh heh heh.
*
"Hey, cool! I think that's---" began Rachel. "Butler." said the boy, in an Irish accent. "Now do you understand why you must never touch the red button?" "Yes, sir," sighed the giant, bowing his head, humbly. Hagrid had met his match. "Fowl, if this is one of your tricks---" growled one of the little.people. "I told you he couldn't be trusted, commander," said the other. "Amazing! Fowl, I believe you have led us to another land through your computer! I never knew that Mud Men had such advanced technology!" exclaimed the centaur. All five newcomers got up, dusting their clothing off. Rachel was not surprised to see that Butler had created a rather large, rather permanent dent in the bottom of the train. In fact, she could even see the ground if she leaned over to look at the hole. "Who are you?" cried Angeline, stepping back. "This is not logical! How can five people---" "Two, actually," said Rachel. "What do you mean? That's not logical, either! I see five figures before me, and you mean to say that there are only two?" shrieked Angeline. "Artemis and Butler are the only humans here," explained the other girl. "Artemis? Butler?" exclaimed Angeline. "You know. Artemis Fowl? The criminal mastermind. And Butler, his bodyguard?" Rachel stared expectantly at her friend. "Honestly! And you're meant to be the genius! Man, I feel so good about my IQ, now. I seriously think there's a chance for me." "That's because I don't spend hours reading storybooks!" snapped Angeline. "'Storybooks' are sometimes based on facts. Haven't you ever heard of Science Fiction? Ugh!" Rachel muttered something under her breath that sounded suspiciously enough, like 'stupid idiot'. However, there wasn't any time to wonder about that comment, because the next second, another figure crashed through the roof. "Who's that, then, Book Worm?" demanded Angeline. "Uh.Elspeth, right? From the Obernewtyn Chronicles!" Rachel smirked, her ego bouncing up about fifty points. "Ha! See? I'm smarter than you! Hahahahahahaha!" Her supposed 'friends' stared at her. Victoria tapped the side of her head, looking at Stephanie. "Huh?" "Never mind, o dimwitted one," replied Rachel, regaining the remaining shreds of her composure. "This is a matter of the wise." "And the insane," added Michelle, staring pointedly at Rachel. "Yes, yes. If you want to join the club, I know you have to add your own points, but please. Don't make yourself sound like a total loser," said Rachel, offhandedly. Then, she turned to Elspeth. "You are Elspeth, right?" When the woman simply nodded dumbly, she turned to the others and crowed, "I am a genius! I am a mind reader! I am---" "An idiot," muttered Angeline, under her breath. "Aw shuddup," snapped Rachel. "You're just jealous because I possess an absolutely incredible ability that you can only dream about. Well, dreaming's gonna be kinda hard for you too, because you don't have this ability." "And what would this ability be?" snorted Angeline. "Going mad?" giggled Michelle. "No. Thinking. I have a brain," said Rachel, smugly. "So do I." "D'ya use it?" Rachel frowned. This insult was not hurting its victim. What was going wrong? "Yes." "Well.it.it doesn't show!" crowed Rachel. This was her trump card! Her last resort! Her--- "Then you're blind." "But.aghr! You stupid---" "I'm not stupid." "FREAK! FREAK! FREAK! YOU FREAKY, GEEKY.uh.FREAK!" "That's a very limited vocabulary you've got there." "You starry-eyed, brain-washed, smitten FREAK!" shrieked Rachel. "There's that word again." Rachel looked down at her hands in defeat, then slowly lifted her gaze again. The furious look on her face was gone, replaced by a sly smile. "Oh Angeline," she sang, softly, malice glittering in her dark eyes. "What was that you said about being blind?" "I said that you were blind," replied Angeline, apparently unaware of the danger she was in. Then, glancing at Michelle, she smiled, deciding to make a joke. "You must be as blind as Michelle then, if you can't see that I use my brain." Michelle glowered at her. "Yes.and how exactly did she go blind?" "Blind? I'm going to go blind? I didn't know! I don't wanna go blind!" shrieked Michelle, waving her hands in the air and beginning to run around in circles. "The perfu---" Angeline froze, as she caught on. "Don't you dare," she said, backing away. "Don't you dare." "To spray or not to spray?" grinned Rachel, her smile strangely resembling a vampire's. Artemis looked quite shocked. "That is my facial expression!" he exclaimed, indignantly. "Butler?" The huge manservant took a menacing step forward, and Rachel lifted the perfume bottle up. "There's plenty to go round," she said. "Wanna smell like a." she read the side of the bottle. "Flowerbed for the next two days?" "Two days?" screeched Michelle. "Two bloody, freaking days?" "Shut up, Michelle. I can always make you smell worse," snapped Rachel. Then, she grinned. "Or better." "No! I'll be good," Michelle cowered down, away from the bottle. Butler took one look at the pink, heart-shaped bottle and followed suite, crouching beside his astonished charge. "Butler! It's only perfume!" he said. "Simply oils and scents mixed together!" Butler began to get up. "Flowery scents!" added Rachel. "Roses! Violets! Heck, maybe even camellias! Flowers assorted, it's all in here." Butler crouched back down. Artemis's eyes grew wider. "You have grenades! Throw them!" he shouted. "He can't, stupid," snorted Rachel. "We're in a train. He throws a grenade, he'll blow us all off to the nearest planet and further. Your legs will end up in Mars, Fowl, you little chicken, while your arms manage to land on both Pluto and Saturn. You want him to throw that grenade now?" Artemis Fowl Junior looked shocked. Why hadn't he thought of that? Something was draining his mind! No! Impossible! This couldn't be! "Noooooo!" he wailed, thin fingers covering his eyes. "This is not happening! I am just dreaming! Any second now, you will all disappear!" "One," said Rachel, looking at her watch. Artemis suddenly caught sight of the timepiece through his bony fingers, which couldn't quite cover his wide eyes. "Hey.what kind of watch is that?" he asked, taking his hands away from his face, to investigate the watch. "It's a---" began Rachel, proudly. Then, she frowned and paused, eyes flicking to her watch screen. Holding it up to her face, she read it. "Casio. Cheap." "I didn't know they made that model," said Artemis. Then, he froze, suddenly aware of what he had just said. "Let me rephrase that. I was unaware that they made them with such colours mixed. Aqua and black?" "Oh. That's cuz the original band broke. So I had to get a new one. I mean like, seriously! They should make watch bands last long as the watch itself!" Rachel scowled. "Exactly! I had the same problem with my Rolex, only they replaced it with a band that was a complete different colour to my watch face! Are they stupid or something?" Artemis shook his head, sadly. "Where did you have it replaced?" an evil grin was tugging at the corners of Rachel's mouth. "In Ireland, of---" the boy stopped talking to glare at Rachel, who was now unable to stop the smile, which was spreading from her face onto Michelle's, onto Angeline's.etc. "That's not funny," he said, darkly. The smile was lingering on Victoria's face, as she waited to pass it on to Christina. The other girl just stared at her blankly, before moving on to grab Harry, as if he were a China Doll. "Huh?" asked Harry. "Don't let them infect you," she wailed. "You're the only person who'll---" Harry was suddenly wrenched from her grip, causing him to cry out in pain, and Christina to scream in shock. "No!" she cried. "Give him back, you meanie poo!" Hermione looked quite shocked. "Meanie poo?" "Ngh! I want him back!" Christina tugged harder at the boy, who was now caught in Hermione's arms. "Never! He's mine!" "Is not!" "Is too!" "Is not!" "Is too!" "Is not!" "Is too!" And so the battle waged back and forth, as the helpless boy was tossed mercilessly between the jealous females. "Humph! It's always Harry who gets the girls!" Ron glowered at Victoria, as if it was her fault. "Don't you give me that look, you---" Victoria paused, trying to think of a suitable word. "Egotistic cretin?" suggested Rachel. "Insubordinate geek?" offered Artemis. "Self-pitying idiot?" Angeline looked at Victoria. "Huh?" Victoria scratched her head, even more lost for words. The three sighed, shaking their heads sadly. "I pity thee," sighed Rachel.
"Is not!" "Is too!" "Is not!" "Is too!" A few threads of the battle floated through the train, sounding through empty corridors, as if there were lost spirits walking the halls. They bounced off the walls, bringing more voices to echo their eerie cry. "Is not!" "Is too!" "Is not!" The sounds of the battle slid under doors, wrapping their words around the ears of all unfortunates who happened to be in that carriage. Their velocity made any speech impossible to comprehend, and their verocity was choking. It stuck to the listener's ears like.PVA glue, poisoning the mind, and shutting down the system. "Is too!" "Is not!" Oh the fierceness. It burned like a flame. Oh the hate. It stung like a hornet. Oh the pointlessness. It annoyed like my brother.
*
Say.what did you think of that? By the way, Elspeth, Artemis, Butler, Holly, Root and Foaly aren't mine. Elspeth belongs to Isobelle Carmody, and Artemis Fowl and co belong to Eoin Colfer. Harry n his gang belong to J K Rowling, as anyone with a brain would know that, so yeah. My friends and I.hang on. My 'friends' and I (sorry).well I doubt very much that we're in another story, so.whatever. Just.review. OK? Deal? Review. Cool.